A/N: Hello, my fellow preps and posers! I got a bad case of Anti-Tara Syndrome, so I started a new story. Now I have writer's block on that one, so I'm going to do some more commentary on the so-bad-it's-horrible, My Immortal! Free virtual penguin plushie to everyone who reviews! Also, just out of morbid curiosity, should I try and translate the entirety of My Immortal into actual English? You know, make it a good, legitimate story, without spelling errors, plotholes -mostly- and ridiculously OOC characters? I'm curios as to whether anyone would be interested in reading such a thing. Drop a line, yay or nay?
AN: shjt up prepz ok!(Okay? I didn't know it was physically possible to shit upwards, but okay. You haven't made it past the first sentence and you have disturbed me. Well done, Tara. Oops, sorry, Ebony.) PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!(Oh, so she doesn't want good reviews. She wants goood revows. That explains why she keeps updating. Her multiple personalities/voices in her head give her these goood revows.)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX(Yay, the satanic reference is back. I swear she must be trying to physically summon Satan into this plane of existence, the number of times she's referenced this number.)
The next day I woke up in my coffin.(I'd be worried if you woke up somewhere else, considering the fact that you went to bed in your coffin last night.) I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black.(How many times, bitch?! Stop raiding Dumbledore's wardrobe!) I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.(I thought you were a vampire. Shouldn't that kill you?) I spray-painted my hair with purple.(Unless it was actual spray-on hair dye, that's probably going to have a negative impact on your health. On second thought, go ahead. Here's another can. The sooner you die, the sooner this story ends.)
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.(As opposed to the blue blood that flows through Draco's veins, or the black ichor in Voldemort's. Also, Count Chocula? How very, um, goffic?) Suddenly someone bumped into me.(And on this day, not a single fuck was given.) All the blood spilled over my top.(I refer you to my previous comment.)
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily.(Um...it was an accident, girl. Cool your jets.) I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.(Black hair? Male? If this is who I think it is, I have just lost all faith in the human race.) He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick.(You were going down his face? In the middle of the Great Hall? You already had Dumbledore call you a motherfucker - moment of silence so I can savour the memory, please. Thank you - just because you shagged Draco in the Forbidden Forest. What the hell is he going to call you now?) He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.(No. Please, God, no. Also, I find it ironic that she actually used an apostrophe correctly in this sentence.) He had a manly stubble on his chin.(That's right. A manly stubble. Just one. He's badass, am I right?) He had a sexy English accent.(Fair enough, if this is who I think it is, he was raised in England anyway.) He looked exactly like Joel Madden.(Fun fact, if you search for pictures of Daniel Radcliffe and Joel Madden, they do look kind of similar.) He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.(So, you got turned on by the guy? And we needed to know this why?)
"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.(Fair enough.)
"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.(Seriously? You call him a bastard then ask him his name? Get your priorities straight lady. I don't think any sane person would want to be friends with someone who called them a bastard over an accident.)
"My name's Harry Potter,(NOOOOOOOOO!) although most people call me Vampire these days."(Fuck. You.) he grumbled.(Why, God, why?)
"Why?" I exclaimed.(Yes, that's what I want to know.)
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.(This...is creepy. Also, where the hell did Harry first taste human blood? Particularly human blood that wasn't his own? Is it wrong that I now want to read the story of Harry drinking another human's blood more than I want to read this?)
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.(Well, my child, I require you to perform ten Pater Nosters, and twenty Ave Marias in penance for this most heinous and wicked crime. Run along now.)
"Really?" he whimpered.(I don't think Harry ever whimpered in the books. Then again, this is the Taraverse, where illiteracy and idiocy are the orders of the day. So this may be understandable.)
"Yeah." I roared.(Woah, woah, girl! It's Gryffindor that have the lion mascot, remember? You're in Slytherin. You hiss. Like the sneaky snake you are.)
We sat down to talk for a while.(This was important enough to merit a sentence of it's own. I can't wait to see what this plot arc will lead to!) Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.(Oh. Well, let's hope Draco's surprise is important enough to merit disrupting the oh-so-important 'sitting down to talk to Harry' story arc!)
A/N: Well, I made it through yet another chapter. And my god, I think the story gets dumber with each chapter. Pray for our souls, ladies and gentlemen. Pray to whichever deity -or higher power- you may believe in. Reviews are nice, but I promise never to hold the story hostage until I get 'TIN god vons'. Until next time, folks!