He had feared that Will would run when seeing him but he doesn't move. He's so still, he could be a statue, the most beautiful colored one ever, placed on the dark wood of the bench. For a few seconds, Sonny forgets his pains, his doubts, to lose himself in the contemplation of the one man who changed his life.
Marlena has stopped too, she looks like she's hesitating. Sonny remembers their sessions at her office and wonders what role she will choose : shrink or grandma? She glances at Will, then presses Sonny's arm gently and goes inside. Will's eyes follow her and Sonny reads so much helplessness in them, he has to fight the need to run and squeeze him in his arm to make it disappear. He can't stand there forever either, he's the one who came for answers after all. What shall he say? What does he want to hear?... "Will?" Will's eyes are back on his, shutting him on their own. Will finally gets up and gestures to the right "There's a river over here, can we go for a walk?" He gulps. Sonny nods. They walk next to each other, their arms dangling on their sides, their hands just about to brush, by an inch. It's stupid but Sonny feels better because Will is there.
"He came to see me. I though you had left with him." Will looks down. His face is bright red. "He insisted in talking to me but when he saw T, he got frightened. Did you know he had given him a black eye?" Will nods again "I was there when he did. I yelled at him afterward. He shouldn't have. It's all my fault..." His voice gets lost in the watery gurgling of the river. Sonny doesn't reply.
Will stays silent, his mouth askew, his eyes decidedly turned away. Sonny replays the scene back at Common Ground in his mind, with him stepping back from Sebastian, but not out of fear. "I was angry too... so it took me until now to get it. You didn't want him. So, maybe he wanted me to give you the permission to date him or something like that." "He said that?" "No, he was cut off, but, I mean... Is that what you want?" Asking this has taken all his emotional energy but he wants Will to be allowed to be happy and he doesn't look happy at all now.
Sonny feels the dreams he had for the future slip from beneath his fingers, taken away by the stream next to him. This life filled with insane happiness, that he had began to build and won't ever get. Will can be wonderful but when he shuts down like that, it's impossible to say what he's really feeling. Sonny places his hand lightly on Will's forearm and asks "I know we aren't connected anymore but can't you talk to me? I'm aware it's horribly hard for you, but I need it, so much. Can you do that last thing for me?" This time, he sees the tears on Will's cheeks and instantly regrets his words.
"Sonny, I'm so sorry. I though I could be the boyfriend that you deserved to have and I didn't manage. Thank you for giving me a chance back then but if I could go back in time, I'd leave you alone, let you meet someone who's better for you." Sonny can't walk anymore. He's standing still, his arms limb, his throat dry. Will turns to him. In his eyes, there's pain and something else too, tha the recalls witnessing at the time they were just friends.
"Because when he kissed me, I wasn't expecting it, at all. And it was like the time with that other guy, I was paralyzed and you were there... He had told me he might be gay and we had talked about it before. But in theory, he never said he liked me. You can say I look good as long as you want, Sonny, I swear I'm not that handsome. So I wasn't vigilant. And then..." His voice breaks. Sonny was expecting that moment but it still hurts as hell. Will has realized something. That Sonny's mouth tastes like any other guy? That he wants a different kind of life? That now that men desire him, he can look for someone better? Ifs are floating in his head and he bursts out "And then, what? Tell me, Will!"
Will shakes his head. His reddened eyes are superimposing on the usual blue memory Sonny keeps. Where have all the carefree, pleasure-filled months gone? There's nothing left in his mind. He sends a desperate look to Will and finally gets his answer.
"If I tell you, you'll despise me." "No, Will, I promise I won't." "After Sebastian told me he had fantasy about men and not about his girlfriend... There was a short moment... Very short, maybe a minute when I imagined how it would be to date him. In a world where you wouldn't be. In my head, I suddenly heard your voice in my brain, telling me you love me and I felt stupid, you know. And then that day when he kissed me and I saw you... The fact that I had thought about it... You didn't deserve that. So I left."
Sonny forgets it sometimes. The depth of Will's delicacy and innocence. He forgets that his boyfriend is like a flower, a step away from being crumpled. That he can't forgive himself even for little things. If it had been Sonny at his place, he would have pushed the guy away, gently but firmly and wouldn't even have connected the moment to a futile passing thought. Of course, it hurts to think that Will had considered dating someone else, even for a minute, but so much less than being cheated on. His face is all wet now and Will is a wreck. "Sonny, don't... Don't cry like that, it's not worth it."
Instead of wasting time explaining that they are tears of relief, Sonny walks to Will and embraces him. Will lets him but protests "Sonny, what are you doing?" And through his tears, in the din of his heartbeat, Sonny replies softly "I'm forgiving you." and places his lips on his.