A/N: Another chapter! Woohoo!
Chapter 27
Emily POV
My chest felt like fire when I finally opened my eyes. Expecting to have to fight for my life, screaming, I jumped up, trying to find where Charlie was so that I could get out of this hell. I looked around and found different faces. A machine started beeping and I turned to look at it. I just wanted it to stop.
"Emily, it's okay!" Someone shouted. "Emily's it's us! JJ and Derek!" The words didn't sound clear to me. I couldn't comprehend…
I tried to take a deep breath, but I couldn't. The shortness of breath started and I felt like I was being suffocated. I leaned back down, not being able to breathe properly.
"She's in shock!" Someone else yelled.
"Emily!" The first woman shouted again. I felt someone touch my hand and press their mouth on it. I recognized the feeling. I looked up and saw the blue eyes. JJ's eyes. "Emily, it's me. You're safe. Sasha- she's gone."
My breathing finally caught back up to me. I was no longer struggling to stay alive. Reality dawned on me. Everything was coming back. I understood what must have happened.
I closed my eyes. I didn't want any of this to be real. I didn't want Sasha to be dead. I didn't want her to take me. I didn't want to remember those memories. I didn't want her to have kissed me and made me feel loved again. I didn't want to have met her all those years ago. I didn't want to have been the cause for so many deaths.
I felt a doctor check my abdomen, my stab wound specifically.
"Her stitches weren't torn open. That's good news. She's still on track for the road on recovery. Since she is in law enforcement, I will let you decide if she needs a psychiatrist."
"No," Morgan quickly commanded. "We can take care of her here. But thank you."
"Then she's good for now," The doctor stated. "We'll come by and check in on her in thirty minutes. Press the call button if she starts to struggle again. We can be in here in no time at all if you need anything."
There was silence for a few seconds before Morgan spoke.
"I'll go get the others," He said as if he didn't know what to do with himself. "You try to make her feel better. See if she responds to you."
"Emily," JJ said as she squeezed my hands. I wanted her to let go of them, but I didn't have the strength to shake her hand away. "The others are coming soon. We all are so glad that you are okay."
I wasn't glad that I was okay. I had done so much harm.
I opened my eyes and stared at her. She looked so concerned. So worried. She thought that I was in pain. She couldn't understand that I didn't care about me.
"I'm so glad-"
"Is she dead?" I interrupted, not wanting her to tell me that she was glad that I was alive. I didn't want to hear it. "Sasha, is she dead?"
After staying silent for a few seconds, she answered, "When we were trying to save you from her, she ended her own life. But you're okay. We got you back."
I couldn't look at her any longer. I didn't want her to see that I was upset that I was back. I turned away from her.
"It's my fault she's dead," I murmured under my breath. "I left her so many years ago. I ruined her life and she became crazy. She killed all of those people for me. I'm the reason so many people are dead."
"What?" She asked, not hearing what I had said.
Saving me from having to answer her question, the team walked in looking so thrilled to see me conscious. I got up so I could make them think that I was okay. They had done so much to save me. The least I could do was act grateful. I even added a smile so that I could sell the lie even better.
"Hey, everyone," I said with a light tone to my voice.
"EP," Garcia said as she crouched down next to my bed. "How are you doing in here?"
"I'm okay," I lied, adding another smile for the warm woman. "I'm just happy that you guys got me out of there."
"How are you feeling?" Hotch asked. He still looked serious. The normalcy made me feel slightly better.
I shrugged slightly. "Other than being stabbed, I'm doing okay. Though I'd like to get out of this place. Can't I just go home?"
"Not yet," Rossi said with a huge grin across his face. "But in no time at all, you will be out of here."
I noticed that Reid was in the back and was avoiding my eyes. I immediately understood. He knew what it was like. I might have even been bringing up bad memories. Yet another thing I was doing to hurt someone.
"Can I at least go back to DC?" I asked them. "It turns out I really don't like LA. There's too much sun and stabbing."
Morgan chuckled. "Of course you're making a joke out of what happened."
"We can ask," Hotch said. "But I can't promise anything. We won't move you if it could risk your health."
"Speaking of risking my health," I added. "Did you guys call my mother?"
"We decided to wait," Rossi told me. "Thought that you'd want to call. Or not call at all. Your decision."
I smiled gratefully. At least one person I didn't have to talk to. I already ruined her life with my birth. "Thank you," I said.
I faked a yawn and lied, "I'm feeling really tired. All these drugs have done a number on me."
"We should let you sleep," Morgan said. He kissed my forehead. "We'll leave you alone. Besides, we haven't eaten in like, a day and a half. I'll see ya soon, Princess."
I smiled at him, glad that he didn't stay longer. Hotch, Rossi, and Garcia followed him. I turned to JJ. More than anyone, I wanted her to leave. She could see through me better than anyone. And I didn't want her right there watching me.
"Seriously, Jayje. Go with them. You need to eat and rest, too. I'll just be sleeping. You'll see me in a few hours." She looked uncertain like she didn't believe me. "I'm fine. I just need to sleep. You know. The loss of blood's really-"
"Don't," She said, her face looking hard and confused. "Don't crack jokes. You don't have to lie to me, Em. I'll leave. But I am not happy about it." She got up, let go of my hands and left the room.
I turned to Reid, who had watched that whole interaction.
"Reid-"
"She's right. I know that you're lying. You're not okay. I know. I've been through it. The drugs… the manipulation. But it must have been harder for you. You knew Tyburczy." He realized that I flinched at the name. "I'll be here for you. You can be honest with me because I know how it feels. And if you aren't honest with me… if you let yourself break… I will talk to Hotch. I'll be there for you like you tried to be there for me."
I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. But he wasn't. I wasn't okay. And I probably could be honest with him. But there was also so many things that he couldn't understand.
Instead of saying anything at all, I just nodded. He took that as an answer and left the room, giving me some space.
I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. Slowly, I put every little feeling I had into a box. Feeling numb was better than hurting.
Another sad chapter. I'm sorry guys. Things will get better!
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