A/N: I know it's only been two days since I last updated, but I wanted to get this chapter out before the week started. It may be a while before I actually get another chapter up since It's a big week at work for me. Hopefully this will hold everyone over. Who knows, maybe the more reviews I get the fast I'll get another update up. Yes, a shameless promo but what can I say. I love feedback.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, its characters, or places. Just a PC and an overactive imagination.

Chapter 3 – Bittersweet

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me

No, I won't ask you, you just desert me

I can't give you what you think you gave me

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables, to turning tables

"Turning Tables" Adele

Bum, bum. Bum, bum. There's something calming about the sound of Peeta's heartbeat. I've listened to it for over fifteen years and it is the most beautiful sound I have ever come across. It reminds me that I'm not alone. I have Peeta to protect me from the monsters in my closet. They rear their ugly heads every so often, torturing me when I am at my most vulnerable – when I am asleep. I know I will never truly escape my demons, but as long as I have Peeta I won't have to face them alone. He helps to overcome them.

Fifteen years later and I am still haunted by the Games. By the losses of those I love. Those demons…they are the worst. I still scream in the middle of the night, begging futilely to a faceless being to let Finnick, Madge, Mags, and, above all, Prim to live. Flames engulf my friends and sister, burning them alive as they cry for my help. When I think I can't take anymore, when I want my life to end alongside them, I am pulled back to the earth. He is always there to pull me back, his eyes as clear and blue as heaven itself and his hair glowing like a halo around his head. He begs me to stay with him, to not go back to that dark place inside of me where I cannot be reached. I had been there once and when he had brought me back, Peeta made me swear to never go back.

I am still ashamed of the time I had given up all hope. Peeta pretends it never happened, but we both know it had. We both know I tried to take my own life and it was Peeta that saved me.

The memory comes back to me, turning my blood ice in my veins. I hold onto Peeta's naked form tighter, seeking its warmth. I wonder at times why he stays. I don't deserve a man like Peeta Mellark. He loves with his whole heart and nothing less. When we met, the only person I would allow myself to love was Prim. I sigh, not wanting to allow my mind to be clouded of thoughts of Prim right now. Not while I'm with my husband. It isn't that he doesn't like to hold me as I cry over my dead sister, but I feel guilty. I feel guilty I'm not celebrating my life with him. She would have wanted it that way.

I turn my head to press a small kiss on Peeta's bare chest and press my cheek against it again. I could listen to his heart beat while my head rises and falls with the rhythm his breathing creates forever. I look up at his face and smile. There is a sense of tranquility about him as he sleeps. In his sleep, he cannot be harmed. He is still the boy burning bread and getting a beating so that I will not go hungry. He is kind and gentle; loving and passionate.

I can't help but smirk. There was nothing kind and gentle about what he did last night. Behind the closed doors of our bedroom and between the sheets, Peeta can be an animal. There's no pleasant way to put it. He is a passionate lover, taking his time and bringing me to an ecstasy I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams. But there are times when sweet and gentle just won't do. He can be very dominant when he wants to be. He demands authority, moving wildly and rough. I don't complain. I love this side of Peeta too. Last night, he was the latter. Fast, furious, and completely in control. It was as if he were claiming me as his. Part of me knows he was, even if he didn't realize it. He feels threatened and I know why.

Gale.

I feel uncomfortable thinking about him while I'm lying naked beside my husband, but I can't stop. It's not a sexual thought, just a quandary. What was he doing back in District 12? From what Hazelle says, he's happy in 2. He left District 12 and all who lived in it behind. He didn't think twice about leaving, but it took him fifteen years to come back. We weren't on the best of terms when he moved, but he had gone before I even knew leaving was an option for him. There was a lingering sense of unfinished business where Gale was concerned. Prim would want me to forgive him. I'm just not sure I can fully do that. A shiver runs down my spine thinking about the whole situation and Peeta's solid arms wrap around my frame.

"Cold?" he asks sleepily.

"Mmhm," I manage to get out as I nod my head. I can't trust my mouth to get words out without sobbing. I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks.

He knows something is wrong. He rubs my arms and kisses the top of my head. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I say, hearing the strain in my voice. I hate being too emotional. I can't help it now. Thinking of Prim, what she would want me to do, and what I cannot…it's too much.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Gale sooner."

He took a deep breath to keep himself calm. Despite the interaction we've had with the Hawthornes over the years, Gale was hardly ever brought up. Peeta didn't bring him up for my benefit, as well as his own, and I didn't for Peeta's sake and because, honestly, it hurt. But the days of blissfully acting as if he had never been part of our lives was over. We couldn't avoid talking about him. Not while he was in town.

"It's fine," I say, but we both know it's not. "I'm sorry I sprung Johanna on you like that."

Peeta just laughs. It's not that he doesn't like Johanna. In fact, he adores her. The kids love her and she's one of my best friends. She just isn't someone you would necessarily want to be around for too long. She's like strong liquor. She's just easier to take in small doses. When I had talked to her yesterday while Peeta was at work, she admitted she wasn't sure how long her stay would be.

"She's lonely isn't she?" Peeta asks as he starts to draw small patterns on my skin with his fingers.

"She's never going to admit it." I smile and laugh, remembering something my friend had said. "She said she might try to settle down."

"Maybe she and Gale will hit it off."

I stop laughing instantly. The idea never crossed my mind. They were both single and both attractive. It wouldn't be such an absurd thought to think they may hit it off if they tried. Only it was. It was Johanna. And Gale. Thinking of my best friend and former best friend hitting it off leaves another uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. This feeling doesn't belong. I shouldn't feel it, but I do. I'm actually jealous of a ridiculous thought.

It doesn't go unnoticed either. Peeta lets out a deep sigh and his hand stops its movements. "I should get ready for work," he says. He's trying to hide the disappointment in his voice, but I know him too well. He slips out from our bed and I try to catch his arm to stop him, but he's too quick. I know better than to push too hard. I've wounded him and his ego.

"Peeta," I sigh. He turns to face me. I wish he hadn't now. I can see every emotion in his beautiful blue eyes and they're all there because of me. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he grumbles. He turns and continues his journey to our bathroom.

"Peeta!" I call again.

He sighs and looks at me again. "What is it Katniss? If I don't get ready now, I'll be late to work."

I grin at him. "Walk slower."

I think it goes without saying that the bakery opened three hours later than usual. I don't always use sex to avoid fighting or talking about uncomfortable subjects with Peeta, but it'd be a lie to say it wasn't one of my favorite scapegoats. Before we got married, I used it a lot to mask the pain. I used to think Peeta didn't mind. Sex was sex and he is a man. But Peeta was no ordinary man. I would catch him some days at the bakery with a hollow look in his eyes. He always thought sex was a declaration of one's love for another, he had told me once. He never thought people used it because they felt nothing or wanted to avoid the heavy in life. Imagine how I felt for corrupting the world's sweetest, kindest, most loving man.

Part of me hoped to be able to avoid Gale. I'm not sure what I would say to him when I we were face to face. Would I be angry? Happy? Excited? Nervous? Indifferent? The real question was would I feel guilty? Guilty for not having made the effort to talk to him in fifteen years, but keeping close to his family. Guilty for blaming him for Prim's death, though now I don't. Guilty for being around him while married to Peeta. Peeta wouldn't mind. He's never told me who I could and could not be friends with, but this was Gale. Gale who was my best friend for seven years. Gale who I had trusted more than anyone for eight years. Gale, who I had loved when I loved Peeta when I was a stupid, stupid girl.

"Katniss!" I hear someone call my name.

I turn and smile at the caller. "Hey Delly," I smile. She's Peeta's oldest friend. They were both from the wealthier part of the District. Her mother was a healer and her father owned the grocery market. Delly now helps with the daycare. I've thought about sending Aden there, but he can be a handful. "Off today?"

"I sure am. One of the kids got sick yesterday. All over the play room." I cringed at the thought. "Yea, my thoughts exactly. Anyway, they don't want kids in the room until it's completely cleaned. Spreading germs and whatnot. I was headed to Sae's for lunch. You wanna join me?"

"I'd love to."

We headed down toward the Hob for lunch, something those from the Market section would have frowned on fifteen years ago. Everyone in 12 have been friendly for as long as anyone could remember, but there were still the fine lines of distinction some people wanted to keep. It just wasn't ok for someone from the wealthier part of District 12 to be seen eating at the Hob. The backdoor deals that went on there weren't becoming for people of their "stature."

"So," Delly started as we headed toward Greasy Sae's, "I hear we have some…visitors in town."

I knew what she was talking about. It's all anyone was talking about these days. "So I've heard," I reply.

"Have you talked to him?"

I shake my head. "I haven't seen him. I guess we keep missing each other."

"I'm sure you guys do." There's something about her tone that makes me uncomfortable. Some women would be jealous that their husband's best friend was a woman, but not many of Peeta's friends had made it out of 12 the day of the bombing. She was kind of all he had left from his old life. "How do you feel about seeing him?"

The question catches me off guard. No one has thought to ask me what I might feel. Of course, I've had my internal struggles but I can dwell in my fears on my own in my head. I look up at Delly and for the quickest moment, I see someone else. Someone I miss dearly that always asked what I was thinking and feeling when we were together. I haven't seen her face in fifteen years; well, not unless you count my nightmares. I saw Madge. Poor, sweet, innocent Madge. Other than Gale, she was probably my only friend in District 12. I could feel the tears threatening to pour and a tightening grip in my throat.

"I don't know Delly," I reply honestly. "It's been so long, I doubt I'd know what to say to him if we did see each other. Maybe I'll get lucky and won't see him. Maybe he'll leave again before I get the chance to talk to him. It does seem to be what he does." Suddenly I'm angry. I can't stop thinking of Madge and Gale. How could he not save her? How could he leave her to die? She was my friend. No. Our friend and he let her die. "Should I even care? I mean, Gale didn't when he walked out of his place without a second thought. Maybe it's best if he had just stayed away."

I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going because I suddenly had walked right into a very solid something. That something was definitely out of place. The people in 12 are very modest in their attire. We never wear anything fancy or Capitol made unless there's a big event. There was never need. The person I had walked right into definitely was an outsider. Their crisp, clean, pressed uniform was pristine. I recognized them from the rebellion. They were made for high ranking government officials. What would they be doing here in the Hob? In District 12 at all?

I knew then who it was before they even turned around. I'd knocked the hat right off his head and he was picking it up. I wanted to turn and run, but I was frozen in shock. I'd been avoiding seeing and talking to/about him, but I couldn't anymore. Not with him standing there. He turned to face me and his gray eyes bore into mine. He looked just as I remembered him. Older, but the same if that makes any sense.

"Gale," I breathe out.

He smiles that smile and I'm sixteen again, deep in the woods with him as we prepare to hunt for dinner. "Hey Catnip," he smirks.

We stare at each other for a moment, no one moving or making a sound. "Maybe I should go," Delly says, making a move to leave.

I grab her wrist before she can. I look at her, silently pleading with her not to leave me alone with him. "Lunch," I say to no one in particular. "We're supposed to get lunch remember?" She gets the hint and stands by my side again. I don't know why I can't be alone with Gale. It just doesn't feel…right.

"I can let you two go if you have plans," Gale says.

When I say "We do," I can hear Delly say, "Join us," at the same time. Ok, so maybe we aren't on the same page.

I sigh and give in. "We're heading to Sae's," I say. "Do you want to…" I let out a sigh before finishing. "Would you like to join us?"

"I'd love to," he smiled. For some reason, I didn't like the smile. It was like he was being smug about something. Maybe it was just in my head. Maybe I was seeing it because I was mad at him for not saving Madge. For not saving Prim.

When we got to Sae's, Delly "suddenly" remembered that she was supposed to meet with the cleaning crew about her soiled classroom. I glared at her. If looks could kill, she'd be dead several times over. I mouthed 'traitor' at her as she waved goodbye with a smile on her face. Somehow, I think she knew he'd be here and we'd bump into each other. I'll have to have a word with Peeta about his friend.

"So," Gale said as he took off his shirt and hat, setting it on a stool before taking his own. I raised a brow at him. "The uniform makes Sae's granddaughter uncomfortable."

"Nice of you to remember," Sae grunts from her seat. "I should check on that stew."

I watch in disbelief as Greasy Sae disappears into the kitchen. What has gotten into everyone? Why are they leaving me with Gale? I knew the answer. They wanted us to talk so they could talk later. Gossip spreads quicker than a plague here.

"So," Gale says again.

"Get it out Gale. What is it that you want?" I ask in a harsher tone than I mean.

"It's nice to see that married couples share the same courtesy," he huffs. "Did he even tell you I came by yesterday?"

I feel the anger boiling in me now. It's like tea on the stove. The heat builds up before the steam comes out, screaming that it's had enough in its confinements. "Of course he told me," I say bitterly. "If you just wanted to speak ill of my husband, save your breath. I don't have to stand for this." I'm ready to storm off and be done with Gale when he grabs my arm.

"Katniss, wait," he sighs. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk down about…Peeta." I can tell he's having a hard time calling Peeta what he truly is: my husband. "I went by the bakery early this morning for the first pick on bread and it wasn't open, so I thought…"

"Thought what? He wasn't going to leave my side so I couldn't see you?"

"No. I just thought…"

"You know, he doesn't control me Gale. He's not like other men. He's my husband, not my owner."

"Damn it Katniss I never said he was!" He let go of my wrist and slammed his fist against the counter, making me jump a little. "I was trying to say I thought you two were taking your kid to school again. I was going to call him later to see if it was ok if I came by. He invited me to come back yesterday when I didn't see you."

Now I feel foolish. I was so sure that Gale was going to do nothing but bad mouth Peeta and here he was trying to be thoughtful. At least I think he is. "I'm sorry," I squeak out. I slip back into my seat and stare at the bowl in front of me.

"It's ok." I didn't expect him not to forgive me. I'm sure he understands how complicated this all is. Then again, I'm not completely sure why I'm being so hostile toward him. "Your kids are cute though."

I smile. "Thanks. They get it from Peeta." He laughs at my comment. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Just something I heard yesterday." I roll my eyes and turn back to my stew. "How old are they?"

"Juliet's five and Aden just turned three." Gale's just nodding. "Juliet started school yesterday," I add. "She was so excited. She kept trying to get away from us, like we'd embarrass her in front of everyone. To be fair, Peeta did."

"Really? How?"

"He fell asleep during the introduction and started to snore. It was so loud and everyone was staring. I had to poke him ten times before he woke up. He did this snort thing and started shouting out pastries and bread names." We were both laughing now. "My poor baby was so embarrassed. She was pushing him out of the classroom like she didn't want people to know he was her dad."

"Oh man, that had to be hilarious. What about the little one? The one with the stick? He's a dead ringer for Peeta. Except for his eyes."

I nod, smiling fondly as I thought of my son. "Aden," I remind him. "He's a character that one. He wants to be like his dad so much, but I hate to admit he's more like me. A true rebel. We've been trying to potty train him. It's going fairly well. Just a few night time accidents."

The more I talk about my kids, the more comfortable around Gale feel. Soon we're laughing as we tell stories about mishaps we've run into over the years. We reminisce about our lives before the Rebellion. Before Prim was reaped. We steer clear of stories about her. And Peeta. It's too painful for me to talk to Gale about my sister and it's too painful for him to even say Peeta's name.

"Your mom must be so happy you're home," I say. We've been at Sae's for an hour an hour and a half now. Our bowls have been empty for more than an hour, but we haven't left. I feel like we'd stepped into the past. Gale makes a face and doesn't look up at me. "She does know you're here right?"

"Not…exactly," he confesses.

"I…how could you not tell her that you're here? The kids…"

"You know why I haven't been home." His words are harsh, but the bitterness isn't meant for me.

"Gale, he was a kid when you left. He's a grown man now. He'll understand."

"Yea, like you did?" His words cut through me like a knife. Yes, I was angry when I first saw Gale. But now, the tension was gone. At least, I thought it was. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean…"

"It's ok," I interrupt, not wanting him to know how much his bitterness hurt. "I should get going. Juliet's almost done and I need to get Aden from Haymitch. Peeta will be waiting for us."

I can see it in Gale's eyes and body that he wants to stop me and say something, but he doesn't. He leaves out a heavy sigh and nods as he hunches his shoulders. "Don't want to keep him waiting."

I hold my head up high and shake my head. "No. No I don't." I place some coins on the counter for Sae – who, by the way, is trying not to be seen from behind the door as if she wasn't hanging on every word we said over the last hour and a half. "Goodbye Gale. I hope you enjoy your visit." I emphases the last word for dramatic effect. He won't stay. I know he won't. We all do. He just grunts a goodbye. I turn to head back into town, taking one last look at Gale before he is out of eye shot. I was right after all.

Maybe he should have stayed away.