A/N: Firstly, to my ONLY reviewer- what is normal, exactly? Humans, by the laws of nature, are unique beings. Certainly, one can categorize, to an extent, but to simply say that heterosexual people are the only normal people is not only blatantly homophobic, but narrow-minded and offensive, too. And if you don't like the fiction, don't blame me, I wasn't the one who wrote the original. If it's the commentary you don't like, explain what is wrong, and if you feel generous, give a suggestion as to how I can improve it. Don't just say 'ps, i dont like the story'. That tells me nothing, and merely confuses me. Disclaimer is as standard, I don't own anything, and I certainly don't want to own 'My Immortal'. Enjoy the second chapter!
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AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!(Well, this is already shaping up to be another pile of hot, fresh, steaming monkey feces.) BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!(Never! We will flame your story till we are old and grey! And then flame some more!)
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The next day I woke up in my bedroom.(As opposed to waking up in the bathtub, where Ke$ha usually spends the night.) It was snowing and raining again.(Once again, I shall point this out. Snow is frozen rain. Of course, if there is a spell that allows such a thing to be possible, I want to see it. Snow and rain at the same time sounds cool.) I opened the door of my coffin(I'm no psychiatrist, but that scream's 'mental issues' right there. Also, when did Hogwarts get rid of the four poster beds? Or did she bring this coffin with her? Or does her house all sleep in coffins to save space? I'm so confused! And one more thing. How did you know what the weather was if you hadn't even opened the LID of your coffin?) and drank some blood from a bottle I had.(What. The. Monkey scrotum?! You just happened to have a bottle of BLOOD lying around? I know you're a vampire, but I didn't think blood was that easy to store.) My coffin was black ebony(Again. Black and ebony are two shades of the same colour. Unless you mean that the coffin was made of ebony wood. But even then, the tree was named for the colour of it's bark. In other words, your statement is redundant.) and inside it was hot pink velvet(How very 'goffic'.) with black lace on the ends.(Black lace? Why? What possible reason could a depressed vampire goth have for frilly, lacey things?) I got out of my coffin(Again, mental issues. That's all I'll say.) and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.(To be fair, that is actually a fairly normal thing to do.) Instead, I put on a black leather dress(Do they actually make those?), a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.(So you looked liked a depressed whore?) I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears(Fuck a duck! How can you still hear?), and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.(So...a bun...with strands of hair falling loose? Say that instead. Makes it easier to visualize. Not that anyone wants to visualize you, but still.)
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)(Don't interrupt the flow of the story for pointless author's notes. And especially not to say things to your friend. Tell her which character represents her outside of the story. If you're such good friends, send her a private message, or better yet, tell her in person.)woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.(Two things. First, the obligatory 'How did she grin at you without having opened her eyes to see where you are?' statement. Shall we assume vampires have the ability to see through their eyelids? Makes more sense to me. Second, and I can't believe how few people say this, WHO GIVES A CRAP? Who cares what her hair looks like? Who cares what she looks like? Who cares about this story? Who cares about Tara Gilesbie's well-being in general? Also, waist-length kinda implies that her hair is long. *ring**ring* Hello, Department of Redundancies Department? Yep, we got another one. No, it's Tara Gilesbie. Yeah, she's a bitch, I know. Wait, hold on, there's another one. 'Raven' and 'black' are, like ebony and black, two shades of the same colour.) She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini(Is this the latest fad at Hogwarts? To wear Muggle vehicles as part of their day to day clothing?, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots(Pointy...high-heeled...boots. What, the ever-loving monkey nutsack?! That makes no sense. THIS...MAKES...NO...SENSE!). We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)(Oh. My. Sweet, Zombie Jeebus! WHO THE FUCK CARES?!)
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.(One. Only retarded two year olds would ever be caught dead saying 'OMFG' in an actual conversation. Secondly, really? She was never mentioned. Unless you count that part where Ebony's 'friends' called her over. And if that is the case, why not employ the subtle art of foreshadowing? Say, 'But then, my friend Willow called out to me, and I went over to talk to her.' Sets up the next chapter, and this conversation, much better, while also introducing another character. A one-dimensional character, to be sure, but a character nonetheless.)
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin(Ah. I always suspected the Slytherins had been practicing necromancy and Satan worship. Partially explains why she sleeps in a coffin, I suppose.) common room and into the Great Hall.(Newsflash, sweetie. The Slytherin common rooms are in the dungeons. They would have had to go up several flights of stairs to get to the Entrance Hall, before stepping from there into the Great Hall.)
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.(Ah yes, the 'Blush at the mere mention of his/her name, then deny any attraction towards him/her' approach. How many times has that worked for anyone?)
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed.(See? Told ya so, sweetie.) Just then, Draco walked up to me.(Say his name, and he appears! Almost like...*turns and faces the reader, before whispering*magic.)
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily.(Ah yes. Deny any attraction to the guy to your best friend, then flirt with him in front of said best friend. How clever. Also, my spell checker has imformed me that 'flirtily' isn't a real word. Don't make up words, or I'll set the guy who wrote the Oxford English dictionary on you.)
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.(No, Ebony! You have to guess!)
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.(Oh. I guess she didn't have to guess after all. And why would Draco care about a Muggle band? And why would a Muggle band even know where Hogsmeade is, much less how to advertize said contest in Hogwarts. I remind you, dear reader, that Hogsmeade village is the only wizards-only village in Britain.)
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!"(Well, at least you didn't abbreviate it this time.) I screamed. I love GC.(Write out the full title. Otherwise it just looks lazy.) They are my favorite band, besides MCR.(So...they're your second favourite band? Couldn't you have said that? Also, who are MCR? I'll assume, since it's the only band I know whose unabbraviated name fits those letters, that you mean My Chemical Romance, but they are technically more into emo music than goth.)
"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.(Um...not to be a total cockblock or anything, but didn't you barely know this girl until yesterday? Also, I'm assuming this is what Draco wanted to say to Ebony in the last chapter, but, not being a Gryffindor, lost his nerve at the last second, and ran off.)
I gasped.(Le gasp!)
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A/N: Well, I have survived another chapter of this atrocity. I figure that's two down, forty-two more to go! Although chapter thirty-nine will pretty much mock itself. So...three down, forty-one more to go! *does a little victory dance* Also, if anyone who reads this can think of any interesting insults, send 'em to me in a review! The best one will get used in the next chapter! This also turns potential flamers into potential helpers! HA! You cannot outsmart me! As a wise man(Me) once said, 'My logic beats your stupidity!' So people who hate the story must now remain silent, or contribute to it's creation! Mwahahahahaha!*forked lightning crashes across the sky* What the hell?! I said I wanted a torture chamber as the backdrop, you imbecilic little house elves! Hm...that's not bad, actually. Might use that. In any case, goodbye. Review, or I'll sic Voldemort on you! *screen fades to black, as the author takes off his shoe and beats tweo house elves over the head with it*