Late that night Lena walked through the house checking on each child and found them all asleep. It was't often that they checked on the kids anymore but tonight she needed to know that they were safe in their beds, especially since Stef was out, alone and upset. Lena went back to her room and stood at the door looking at their empty bed. She couldn't believe that this was actually happening to her. It all still seemed like just a nightmare that would disappear once she woke up. But she knew she wasn't asleep and when she did finally fall asleep and wake up it would all still be right there. She quietly crawled into bed and curled herself up into a ball but found herself slowly shifting towards Stef's side until she finally fell asleep in Stef's bed, her pillow clutched tightly to her chest.
Stef sat alone at her desk browsing through apartments. Some of her coworkers had tried to talk to her but when she showed no interest in anything they just left her. She completely tuned out the hustle and bustle of the officers around her and focused on her task at hand. So far there was nothing in the area that was in their budget. She really couldn't justify spending almost two thousand dollars a month on a one bedroom apartment for herself when they had five mouths to feed. She began looking in the cheaper areas that weren't the best but would do just for her. She finally found one in a rundown area of town where she would never let any of her family venture into. It was only eight hundred dollars a month for one room that had a pull out bed, small kitchenette with a table and a bathroom. It didn't look like much but it was still something she could afford without digging too far into their monthly income. Besides, she didn't plan on staying there much - she'd pick up some extra shifts to help with the extra expense and only really needed the place to sleep and eat.
She drove down to the area where the building was to have a look around. The apartment was on the first floor overlooking the street so she'd get an idea of what it was like. The building was rundown with paint pealing and smelt faintly of urine but it was an apartment and it was affordable. Stef had been down to this area a couple of times for drug busts and stolen cars but the crowd hanging around the streets right now were just a bunch of teenagers or early twenty's drinking and smoking and doing little else. She could make it work here and she planned to call the landlord first thing in the morning.
When Lena woke up the following morning it was already nine thirty. Her lack of sleep the night before and all the crying had caused her to oversleep. There was no sound outside her room so she guessed the kids were still asleep. Lena quickly brushed her teeth and headed down to the kitchen to find that Callie had started a pot of coffee and was busy making the dough for her favorite biscuits and gravy.
"Good morning." Callie said as she kneaded the dough. "I put the coffee on."
"Thanks honey." Lena said gratefully as she poured herself a much needed cup. "Did you sleep well?" She asked her daughter.
"Yes." Callie lied. The truth was that none of them had slept well. Both her and Mariana had woken up multiple times and Jude even crawled into her bed sometime during the night and was still asleep there. But Callie didn't tell Lena that - she had enough to worry about as it is.
"Can I help?" Lena asked, looking around the kitchen.
"Sure." Callie said. "You can start with the gravy.
Soon the two of them were working silently but swiftly and every sound that came from outside would cause Lena to look at the front door to see if Stef had come home.
An hour later everyone was up and ready for breakfast. The biscuits were just being pulled out of the oven and the gravy was nice and warm and just as they were putting it all out on the table they heard the front door open.
"Mom." Mariana said with the first big smile on her face as she rushed to the door with the rest of the family in tow.
"I love." Stef greeted her with a hug that Jude soon joined.
"Are you going to have breakfast with us?" Jude asked. "Callie made biscuits."
"Um yes." Stef said, looking towards Lena. She had something important to tell her first but she would have breakfast with the kids. They needed her to be present in their lives. "I'm just going to talk to mama real quick and we'll be down in a few minutes okay."
Lena suddenly felt apprehensive because she couldn't judge from Stef's expression whether she had something good to say or something bad. Reluctantly she followed Stef up the stairs while the kids headed back to start breakfast. While each of them was glad that their mom was back they were still worried and sullen about what was to come.
"I went to see an apartment today." Stef said once they were in their room.
"For what?" Lena asked, feeling terrified of what Stef was telling her.
"For me." Stef answered frankly.
"Stef no." Lena said, her eyes filling with tears in front of Stef for the first time. "Please no." She said again, desperate for Stef to just talk to her and work this out instead of leaving.
"I can't Lena, I'm sorry." Stef said. She truly felt bad but she really needed to get away. There was no way she could spend night after night next to Lena in the same bed and pretend like nothing had happened. She loved Lena more than she ever loved anyone. Lena was her entire world and there was absolutely nothing she wouldn't do for her. When she wanted to get married Stef agreed though it wasn't really for her. When Lena wanted to try for a baby she agreed again. No matter how hard it was for her or how uncomfortable something made her feel she would find a way to do it if it's what Lena wanted. But now, after this, she just felt far too broken and hurt. She needed to do something for herself and this was it.
"Can we just talk about this first please." Lena begged, hoping to change Stef's mind. "What about the kids? They need you."
"I will come around and be there for the kids but I really need my own space." Stef explained.
"And you think they're going to be happy with that?" Lena asked, hoping at least the kids could convince her to stay.
"I know it's hard but..." She didn't know what to say. "We'll tell them after breakfast." She said, knowing that the kids wouldn't be happy but this was just something she had to do.
"Where is it?" Lena asked.
"Not far from here." Stef said. "It's small and cheap and only a fifteen minute drive away, down near the homeless shelter."
"That's a terrible place." Lena said. She couldn't count how many times Stef had complained of the drug busts in that area.
"It's not so bad." Stef said. "And it won't make too big a dent in our income."
"Well can't you at least find something better." Lena finally asked, realizing that Stef wasn't going to change her mind.
"Not for that price." Stef said. She still wanted to keep things as routine for the kids as possible and not taking a huge chunk of money out each month was definitely priority.
"Stef it's not safe." Lena said. She was so worried. She had no idea how to make things turn around. She had absolutely no right to tell Stef what to do.
"I'll be fine." Stef said. "I'll have my gun and I can defend myself." She reminded Lena. "Plus, people don't really just attack others for no reason."
"But you're a cop." Lena pointed out. She felt that that alone would be reason enough for them to want Stef gone.
"It's not so bad." Stef promised. "They aren't all troublemakers. I drove there last night and everything seemed fine."
"Look, we can just let go of one month's rent okay." Lena tried to get her out of it. "We'll work something out but..."
"It's already done Lena." Stef interrupted her. "I just came home to tell you and the kids and get my stuff."
Lena sighed, knowing that this was going to happen no matter what she said. Now all that was left was to finish breakfast and then tell the kids. She knew this wasn't going to go well and the kids would be even more angry with her than they already were but honestly, right now, she was just more worried about Stef and hoped she'd really be safe.
"That was delicious Callie, thank you." Stef said as she stroked her daughter's back. "You really are good at these.
"Thanks." Callie smiled. "My mom used to make them for us whenever..." But she stopped. She didn't want to say 'whenever something sad was happening'.
"Well she definitely taught you well." Stef praised. "I could eat them everyday."
"I agree." Jesus added. "In fact, I'm going to have another one right now."
"I'm too stuffed to eat another bite." Brandon said, sticking his last piece of fruit into his mouth. "I don't think I could eat for a week."
Mariana watched her family around her. Things seemed so normal right now with the exception of Stef and Lena barely looking at each other. In fact the entire family was barely looking at Lena. She was sitting at one end of the table with Callie and Jude on either side of her because the other three kids didn't want to be next to her right now. Mariana wouldn't admit it out loud but she was glad that Callie had made breakfast because she wouldn't have eaten anything that Lena made.
"I'm definitely eating lunch." Jesus said. "And maybe even something before that." He added, making everyone laugh. It was the first time that things seemed completely normal. Though none of the kids knew yet, just how different things were about to get.