Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.

The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.

1 year later…

RPOV:

The weather was beautiful. The sun hung like a chunky pendant in the baby blue sky, and the grass was the most vibrant green. Across the street, children giggled as they ran through sprinklers and dodged water balloons being launched from their friends.

It was the perfect summer day.

And it was such a shame that I wasn't going outside to enjoy it.

There was a soft knock on the door, and I glanced over my shoulder to find Lissa standing there, little Rose hanging on her left hip.

"Hi." she said cheerfully, smiling the brightest smile. That happy façade was forced, I could tell from the strain in her jade-green eyes. She wasn't putting up a show for her daughter, it was all for me.

"Hey." I went back to staring out the window. "What are you doing here?"

"Mind if we talk for a moment, Rose?" Lissa didn't wait for an answer. She came over and plopped down on my bed, gently setting her eleventh month old daughter down beside her.

Today, the infant was dressed in a yellow summer dress and white buckle-on Disney sandals. Little Rose was a stunning child, I had to admit. With her platinum blond curls and wide ice-blue eyes, she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.

And a painful reminder of everything that I had lost and been robbed of.

When the child made a little cooing noise and outstretched her chubby arms, reaching for me, eyes pleading, I cringed and automatically scooted to the edge of the bed, as far away from her as possible.

Lissa automatically scooped her daughter in to her arms and cradled her in her lap. Little Rose's bottom lip quivered.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, plucking a loose strand on the old gray sweater I was wearing to avoid her eyes.

"Today is Little Rose's birthday—well, not her real birthday, just a monthly birthday thing Christian and I do…well, every month." Lissa laughed anxiously. "And ummm…I was wondering if you'd like to come to the park. There's going to be pizza and cake and drinks, and I figured the four of us could, you know, hang out. Believe it or not, Christian really misses you. I miss you."

"Yeah, I uh—"

"Come here, kitten," Lissa balanced her daughter on her feet. "Ask Aunty Rose to come with us! Say please!"

"Ro! Ro! Pleeeeeeee!" Little Rose giggled, clapping her small hands together.

I stood from the bed, feeling extremely uncomfortable and a little bit claustrophobic. "I can't. I have to go see Ivan today."

Lissa's smile dropped. "Oh, right. Yeah, I'm sorry…I forgot about that. Can we come?"

"No." God, the distance between us was so obvious. She was standing right in front of me, but it felt as if I were on the other side of the globe. She was no longer my best friend, hell, I wasn't even sure I could classify her as a friend.

Wasn't that a damn shame. Didn't have many of those anymore.

Clearly, Lissa was done with the whole happy-happy-joy-joy façade, because she shot to her feet and grabbed her daughter, shielding Little Rose away from me to protect her.

I didn't blame her.

"You can't stay locked up in this room forever, Rose." Lissa said. "You keep pushing everyone away, and eventually they'll get tired of trying to reach out to you. Frankly, I'm at my wits end. Don't be surprised when you go looking for help and we all have our backs turned to you."

"Fuck. You."

"Wake up sooner rather than later, Rose, because we're all washing our hands of you." With that said, Lissa left with her daughter, shutting my bedroom door softly.

Fueled by rage and the hatred I carried for myself, I screamed and punched the wall over and over again, not registering the pain or the blood covering my knuckles or the destroyed drywall.

Stepping out of the shower, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath full of steam before I went to my bedroom and opened the closet.

I had to dress nice. Because today I was going to be visiting Ivan.

Pulling out a pair of dark gray slacks and a white button up shirt off their hangers, I set the clothes on the bed and quickly got dressed. After my boots were slipped on, I brushed my hair and pinned up the shoulder-length locks. A part of me missed my long tresses, but the other part shrugged and said: I really don't care.

I did care, however, when it came to Ivan. I had to look my best when I was seeing my son.

Downstairs in the kitchen, I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and my purse, then headed for the front door of my parents house. The one I'd lived in before moving to St. Augustine's all those years ago.

Something sharp and painful stabbed my chest. I winced and rubbed the skin over my heart.

"Hello, Rosemarie." Janine came down the stairs, her gaze trained on the floor.

It was nothing new. People rarely made eye contact with me anymore. I was used to it by now. Actually, it kind of made me feel more comfortable.

"Mom." I nodded tightly as I opened the door.

"Going somewhere, Kiz?" Abe leaned over the railings, staring down at me, or more precisely, the wall next to my head.

"Yeah. I'm going to see my son."

Abe's face pinched and Janine grimaced.

"All right, baby girl. Drive safe now."

"Will do." I headed down the driveway, got in my Honda, and stuck the keys in the ignition. The engine roared to life and I made a U turn, heading for route 22, then slid onto the highway.

Fifteen minutes later, I whipped my car in to a parking space and stepped out of the vehicle, clutching the bunch of cherry blossoms in my hand. Taking a deep I-can-do-this breath, I forced my feet to start walking across the small parking lot and path up the grass.

I stared down at the tombstone.

Remembering a tiny angel

Ivan Mason Belikov

The inscription was simple, just the way I had wanted it to be.

"Hi, baby boy. Mommy's here." My fingers brushed the smooth rock over the words Ivan and remembering.

As I sat down in front of the small grave, I thought of the time that I had lost my son in the hospital.

The pain in my stomach was indescribable. It would have hurt less had someone hammered nails into my skin. There was blood between my legs, lot's of it. No matter how many times the nurses came in and changed the pads, the blood would continue to gush out.

My eyes were swollen from crying so much, and my throat was raw and burning from the sobs, but I forced the tears back for a moment because I had to.

"I can't believe we lost him." Dimitri murmured, sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed. The scratches and black eye were still visible, but healing. His skin was pale, his lips white, sweat blooming all over his flesh. He looked worse than the walking dead. In that moment, he was gone. A stranger to me. Nothing but an empty shell.

I looked away, not able to take anymore. I knew it was my fault, but did he really have to make it that obvious? During the time I had been kidnapped, I hadn't miscarried because of Tasha or Robert, I had miscarried because I'd gone into shock. That much stress on me and the baby and…it had killed him.

If only I could have stayed strong, Ivan would still be in my belly, safe and warm.

"It's okay, Ivan may be gone...but we can try again." I said hoarsely. "You know…have another baby. Everything's going to be all right."

Dimitri's dark eyes averted to the ground and my chest twisted in dread.

The doctor's voice was void of emotion as he spoke, telling me I wasn't going to like what he had to say. "Do you remember much of what happened during the time of your kidnapping, Rosemarie?"

I shook my head. "The police already asked me that. And I told them no. My memory is all black, like someone put a blank in it. I only remember waking a few times, in this dark room, and then I'd pass out again."

The doctor nodded. "That's all?"

"Well, I, uh," I croaked. "I remember when Dimitri came in and he…he killed Tasha and Robert."

The tears began to fall again, until it was hard for me to speak. I flinched when Dimitri touched my back, but relaxed a second later when he started rubbing circles.

"Do you remember being in any pain?" The doctor asked.

Again, I shook my head. "Like I said, it's all black. It almost feels like a dream, you know, like it never happened. But I know it did." It was so strange to glance down at my belly and see it flat, as if I hadn't been pregnant.

"Do you know what a hysterectomy is, Rosemarie?"

"Is that what happened to me?"

The doctor's face was grim, showing far more than words ever could.

"Why would Tasha do this to me? What did I do to her?" My stomach curled, not from the contracting of my muscles, but because I was going to be sick. "Does this mean I can't have children anymore?...Ever?"

Nobody said anything. The room went deadly silent until all I could hear was the buzzing in my ears.

My body lurched forward and I vomited repeatedly.

I rubbed my flat belly. It was still so unusual. I missed my swollen stomach. I missed the heavy feeling of Ivan in my womb. I missed feeling the kicks when Dimitri spoke to our son in his native language.

Now it was only me. All alone.

Fate and Destiny really had it out for me, didn't they. Whenever I'd get even a sliver of happiness, they'd rip it apart and shred it to pieces.

I fingered the cross on my neck. At least I still had hope and faith somewhere.

Leaning forward and laying the flowers on the grass, I pressed a kiss to Ivan's headstone and stared at it for a long moment, then climbed to my feet. "I love you, baby boy. Mommy will see you next week."

"Rose?"

My whole body went rigid at the sound of his deep voice. It had been months since the last time I had seen him.

Gathering all of my courage and strength, I turned around and stared at the man that I had once loved with all my heart.

Dimitri stood there, dressed in a black sweater, jeans, and his signature brown duster. His brown hair was tied at the nape of his neck, a few strands escaping and blowing in his eyes from the wind. He was still the most handsome man I had ever seen, but the tragedies and devastating losses he'd suffered had really took a toll on him. The hard lines in his face aged him about five years.

"Hi." What else was I supposed to say?

We'd never had the official break up, but then again, when you don't speak to each other for nearly a year, that makes the separation pretty damn clear. Especially since I'd had Lissa give him back the engagement ring right after Ivan's memorial.

A yellow rose was in his palm. "So, you're here to see Ivan too?" I asked.

Dimitri nodded. "I come everyday to visit our son."

There were heavy moments of silence, where I just got lost in his eyes, the familiarity of the dark brown color, all the memories we'd created, and the precious moments we'd shared.

"Yeah, well, I should go." I cleared my throat. "I have a doctor's appointment I gotta get to. Um, I guess I'll see ya around." Without another glance, I walked past him and booked it for my car.

"Rose." Dimitri called out.

Grimacing, I turned around, brushing a few locks of hair out of my eyes. "Yeah?"

"It wasn't your fault. Do you understand? Not. Your. Fault."

"I have to go." I scrambled in the Honda, shoved the keys into the ignition, and sped off as fast as I could.

*Takes cover* Please don't hate me! I still love you all!