A/N: And here's the climax of this story! Everything's happening! I'm so excited! I still don't own CM!
Chapter 14
JJ POV
I opened the door to my apartment and was greeted by the smell of pizza. Somebody was obviously in my apartment. And just my luck, it was the last person I wanted to see.
"Hey, Chére," Will exclaimed as he greeted me at the door. "How was the case? You tired? I have a pizza in the oven."
He kissed me, but I moved away after a few seconds. This was the last thing I wanted to do right now with Emily alone in LA.
"I can't stay for long," I told him honestly. "I have to go to LA." I walked to my bedroom to find fresh clothes to put in my go bag. I was annoyed that Will followed me.
"When do you have to be there?" He asked, wrapping his arms around me after I put the clothes in the bag. "I did come all this way, after all."
"I didn't ask you to," I argued, not trying to be harsh, but also not wanting him to be around. "You decided to come here. If you asked me, I would have told you not to come."
"Because of the case, right?" Will asked, sounding hurt.
I sighed and sat down on my bed. He was giving me a headache. I couldn't comprehend how he couldn't see that I needed to be alone. "No, Will. You can't just show up here unannounced. I haven't had alone time in days."
He chuckled callously as. "I don't understand you, JJ. When you come to visit me, you seem like you want to be with me. But when I come to see you, it's like you don't even like me."
I was glad that I wasn't facing him so that I could roll my eyes without him noticing. "That's ridiculous, Will," I replied, becoming more annoyed. "I'm exhausted. Of course, I like you. That's why we are together."
"But I don't know why you want us to be together! When we were in Miami, you seemed pretty sure of yourself when you broke up with me. And then you told me that you wanted to be with me. What changed between then that I could make permanent so that you want to be with me?"
I bit my lip. I couldn't tell him the absolute truth of why I went back to him.
Will walked away and I watched after him. I didn't understand how I felt about that moment. I was disappointed, obviously. I spent a year with him. But I was also incredibly relieved. No more pretending. But there was also a touch of sadness. Will brought me a sense of normalcy. He was the kind of guy that I should want. That my family would want me to want.
I felt Emily walk up next to me. I felt shivers run down my back. The shivers brought what felt like a deep seeded desire. A desire for…
"You should go for him," Emily told me in an almost humorous way. As if what she had said had no meaning to it at all.
My mouth went dry. I couldn't believe she was telling me to be with him. I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to grab her hand and kiss her hard. But I couldn't. That wasn't something I should do.
"What?"
She explained, "You'd make a cute couple."
I felt anger rise up inside of me. Emily was practically telling me to be with Will. So I finally decided that I would listen to her. And everyone else around me. I would be with Will. He could give me a normal life. I could be happy with him. At least, I could learn how to be happy with him.
"You know what?" I walked away and ran to Will. I gave him some sappy, bullshit speech about me being afraid of things getting real. Something that would hopefully convince him that I was all in. An answer that would make him accept what I had done.
He told me to shut up and he kissed me. It felt forced and rushed. Nothing like what I felt with Emily. It was no where close to as real as it was with Emily.
I was tired of pretending. I was tired of lying to him. Will might have not been a perfect man. He might have been pushy and somewhat of an ass, but he didn't deserve my lies. He didn't deserve my mixed signals.
"There's something wrong with me," I admitted in a quiet whisper. "I should want nothing more than to have a normal life with you. Marriage, kids, the whole deal. I should want that. And maybe a small part of me does. But I can't pretend that it is all that I want. It's not you, Will. There's something about me that just isn't right."
He blinked several times as he continued to stare at me. I don't know what I expected. Tears, screams, something more than silence.
"There's nothing wrong with you, JJ," He whispered nonchalantly. "I know that you have tried. But I don't want to be with you if you don't want all of me, Jayje. I love you. But you don't love me."
"I'm sorry," I told him as my voice cracked.
"Don't say you're sorry, JJ. You shouldn't be. You can't help how you feel. Even if you have feelings for Agent Prentiss."
I gaped at him. "What?"
He smiled dourly. "I know. I've known since we first got together. I thought… I thought maybe that you would have thought that I was enough. But if she makes you happy…"
He knew I cheated on him. And he stayed. And that made me feel that much more guilty. He was yet another person who told me that I had feelings for Emily. A few weeks ago I would have said that they were crazy. But now… I wasn't so sure. Emily meant the world to me. But I thought that I was straight. All I knew was that I liked men. But Emily… there was something different about her. There was something different about us.
"I think I'm gonna go," Will said before he kissed my forehead. "I hope you find out what you want, JJ. You deserve to know what and who you want."
Emily POV
The ride back to the precinct was awkward, to say the least. We had the letters that were sent to Manson, so we should have been celebrating. But she would barely talk to me. I couldn't exactly tell why she was upset.
"Sash," I muttered, trying to ease the tension. "I'm sorry."
She sighed and shook her head. "Don't apologize, Em. We weren't together. You were allowed to date whoever you wanted to. Man or not."
Even though she told me not to apologize, I could tell she was angry about that. I wish I could explain to her that it wasn't my choice. That being with him was nothing more than a job.
"But that still wasn't a good time for you to find out," I argued. "I shouldn't have answered."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I have no right to be angry with you about that. You did what you did. Can't judge you for it."
I stared at her blankly. Her words made it seem like she was fine. But her tone… there was something off. Something I had never heard from her. As I looked at her, I noticed her eyes. Those dark eyes that could stare right through me. Manson's eyes. Something dawned on me.
"Sasha, how did he not know who you were?"
She looked at me briefly before looking back at the road. "What?"
"Manson is not an idiot. When we entered the room, he barely looked at you. He only looked at you when you asked him questions. Your eyes are obviously the same as his. He would have noticed."
She shook her head. "That's ridiculous. He was just more interested in you than me."
I considered her words, but my gut feeling said that she was wrong. "No, no. I don't think so. I'm telling you when we entered, he specifically didn't look at you."
I watched Sasha for a reaction. She remained silent and continued to watch the road. Which only made me that much more confused.
Finally, she turned to look at me. She looked emotionless.
"I'm sorry," She whispered with a slight unexplainable edge to her voice.
I quirked my eyebrow. I didn't know what she meant. "For wh-"
I was interrupted by the sound of cars screeching and the impact of another car into our own.
I tried to stay awake. I tried to open my eyes. But the darkness faded my vision. And I fell into the black unconsciousness.
Our little JJ is starting to realize things! She's so clueless still and I love her.
I'm not going to say anything about Emily. You'll see what happens...
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