A/N: I don't own CM! This chapter references the episode "Seven Seconds!"

Chapter 10

Sasha and I spent the night watching whatever was on TV. There was a lot of unresolved tension between us. And neither of us had the energy to talk about it. Once the bad movie ended, both of us went to bed.

I looked at myself in the guest bathroom. I looked almost sickly. I hadn't slept well in weeks. And I knew I wouldn't sleep well tonight. Too much was on my mind. There was too much to think about.

I went to bed thinking about JJ. I wondered what she was doing tonight. What she was thinking about. I wondered if she was dreaming about Will. Or hell, even me. I wondered if she could sleep tonight. It was obvious from the nights when we shared a bedroom that sleeping wasn't easy for her either.

An hour had passed. It was now 3 AM. Against everything little warning sound that went off in my head, I texted the blonde that was on my mind.

Me: How's the case going on your end?

It took only a few seconds for her to reply.

Jareau: We just found a missing girl and her kidnapper. Going home in a few hours. How is your case? How are you doing? Missing you.

Missing me? JJ never used that language around me. We were never cutesy. Never nickname-y. We made sure nothing between us made any feelings stronger. So I was extremely surprised when she wrote those two words.

Me: Glad you caught the UnSub and found the girl. This case goes deeper than I thought. Might be here for a while. I'll update you and the team tomorrow. I'm doing alright. How are you? I'm missing you and the team's expertise as well. Don't know who to bounce ideas off of.

Jareau: I'm doing fine! Yeah, it's been weird not having you around, too. Everyone was a bit more gloomy today. Hey, just realized it was super late by you. Having trouble sleeping? You sure everything is alright?

Everything alright? It was almost humorous how not alright everything was.

Me: yeah everything is good. It's hard for me to sleep in different beds.

And you aren't there, I added in my mind. There were many occasions when JJ and I had to share a bed. We had to save money somehow with all the spending that we did on every case. Besides, it wasn't like we spent much time in our rooms anyway.

It was strange how sleeping together was never uncomfortable with us. Unless it was after we had sex, we just shared a bed like we were best friends. We stayed to our separate sides. Of course, there were times that we… leaned a little closer to each other. But that was rare. Rare and… special.

"Emily?" JJ whispered quietly after we spent the last hour both tossing and turning.

"Yeah?" I replied just as quietly.

I could feel her shake in the bed. The cases were always hard when kids were involved. Other cases that were hard were the ones that we could relate to with the UnSub. Or, sometimes, especially with me and JJ, when we looked exactly like all the victims.

This guy that we were chasing was raping blonde teens. Teens that had similar backgrounds to JJ. Athletic, intelligent, popular, happy. Kids that deserved the world. Kids that deserved to live.

"I hate to ask… but… I can't sleep. I can't stop— thinking, shaking. I just need…" She trailed off, embarrassed to ask.

"Someone to hold you?" I finished for her.

"Yes, please."

I rolled over and moved closer to her. I tried to push back all my senses. My smell, my touch. I had to remind myself that this was friendly. That she wasn't asking me for this because she wanted a relationship. But because she needed a friend.

I wrapped my body around her, spooning her. I felt her calm down and eventually stop shaking. I could tell by her relaxation and her breathing that she had fallen asleep.

Unfortunately, I, on the other hand, was now wide awake.

And there were times that JJ did come around thinking that I needed comfort. Cases where I looked like the victims. Cases where I got emotionally involved.

"Emily—" JJ said as she pulled my arm.

I laughed as I felt the woman try to move me. She was strong. But I was stubborn. "H-how'd ya find m-me?" I slurred as I drank another shot.

As the bartender started pouring me another drink, JJ said, "No more for her."

"No! Keep em coming! I'd l-like some more tequila Mr. Bartender, sir."

But before he could pass me the drink, JJ picked up the drink. My reflexes weren't as sharp drunk. "No more, Em. I'm taking you home."

"Fuck you," I muttered under my breath. "Why the fuck do you care about me anyway?"

I watched as her eyes became soft with worry. "Emily, of course, I care about you! You're my colleague, my friend!"

"I wonder w-what they would say if they found out about you. About us. W-would they still think you were fucking perfect? P-probably. You could do no wrong," I snarled, not wanting her to be here any longer. I would say practically anything to get her to leave me alone.

She barely reacted. She was doing better with that. She was finally learning how to have a poker face. "You're drunk, Emily. You're saying shitty things because you're drunk."

"I wonder what it must have been like to be you. To have the perfect little life with the perfect little people in the perfect little town. I wonder what it would be like to have a family to love you. To have a team who trusts you. To be everything your parents could want from you and more."

JJ sighed as if she was annoyed, not angry. "Everyone has shit in their life, Emily. Even I did. Come on. I'll take you home."

"Tell me your shit."

"What?"

I explained, "Tell me your shit and I'll let you take me home."

She crossed her arms. She debated what she was going to do. I think when she decided to tell me what happened, she thought that I was too drunk to remember what she said. She was sadly mistaken.

"My parents did love me. And my brothers. And my sister. But they loved God too. More than us, maybe. When they found out that Rosalyn had sex, they put her in this church program. She came back different. Like she no longer felt anything at all. She separated herself from everyone. We tried to ignore her depression. But we couldn't ignore it when she killed herself. A couple days later, we stopped talking about her altogether."

I stared at her. She had felt the pain that I thought she couldn't understand. She lived through shit. It was different shit than mine. But shit all the same.

Keeping my promise, I got up. And followed her out of the bar. I knew she didn't want me to talk to her about it.

She drove me home and carried me into my apartment. She tucked me into bed. When she was about to leave, I said, "Wait. Don't go. Stay."

She turned back to look at me. I must have looked pretty desperate. Because she came back to me.

"This case hit you hard," JJ whispered as she crawled into my bed. "Why?"

"Cases with kids are always hard," I replied, trying to evade her questions.

She was right. This case did hit me hard. I couldn't get the look of the doll out of my head. The doll that the girl, Katie, had mutilated in a representation of herself.

"Of course they do. But not all of them make you wanna get this drunk." When I didn't answer, she continued, "You got pretty emotional today. With Susan."

"She was protecting a monster," I argued. "And she tried to kill her niece. Who wouldn't be emotional?"

"You're right. We were all disgusted. But I went to the bathroom while you were interrogating Susan. I heard everything. What you were saying to her. When you interrogated her. I heard what you said about how Katie felt."

I shook my head, water entering my eyes. I couldn't believe she was asking me this. "Interrogation technique."

"Who?" JJ asked.

"Who what?"

"Who made you feel like that little girl felt, Emily? Who made you loathe yourself? What happened to you?"

I felt her reach over and wipe my tears away.

"No one."

JJ smiled reassuringly. "It's okay, Emily. You can tell me. I'm here for you," She said comfortingly.

I shook my head. "There's nothing to tell."

"Tell me about your shit."

I let the images resurface in my head. When I was drunk, sometimes it was harder to control the boxes that kept my memories hidden.

"It was the only time daddy showed me any attention," I said it so softly, I might have not said it at all.

But I did. Because JJ held me tighter. And she said soothing things throughout the night as I cried. And she sang to me as I fell asleep. And she held me close to her all night long.

And when I woke up, I pretended to wonder why she was there. I pretended to forget how much I drank and how much I told her. I put everything back into those boxes and continued my days as if that night ever happened. And JJ did the same.

JJ sent me another text.

Jareau: call me if you need me. I'm always here for you. Day or night. Try to sleep. For me.

And for some reason, after she sent that message, sleep came faster.

At least one chapter with some Jemily fluff and angst! I personally love this chapter so much. Their relationship is so complex and I love writing it so much!

Thanks for reading, folks! Reviews are welcome and appreciated!