Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord Of The Rings

The Land Of Creepy, Mind-Reading Elves

Still in shock at the death of their friend, the Fellowship stumbled out like zombies into the bright sunlight.

" Ow!" screamed Sam, "My eyes!"

" It burns! It burns!" cried Pippin.

Aragorn whacked them on the back of the head.

" Suck it up you two!" he growled, "At least YOU didn't lose you wallet!"

Merry patted Aragorn on the back.

" It's okay," he said, "At least you didn't lose your pretty necklace."

" Oooh! Big, tough, dwarf-throwing Aragorn wears fine jewellery!" teased Gimli. "Even getting thrown across a gap in a staircase in front of an elf isn't as embarrassing as that!"

Aragorn took a swing at Gimli's head, but missed and ended up banging his hand against a rock.

" Ow!" cried Aragorn, cradling his hand.

" Ooh! You mad bro? You mad?" said Gimli.

Aragorn glared at him. "It's not my fault I have to wear this thing! My girlfriend gave it to me! I've tried a MILLION times to give it back to her, but she keeps insisting that I wear the stupid thing!"

Legolas ran over to Aragorn, "I see girl-scouts on the horizon, we should get going."

Aragorn nodded and motioned for the hobbits and Boromir to stop playing Go-Fish and get up.

" Come along, we need to leave now."

" Awww. Do we have to?" whined Boromir.

" Yes. By the time night falls these hills will be surrounded by girl-scouts, and I don't have any money to pay for all of the cookies Pippin is surely going to order."

" That sucks." said Pippin. "I was really looking forward to buying some Minty-Mints."

" Where are gonna go?" asked Sam.

" Ooh! Ooh! Can we go to Lothlorien?" asked Legolas eagerly.

" Sure." agreed Aragorn.

" I don't wanna go there!" whined Gimli.

" Suck it up, Gimli. You got to choose the last place, so now it's Legolas' turn." said Aragorn.

Gimli pouted and crossed his arms.

They started walking.

" Hey Legolas!" said Pippin.

" Yes?"

" Will they have any pizza there?" he asked.

" The best in the land." answered Legolas while Gimli huffed.

Eventually the arrived on the outskirts of Lothlorien. Legolas gave a cry of joy and hugged a tree. Suddenly, a bunch of Elven guards swung down like a S.W.A.T. Team from the tree branches and aimed their bows at Legolas.

" No one touches Phil the tree!" one elf bellowed.

Merry screamed.

"We're under attack!" he said, reaching into his pocket. "Jigglypuff, I choose you!"

He chucked a red Poke-ball onto the ground and out came a little pink ball of fuzz.

The Jigglypuff looked at the guards.

" Jigglypuff!" it said.

The Eleven guards screamed and ran away.

Meanwhile, Frodo was simply walking at the back of the group when he heard a voice.

" You bring great evil with you, Ringbearer." it said.

" Yes. The ring IS very evil." answered Frodo, not out loud of course.

" I was actually taking about your friend who likes to sing, for his voice will be the death of us all!"

" Ummm, okay then." said Frodo.

" Do you like playing checkers?" the voice randomly asked.

" Uhhh, yeah." answered Frodo.

" What is your opinion of cheese?"

" Tasty." said Frodo.

" What do you prefer? Vanilla or Chocolate?"

" Well I suppose..." started Frodo.

" How are you feeling right now?"

" What is your preferred name?"

" What is your favourite food?"

" STOP IT!" screamed Frodo, out loud this time. Everyone stared at him.

" Sorry." he said.

The Fellowship shrugged and kept walking.

" Why are you asking me all of these pointless questions?" Frodo asked the voice.

" Because, dear Frodo, I am the inventor of the Profile Quizzes." it said.

Frodo gasped.

All of a sudden, another group of Elven guards jumped down from the trees. Merry reached for his Jigglypuff, but Aragorn stopped him.

" State your business!" an elf ordered.

" The wheels of the bus go round and round! Round and round! Round and..." sang Pippin before Aragorn stuffed his shoe into his mouth.

" We are here for..." said Aragorn.

" Pizza!" yelled the rest of the Fellowship, except for Pippin who said something more like "Mmnpha!", but they knew what he meant.

The captain of the party, whom later introduces himself as Haldir, smiled.

" Come with me dear travellers. We have heard of your quest, and the Lady of the Wood requests an audience with you immeaditatly."

The Fellowship followed Haldir. Eventually, they walked into a clearing, giving them a wonderful views of Lothlorien.

" Eeeeeeee!" squealed Legolas, "Someone take a picture of me next to Lothlorien!"

Legolas threw his cell-phone to Gimli and posed for the picture. Gimli snapped the photo.

" Ummm, okay." said Haldir, slowly inching away from an over-excited Legolas.

Suddenly, Pippin spit out Aragorn's shoe and started singing again.

" If I had a million dollars! (If I had a million dollars!) I would build a city in the trees. (Just like the Ewoks do, that's true!)"

Haldir looked at him in awe.

" You have a wonderful voice, Master Peregrin. How about you join our Elven choir? We would be honoured if you would." suggested Haldir, while the rest of the Elven guard groaned.

" His voice will be the death of us all." moaned an elf.

" Don't I know it." sighed Frodo.

When they finally reached the tree-top city, the Fellowship was ushered up a long flight of stairs towards the house of Galadriel and Celeborn.

Boromir glanced warily over the side of the staircase. "They should really consider putting railings on these things."

Pippin and Merry were making farting noises and giggling, much to the annoyance of Frodo.

" Quit it you two!" yelled Frodo.

The two hobbits burst into giggles before screaming.

" What!" said Frodo.

" Frodo! Watch out for the Blaeh-bleh-bleh!" screamed Pippin.

" Oh no! A Narshlog's got Frodo!" cried Merry.

Frodo rolled his eyes.

They had reached the top now and Galadriel and Celeborn descended a short staircase, hand-in-hand.

" They definitely practised that." Sam whispered to Merry.

" Mommy!" Frodo randomly yelled, and ran forward and gave Galadriel a big hug.

Galadriel and Celeborn shared a quick 'Wtf?' look before turning back to the others.

" Welcome to Lothlorien, travellers." greeted Galadriel.

" Where's Gandalf?" asked Celeborn, "I do not see him with you."

" He frickin' died." stated Boromir casually.

Celeborn burst out crying. "Now I'll never know what 2 plus 2 is!" he sobbed.

" How did he die?" asked Galadriel.

" A Balrog of Morgoth." said Legolas.

" What did you say?" asked Merry, before he and Pippin burst into giggles.

Legolas glared at them.

Galadriel hung her head. "This is sad news. However, you are probably all very hungry from your journey, and I would like to inform you that there is pizza being served in the dining hall."

" Pizza!" screamed the Fellowship, and they ran out of the room, leaving Galadriel to deal with a sobbing Celeborn and a crazy Frodo.

Galadriel sighed, "Well, this sucks."