Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I got married straight out of high school. No kids (didn't get knocked up). And it's funny because there are a lot of fights, and making up, and more fights and making up. That's why I think anniversaries have names similar to trophies. Like 10 Years is bronze (right?) 20 is silver and 30 is gold or is it 40? But anyway, they are awards for these two people who chose to be together this long, and make it through somehow. So yeah, just making a point. Hitsuhina do get into a lot of altercations, but man, do they love each other or what? Please review. I love you guys. :_) ...

WATASHI NO KOKORO

CHAPTER 34

Rock-a-bye Momo

….

...

"Ohayo, Unohana-taicho."

"Ohayo, my dear Hitsugaya-san. So, how are we feeling today? No nausea?"

"My last morning sickness was two days ago. But other than that, I'm fine." Momo shrugged. Already falling into the weekly routine as she hiked up her sleeve so Unohana can draw blood.

"We'll do that later. Because right now we have to talk about this."

Uh-oh. "...what's this?"

"This." The taicho's eyes looked around her body's outline. "You're reiatsu is strong but it feels...troubled and unstable. Is everything alright Hitsugaya-san?"

Of course she would be able to detect it, the captain specializes in reiatsu restoration. "Yes. I'm just a little apprehensive with the upcoming war." And it wasn't a lie.

"Just a little? You haven't been sleeping at all, fukutaicho." Given that everyone in Sereitei is restless with Aizen's return, each wanting to get their revenge on the bastard. It's just unacceptable to have the pregnant girl in this condition. She needs to concern herself with the baby's well-being first and foremost.

"I do sleep...ano...just not so much." Momo couldn't meet the taicho's eyes.

Retsu just sighed and started to resume the usual checkup. Quiet the whole time until the younger girl was getting ready to leave.

"You're not allowed to take any sleep medicine, Hitsugaya-fukutaicho. So do what you can to get some sleep. The fetus is under a lot of stress when you're stressed. The war, Aizen's return, leave most of that worrying for the rest of us. While you, should worry more about that unborn child."

"Hai. I will, taicho." A little taken aback at the captain's impatient tone. "Sorry, taicho."

"Don't be sorry, dear. Just make sure you're rested by next week, ne?" She smiled.

Momo knows a threat when she hears one, even if delivered with such a cherubic facade.

...

…

The same day around 9am in the 5th squad headquarters.

So much for relying on Rangiku-san. Ugh. She lied to me! Had me clumsily stumbling like a fool in front of him the other day! But come to think of it...it was nice to know that they could at least be cordial to each other. She didn't really act like a complete idiot, right? Now she could just deliver the paperwork without the hassle of waiting until he leaves the office.

And she can't have someone else deliver them either. Very adamant on doing these vice-captain duties, however small. Being now that Momo is not allowed to go on missions when word got out that she's with child. So it's the least she could do and makes sure she does them right.

But just don't look into his eyes, inhale his scent or touch his skin – to avoid any trips and falls. Momo warned herself and with both hands she covered her eyes and placed her head down on the desk.

Mou...what happened to us?

Rembering how they would wake up in the mornings with their legs tangled, her back against his naked chest while his arms wrapped around her waist. Then to feel his warm breath fan her skin as his lips touches her nape to kiss and say, "Ohayo, my love."

Ugh... Now we can't even be ten feet from one another without all the awkwardness. Cringing everytime she remembers him questioning the legitimacy of their baby. With it he questioned her morals, her trust, their love, everything! The pang of his rejection still fresh like an open wound. Then followed by the mental scene of her hitting his face...

Ack. Shaking off the horrid memory. Her emotions are becoming erratic.

Unohana was right, I need my sleep.

And therein lies her biggest problem. The nightmares begin the minute she falls in slumber, finding a little bit of relief when Toushiro is in them, but then they all end the same way. With her wide awake and trembling in the dark. Alone.

She glanced out the office window to see clouds darkening the sky; a sure sign of an upcoming storm. "Ugh." Momo said audibly and started to slowly bang her head on the desk.

"Er...Hinamori-san, are you okay?" Her taicho was a little concerned.

"Fantastic."

...

...

Toushiro heard the soft knock as he was tidying his desk before heading to a meeting.

"Come in." Matsumoto lazily permitted.

"I need your signatures on these reports, Hitsugaya-taicho." Momo felt both set of eyes on her when she came in. She focused her gaze on a window pane behind him. Ignoring the fluttering of her stomach.

"Ah. Uh...of course. Just tell me where to sign." Not caring if he's going to be late in the meeting at this point.

"Oi, I'm going to take my break now, taicho." Rangiku snatched the opportunity even if she had just taken one fifteen minutes ago.

Hinamori almost rolled her eyes. Why am I not surprised? As she waited for Matsumoto to make a quick getaway. "There are ten pages. I can leave it and just come back for them later." Although she knows he can read it in less than two minutes.

"I'll just do it now to save you a trip. That is, if you don't mind waiting."

Momo shook her head then held her breath and walked behind the desk beside him, "I need you to sign here...here, and...uhmm...here." She then handed him the documents and went to stand by the window next to Rangiku's desk. Exhaling in the meantime. But immediately regretting her decision for the window overlooked the private gardens; where their wedding was held.

And yet she stayed where she was, caught up as her mind wandered to remember the perfect day. The sakura trees are currently in full bloom. She couldn't help but sigh.

Toushiro watched her back, knowing exactly where her mind have drifted off to. For he had been doing the same thing, only that guilt erodes him everytime. Especially right now, in the same room with his wife and yet so far away.

He's still finding ways to apologize since a simple 'sorry' will not suffice. Words seem to abandon him everytime she's nearby; too unprepared that he might say the wrong things or too afraid of the rejection to come. And the constant need of his presence in every damned meeting is not helping either.

Her hair now back in that constricting bun, standing rim-rod straight and a fist placed over her heart. So lost in thought to notice that it took him fifteen minutes to read the report instead of two.

"Hinamori."

"Hmmm?"

"I'm finished." Toushiro said, though reluctant to see her leave.

"Oh. Hai." Without meeting his eyes, she stood in front of his desk as he handed her back the papers. "Thank you. Good day, taicho." Then quickly turned to head out, her hand reaching for the door.

"Wait, Momo..."

"..."

"The bedroom is yours. So you don't have to keep coming back here for things you forgot. I'll sleep in the office."

Hinamori looked over her shoulder with her eyes on the floor, then left without a word.

...

...

She was on her way to the 8th division, pensive once again.

A tempting offer. But no. And what's with the pity? I get enough of that from everyone else. She snorted. As if that official letter stating of her exemption on future missions from the soutaicho wasn't enough to make her seem futile.

Hinamori can just feel the concern in their stares when she's nearby. Some officers would even offer to carry the paperwork for her, like she'll break her back holding twenty pages of paper! Or come bearing trays of refreshments and tea while she's in mid-walk; said Ukitake-taicho would send for them or Soifon-taicho or whoever. In addition, her training sessions with Renji haven't been the same either; he's been holding back. Big time.

Ugh...I'm just pregnant people, I'm not dying! These special treatments are wearing her patience thin. Making her feel all the more useless.

Though Hitsugaya's offer to have her stay in his sleeping quarters also confused Momo. I thought he can't stand me? According to him, I'm this whore that slept around Sereitei. Why would he go out of his way and offer his warm bed to me? Then it dawned on Hinamori. It's his need to always protect me, whore or not. Some promise he made to himself since childhood. Whatever the case, it's still pity.

Her bitter thoughts were interrupted by the menacing rumble of the skies. She looked up to see the ominous clouds slowly gather and shroud the day in gray.

…

...

Around 11pm that night...

Momo was sitting up; desperately hugging her knees for the past two hours. Giving up on the fight for sleep. She bit her bottom lip harder as another clap of thunder made the little hairs on her arms stand on its end.

I might just have to take you up on that offer, Toushiro.

She hurriedly dressed, masked her reiatsu and used shunpo to head towards the 10th Division. Determined now as Unohana's words taunted; Do what you can...

She took off her damp cloak and swallowed what little pride she had left as she entered the room, clothed in her dark green sleeping yukata.

He was sitting up on his side of the bed. Feet flat on the floor with his knees raised, and elbows propped on them as he ran his hands into his wet, dripping hair. So engrossed in his inner torment to notice the door sliding open.

Hinamori almost doubled over to see him awake...yet he was so still. The continuous flash of lightning illuminated his somewhat huddled form dressed only in his hakama. It made him look like a statue except for the gentle rise and fall of his perfectly muscled back, to indicate he was breathing.

An idea suddenly occurred. Not wanting to completely abandon her pride just yet. "I'm sorry, Toushiro." She whispered while placing the hakufuku bakudo over him, and waited...

One of his arm became limp as it now lay horizontal on his knee, the other still holding his head up. Hinamori slid the door closed then walked over to his side of the bed and turned on the lamp, carefully kneeling beside him. Studying his unconscious face as she hesitantly combed his damp hair back. Why is he soaking wet?

She went behind him to move him from his sitting position and had him now laying comfortably straight on the large futon. Placing the towel under his head so she can dry his hair then proceeded to changing his wet hakama and undergarments. Minding the task at hand and not the magnificent naked body (slightly tanned from training outdoors) that's lying before her. Momo had to shake off the obscene thoughts that her mind was leading to.

"There. Now we both can sleep." For our baby's sake. She brushed the white lock of hair off his face and just continued to stare...

For whatever you make me out to be Shiro-chan, I can't help but love you still. Kissing the spot on his cheek where she had accidentally cut him two months ago. She finally moved to reach over him and turned off the bedside lamp, but gasped when cool fingers gently touched her face in the dark.

"I tried to stop the storm..." His eyes were half-lidded as he mumbled in stupor, "...your nightmares to go away."

Momo wasn't aware that she was holding her breath until his hand limply fell back. Immediately placing the bakudo again just in case. Phew! He thought he was in a dream...with me in it. She smiled at the realization. Then using his arm as a pillow, she turned and snuggled her back against him and contentedly sighed. Like how we use to sleep...

…

...

...

It was 7:00 am when his alarm went off. **Ding ***Ding **

Toushiro woke up with a heavy head. He groaned, "Fucking hell...shut up." As he covered his face with a pillow. Finding it unusual for he never had to rely on his alarm clock before. He's usually up and out of the bedroom before 6am hits. With or without sleep. He unsteadily got up and started to dress; not bothering to fasten his robes.

What happened last night? Granted he got more sleep than usual. Did it take that much out of me to try and stop that storm?

Huh. He snorted as he recalled almost getting struck by lightning five times. Probably Daishizen's way of telling me to get the fuck off the roof and to quit interfering.

Then there was that dream.

Since recently he's been just a mere spectator in his own dreams; watching his beautiful wife from the sidelines and never allowed to be near her. Basically, his dreams were not that much different from his reality.

But not this time. He was up close and was able to touch her even. Though cursing himself for vaguely remembering the whole thing, when normally he can recall them in sharp detail the next day. And why am I still so damned groggy?

"Someone look like they woke up on the wrong side of the floor."

"Ah. Hey, Matsumoto. And it's the 'wrong side of the bed' as the saying goes." He grumbled, walking towards his desk.

"No. You always look like you get up from the wrong side of the bed, but today, you're in a state much worse than that."

"Right. Well thank you, for pointing that out."

"Anytime, taicho. And sarcasm doesn't suit you either."

"Shut it, Matsumoto."

Hitsugaya was now shrugging off his haori and kosode; hanging them on the back of his chair while looking out the window. Then slowly cracking his neck from side to side and placed a sheathed Hyourinmaru horizontally over his nape. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, basking in the sunlight.

My little captain sure has grown up...and from the look of that scowl, he also got himself some extra grown up problems.

"I'll send for some tea." Already feeling sorry for the lower seated officers as it's one-on-one training with the taicho today.

They're in for a treat. Rangiku has seen him in this mood a few times before, and the captain can get just a teensy bit meticulous.

...

…

...

A different course of things in the 5th Division, however.

"Well someone's in a good mood." Abarai noticed.

"Hmmm? You said something, taicho?" Hinamori's musing was interrupted.

"You seem rested. Which is good."

"Thanks, I did get some sleep." Okay fine, I stole it. All six hours of it. So arrest me. She inwardly confessed.

"If you need afternoon naps, Hinamori-san, just let me know. I can just have Rukia relieve you."

"Are you trying to spend some alone-time with your girlfriend in the office, taicho? Hmmm?" Momo teased, with a sly smile and an eyebrow cocked.

"Oi, I was just saying-maybe you needed more naps or sleeping time being that-" He stammered.

She laughed. "I was just joking! Geez. But I have an idea, how about you take some days off taicho? You deserve it."

Renji's face brightened, "I might just do that. I'll let you know."

Momo nodded and smiled, already reverting her attention back to doing paperwork. Having not felt this lighthearted in a while, though a tad bit guilty. Her lips slanted up like she's in on the biggest secret of all time.

My own little secret...

….

….

A/N: Daishizen is Japanese for mother nature. Hakufuku bakudo is the one she used to knock out the guard in that one episode. Please review people...I'm begging you...please, please, PLEASE!