Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord Of The Rings. If I did, why the hell would I be writing stories on Fan-Fiction?

Are We There Yet?

The cold wind blew harsh against the faces of the Fellowship as they climbed to their pizza. Everyone had long since lost feeling in their toes, and the only sound that could be heard over the wind was the sound of Pippin's tummy rumbling.

" I'm cold!" said Aragorn.

" Join the club." grumbled Gandalf.

" Ooo, there's a club?" asked Aragorn.

" It's a figure of speech." explained Gandalf.

" I'm a member of the Chess Club, the Eco-Club, the 'I Like Cheese' club..." said Aragorn, who hadn't been listening to a word Gandalf said.

" You're a member of the Eco- Club?" asked Legolas curiously.

" Yep. We turn on all the lights before we leave the room and put all of our pop cans into the garbage."

" That's not eco-friendly!" screamed Legolas, "Haven't you ever heard of recycling?!"

" What's that?" asked Aragorn, "Some type of elf dance?"

" Grrrrr." growled Legolas, glaring daggers at Aragorn.

" Hey, it's not my fault you're married to a tree."

" Can we sing a road song?" asked Merry.

" No!" screamed Gandalf.

" When I'm on the road..." began Merry.

Gandalf groaned.

After about 5 rounds of singing "The Road Song", Gandalf had had enough.

" How about we play a game." he suggested through gritted teeth.

" Good idea!" said Pippin, "I'll start."

He squinted and looked around.

" I spy with my hobbit eyes, something that is white."

" Er, Pippin?" said Frodo. "Everything looks white."

" Correct!" said Pippin.

Suddenly a deep voice pierced the air.

" Trollololo, trollololo!" it said.

Pippin clutched onto Gandalf's robes. "What is that Gandalf?"

Gandalf looked ahead with a grim look on his face. "Saurumon's trolling again."

No one knew what the hell Gandalf was talking about, so they just kept walking. Or in Legolas' case, floating.

" How soon am I defying gravity!" sang Legolas as he hovered above the ground.

" Blasted elfs." muttered Gimli.

" I'm bored!" said Boromir.

" Boromir!" cried Gimli in shock, "I didn't know you changed your name to 'Bored'omir! Crap, I'm so cold I can't even come up with a good insult!"

" Now you're just somebody that I used to know!" sang Pippin shrilly.

Suddenly, the mountain started to shake and a big pile of snow crashed down on top of Pippin.

" I'm okay!" he called, his voice muffled by the snow.

" Yay! Let's make a snowman!" cried the hobbits. They then began frolicking around in the snow, Aragorn joining them to make a few snow angels.

When Pippin finally got himself out of the snow, he walked over to Gandalf.

" Gandalf," he said, tugging on Gandalf's robe, "I have to go to the bathroom."

Gandalf sighed, "I told you to go at our last stop."

" But I didn't have to go then."

" Fine, build yourself a snow toilet or something and go there."

Pippin nodded and walked began a large pile of snow.

" Gandalf! How do you spell 'Pippin'?"

Gandalf face-palmed himself.

Meanwhile, Sam was boring Gimli with a long lecture about potatoes.

" They're very useful in cooking you know." said Sam, "You can boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in stews..."

" And chuck them at people!" yelled Aragorn.

To demonstrate, Aragorn bent down, scooped up a handful of snow, and chucked it in the direction of Isengard.

Saurumon was drawing in a breath to start another round of trolling, when a snowball came hurtling at his face and knocked him off his tower.

" Nice aim, Aragorn!" praised Legolas who, being an elf, saw Saurumon getting hit with the snowball.

" Who did I kill?!" asked Aragorn with a vicious look in his eye.

" Saurumon." answered Legolas.

The hobbits did a fist-pump. "No one's going to steal our pizza now!"

" I don't think he was trying to steal our pizza," said Frodo, "I think he was after the cheese-bread."

They walked along in silence for a while after that, but with every silence, there is always one who will break it. In this case that person was always Pippin.

" Gandalf." he whispered softly. Gandalf didn't answer.

" Gandalf." he said a little louder. Still no answer.

" GANDALF!" screamed Pippin, causing Gandalf to jump in surprise and trip on a snow bank. He got up and whirled around, chunks of snow lodged in his beard.

" What?" he asked menacingly.

" Ummm, I forget." said Pippin.

Gandalf turned back to the front.

" Oh yeah!" said Pippin, suddenly remembering.

" What?" asked Gandalf again.

" My nose keeps tickling my feet, tell it to stop!"

Gandalf looked at Pippin in annoyance.

" For one thing, it is impossible for your nose to be tickling your feet and for another thing, why don't you tell it to stop yourself?!"

Pippin looked at Gandalf sadly. "I can't or else my nose will run."

Gandalf granted himself his second face-palm of the day and said, "If all of your lives didn't depend on my guidance, I would have jumped off this damn mountain ages ago."

" Oooo, then could I get your horse?" said Aragorn.

" Hey! Why would you get the horse?!" said Legolas.

" I'd just want his staff." said Boromir, "It's shiny."

" Well, no ones getting my stuff because I'm not going to jump off the mountain." said Gandalf.

" Awwww."

Pippin tugged on Gandalf's robe. "Are we there yet?"

"No." answered Gandalf.

"Are we there now?"

"No!"

"Are we there now?"

" Peregrin Took! If you even bothered to look in front of you, you would see that we are indeed there." said Gandalf.

" Woah!" gasped Pippin.

Layed out in front of them were golden pizza boxes stacked up to about the height of Gandalf's nose, all giving off a delightful smell. The Fellowship gave a loud cheer and ran foreward. Suddenly, nine black shapes swooped down and grabbed all of the pizza boxes in one big net.

" Suckers!" the riders of the beasts yelled as they carried away the delicious pizzas.

" Noooooooooooo!" screamed the Fellowship.

" Now what?" said Frodo.

Gandalf sighed.

"Now, we order from Moria." he said.

Boromir flipped open his phone.

"Koodo!" the hobbits yelled in unison with the cellphone.