Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to Richelle Mead.
The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Ms. Belikov. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate without express written permission.
RPOV:
I was horrified with myself as I realized that I'd cried in front of a man I'd just met merely hours ago. Not just cried, but completely broke down. Like embarrassingly loud sobbing and uncontrollable screaming breaking down.
Embarrassed beyond belief, I quickly wiped my eyes and pulled back. "Please don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" Dimitri's voice was all gravel and Russian accent.
Strange, I thought, but ignored it. His voice was rough from sleep. Had to be. That was the only explanation.
"I'm going to punch you square in the mouth if I get anymore pity from you. That's one thing I can't stand…pity. When someone feels bad for me. It makes me feel all powerless."
Dimitri stood from the bed and went to the door. "I wasn't looking at you in pity. It was concern."
My nose scrunched up in confusion. "Concern? What the hell do you have to worry about?"
"Your safety," he said. "Your safety is the most important thing right now."
I snorted. Of course he'd come into my bedroom only because he thought I was being attacked, not because he actually cared or wanted to comfort me. He was only doing his job.
With a grimace, I lay back in bed and hiked the sheets up to my neck. "Goodnight, Dimitri. Have some sweet frickin' dreams because I know I'll be in here stuck in my goddamn nightmares."
Childish? Yes. But that was how I dealt with situations when I had no clue what to do. My temper was getting the best of me. I hadn't slept well in weeks. And there was this blazing inside me, this want, this need. And I had a suspicious feeling it was because of the God reincarnate standing in my bedroom at his staggering height, with those black flannel pajama bottoms and muscle shirt.
God, I wanted a slice of that Russian cake.
Or maybe I wanted the whole damn thing…
Shaking those ridiculous and unrealistic thoughts from my brain, I took two deep breaths and rested my burning eyes.
"Is there anything I can get you?" Dimitri asked. "Would you like a glass of water? You look as if you need one."
"I'm fine. Thank you very much." The bitterness and resentment in my voice was unmistakable, and I couldn't figure out why it was there.
Oh, to hell with that. I so knew why it was there. Dimitri. Why hadn't he taken any interest in me? Why hadn't he showed some sign of affection or lust? I'd seen guys trip over their own feet checking me out.
What the hell was wrong with this bodyguard?
Or…
What the hell was wrong with me?
It was a goddamn mind fuck. It really was. And I blamed my delusional thinking and slightly insane actions on my insomnia. Not only that, but I was running from a kidnapper—a man whom I had know clue his identity, a man who was still hell bent on getting me back so that he could torture me once more. Yeah, all of that put a lot of pressure on a girl. I was stressed, that's all.
"I'm getting you water. You are thirsty and you need it."
"You know what I need?" My eyes snapped open and I met his dark gaze. "I need some sleep. Some alone time. And I need you outta my room so that can happen."
"My pleasure," Dimitri said. "But first, I will get you a glass of water. I know you want something to drink, but you're too ashamed to admit it. However, there is no need to fear. Your pride and ego doesn't bother me in the slightest."
With one last smartass smile, he disappeared, going into the kitchen that had been roaring in flames earlier in the night.
Moments later, he came back with a glass filled to the brim. "Drink." He handed it to me.
I smiled, noticing the four ice cubes floating at the top. "How did you know I like that many?"
Dimitri scratched the back of his neck, like he was uncomfortable. "It was something I noticed at dinner…each time you went back for more soda. You'd replace it with four new cubes."
"You paid attention." Something sparked in my chest. Happiness…?
"All apart of my job, Miss Hathaway." he said. "Being aware and observant of any situation is what I'm trained to do."
And that hope deflated like a damn balloon.
"Goodnight, Dimitri." With the tone I was using, what I said sounded more like Go to Hell.
He stood there for a moment longer, just staring, and then without saying a word, closed the door shut softly.
Surprisingly, sleep tackled me and I was slammed into the dark arms of oblivion. I slept better that night than I had in…God knows how long. And I had an annoying little feeling it was because Dimitri was there. In my home. Protecting me.
The next morning, after showering and throwing on some light, airy clothes perfect for the warm Montana summer weather, I took a deep you-can-do-this breath, and opened my bedroom door.
Only to moan loudly. "What is that wonderful smell?"
Dimitri was in the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed. The man was a morning bird. Double ugh.
Leaning over the stove, he flipped something magical with a metal spatula. "Good morning," He glanced over his shoulder.
I took tremendous satisfaction as I watched his bottomless eyes flicker over my body quickly, then focus on the food again.
"Morning," I plopped down in the chair at my dining table, watching him. "What are you cookin'?"
"Bacon, eggs, and toast."
"So that's what that orgasmic smell was," His head whipped around and I realized what I'd said with a nasty curse. "I meant organic. No..." I shook my head, picking my brain for an answer that would help ease the awkwardness. "I meant oooo-some. Awesome. Yeah, that's it."
His lips twitched a little as he handed me a steaming mug. "Two creams. One sugar."
"Just the way I like it. Thanks." I took a careful sip, then lifted my eyes to his hypnotizing brown ones. "What are you looking at?"
"Your lips…" My bodyguard rolled his R's like you wouldn't believe. It was the most incredible sound.
"My lips?" I scrubbed at my mouth. I knew there wasn't a dry drool spot on there or anything. I'd cleaned that off earlier in the shower… "What's wrong with them?"
"Nothing." Dimitri cleared his throat. As he grabbed two plates from the cupboard, I couldn't help but notice how magnificent his body looked in his black thermal shirt, black pants, and leather boots.
The cords of muscle in his back flexed strongly yet gracefully as he grabbed two forks from the drawer. Raw power and pure strength was written all over him, not only in his brutally amazing physique, but also in the way he carried himself.
The confidence in him was a stinger because I knew mine was so much lower. He probably had beautiful women dropping panties at his feet, while I was stuck in my apartment every Friday night with a bag of BBQ potato chips, scared shitless that that man would bust down my door at any given minute and kidnap me again.
God, I knew life was going to be a real bitch to me. But I didn't think it was going to be this bad.
A plate was set in front of me. "Thanks," I smiled a little.
He didn't return the gesture, but his eyes softened and warmed for a split second. Then—of course—went back to the sharp, vicious, and watchful ones they always were.
We ate in comfortable silence, the only sounds filling the room was our silverware softly clinking, until Dimitri asked, "What are our plans today?"
"Shopping!" I made spirit fingers at my bodyguard. "I hope you like spending the day at the mall with two women, Comrade. Because that's what's going down."
Although he was perfectly serious and all business, I had a feeling he was cringing on the inside. But then again, what six-foot-seven, impeccably handsome man who was about to spend hours walking around a three foot story building watching two girlfriends pick out clothes and makeup and gasp at everything that was pink and sparkly wouldn't?
Beats me.
"Let's go!" I grabbed another triangle of toast, my purse, and ran out my apartment.
Adrian was outside in the running black SUV. "Morning, Miss Hathaway."
Despite the fact that I didn't really like the man and it wasn't usually like me to be all happy-happy-joy-joy, I grinned and waved. "How are you doing?"
From the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri checking to make sure the windows were closed, then locking the front door.
"Great now that I'm seeing that beautiful face," Adrian smirked at his boss, who rolled his eyes. "Have I ever told you how wonderful your skin looks in the sunlight, Dimitri? It's like the color of caramel and honey mixed together—"
"Shut up." Dimitri shook his head, smiling. "You're working. No jokes. Now close that window and pay attention."
"Aye, Aye, captain." Adrian closed his trap and quickly did as he was told.
I sauntered over to Lissa's apartment and banged on the door. "Open up! You're late!"
Someone I didn't expect nor wanted to see answered, sporting blue pajama bottoms and messy black hair. "Whoa. It's early. Chill, will ya?" Oscar, their black cat, circled his ankles.
Christian picked the animal up and the instant Oscar and I were face to face, we made eye contact. Those glowing green eyes flared black. He bared his teeth, hissed, scrambled out of Lissa's boyfriends' arms and booked it in the opposite direction, disappearing behind their couch.
"He's such a charmer, isn't he?" Christian asked.
Glancing over my shoulder at Dimitri, I grinned and said, "Told ya cats have a very intense fear of me for no apparent reason."
"And that's why I'm getting you one for Christmas. Whoops!" Christian put a hand to his mouth, mockingly gasping in surprise. "I've just spoiled your present. Darn it."
Ignoring that, Dimitri met my eyes and said, "I can see that. Thank you for clarifying."
"Anytime." I looked at Christian. "Why do you look like a tornado survivor?"
"We had a good night." His smirk was one of masculine pride. "My honey likes to be in control on the weekends. She's a great rider—"
"That's enough." I nearly gagged at the mental images. "Where is she?"
"Right here." Lissa appeared out of nowhere, dressed in an amazing maroon dress and white wedges. After giving Christian a kiss, she tugged oval-shaped glasses onto her nose and slipped on a sun hat.
Her boyfriend grumbled something and slammed the door shut, happy to get back to bed.
"Morning guys!" She beamed, covering her exposed skin in SPF.
"You do realize that the sun just peeked its head out, don't you?"
"Nonsense," My best friend waved her elegant hands. "It's always important to use protection."
Traitorously, my eyes flickered over to Dimitri as the thought of condoms and sex popped into my brain. For some unknown reason, the thought of touching him, being naked with him, having him cover me with his large body while we moved in sync didn't frighten me or make it hard to breathe—which is usually what happened any time someone got close to me. The thought actually excited me.
Boy, I thought, imagine him lying in bed with nothing but a sheet covering his hips, that tan golden skin covered in fresh sweat, his hair tangled and messy from love making. Then imagine covering him in whip cream and licking it off slowly—
Dimitri arched a dark brow. "Something on your mind?"
Shaking my head vigorously, I swallowed hard and murmured, "No."
"Are you sure about that?" The curl of his full lips told me he knew I'd just been fantasizing about him.
"Bite me."
Twenty minutes later, I pulled my Honda into a parking spot at the mall. Dimitri was the first one out of the car, immediately searching the area with his eyes.
"Easy there, G.I. Joe." I laughed, tugging my purse onto my shoulder. "It's daylight. We're in a crowded place. No one's going to attack us—"
"You don't know that," There was a sharp edge to his voice. "That is your first mistake. You are safe with me. But don't ever believe that there is absolutely no danger because you are at the mall. Kidnappings occur in public places all the time."
I shrunk back in fear, my chest constricting viciously. "You're right. I…I'm sorry."
His eyes flashed with regret, like he'd realized he'd been too harsh.
Goddamn. Compassion made me itch.
Adrian parked the SUV at the same time Lissa patted my shoulder in reassurance. "Alright, girly. Let's shop!"
Five hours later, we were back at the Honda. I had to laugh as the two men put our shopping bags into the back of the SUV. Adrian grunted and cursed the whole time. "Gee, you bought the whole damn mall, didn't you."
"Really breaking a sweat over there, ain't ya?" Lissa teased.
"Yes. And I'm loving it." Adrian slammed the trunk shut. "Sweat is one of my favorite things next to alcohol and beautiful women."
I rolled my eyes and asked what time it was.
Dimitri glanced at the black watch on his left wrist and told me.
"Well," I groaned. "Looks like it's time to get to work. For me, that is."
After dropping Lissa off back at the apartments and changing into my uniform, the three of us headed down town.
After pulling into the employee parking center, I slid out of the car right after my bodyguard did. A moment later, Adrian ran up and joined us, careful not to draw attention to himself.
"This is where you work." Dimitri said. Not a question, but a statement.
Yeah, motherfucker. "Yep. This is the place. Nice, isn't it?"
"Adrian will go inside with you." The God reincarnate said, brown eyes watchful of our surroundings. "I will stay outside and secure the perimeter."
"Ohhhh. Top secret spy stuff. Can I get one of those ear piece things you guys have?" I asked. "'Cause that would be really cool."
"No." They both said at the same time, their voices stern and unwavering, as if I was a child who'd asked to shoot a gun off in the kitchen.
"What a bummer." I walked inside Olive Garden, muttering curses under my breath. Today was going to be a long day. I just knew it.
Eight hours later, I was proved right. The day had been exhausting. Endless. And to top it all off, my feet were so sore it felt like someone had dropped two heavy dumbbells on my toes.
Adrian had stayed inside the whole day, laying low. If he wasn't at a table eating, he was at the bar drinking. Or at least pretending to drink. Yeah, he had to be. With how many times his glass got refilled with vodka, there was no way he could consume all of that alcohol and still be standing.
Unless he had a tremendous tolerance to that shit.
He'd also hit it big with my work best friend, Sydney Sage. The girl was religious and prided herself on being Ms. Independent, but when she saw the gorgeous womanizer, she practically dropped to her knees in front of him.
By the end of the night, Adrian had scored not only her number but a date as well. Typical. The guy was working but still managing to mack on the ladies. Oh, what a charmer.
It was hard to admit, but I did miss Dimitri Hard-ass a little bit. The man was like a shadow, so mysterious and dark and silent. I was drawn to him for reasons unknown. Though I hadn't seen him in hours and hours…even when I'd stare out the window searching for him…I constantly felt his eyes on me. I knew it because I always had a tingly feeling from his intense gaze. He was watching me. Protecting me. Saving me.
Trying to keep the excitement out of my face along with the giddy smile, I snatched my purse and coat up, waved goodbye to a few coworkers on the way out, then pushed open the doors and burst outside.
Once I got to my car, I waited, trying to keep the fear and panic out of my chest. I was by myself in the dark parking lot. Completely alone. And I hated that.
Adrian was still inside, planning on coming out a few moments after I had. Supposedly, it was safer for people to believe I was by myself. The whole surprise attack thing was a big thing in Dimitri and Adrian's line of work, apparently. The less prepared their enemy—or in this case, my enemy—was, the better. Gave them the upper hand.
Adrian sauntered out of Olive Garden a moment later and stopped in front of the Honda.
"Alright," he said. "I'm off. Have a good night, Ma'am."
He went over to the SUV, leaving me stunned.
"Wait!" I called out. "You can't leave me alone."
Adrian glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "You're not alone. Believe that." He pointed behind me, got inside the vehicle, and tore off.
I turned around and gasped. "Holy shit!" I clutched my heaving chest, feeling my heartbeat hammer under my palm. "You scared the fuck out of me."
"Your vocabulary never ceases to amaze me, Miss Hathaway." Dimitri smiled dryly. His massive body was nothing but a looming shadow in the darkness.
"Stop with the compliments, will ya. I'm blushing." I grabbed my keys, hearing them jingle in my hand as I unlocked the Honda. "Make a little noise next time you sneak up on me. Okay?"
"I didn't sneak up on you. You weren't paying attention to your surroundings like you should."
Narrowing my eyes, I said, "Let's pick up some bells on our way. Tonight, I shall sew them onto your clothes and solve that little problem you refuse to acknowledge."
My bodyguard rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go home."
Shame on me, but I really like the way he said Let's go home. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Home. Our home.
It had a nice ring to it.
"Do you mind if you drive?" I tossed him the keys. "Not really feeling all that up to it."
Dimitri nodded and we slid inside.
"Buckle up." He said as he pulled out.
I stuck out my tongue. "You're not my mother. You can't tell me what to do."
It was meant as a joke, but my bodyguard obviously took it seriously because the car came to a screeching halt off the side of the road. With blurring yet refined hands, the seatbelt was fastened in a heartbeat.
"Keep that on," He said as he turned left and resumed driving. "Or else I will make you keep it on."
I winked. "I like a man in control."
His dark eyes flashed before he swallowed hard and looked away, paying attention to the road.
It was silent on the way home. That good kind of quiet between two people. Not the awkward kind that made you fidget. This…this was comfortable. Nice. The thing I liked about Dimitri was that he didn't feel the need to fill the space with meaningless words. Strong and silent he was.
God, I really liked him…
"Tell me something about you." I wanted to know everything about him, from birth to present, but I started easy. No need to scare him away.
"I'm here to protect you." Dimitri paused at a red light, waited for green, then stepped on the gas again. "That is all you need to know about me."
"What if I tell you something about myself first? Then will you tell me a little bit about yourself?" I frowned. "How does that sound? Like an even trade?"
"I already know everything about you that is necessary."
I ignored his words, knowing that the only place arguing with him was going to get me was a dead end. "I'm right handed. My favorite movie is Rush Hour because I would marry Chris Tucker in a heartbeat. I've known my best friend, Lissa, since kindergarten when I chucked a book at my teacher and called her a fascist bastard. By the way, I still have no clue what that is exactly. I love Oreo cookies but hate that creamy white stuff inside. I think turtles are cool. My favorite color is red. I can tie a cherry stem with my teeth. And I hate when I find Band-Aids in pools." I took a deep breath. "Your turn."
I glanced over, and to my utter shock, found Dimitri smiling widely.
My God…
The thing beating inside my chest stopped, then fluttered like a butterfly, going wild.
He was so damn beautiful when he smiled.
"Just one thing. Please." I said when I sensed his hesitation. "This is just between me and you. And I'll stop bugging."
"I read old western books. A lot. And I've watched every single John Wayne movie made."
I made a gagging noise. "Reading and cowboys? Blah. You have no taste."
His face hardened and I could tell he was slipping into that bodyguard mask once again, camouflaging all of his emotions.
Shockingly, I reached over and touched his arm. He flinched.
"Listen, that was rude. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean that." I said softly. "Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate it."
The tension from his body eased up a little. After a few moments, he nodded stiffly.
I almost felt sorry for Dimitri for a moment. I had a feeling this guy didn't open up very much, and when he did, you shouldn't make fun of him like I had. God, I really was a bitch. The man was an emotionless guard and he had let down a wall for me. Then I went and crushed whatever little progress we'd made towards a friendship.
Typical of me. I usually ruined everything.
Inside my apartment, after eating an amazing meal Dimitri had prepared—the man was a God in the kitchen as well—I headed for the one and only shower located in the hallway.
Waiting for the water to get nice and hot, I stripped my work clothes off and breathed in the thick steam.
I stepped under the scorching spray, did a quick job of shampooing my hair, scrubbing my body with my favorite lavender soap, shaving my legs, and rinsing off. Then I was out with a fluffy towel wrapped around me.
Opening the door, hot steam immediately was sucked out of the room. I walked into the hallway—
Smack.
I ran into something hard as a rock. A body.
Pure terror rose inside me and I screamed my lungs out until they burned, distantly aware that my towel had dropped off of me once I fell, leaving me completely bare. This only made me scream louder.
The man was saying something but the words didn't register. The attack was coming. And it was coming fast. I could feel it. The sweaty palms. Wobbly limbs. Tight throat. Sheer panic. The feeling of death overcoming me until that was all I knew.
The black shadow reached for me, heavy arms going around my waist, pulling me towards him.
"Please don't touch me!" I desperately sucked air into my lungs as they tightened and squeezed shut. "Don't touch me! Please." I wailed like a baby, endless tears dripping down my face and soaking my skin. Flashbacks of my kidnapper with the mask and distorted voice played in my brain over and over again.
"God, please don't hurt me!" I dropped to the floor in a useless attempt to get away. Crawling on hands and knees, I scrambled across the carpet as my breathing became very erratic. This was the part where I passed out. Or died.
Either way was fine with me, I only wanted out of this misery.
But then a brown paper bag was in front of my face and pressed against my mouth. I tried to fight Him for a while, pull back, run away, but the giant black shadow squeezed me to him and forced me to inhale through the bag.
One breath. Two breath. Then more…
The fogginess disappeared, that sheer panic burning away like someone had struck a match and burned it to ash.
Sagging in relief, I realized that Dimitri was there. Sitting on the ground behind me. Cradling me to his chest. Emotions were so strong in his dark eyes.
"Oh, God." I realized that that black shadow had been him. That the body I'd bumped into had been him. That what triggered the panic attack and flashbacks had been him. The tears started rolling again.
Beyond horrified with myself, I stood up and stared down at him. "I-I-I…" Covering my naked breasts and hips with my hands as best I could, I said, "Don't look at me. Please. Don't look at me."
His lids squeezed shut. "I think you are beautiful—"
"Shut up! Okay? Just shut up!" I ran into my room, collapsed on the bed, and yanked on my hair.
God, what the hell had just happened? I'd had an attack. In front of Dimitri. Naked. I'd screamed like a mental patient. What he must think of me…
Though my body was the way it had always been—long, lean, curvy—I felt really small in that moment. Like an ant.
No.
An ant was bigger than me.
I was so damn tiny. Powerless. Alone in a world full of vicious people. Defenseless. No one could mend me, not even the therapists. Lord knows how much money I had dumped on them only to run around in endless circles.
God, being by yourself really sucked sometimes.
I questioned my sanity and realized that I had none left. When had I lost it? The time I'd been drugged and abducted? The time I'd been nearly raped by the man in the mask? The time my kidnapper had made small cuts all over my body then watched with a smile as he rubbed salt over my wounds? Or maybe it was after I'd escaped and came back to life as I always knew it only to realize that everything was not normal?
I gazed at the bottle of aspirin on my nightstand and the thought of suicide came to my brain. Maybe I could end it all. Right here. Right now. Just end all of the heartache and panic attacks and constant fear of being abducted again.
Suicide would be easy. Painful, but easy. All my problems would vanish. My parents and friends wouldn't hold my giant burden. Because surely I was wearing them down with my PTSD. I could see it in their faces.
I was reaching for the bottle, only hoping to get a closer look at the thing, when the door suddenly flung open.
"Don't touch that," Dimitri growled, marching in and grabbing the aspirin.
I gasped and quickly covered myself with the blankets. "How did you know?"
"It's not hard to guess that you would be suicidal at a time like this," I cringed at his hard tone. "You are a fighter not a quitter. There is fire in your eyes, Rose. I'm not going to let you take your own life. Not on my watch. Not ever." My bodyguard grabbed the rest of the pill bottles off my nightstand—
"Hey! Those are prescription and I need them!"
"They stay with me. When you need them, come to me. I will watch as you take them."
"I don't need a damn babysitter."
"The condition you are in now? Yes. Yes, you do."
"Fuck. You."
"I'll take that as a thank you in the long run." Dimitri slammed the bedroom door shut.
"Oh, hell no," I jumped up, clutching the blankets to my chest. I flung open—
"Hey! What are you doing!"
"Taking anything out of the bathroom than can be harmful to yourself or me." He said, rummaging and slamming drawers. "Headache, pain, and fever medicines and cough/cold/or flu symptom products. All the creams for itchy skin reactions as well as products for all the usual stomach or bowel problems. This too…" He held it up.
"Now how the hell am I going to injure anyone with a pair of tweezers?"
He smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. "You'd be surprised."
"I'd like to put them in your eye right about now." I muttered under my breath.
"Exactly. You can cause injury. That's why the tweezers are gone." He stood up, taking the armful of shit with him. "Also, starting tomorrow, we're using plastic silverware."
"At least leave the shaver,"
"Absolutely not."
"What am I supposed to do then? Get all hairy?" I asked. "Sorry Dimitri, that may be cool from whatever country you're from. But in America, bushy women just ain't sexy."
His lips twisted into a full out grin. "I will buy you waxing strips tomorrow." He walked down the hallway, away from me.
"And you think I can't do some damage with those?" I called out. "Sleep with one eye open tomorrow, Comrade, because you might wake up the next day with only one brow."
"Goodnight, Rose."
I cursed, then went to my bedroom and slammed the door shut like a five year old. "Night."