A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you for the reviews for last chapter. Fonset, we two shall prevail over the original Mary-Sue! Join me in my lunacy! Just don't let the Nargles get you. Eh? See what I did there? Oh well. Standard disclaimer, I own nothing.
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!(Well, this chapter's off to a great start, isn't it. Misspelling Mary-Sue, misspelling the main character's name, misspelling basically everything. Also, if you capitalise every letter in a word, make sure, for the love of God, that the word is spelled properly.) DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent!(Fair enough. I will leave this alone because it is true. I am in love just now, and cannot act normally around the person I like. So I'll give you this one, Tara. But you still misspelt things. Yes, I'm a petty bastard, what of it?) dey nu eechodder b4 ok!(That is a logical thing to assume, considering the fact that they are both in Slytherin house, and so have known each other for six, nearly seven years now. However! She has misspelt every word except 'OK'. And even that has a slight grammar error. So. Learn to capitalise, learn to spell, and learn proper English grammar. Then write fanfiction. That is your 'to-do' list, Tara.)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX(Yay! The Satanic reference is back!)
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"(OK, fair enough. If I was in a car with someone and they suddenly drove me into a dark, forboding forest, I would probably cuss 'em out too.)
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it.(Wait. Was the car flying when he stopped it, or was it just reminding us of the fact that the car can fly? Because if it was the first option, then Draco might never be answering again, Tara.) I walked out of it too, curiously.(HOLD IT! Sorry, too much Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. But, Miss Way, did you walk out the car because you were curious, in a curious way, or was it simply curious that you got out the car in the first place? Logically, we assume the first option, but your sentence structure seems to imply the latter option.)
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.(Little side note, sweetheart. When someone is swearing at you in a conversation, they are one of two things. Angry, or a teenager. In either case, a swift retreat is necessary immediately.)
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped.(Don't you snap at Draco, bitch! Be grateful he hasn't called down the wrath of his father on you yet!)
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)(What's this? A ~sort-of~ canon fact? Granted, Draco doesn't wear contacts in the books, as far as I know, but in canon, his eyes are grey, which means to have red eyes, he would need to wear contacts. Tara, please, somewhere in this monstrosity, this abomination, mention that Draco's eyes are actually grey. I'll let one bad chapter go if you do.) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.(Depressing sorrow. What the hell? Generally, you feel depressed because of your sorrow, so it sorta kinda makes sense. In a sort of Doctor Who logical way. Also, why would looking at evil make you less mad? Maybe you like the thought that no-one could ever be as evil as you?)
And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.('just as I Draco'? Just as you what? Going from the last sentence, I'll assume you were going to say 'just as I stopped feeling mad'. But in that case, does that mean Draco kissing you made you mad again? Also, you can't remember which country Hogwarts is in, yet you can spell passionately correctly. What the hell?) Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.(Poor tree.) He took of(f)(If you wonder why I did that, it's because I need it that way for a joke.) my top and I took of(f) his clothes.(Draco is the slowest undresser-is that even a word?-in the world. This girl has taken all his clothes off in the time it took him to take off her top. Though given Tara's-sorry, Enoby's-penchant for elaborate outfits, fair enough. And no, the joke hasn't happened yet.) I even took of(f) my bra.(Even your bra? Watch out, folks, things are getting steamy in here!) Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.(That's it. Did anyone hear that sound? That was the sound of my faith in humanity breaking into a thousand tiny pieces.)(Oh, and on a side-note? My spellchecker says 'thingie' isn't a real word.)
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.(Shortest. Lemon. Ever. Also a candidate for; Worst. Porno. Ever. Still, it could be worse. At least she didn't misspell 'orgasm'.) We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.(Everywhere? Draco's an adventurous lover. Who knew?) And then….(Then...? Come on, the suspense is killing me, Tara!)
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"(Best. Line. Ever. Even if the last word is misspelt, it still counts. That one line made reading this abomination worth it.)
It was…(Anyone else wondering where these ellipses end?)….Dumbledore!(And this just made the last line of dialogue so much better. Just for this, Tara, just because you let me hear - in my head - a geriatric old man shout "What the hell are you doing you motherfuckers!", I am going to forgive your lengthy accounts of Enoby's clothing. Once.)
A/N: Well, I survived the lemon. Fortunately, the sheer awesomeness that is Dumbledore calling Tara's Mary-Sue a motherfucker has erased it from my mind forever. Dumbledore is the ULTIMATE brain-bleach. All hail His Fabulousness. Till next I write, I remain, dear readers, your intrepid author. The Hunter747. (P.S. If anyone can tell me which character I just paraphrased, fifty points to your Hogwarts House.)