Unspoken Feelings

EDIT**A/N: NowQuietlyDreaming, my apologies. Not being a huge fan of country music, I didn't take the time to double check when Carrie Underwood came onto the scene. The story is currently in the Fall of 1998. Carrie Underwood has been changed to Shania Twain! Thank you very much for pointing that out!

-Andi

Chapter Four: Her First Date

"Would you calm down?" Jason laughed as he took Sookie's shaking hand. "Pam just wanted you to come by earlier so she could do your makeup and stuff. Y'all will probably watch some girly movie and get ready together. I'll be back at seven to ride with ya to the dance."

Sookie looked at Jason worriedly. He was so kind lately that she was confident something terrible would happen at any moment. Why, after eight years, would he suddenly start treating her like a sister rather than a scraggly dog that had taken up residence in the crawl space beneath the house?

As Sookie worried her lip thoughtfully between her lips, her brother couldn't help but sigh to himself. The level of anxiety that was rolling off his sister was saddening, mostly because Jason felt like he was the one responsible for it. That was why when they arrived in the Northmans' driveway, he quickly pulled Sookie into a hug before she could exit the truck. Even if it took a million hugs and a trillion 'I'm sorries,' Jason was intent on assuring his sister that he had been the one who was wrong.

Once Sookie was skipping up her friends' driveway, Jason paused long enough to see she made it inside before pulling back out onto the road and heading home. The short drive back to the house gave Jason a moment to think about what his past eight years of tormenting had done. He still wasn't quite sure why he couldn't stop blaming Sookie for their parents' deaths, but he finally felt that it was wrong to do so.

An ache began to form in Jason's chest as he wondered how much different Sookie's life, and his own, would have been if he hadn't blamed her for an accident. Would she have had friends? Would she still have lost the friends that abandoned her after the accident took her voice? Would she still have a voice? Jason agonized over these questions, feeling ill at the thought. Suddenly a flash of guilt took the wind from his chest as he considered the possibility that his actions could have contributed to Sookie's voice not coming back.

At that moment, Jason became determined to change things around. He had yet to receive any scholarship offers or even been approached to play football on a college level. I guess the star QB of a backwater town can't measure up, he realized ruefully. Still, Danny Trumen from Renard Parish's road crew had offered him a summer job filling in potholes and other road work. It was good money for a hard day's work, and if he stayed with Gran rather than taking over his parents' house after he turned 18; maybe he could be there for Sookie while she finished up school.

Maybe all she needed was a little more support.

{†}

"And voila!" Pam pushed Sookie in front of her three angle mirror. "What do you think? Am I not a master beautician or what?"

Sookie stared in awe at her reflection. The dress Pam had stitched together for her came down just above her knee in tule waves. It was a deep, oceanic blue with a fitted bodice and off the shoulder neckline that accented her breasts without being lewd. Her hair was done up in a waterfall of tendrils, and her make-up was just prominent enough for a night event without being overdone.

Sookie's lips moved in a silent, "Thank you!" over and over again as she gestured to her appearance.

"You're welcome, but don't cry over it! I don't have time to redo your make-up and do my own too!" Pam chastised as she went over to her TV and ejected Dirty Dancing and pushed a copy of Pretty Woman into the VHS player.

The girls sat together watching the movie while Pam started doing her hair and makeup. Before it was over, it was time to meet the boys downstairs, and Pam hoped that she could at least get one good picture of just her and Sookie.

As they made their way downstairs, Sookie saw Eric look up at the clicking of their heels, and her face turned bright red from the way he looked at her. His eyes locked on Sookie's. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides. His mouth parted as though he would start panting at any moment.

Is he looking at me like I'm beautiful? Sookie wondered wildly. Though Sookie wasn't oblivious to the fact that she was pretty, no one had ever looked at her the way Eric was at that moment. For the first time in her life, she was being gazed upon as though she had no flaws or quirks. At that moment, she was just a beautiful girl admired by a handsome man.

Sookie nearly jumped out of her skin as she and Pam reached the top of the stairs because a sudden flash blinded her. She looked away from Eric to see Godric snapping picture after picture of the two of them as they came down the stairs.

"Your gran gave me direct orders to make sure I got as many pictures of the four of you as possible!" Godric declared as he wound the camera and snapped another photo. "Stop at the bottom of the stairs so I can get a good still shot."

Pam straightened herself so tightly that she seemed to grow another two inches on top of the four her heels gave her.

"Okay, now one of siblings," Godric called, forcing them to reformat. "Now dates!" he barked. "Now give them their corsages!"

Eric looked at his brother like he'd gone completely insane.

"You have no idea how terrifying Mrs. Stackhouse is!" Godric snapped as he wound the film again. Everyone chuckled and gave in to Godric's impromptu career as a photographer. By the time the oldest Northman released them from his flashbulb's blinding assault, they were running late for dinner.

Thankfully, the only diner in Bon Temps had been prepared for late arrivals and had practically booked the whole establishment specifically for Homecoming. Sookie and her friends were seated and received their food with no problem conflicting with the dance.

"This is quite good," Pam commented on her éttoufée.

"Of course it is," Jason laughed. "Slow Southern cooking is always good."

"I've never had it before," Pam shrugged.

"Your grandmother was Lady Beauchéne!" Jason looked at her in disbelief. "How have you never had éttoufée?"

"We spent very little time down south," Eric replied solemnly. "I can probably count on one hand how many times I remember coming here. Pam would remember even less."

"Because your dad was in the Air Force?" Jason guessed.

"Yes," Eric responded in such a tone that Sookie looked at him worriedly. Jason didn't seem to notice anything wrong with the other man's voice, but Sookie felt her hand reach for Eric's. When he felt a delicate, warm touch, Eric looked down at her hand overlaying his. Eric smiled reassuringly at Sookie, "A story for another time."

"Promise?" Sookie mouthed.

"I promise," he assured, turning his hand over beneath hers to give it a comforting squeeze. "How's that burger treating you?" Sookie smiled at him and gave a thumbs-up.

When they finished their dinner, Eric threw down enough cash to cover the whole bill, despite Jason's protests.

"Pam wouldn't let you pay for her food," Eric shrugged, "and I'll be damned if I don't pay for Sookie's. It seems petty to make you pay for your food, and I pay for everyone else's."

"Don't know I like another man buying my meal," Jason grumbled.

"If you go hunting with me, we'll call it even," Eric teased. After seeing Sookie prove herself to be quite the angler, Eric was keen on finding his inner outdoorsman.

"You know how to use a hunting rifle?" Jason asked as they all stood up to leave for the school.

"I will need some practice, but I'm comfortable with handguns. Our father taught all of us to shoot. Even Pam can hit her target," Eric replied as they walked out to the parking lot.

"Deer season starts in a few weeks. We should be able to get you set before then," Jason assured him. "If you want, maybe we can do some camping crash courses so my sister don't make you look like such a useless pussy out there in the woods."

It took a great deal of restraint on Eric's part not to get defensive at Jason's jibes. He wasn't embarrassed that Sookie was more capable than him outdoors, but Eric didn't plan on remaining incompetent.

Jason opened the passenger door and crawled into the back with Pam while Eric waited beside Sookie to help her into the low car. When she took her seat, Eric shut her door and went around to get behind the wheel.

The drive to school was uneventful as Pam leaned into the front seat and removed a few smudges under Sookie's eyes. Pam had chastised her for touching her face, but Sookie just sighed and smiled at her friend.

When they arrived at the school, the four of them took a group photo together before their hair or clothes became mussed from dancing. Sookie and Pam took a picture together as well as both with their dates. Sookie could already hear the gossip about, 'Sookie having pity taken on her by her only friend's brother,' but she didn't care. Eric hadn't once made her feel like he had asked her to the dance out of some obligation. All through dinner, he'd seemed happy to sit beside her. Even if he had only asked her out as a friend, he had asked her out as his friend, not just a friend of his sister.

The first few dances of the evening were to pop numbers from which both Eric and Jason were happy to excuse themselves. Pam, on the other hand, dragged Sookie onto the dance floor and they bobbed and wriggled to the music. Sookie noticed that a lot of students had stopped to watch her dance and became self-conscious. This was probably the most anyone had seen her move other than in gym class. Even then, only girls had been privy to seeing Sookie Stackhouse in motion.

"Ignore them. They're jealous of those hot dance moves," Pam shouted over the music as she wiggled in her dress like a pink mermaid. Her gold hair spilled down her body in thick, straight strands, becoming more wild and voluminous with every swing of her head.

Sookie did as her friend suggested and just focused on Pam. She let loose, she danced, and she forgot that anything other than friends and good songs filled the gym.

Finally, after another song had ended, the DJ announced he was going to 'slow it down for all the couples in the room.' Just like that, Eric and Jason appeared as if the girls had summoned them. They dutifully swept Sookie and Pam into their arms and began to sway to the music themselves.

"I seem to be a bit too tall for you," Eric chuckled as he tugged at Sookie's hand to rest against his chest rather than his shoulder. "Does that feel less awkward?" he asked as his left hand held her right one gently. Sookie slowly nodded as she felt his right hand nudge gently against her waist, leading her silently around the dance floor. Pam had been right. All slow dancing involved was stepping on the beat and letting yourself be pulled around by your partner.

"I wasn't expecting the music to be so versatile," Eric commented as they moved along, ignoring the stares and whispers. "I mostly thought I'd hear all Garth Brooks or Shania Twain," he admitted. Sookie grinned at him in amusement. "Do you… Or… can you laugh?" Her expression turned thoughtful, and it struck Eric as odd that she hadn't felt the compulsion to laugh in eight years. "That's pretty sad, Sookie," he told her gloomily. "Even a movie or tv show couldn't make you laugh?" Sookie shook her head.

The night continued quite nicely. Sookie and Pam bounced and shimmied together in the center of the dance floor for the more upbeat music, and their dates danced with them for the slower tempo numbers. By the end of the night, Sookie's feet and calves ached from all the dancing, and it took all her will-power not to take off the heels Pam had strapped to her feet. However, she'd promised herself she wouldn't take off her shoes unless Pam removed hers. After all, Pam's were twice as tall!

Unfortunately, it became quite apparent after two hours that Pam had conditioned her feet for not only wearing four-inch heels but dancing in them as well.

As the night began to wind down, the four friends left the gym to beat the crowd of cars that would soon be leaving the dance. Sookie didn't mind the early departure. Anything to take off these shoes! She thought in agony.

"Sookie, do you want to spend the night tonight?" Pam asked as they approached the final stretch to Rosenfont Hall. Sookie gestured to her clothes. "We're about the same size. I got something you can sleep in." Sookie pointed to her teeth. "I'm sure we have some spare toothbrushes from the dentist lying around somewhere, too."

"She might not want to spend the night, Pam," Eric sighed.

Sookie shook her head worriedly. It wasn't that she didn't want to…

"Uh, Sook's never been to a sleepover," Jason chimed in, giving his sister an apologetic grimace.

"Oh," Pam frowned, "well, then maybe another time. We'll plan it instead of me springing it on you." Sookie shook her head frantically again. "You want to stay over tonight?" Sookie nodded. "You're sure?" Sookie nodded again. "Alright."

"Sookie," Eric turned to his date, "if you change your mind and want to go home; just let me know. I'll take you back immediately."

Sookie flushed at all the dramatics a simple sleepover was bringing. She hated being the center of attention, even worse, she hated being a burden. Still, it was nice to have friends fretting over her. It was nice to have people wanting her to be comfortable.

As they pulled into the driveway of Rosenfont Hall, Sookie felt a bit giddy as Eric came jogging around the car to open her door again. No matter how many times he did this, it made her feel special. Even if he did do this for all the girls because of the manners his mother had instilled in him, she still couldn't dissuade the butterflies in the stomach from flapping their wings.

Eric held out his hand for Sookie again, and as she accepted it and stepped out of the car, a sharp cry tore from her mouth. Her foot felt like it had pressed onto the tip of a knife and she buckled with her momentum out of the car. If Eric hadn't already been holding her hand, she might have fallen on the driveway, but instead, her date had his other arm quickly around her waist and supporting her.

"I believe your feet have finally succumbed to the torture devices strapped to them," Eric amusedly commented as he effortlessly scooped Sookie into his arms.

"Glad she's going home with you instead of me," Jason chuckled as he headed for his truck. "I wouldn't've carried her ass into the house."

Eric sighed, but then laughed to himself as he walked toward the front door. "I'll get you settled in Pam's room. She should have some Advil or something in her bathroom, and a quick wash should help too."

Pam followed close behind her brother and best friend all the way to her room. When Eric plopped Sookie on the bed, it was Pam that quickly began to unstrap the girl's shoes. "Ah, your feet are blistered…"

Sookie flushed at the look on Pam's face. Her friend looked ready to flog herself for putting Sookie in such physically demanding footwear. Sookie wanted to assure her that she'd had her fair share of blisters and that she had only been caught temporarily off guard by the pain. After all, she'd never worn heels, let alone for several hours.

"Warm soapy water to wash her feet, then put some antibacterial cream on the blisters," Eric suggested as he walked toward the door. "See you girls in the morning."

Pam gave Sookie's leg a reassuring pat, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you. Nurse Pam is on the job," She winked playfully.

Sookie sat nervously on the bed as Pam ran around the room, still in her ungodly high heels, putting together a workstation of the materials she'd need. The silent girl wished she could discourage Pam from bothering, she had gotten blistered feet more times than she could count, but it was apparent that the Northmans were intent on babying her.

Pam turned her TV and VCR player back on, pressing play to continue the rest of Pretty Woman as she carried on the charade of her nursing. She washed, dried, and bandaged Sookie's feet in no time, and finally, the girls were able to prepare for bed with the movie playing softly in the background.

Walking on the outsides of her feet, Sookie hobbled to the bathroom to brush her teeth and change into the nightgown Pam had provided. It was slinky for a teenager, but Sookie knew that Pam was a little over the top when it came to her wardrobe.

Coming back to bed, Sookie snuggled on one side of the giant mattress while Pam slipped in from the other edge. With nothing more than a soft, "Good night," from Pam, the girls fell into a quick sleep.

{†}

Sookie jerked awake as an unfamiliar and concerning sensation roused her from her sleep. Somehow, unconsciously, both girls had worked toward the middle of the bed, and now Pam was spooning Sookie. One of her friend's hands was cupping her breast, and Sookie felt her face redden with embarrassment.

Gently removing Pam's hand from her body, Sookie slipped out from the bed and walked on the outer edge of her feet to use the bathroom. As she came back out, a rhythmic tapping and mechanical noise piqued her curiosity. When she glanced at the clock, she realized it was just turning midnight. Wow, I've only been asleep for a little over an hour? She wondered in surprise at how awake she felt.

Walking awkwardly out of Pam's bedroom, Sookie wandered down the hall toward the mechanical noise. She realized that it sounded somewhat like a typewriter, but it came in strange intervals after the tapping sound.

As she grew closer to the noise, Sookie noticed a stream of light coming through a half-open door. When she approached close enough, she found Eric tapping away at a printing calculator as he pored over receipts and what looked like letters.

Sookie clicked her nail against the doorframe to announce herself, and Eric looked up in surprise.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Eric asked. He hated working at night with his door closed. It felt isolated and cold.

Sookie shook her head that he had not woken her.

"Is everything all right? Did you want me to take you home?" he asked next. Sookie shook her head again. "Do… you want to come in?" She finally nodded slowly, and Eric smiled as he gestured to his bed. No one had ruffled it since the previous morning. The covers were smooth and freshly pressed with sharp, tucked corners. Military, she decided. Sookie carefully sat on the corner of his bed. "How are your feet?" Sookie wiggled her hand in a non-committal manner. She pointed questioningly at his calculator and all the papers. "Oh, I handle the house accounts. Godric is shit at it, and we need to have everything precise for the lawyer who handles our stipend."

Sookie smiled at his explanation, looking automatically for a pen and paper. Eric seemed to recognize her expression because he quickly produced just that from the top drawer of his desk.

"Do you enjoy handling the finances?" Sookie asked.

Eric nodded, "Yes. I actually want to go into accounting or maybe become a stockbroker? I haven't decided yet. It's sort of… caught me unprepared."

"What do you mean?" Sookie asked next.

"Well," Eric fumbled in embarrassment, "our father was adamant about Godric and I going into the military. Godric fought it tooth and nail, but I was already accepting that there was no arguing the point with him. Then our mom got sick, and Godric used it as an excuse to avoid enlisting until she was through with chemo. I don't think less of him for it or anything. I wish I had the guts to stand up to our father like he did. It felt like he was fighting for more than just himself, you know?" Sookie stared. "It felt like he was fighting for my freedom too. Neither one of us has any intention of living off our inheritance. We want to work and make something more of ourselves than heirs, but…"

Eric cut himself off, but Sookie could hear his unspoken words. They didn't want to become their father either. Sookie wondered about that. From the story Pam told, she thought their parents sounded hopelessly in love, and that their family was perfect! However, Godric's tension after Pam's reminiscing, and now Eric's underlying contempt. Always 'father,' never 'dad,' she noted solemnly.

"I'm glad that you've been given your freedom," Sookie wrote. "Do you ever miss him?"

"Miss him?" Eric laughed darkly. "What did he ever give me to miss?"

"You don't feel guilty about not missing your father?" Sookie wondered.

Eric sighed, "It's bad manners to speak ill of the dead, Sookie, but let's just say that the only person in our family that he loved was our mom. He tolerated Pam, but he hated Godric and me. Without our mom, I'm sure he realized he had nothing left. Everything that made the rest of the world tolerate him was going to die with her, and I'm pretty sure he knew it. I'm pretty sure Mom knew it too because she left everything to us not him. She wanted us to be free of him too."

"I can't imagine it," Sookie confessed.

"I wish you wouldn't try," Eric replied with a touch of bashfulness. It was obvious that he felt weak in admitting he had no control over his own life before his father's death.

"Sorry if I've been presumptuous," Sookie wrote with a genuine expression of contrition on her face.

"It's okay, I'm pretty grateful to have someone to talk to about it," Eric told her. "Pam tries to romanticize our parents because she wasn't put under the same pressures as Godric and me, but our father didn't keep from pressuring Pam because she was his princess or anything. He didn't think enough of her to put any pressure. I think that's what I hated the most about him. He spoiled her to keep her shut up while thinking she was just a stupid girl who needed placating. He never saw his daughter as a girl who needed structure and attention."

It was in these few minutes of their discussion that Sookie felt that she was experiencing the most intimate exchange of her life. It hadn't been on the dance floor, being held and swayed in front of her peers. It wasn't from wearing a fancy dress and beautiful shoes. It was in listening to Eric describe his pain and speak to her as someone who heard; not as someone who couldn't talk.

"I'm glad you woke up," Eric said suddenly. Sookie tilted her head curiously. "It felt like I had to be so careful earlier than I do right now. Careful how I interacted with you, careful what I said to you. Now I just feel like we're two people having a conversation."

"It helps that you seem to know my expressions already. I don't have to write 'why' or 'how' with you. You seem to see those questions on my face." Sookie smiled appreciatively.

"You have a very expressive face," Eric agreed. "I like that about you. You don't hide. Even silent, you're an open book. But, I would like to ask you some questions you can't answer with your face. I'd like to see if I can read your lips instead." Sookie frowned but nodded in agreement. "What's your favorite color?"

"Blue," she replied.

"Blue? That's mine too," he gave her a soft high-five. "What's your favorite food?"

"Pancakes," Sookie grinned.

"I'm more of a savory than a sweet fan, but pancakes are good," Eric nodded. "I love a good steak. No sauces, not a bunch of rubs or seasonings. Just a little salt, a little pepper, and steak." Sookie shook her head at his enthusiasm. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Labyrinth."

"Did you say Labyrinth?" Sookie nodded. "I've always been a huge Bruce Lee fan… When is your birthday?"

"May 24th," She held up her hands to pantomime the date this time.

"Ah ah, I said I want to read your lips," Eric teased, and Sookie rolled her eyes. To be honest, it was a great excuse to watch her plump lips move. He could watch them pucker and tense all day. He would die to feel them against his own. "Hmm," he paused, having gotten lost in his thoughts. Neither of them had realized they'd been leaning in closer and closer. Without realizing the question was on the tip of his tongue, Eric whispered, "Would you let me kiss you?"

"Yes," Sookie's lips moved very gently in acceptance just as Eric pressed his own to them. She shut her eyes as his mouth pushed carefully against her, letting the soft flesh mold and shape around their teeth until Eric pulled away. The silent girl looked at Eric questioningly. Why did he do that? She wondered to herself.

"Because you're beautiful, kind and wonderful," Eric answered the question in her eyes, taking Sookie by surprise. "Only…" Sookie's shoulders slumped, "we can't tell Pam." The girl looked at him in confusion. "It's… What if we ruin your friendship with her?"

Sookie's head tilted curiously, "Could we?"

"Yes," Eric mumbled. "I'm the worst brother in the history of the world. Why did I kiss you?" Sookie captured Eric's hand and brought it to her lips. "We could hurt her feelings."

Sookie's hand reached once more for the pen and paper. "Is that all you wanted from me? A kiss? Or did you want the right to kiss me whenever you want?"

Eric hesitated, considering the implications of her question. Finally, he confessed, "I want the right to kiss you whenever I want."

Her heart pounded frantically at his admission, but she forced her hand to calmly write,"Then we should tell her."

"But-"

Sookie pressed her finger to his lips and Eric stared patiently back as she asked, "Which would hurt her more? Being told the truth, or being lied to by two people who say they care about her?"

"Well, when you put it like that," Eric grumbled.

"I'll talk to her in the morning," she wrote. "For now, goodnight, Eric. Thank you for the best first date a girl could hope for."

"The pleasure was all mine, Sookie," Eric stood with her. "May I have one more kiss before you go back to bed?" Sookie replied by wrapping her arms around Eric's neck as he leaned down to press his mouth once more to hers.

The second kiss was far better than the first in Sookie's opinion. It was full of just as much intensity, but far less gentleness. That flash of need behind his movements made an unexplored part of Sookie's heart explode with unfettered passion. At that moment, if she could speak, her first word would have been, wow!

TBC

A/N: PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW!