Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

If you haven't seen the complete Arrancar Arc then I'm giving you a spoiler alert! Lots of spoilers in the following chapters to come.

A/N: I'm a little late on the update. Sorry. Just came back from a family camping trip. Thank you to all those that take the time to read this, and for those who leave reviews...I love you! You really are my motivation. Thank you!

WATASHI NO KOKORO

Chapter 40

T'was an early night in Sereitei. A week has gone by and one wouldn't recognize the private room as belonging to a patient under close observation, located in the 4th division's intensive care unit.

Hitsugaya-taicho had requested to have the corner chamber specifically for the reason that it had two large windows which were now lined with sheer ivory curtains. The walls were painted a light neutral green with a couple of artwork in black frames hanging against them. They were paintings of a white-sanded beach somewhere far away.

The light was coming from two tall bedside lamps, softly illuminating the room. A nice wooly beige rug placed just below the foot of the high bed, which, along with the monitor machine –were the only things that reminded people that they're in a hospital. 10th division officers started the renovation on the third day of when Hinamori was admitted. Strict orders coming from their captain they said...

It's almost eight in the evening.

Matsumoto was polishing Momo's toenails on the bed while Abarai was standing with his arms crossed talking to his fukutaicho as she's now allowed to see visitors. Her fast recovery was a relief to everyone.

"You scared the shit out of us, Hinamori-san. What happened anyway?"

"I was completely masking my reiatsu for long periods of time... that it was suffocating the baby." She heard herself explain this about four times today. It was hard at first trying to tell a very concerned Ise, but it got easier when Momo realized that it eases her friends' worries once they know the truth.

"Tsk! Now why would you do that, baka?" The redheaded taicho scolded his friend, not known for his tact.

Momo wasn't prepared to answer that one so easily. "Hai...I know...I'm already such a terrible mother."

"I swear, Renji, if you make her cry and I paint her nails crooked because of it..." Matsumoto warned without breaking from the task.

"Oi sorry Rangiku, geez... well, I'll be off now. Take care of yourself and I hope you like the flowers. Rukia picked them from the store."

"They're beautiful, taicho. Thank you. Please come visit me again." She reminded before smelling the long-stemmed white roses on the bedside table. Fiddling with the miniature chappy plush tied with a blue ribbon to the vase.

"Look at all these flowers, Rangiku-san. I get about ten fresh bouquets almost everyday!" Three alone comes from Kuchiki-taicho hand delivered by Rukia. Another three would come from Ukitake-taicho.

"Word has it that Sereitei went in mourning the day you were admitted in here. Everyone thought you lost the baby."

"Pffft! Now you're just being ridiculous." Sure that her friend is exaggerating about the whole city in mourning.

Matsumoto shrugged then hissed. "Ayah! Stop distracting me, Momo-chan. See, that one looks crooked!"

"It's fine. No need to make it look perfect, geez. Not like I'm allowed to go anywhere, anyway." A slight pout on her lips as she reached for Tobiume's hilt beside her while the other hand drying her baby blue toe-nails with the silver glitter. Finding it also absurd to be dressed in these beautiful maternity yukata and kimonos, meanwhile the rest of the patients only wore plain white hospital robes. Matsumoto insisted that she wear them, said she had to search all over town to have them especially made.

The buxom blonde reached for Momo's large chappy doll, absentmindedly playing with its ears. "It's hard for taicho too, you know. He blames himself–"

"When does he ever not?"

She smiled. "I know, Momo-chan. Men are so stupid sometimes. The prodigies, especially."

Hinamori softly laughed and hugged her friend's waist tightly. The doll squished in between them. "Thank you, Rangiku-san. You're the best."

She tenderly smiled and kissed Momo's head. "Don't scare us like that again. It gives me the wrinkles. And I'm going to be an auntie, you know, not a granny."

Hinamori giggled, loosening her embrace as they were silent for a moment. "What are you going to do...when you see Gin-san again, Rangiku-san?"

"...I don't know. Say hi, I guess."

"I'm sorry... but Unohana-taicho said to talk more about these dreams that I tend to have...and I just realized something..."

The older girl moved back on the bed, so Hinamori can lay her head on her lap as the younger girl was now hugging the stuffed chappy; so absorbed in trying to remember the nightmares. Matsumoto started to comb through Momo's long dark hair, lining the silky tresses over her lap. Then proceeded to straighten the little wrinkles on her friend's floral ivory kimono.

"That in my dreams, Gin would always just be in the background while...Aizen causes all the havoc. Gin...just watches, Rangiku-san! Almost...almost like he's waiting to strike at the right moment."

"Too high and mighty to get his hands dirty, perhaps? Making Aizen do all the dirty work."

"No, it's not that. He's not waiting to strike at us...but at Aizen." ...

"My, my Momo-chan. I'd end up in this place too if I had dreams like that!" There was a short pause before they both bursted out laughing.

"Oi, what's so funny?"

Hinamori's head perked up, her eyes brightening as she gasped; a little breathless. "Shiro-chan, you're here."

Hitsugaya stood by the entrance wearing a dark blue scarf. Bright aquamarine eyes curious and amused as they met Momo's dark hazel brown. Gazing at each other like it's for the first time.

Matsumoto rolled her eyes. Knowing that if the girl didnt have wires connected to the machine, that she would have zoomed off to hug her taicho by now, legs wrapped around him and all. "Kids..."

"You're leaving, Rangiku-san?"

"Yes, I haven't had a drink in a while. So if you two don't mind, I'd hate to keep my date waiting." Touching the tip of her friend's nose before leaving.

...

Momo was kneeling on the bed and was kissing a standing Toushiro so ardently for the past five minutes that he had to gently pry her fingers off the front of his haori, and reluctantly pulled away. Chuckling to see her adorable pout.

"You don't hear that, Momo?"

"Mou...hear what?"

"Your heart monitor, baka."

And sure enough a knock ensued as Isane poked her head in. "Can I check on your wife, Hitsugaya-taicho? Her heartbeats were a little erratic."

"Right. Of course, come in."

...

...

Hitsugaya was lying on the futon dressed in his gray sleeping robe. He had his arms underneath his head looking out the window at the stars. Closing his eyes for a moment to thank whatever kami brought back the pink tint on his wife's cheeks, that light in her eyes, her perfect smiles...

"Toushiro."

"Hm?" Loving the way his name rolls off of her tongue.

"You know...when you think about it...I sort of did wet our brand new bed."

... Crickets in the background. "Toushiro?'

"Don't joke, Momo. That's not funny."

A mini chappy doll landed on his face. "Bleh. Always so serious."

"Go to sleep, baka."

"Shiro-chan..."

"Yes."

"Explain why can't you sleep up here with me again?" …

He sighed. "Because for one, we won't be able to fit. Two, unlike you, I'm aware that we're a little low on privacy –and it doesn't help either when you try to jump me every chance you get. And three...even if we are allowed some privacy...I...we just can't risk it. Not until the baby is born." ...

"I understand."

"Tch. Then why are you crying, Momo?"

"I'm not!" Though he could hear her wipe her tears away.

Toushiro stood up and joined her in the narrow bed, making sure he's not on any of the wires before settling himself behind her. Burying his nose into her hair as he inhaled her intoxicating scent. It reminded him of an untrudged field of white hyacinths that he had come upon in one of his lone missions before becoming a captain. Only this is much better...

She sniffled. He chuckled.

"Glad my tears amuse you." Momo mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

Unohana had advised to be more adamant on getting answers when his wife tries to keep things to herself. "So tell me, why are you upset?" He softly asked against the back of her neck.

"It's...nevermind. Sleep down there, Shiro-chan. You're right, it's not healthy for the baby. We don't have enough room."

"I'm not sleeping at all until you tell me."

"Ugh. Fine." Momo covered her face with a pillow, her voice muffled. "I know you didn't mean to but...but you just made me feel...ugly. Which is understandable because I have been gaining weight and I do look different. And...I throw myself at you because it's just that I feel like...like we're running out of time. So when we're together, I try to take advantage of it. And...and I really just wanted to sleep next to you, Shiro-chan, not because I wanted to have sex. I'm sorry if I made you feel...attacked." She peeked from underneath the pillow not wanting him to see her blush. Visibly hurt and embarrassed from his rejection.

Toushiro was speechless for a moment as he ran a hand through his hair. What the hell? How can everything I just said be completely misconstrued? I thought I was being perfectly clear! Glad he fucking asked. That book, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus came to mind. He needs to own a copy because right at this moment, this genius felt like a total dunce.

He reached to turn on the light and remained lying on his stomach, making sure she can see his face when he explained. "Hinamori, did it ever occur to you that my self-control is the one in question here?"

Momo was looking up at him, still hiding her face –confused. She shook her head. "I thought it was mine."

It was his turn to shake his head. Taking a deep breath before continuing. "We haven't had sex in a month, and I can feel it starting to take its toll. Everything you do from the way you brush your hair, to your small little sighs –I have all but taken out of context. I can't even be near you when you eat for fucksakes." He said the last part really low, disgusted at himself.

"Then there's Hyourinmaru, who thinks it's all a fucking joke that I constantly need to increase my cold reiatsu just so I'm not walking around with an erection all day..." He took a deep breath of frustration. "Momo, it doesn't help me one bit when you openly throw yourself at me because I might end up ravishing you, and that can't happen."

"...Then why be around me at all if it's that unbearable?"

Toushiro inwardly sighed and laid his head down in front of hers. Uncovering her face from underneath the pillow. Their noses about an inch apart as he reached to caress her cheek. "I never said it was unbearable, love. But it's the possibility of...losing you and our son –just the thought itself –now that's unbearable." ...

"So...you don't want to get 'too close' because it might harm the baby and me, and not because you don't find me attractive anymore?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. Not find her attractive? Baka Momo.

"I see."

"Good. Now, let's get some sleep." Toushiro reached to turn off the light and draped his arm across her waist; a content smile on his face when he felt a small yet strong burst of his son's reiatsu.

"So not until the baby is born, huh?"

"That's right."

"Hm. Bummer."

"Good night, Momo."

And about three stories down from their room there were sighs and giggles –even some sniffles as a group of female 4th division officers were huddled around the sound monitor for the past 30 minutes. Listening in on the couple's private conversation for Hitsugaya-taicho had unknowingly activated the button on the side of the bed...

…

...

A few days had passed. It was 2:00 in the afternoon.

Momo was lying flat on her back holding an unsheathed Tobiume horizontally in front of her, twisting its dark pink hilt and studying the dancing speck of light that the blade reflected unto the ceiling.

She already read three books, and finished the division paperwork that she insisted for Abarai-taicho to have brought over to her. She didn't want to feel as utterly futile as she already does. Then there's the baby-naming ordeal...goodness, how hard is it to give a name? She couldn't find the perfect one and just gave up on the task for today.

Momo have also been putting in all the effort to not venture on those dark thoughts that had plagued her mind for the past month; the very reason why she ended up here in the first place. Feeling wretched and guilty for making the baby suffer...ugh. Okay, now don't start crying again, baka! She scolded herself and snapped out of it.

Isane had just finished checking her vitals about an hour ago, and Hinamori was disappointed that her friend had to leave so soon since she would usually stay for a while to keep her company. Everyone is just so busy, meanwhile I'm just here...

She sighed. I'm a useless mess.

Her eyes now focused on her own reflection against the flawless blade. A smile formed on her lips. At least he still finds me desirable. Remembering the kiss that left her reeling very early this morning...

Momo woke up to the light pressure of his cool lips. He was on top of her, carefully, as to not burden her with any of his weight.

"Ohayo." Her heart skipping a beat to see that boyish smile before he leaned in to deepen the kiss. Her body warmed the instant his tongue touched hers. In fact, it started to get really hot. She couldn't suppress a moan.

Toushiro's self control seemed to have faltered at the sound. His hand reaching down into her robe to cup a breast, noticing the slight difference of their size from last they made love. Driving him more to distraction. One of her leg was already wrapped around his waist, he placed his hand on her knee and then slowly glided it up to her thighs, hiking the hem of her robe up to her waist. They were heavily panting when their lips parted for a moment to breathe.

He gently placed his forehead on hers as Momo held his face with both hands. Toushiro shut his eyes and shook his head, still struggling to breathe properly. "No." His jaws clenched, in a conflict with himself.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No. Just you, love." As he touched her most sensitive spot, slowly stroking it. So slick and warm, and ready. He muffled her moans with his mouth. Drinking the sultry sounds that she made; kissing her until the last shudder of climax has ebbed...

Momo's eyes were hazy, still in a whirl of pleasure as she lovingly gazed up at him. He had on a most satisfied smile. "Just you." He repeated as he gently kissed her forehead then swiftly got off the bed to dress for work.

He straightened her yukata then laid his ear against her stomach, closing his eyes for a moment to listen to the soft beat of his son's heart while Momo combed her fingers through his hair. "I love you, Toushiro."

"And I love you both." Placing his lips against the bridge of her nose, "I'll see you later."

She watched him fiddle with the monitor before leaving, the screen coming back to life indicating her now slowed heartrate. She smiled. Baka knew there was a possibility that the kiss would lead to something else. He wanted to test himself...

Hinamori's daydreaming was interrupted by a commotion on the intensive care unit floor about four rooms down the hallway. She sat up on the bed and moved her curious gaze towards the side, to get a better look through her open door.

It's normal to hear the emergency alarm go off but hardly any of the patients gets admitted straight to the ICU. Their injuries aren't as dire as hers were deemed to be. Momo had a furrow in her brows as she sees more 4th division officers running down the hallway. Someone is really hurt. And she was determined to find out who.

Placing Tobiume back in her sheath she climbed down the bed. Making sure that none of the wires didn't get detached in the process. She tied her light yellow yukata secure before rolling the machine along with her. Wary, for she's not suppose to leave her room unattended.

No one was paying attention to Momo as she neared the door where all the ruckus was coming from. She saw someone she recognized come out from the room, "Kagehiko-fukutaicho! Hi, it's me, Hitsugaya-fukutaicho-"

She stopped when he faced her. Not because of the dried blood that marred half his face but it was his distraught expression. "What happened?"

Sei Kagehiko, the 3rd squad vice-captain was staring at the floor. Anguished when he recalled the bloodbath. "Our mission in Karakura...we were ambushed and lost three officers and taicho, he's...he's in there. They said he might not make it."

"No..." Hinamori turned to look inside the opened door. She couldn't see him with all the healers huddled all around him, blocking her view. She slowly walked inside. Everyone was too busy to notice her entering the room. "Kira...kun?"

"Hitsugaya-fukutaicho, what are you doing here? Can someone please remove her from here!" One of the healers said.

Then that's when an opening allowed her to see Kira's body. All his limbs were severed except for his right arm. Like how gory it always is in her nightmares, only this is real. It was macabre.

Hinamori couldn't breathe, but instead she walked closer. Shrugging off the other officers' hold on her arms as they tried to whisk her away.

My dear friend, you cannot die.

"Kira-kun...Kira-kun!" As hysterical tears now blurred her vision.

"Hitsugaya-fukutaicho. You have to leave. Please."

"Kira..."

The blond taicho slowly turned his head towards her voice. Unobstructed by his hair, his sky blue eyes were a little pained yet delirious. "Hina...mori-san." He struggled to speak but then smiled.

The bastard smiled. Momo choked a laugh behind her streaming tears. She touched his bedraggled face.

"You have to go now, Hitsugaya-san." A voice she couldn't just easily ignore as Unohana-taicho touched the small of her back.

"Hai. I'm sorry, taicho." And she glanced back at her friend once more before being escorted back to her room.

...

...

8:30 that night.

Toushiro came in to find her lying on the bed with her back facing towards him. Unaccustomed to this lack of enthusiasm, he reached for her shoulder. "Hey you..." Almost in a whisper in case she's asleep.

"Hello, Shiro-chan...how was your day?" She replied out of habit, though monotonous and without moving.

"Oi, Momo what happened?"

"Nothing."

Hitsugaya lightly squeezed her shoulder, telling her that he's not buying it.

She heavily sighed. "I want to go home. I get so bored here." And that's just it. I'm just here. While everyone else is dying all around me. Leaving that part out.

"Momo...they need you to stay here until everything checks out fine."

She faced him now. "But we are fine."

He hated looking into those pleading brown eyes, knowing he can't give her what she wanted. Toushiro looked away. "Tch. No. You're not."

"You just don't want me home." Turning her back once again.

"You know that's not true, Hinamori."

"Whatever. You know I hate it here."

...

...

A/N: Sorry for the abrupt ending but please review. Chapter 41 soon to follow.