A/N:Well, I'm back. Back to posting, back from the dead, take your pick. Disclaimer as standard, I own nothing. I am willing to trade chocolate for exclusive rights to the Harry Potter franchise, though.
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AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!(No.) odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!(Did you create multiple accounts just to get good reviews? Or are people honestly this idiotic. My faith in humanity is plummeting.) FANGS AGEN RAVEN!(Please. Kill her. Tara, Raven, Ebony/Enoby/Ebondy/Eboby/Egogy, I don't care, just kill one of them.) oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.(Dear, sweet, goddesses of misfortune. You have abbreviated, butchered the English language, and misspelled your second favourite band's name. I swear, if I see one abbreviation of Good Charlotte as CG, I will end humanity.)
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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels.(Only Dumbledore is fabulous enough to pull off high-heeled boots, bitch. Do not even try.) Underneath them were ripped red fishnets.(Underneath what? Your boots? That doesn't seem right, for some reason.) Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.(You mean...lace?) I put on matching fishnet on my arms.(I'm fairly certain that fishnets are mean to be used for fishing, or are a type of stockings. Either way, they aren't worn on the arms.) I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.(I...cannot bring myself to care. This sentence is too stupid. You cannot have straight hair and spiky hair at the same time. You could straighten your hair, THEN use hair gel to spike it up, but otherwise, I can't think of any way this could be possible.) I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.(Wow. Just. Wow. You should probably see a psychiatrist about that. Don't leave her alone, people.) I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.(At least you didn't misspell the abbreviation. Also, 'depressing book'? Were you reading Twilight? That apparently makes you depressed.) I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.(Hmm. Besides the amount of eyeliner, I'll let this one off with a warning.) Then I put on some black lipstick.(This sentence's only foible is that it could have been combined with the previous one. On it's own, it's just a fragment. Still, it has no outright idiocy, and may be the one normal sentence in this story. Hooray!) I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.(Okay. Since you have previously stated that you are a vampire, this is also fine. Dare I say, logical? Vampire's are pale. It is an accepted fact. If you are pale naturally, you do not need foundation.) I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.(Oh Tara. You were almost there. You were literally on the cusp of three sentences with no misspellings, abbreviation, canon rape, or general idiocy. And then you wrote that. Again, mental issues. Someone take this girl to a psychiatrist before she kills anyone, please.)
I went outside.(Really? I thought you might have Apparated. After all, nothing else is canon, why would the wards of Hogwarts be unchanged?) Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.(Is he borrowing it from Arthur Weasley?) He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).(Having never heard of Simple Plan, I shall assume it to be some band Tara likes. And immediately hate it and everything it stands for. Also, pointless Author's Note is pointless, and doesn't even make sense. I assume it's meant to say, 'A lot of cool boys wear it, OK!', but really, I have never met one guy who wears eyeliner. Not even goths and emos. And I have met a few.)
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.(A few quibbles. One, you cannot be depressed but have an exclamation mark at the end. ' Hi, Draco...' would work much better. Two, why are you depressed? You and your boyfriend are going on a date, to see a band you both like, play live. I don't know about anyone else, but if that was me, I would be pretty happy right now.)
"Hi Ebony." he said back.(Such gripping dialogue between our characters! What will happen next? The suspense is nearly overwhelming me!) We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert.(Another few problems. One, the only enchanted car in canon was a Ford Anglia. And given the general idiocy of the purebloods, I doubt they know what a Mercedes-Benz is, much less how to enchant one. Two, in Britain, all license plate have seven alphanumeric characters. Unless it's a private license plate, which I shall assume is the case here. Three, 'the place with the concert'? I admit I don't go to many (read: any) concerts, but I'm pretty sure it's called a stage.) On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson.(Hold on, a minute ago you were depressed, now you're excited? Are you bipolar as well as chronically moronic? Also, was Marilyn Manson the one that turned cannibal, or am I getting music stars mixed up?) We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.(Well, thank god you're not a prefect. Or worse still...Head Girl!) When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.(Really? So that's why people don't invite me to concerts. I always assumed you drove the car into the stage.) We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.(Again, I have never been to a mosh pit; indeed, I'm not entirely sure what 'moshing' is. So I'll leave this one alone.)
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).(Having never listened to Good Charlotte's music in my life, I don't know if those lyrics are accurate or not. However, one part confuses me: 'You come in cold'. Doesn't that imply that the baby was stillborn? Generally, we are quite warm when born. I assume, anyway.)
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.(That's one hell of a big voice. Also, you remember now that the concert is taking place in a club, but you couldn't remember that earlier? Did you have a brain-fart or something?)
Suddenly Draco looked sad.(So would I, if I were being forced to participate in this monstrosity.)
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.(to the fact that this fanfiction is terrible, stopped typing, and resolved never again to allow myself to even contemplate writing a story. We wish.)
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.(The word you are looking for is, possessive. Also, I'm with Draco on this one. You barely seem to know Draco, despite the fact you supposedly have been in the same House as him for six years now. It is quite easy to fantasize about famous people. I do so quite often. I would never act on those fantasies, but I have experienced them.)
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel(This also gives a reason why you might be able to like Draco more than Joel. Also, you like someone MORE than another person. At least in the context you used it in. and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.(Jesus! What did Hilary ever do to you? Also, 'ugly blonde face'? Does Hilary Duff have Simpson's Jaundice?)
The night went on really well, and I had a great time.(Well, at least you're not depressed anymore!) So did Draco.(And neither is he!) After the concert, we drank some beer(Again, really responsible of you. Even if you are over the legal drinking age in the magical world, Draco is going to be driving.) and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.(Fair's fair, this is pretty normal.) We got GC concert tees.(So is this.) Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!(Yay for unnecessary pause! Also, why did you crawl into the car? Were you so drunk you couldn't walk? And if so, what the hell were you thinking when you tried to drive a car in that state of inebriation?)
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A/N: Well. The next chapter is the one I'm dreading most, to be honest. The first of Tara's *shudder* lemons. Pray for my soul.