Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Nor do I own Cynchick's fanfics: Storm and Resolutions.
A/N: Please check out my profile page to find the honeymoon, wedding, and engagement ring picture links if you need more visual aid. Heehee.
WATASHI NO KOKORO
CHAPTER 39
Irresolutions
Baka Momo.
One minute she's there and the next she's...lost. That troubled, far away look in her eyes have become more bleak as of late. Her feigned smiles an indication that she has no intention of letting anyone in.
It's gotten worse when recent reports showed a drastic increase of casualties occuring in the real world from both hollow and arrancar attacks. The hybrids have become stronger and even more intelligent it seems. Proof that the hougyoku's maturity is nearing its mark.
It also didn't help that Yamomoto-Soutaicho had assigned the youngest captain to lead a covert mission to scout Hueco Mundo. The very reason why he's hardly been at home or in the office for the past four weeks. Engaged in his search, along with Shihouin Yourichi, to recruit death gods known for their expertise in stealth. They were to leave next month.
The idea of crossing paths with Aizen in Hueco Mundo was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Though Hitsugaya dreaded the idea of leaving his wife, especially in her current condition.
He was staring out of his office window engrossed in his thoughts, bearing that usual austere expression.
Unohana had already cancelled on three of their scheduled appointments due to the constant need of the 4th division captain to heal the seriously injured –much to Toushiro's chagrin. He wanted another voice of reason to tell his wife to stay away from all this, since his past attempts of shielding Momo from the chaos were futile –as expected. He had Matsumoto take her out to either go shopping or relax at the women's bath house a couple times but it made Momo even more agitated. Excusing herself and saying that she has some stuff to do in the office.
They would later find her strenuously training with the division officers or spending time helping the 4th squad since Unohana-taicho and Isane were out on a mission. She would then come home late every night.
Tch. And those nightmares of hers are back.
Hitsugaya remembered, a few weeks ago, waking up to her touch. Her small hands were cradling his face. Aquamarine eyes adjusted in the dark to see her long lashes spiked from freshly shed tears. Momo was staring at him intently and suffering from a bout of hiccupped sobs.
His body instinctively tensed as he pushed himself up. "Oi, Momo. What happened?"
She placed her index finger on his lips. "Shh...I...I'm okay, Shiro...chan. I just had...I just had a bad dream." She brokenly said in a hush.
"Tch. Come here, love." He reached for her and lied back down, her cheek now pressed against his chest. "Shh...I'm sorry, I didn't wake you– "
"Don't be sor...ry."
It was even more heartbreaking to feel her trembling body, racked with the convulsive sobs that gave no sign of letting up any time soon. They were momentarily quiet while he held her, combing her hair away from her face.
Toushiro knew that in the past it helps her feel at ease when she talks about the nightmares. So he gently prodded. "Momo, do you want to talk about–"
"Sing to me Shiro-chan...that song that Oba-Obasaan... would sing us...to sleep."
"..."
He would much rather use the other comfort tactic. Besides, talking about the dream would help him find out more of her inner turmoil. "I don't think my singing would make you go to sleep, Momo." Not that he ever sang in his life.
She looked up at him sniffling, the dark hazel pools still glistening with traces of despair. He gulped...then sighed. A slight smile dawned on his face, thanking his good fortune to finally have this time alone with his wife despite the circumstance. Hell, I'll sing on top of Sokyoku hill if she asked me to. Almost laughing at the mental scene.
Hinamori took his smile as a sign to shut her eyes and press her ear against the thuds of his heart. And waited...
Toushiro was hesitant at first and even chuckled in the middle of the song. Both from feeling a little silly and from the relief that her sobs have indeed abated. He started the lullaby in perfect adagio. His voice deep and soothing with hardly any use of inflection; as it resonated like a gentle hum.
"Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,
Smiles await you when you rise.
Sleep, Pretty baby
Do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby."
She was back to holding his face now –just watching him in wonderment. Her eyes focused mostly on his lips as he continued on to the last verse.
"Cares you know not,
Therefore sleep,
While over you a watch I'll keep.
Sleep,
Pretty loved one
Do not cry,
And I will sing you a lullaby." ...
The piece only took less than a minute to finish as it was silent once again. She was tenderly grazing her fingers over his mouth.
"Thank you. That was perfect." You are perfect. She gushed. Surprised to find her own voice, so compelled from the warmness that overwhelmed her heart.
"I threw all those letters away." He explained. "I apologize Momo, for I didn't mean to keep them."
"I don't care about that, Shiro-chan." She kissed his nose.
"And I've been working on not hating Kira...as much. I know he's a good friend of yours." Inwardly admitting that he still has a long ways to go.
Hinamori had to pull back with her eyebrows raised –disbelieving. He grinned. She laughed.
Toushiro closed his eyes and sighed at the melodious sound. "What?" Momo asked.
He shook his head. "I just haven't heard you laugh in a while."
"Well, you haven't kissed me in a while."
He easily moved her on top of him, their foreheads almost touching. "I kiss you while you sleep. Every night when I come home and every morning before I leave."
"...Oh. Sorry, I didn't know."
Toushiro just shrugged.
"Hmmm. It seems I owe you some kisses then. How many are we talking about?" Tilting her face to the side to fit one peck on his mouth. Her hand gliding in through his white hair, almost silver against the light of the moon.
"You owe me a lifetime's worth. And you just had me sing..." He chuckled and covered his eyes from the shame. "So double that amount."
"Is that so?" She laughed, finding him utterly adorable. Though becoming serious when they realized the rarity of this shared moment...
It all happened so fast as lips now locked in an unyielding kiss, tongues colliding to taste, steadfast hands uncovering each others' bodies –ready to become familiar once again. Hinamori wanted to be much closer, her actions became wanton; unrestrained as she straddled him and pinned his hands above his head.
A smug smirk formed on his lips as he let her take reign over his naked body. She looked tantalizing with the diamond heart pendant glistening just above her bare navel. Her eyes clouded with raw desire as she slowly kissed his chest, nipped and glided her tongue lower until...
Hitsugaya had to literally shake his head to rid himself of the thoughts. It's been three weeks since the last time they had made love and the now uncomfortable tightening in his groin area was proof of that.
He decided he's not getting anything done just standing there; inwardly sighing as he returned to his desk and was just about to sit down when Hinamori's distinct reiatsu jogged his senses. Toushiro saw her stomping in through the 10th division front gates. Her long 'pony-tail' swishing and her face determined like she's ready to spar. As predicted.
A roguish smile formed on the captain's lips as he sat down. Satisfied to see the fire back in those chestnut brown eyes.
Bring it on.
He had his elbows propped on the desk, hands clasped together, awaiting for the doors to open to reveal his beautiful yet furious wife. She came in without knocking and abruptly shut the door. Her eyes darted to the side of the room and was satisfied to see Rangiku absent.
"How dare you make Abarai-kun put me on light duty."
"I thought it necessary, and I didn't have to make Abarai do it. He easily agreed." Determined to hold his ground when he noticed the small dark bags under her eyes.
"He had guards follow me to make sure that all I do is paperwork, and nothing else...which is stupid!"
"Your frequent trips to the 4th Division isn't helping your taicho –or me for that matter."
"They need my help. And since I can't go on missions, this is the least I could do!"
Did she just stomp her foot at me? He held in a smile. "They have enough help, Momo."
"You're meddling again, Toushiro."
"So be it." Serious once again. I never meddled with your last captain and that sure as hell didn't do you any good. He also wanted to add.
"Ugh! Honestly Shiro-chan... I'm just pregnant, I'm not an invalid."
"You've been coming home late every night. It's not healthy."
"And so have you!"
"Hinamori, you know better. You need not worry yourself sick."
His voice took on that authoritative edge that she knew would be futile to argue against. Her small shoulders slumped, slightly bowing her head as she turned to leave.
"Momo, please stay. I haven't seen you in almost a month." He was now in front of her, touching her soft cheek. She opened her mouth to say something but then thought about it. "What is it?"
"I...I just hate being stuck in here worrying about everyone else –especially you. I know it's not going to be long, Shiro-chan, for them to send you out there again."
"I always come back, don't I?"
Momo nodded. Wishing to share the same confidence he possessed. I'm scared, Shiro-chan. So scared. Is what she wanted to tell him.
"I know I'm asking for a miracle here, Hinamori, but I need you to please try to relax."
She nodded again. Her eyes still downcast. She didn't even bother to look up at the distinct sound of an incoming hell butterfly as it flew in through the window. So tempted to just swat the pesky insect away for it always filled her heart with dread every time he gets summoned.
"Hai, Toushiro. I'll try."
…
...
9:00 p.m that night.
Hitsugaya came back from the 12th Division headquarters. It was still early considering that he's been usually getting home after midnight. And now looking forward to spending some much needed time with his wife.
He was about to go into his office when he heard laughter coming from inside their bedroom, which was located about 5 doors down the hall. Toushiro had to do a double take when he slid the doors open to see Yachiru jumping on their new bed (an exact replica of the one they had in their honeymoon villa) while Rukia, Matsumoto, Ise and Momo were on the floor on the loft area with six oversized wedding photo albums all opened and littered about.
"Whitey-chan is home!"
"Oh hey, taicho." Matsumoto greeted. She was lying on her stomach, her boobs look like they're about to spill out while flipping through a black and white picture book.
"Hitsugaya-taicho." Rukia and Nanao said at the same time, bowing their heads. They were about to stand, but Toushiro gestured for them to not bother with the formalities. For at that moment all he cared about was that genuine smile on Momo's face. She had her back to him and was looking over her shoulder.
"Hey, Shiro-chan. Rangiku-san just remembered that she had these in her room. She was holding on to it for the past seven months!" Momo laughed.
"Oi, you know how bad I am with remembering stuff. But come and look, taicho. They're so beautiful! Your money was well spent!"
"Ah. That's fine, I'll look at it later. I still have to finish up in the office. Sorry to interrupt." Toushiro stood behind Momo and placed his hand on her shoulder, as she tilted her neck up to receive his kiss on her forehead. "Hey you." He greeted. Almost forgetting that they weren't alone.
"I'll come find you later, Shiro-chan. So we can look at it together." She smiled broadly, excited for him to see.
"Hah Peachy-chan and Whitey-chan are sucking face!" Said the pink-haired little girl, who was now doing backflips on the large bed. Toushiro winked at Momo before pulling away.
"No they aren't Yachiru-chan! And get down from there before you hurt yourself!" Scolded Ise, though her cheeks were red from witnessing such a rare moment.
The icy and always serious Hitsugaya-taicho all but melted with a flick of Momo's hair.
…
An hour later.
The couple was on the office floor looking through the last two of the photo books, which consisted pictures of only the bride and groom. Artfully and elegantly designed and personalized to perfection.
Both had just sobered up from laughing at the candid shots taken of the interesting combination of guests in the other albums. Apparently, the party didn't stop when the newlyweds left for their honeymoon –as tradition would have it. But instead it stopped when the sake cellar was emptied out. Kuchiki Byayuka and Zaraki were caught in a toast! Unreal...
Hinamori is currently perusing through the pictures and was sitting in between Toshiro's legs. He was leaning his back against the foot of the couch, still dressed in his captain's shihakuso. He was playing with her hair, moving it aside as he placed soft kisses on the back of her neck and exposed shoulder.
"Rangiku-san gave me frames so we can place some of these on our desks."
"You pick which ones, Momo."
"I can't seem to decide." A furrow appeared in between her brows as she felt a headache coming. Maybe from trying so hard not to cry as the pictures were so poignant. And also trying hard to mask her now depressed reiatsu that the photos have somehow triggered. However, she was very determined not to let Toushiro detect it.
"Ah. This one. For your desk, Shiro-chan." It was an up close candid shot of a smiling Momo biting her bottom lip as she fixed his collar, while Toushiro had this tender look about his eyes as he was focused on her face. The background was of the setting sun.
At least I'm not grinning like an idiot. Hitsugaya inwardly approved as he watched her move to slide the photo into the frame. He noticed a bead of perspiration slide down her nape and she seemed to be struggling with the simple task at hand. Taking note that they're well into the first week of November to cause her to feel warm, and I'm not really the warmest person out there. His concerns took over.
"Momo...your hands are trembling. Here, let me do it."
"I got it." She snapped.
He waited for her to finish, and was about to touch her forehead when she abruptly stood up and headed to place the frame on his desk. Momo could feel the tension as those piercing aquamarine eyes bore holes on the back of her pink yukata. She braced her hand on the desk, took a deep breath and steadied herself –dizzy once again. "I felt a little bit of nausea that's all." She explained while holding her upset stomach.
"Let's get you to bed, Momo."
"You don't have to carry me, baka. I can–"
"No, you listen baka. I'm carrying you whether you like it or not." Hitsugaya retorted and was already sliding the office doors shut with her in his arms, headed to the bedroom. "I'm calling Unohana tomorrow, even if we have to go to the real world to have you checked..."
Momo hardly heard the last part of what he said. She just felt really exhausted and was already dozing off before he gently laid her on the bed.
…
…
Toushiro suddenly woke up four hours later. He was sitting up with his body already tensed and instinctively glanced over to Hinamori who was sleeping on her back, her face a silhouette against the soft glow of the moon. He combed his hand through his hair –unsure of what just happened.
I wasn't having a bad dream, was I? Finding it unusual for he would remember if he did just have one.
Toushiro exhaled and lied back down, scooting closer to Momo when he felt something damp by his knee under the covers. His first flash of thought was of those nights back when they were children, with her untimely accidents...but stopped dead when he moved the blanket to reveal a dark stain on the white sheets. The distinct metallic scent of blood was unmistakeable.
"Shit. Momo! Momo..." She wouldn't move, head and arms just hung limply as he held her. She's not breathing. And she felt cold.
...
Toushiro was about two minutes away from the 4th Division building and didn't remember nor care how he got there. He was robeless and barefoot with his wife in his arms, haphazardly wrapped in a blanket. His eyes barely leaving her face as he blindingly flashed through the dark.
...
…
Rangiku hurriedly dressed, and didn't bother to put on makeup or brush her hair upon discovering the news.
She had listened to the message he left on her phone. Instructing her to attend meetings on his behalf, for he won't be in today. She wasn't that worried at first, yawning even, as she left her room to grab a cup of tea. A group of lower seats was huddled just outside the division breakroom.
"Yes. He left around 3 in the morning."
"The maid said there were blood stains on the bedsheet." A female shinigami gasped.
"Could it be?"
"They lost the child."
The girl choked on her sobs. "No! That can't be. Poor taicho... I heard Hitsugaya-fukutaicho is in bad shape..."
...
Matsumoto arrived at her destination and grabbed the first 4th division officer she saw. "Hitsugaya-taicho. Momo-chan. Where?" Not able to form a full sentence from her panic.
Hanataro Yamada stuttered. Too surprised and embarrassed to be helplessly looking straight at the 10th squad fukutaicho's buxom cleavage as she pulled him closer, almost shaking him for the information.
"The-the private rooms. Intensive c-care unit. R-room 3201...no! Sorry! Room 2301."
"Thank you!" Rangiku yelled as she flash-stepped up the stairs. She slowed her pace as she neared the room, dreading the scene to come...
"Rangiku...san. You...came." Momo weakly cheered despite the contraption over her mouth. She's struggling just to breathe.
"Momo-chan..." Too heartbroken to see her friend with multiple tubes and wires protruding out from underneath her blanket. She was also so deathly pale.
Matsumoto hesitated to come closer. She peered at her taicho who was on a chair by Momo's side. His arms folded on the tall bed, hiding half his face behind them that only his eyes can be seen. Reminding Rangiku of when she first met the little white-haired boy warily looking over the bakery's counter, hoping to buy his favorite treat.
Though this time, the light-turquoise orbs looked dull and pained as one of his hand held on to Hinamori's small wrist. Unmoving like a statue except for that of his thumb lightly gliding against her pallid skin. He didn't care to take notice of his vice-captain's arrival. In fact, he didn't care about anything else at all.
Matsumoto's eyebrow slightly twitched after doing a once-over of her half-clothed and barefoot captain. Cringing a little to see him in this sorry state; devoid of the confidence that he naturally exudes. She did a quick mental note to send for his clothes later on today, before reverting her attention back to her dear friend.
Momo is not well. Though she'll make it seem otherwise, because she just doesn't want anyone to worry. Rangiku concluded.
"I won't be long, Momo-chan." Tears started to brim her crystal blue eyes when she saw her friend's disheartened face. "You need to get better, okay?" Tucking the girl's dark hair behind the ear. Rangiku couldn't bring herself to say sorry for the loss of the baby, but just brushed her lips against Momo's clammy forehead. The large lump stuck in her throat a guarantee of a bawling session to come, one that she's saving to wail out in private when by herself.
"I'm back!" The 4th division captain breathlessly interrupted. "Phew! I apologize, for that procedure took a long time, ne? Now...are you all ready to know the baby's gender?"
"..."
Unohana heard the joyful yelp before she was gathered in a back-breaking embrace. The fukutaicho's bosom rivaled her own, making the hug more suffocating. "Thank goodness for the news, Unohana-taicho! Geez, scared the crap out of me!" The blond laughed, letting go of the captain as she brought herself under control. "Now... if you don't mind everybody, I'll leave you all in this private moment. I have a whole division to run. Ja ne!" Blowing a kiss at Hinamori, "I know you'll just get better because you really don't have a choice, Momo-chan." She winked before sauntering off.
…
"Did you hear Unohana?" Toushiro's voice was gruff. He wanted to confirm after the said captain had left the room to give them some privacy. He was standing up, slowly brushing her bangs to the side of her face.
She took two labored breaths before answering. "...Hai."
"It's going to be a boy."
Momo closed her eyes and nodded. She slept for the next two days.
...
She woke up to a bright sunlit room full of flowers. White and some purple but mostly...blue? Momo inhaled but she couldn't smell a thing. A knit appeared in her brows as she felt the obstruction to her sense of smell. Immediately removing the mask over her head, heedless of the tubes stuck in her arms.
Bleh. I almost forgot. I'm here again.
Momo got up on her elbows and touched her stomach –placing the pillows on her back so she can sit up. Then opened her white yukata so she can see her prominent bump and see where they attached these wires that's hooked up to a machine. She exhaled and refastened the robe, satisfied to see that no harm was done to her baby.
"So you're a boy." She said to her stomach. Her voice hoarse but her lips quirked; amused.
"Are you disappointed?"
Momo turned towards the deep voice that she always loved. He was leaning on the door frame holding a cup of tea, that it made her wonder how long he'd been standing there. He looked so tired...yet relieved.
She shook her head. "No, of course not. Okay... maybe a little."
Toushiro sat on the bed and held her face with both hands; warm from just holding the tea. "I'm sorry it's not a girl, love. But boys do have their advantages." He already prepared a list.
She smiled, albeit a little weak. "It's not that. It's just that I have finally decided on a name, and now I have to start all over again." Kokone for a boy would sound really silly. She chuckled.
He kissed her forehead and gently pulled her against his chest. Momo wrapped her arms half-way around his waist. ...
"Shiro-chan."
"Yes."
"I'm sorry..." she took an unsteady breath in and started to sob, "I–"
"Shut up. Baka."
Momo composed herself knowing that it would be futile. So she just kept silent, lulled by the beating of his heart...
"Shiro-chan."
"Yes?" He already knew what she's about to ask next and dreading her reaction to his answer.
"When can I go home?"
"Not until you're completely healed, Momo. You're under close observation for the next month... I just can't have this happen again."
"I understand." She understood alright; that she might not get to go home until the baby is born.
A/N: Sorry for the abrupt ending. But please review.