"Hey Captain, is my mom around?" Jesus asked as he entered the station.
"Jesus!" Roberts said in surprise. "No, she's not on till four-thirty."
"Oh." Jesus looked down in disappointment. He had no idea where his mom was staying either and she had made it clear that she didn't want them to know at all.
"Shouldn't you be in school?" Roberts asked. She was aware that something had happened at their home and that Stef had temporarily moved out but she didn't know the details.
"Yeah." Jesus answered honestly. "I snuck out to see mom." He hadn't realized that she wouldn't be working though, thinking back, he should have - she mentioned working last night and having to go in at four-thirty after meeting them at school.
"Why don't I give her a call." Roberts suggested, sensing that this was something Stef would want to be informed about.
"He's what?" Stef asked in surprise. She had just woken up and showered and was about to have a late lunch before she headed to the school to see her kids when Roberts called.
"He's here now and wanted to see you." Roberts said.
"Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes." Stef said as she shoved her feet into her boots and rushed out the door, her hair still wet. For the first time she felt thankful for her apartment, it was at least half the distance to the station than the house.
"You are in so much trouble young man." Stef said to Jesus as she led him back to her car. She had gotten to the station in record time and then called Lena to let her know that Jesus was safe and with her when he admitted that he hadn't told anyone where he was going.
"I figured." Jesus admitted. "I just needed my mom."
"Honey, I know this is hard." Stef said sympathetically as her anger dissolved. "I'm sorry I did this to you."
"It's not your fault." Jesus interrupted her. "I don't blame you for leaving."
"I didn't leave honey." Stef sighed. "I just needed a little time to myself. I love mama, I really do, I'm just hurting right now."
"She really should have been the one to leave." Jesus grumbled, still upset that she was home while Stef had moved out.
"You know I'd never allow that." Stef said with a smile.
"How can you be nice to her when she hurt you like this?" Jesus asked. He, and the others, were so angry with Lena that they really didn't care much what she did right now.
"Because I love her." Stef answered honestly. "I want her to be safe."
"How can you still love her?" Jesus asked.
"Honey, it's because I love her so much that it hurts so much." Stef explained. "My love doesn't just disappear because she hurt me. That's not how it works."
"Well it should." Jesus shot back.
Stef smiled at her son as she pulled into an In and Out Burger parking lot so the two of them could get some lunch.
"What if you can't work it out?" Jesus asked once they had a table and their burgers and fries in front of them. "What if you decide never to move back."
Stef had no answer to that exactly. She wasn't sure what was going to happen. She honestly wanted to get past this but her heart just ached every time she even thought about Lena right now and she definitely needed to sort that out before she even tried to move in again.
"I don't know honey." Stef answered honestly. "But I do know that I will always be your mom and you will always be loved and taken care of. That won't change."
Jesus nodded. He understood that and he didn't doubt it for a second. He knew that both his moms love him just like they loved his brothers and sisters. He just wished thing could go back to the way they were Saturday morning.
"But honey, you can't do this again." Stef continued. "You can't just take off from school, even if it's to come see me."
"I know." Jesus said.
"Mama was worried about you and you never answered her calls." Stef pointed out, letting him know that even though the two were going through something they were still both involved in the kids lives.
"She wouldn't have let me go if I asked and I just needed to come see you." Jesus said. He didn't admit that even if she would have said yes he didn't want to ask her. He didn't want to have to even talk to her right now.
"I understand that you are upset right now but there are still rules you need to follow." Stef said. "If you wanted to talk to me you could have called me. I already told you I was coming to see you kids after school today."
"I know." Jesus admitted. "I just couldn't sit in class anymore. I haven't listened to a word anyone said anyways and you were alone and sad and I just wanted to be with you."
Stef moved from across the table to sit next to her son and pulled him into a hug as she kissed his head, and though he was a fifteen year old boy, he leaned into the hug and grabbed her hand, completely indifferent to who would see him.
"You are an amazing young man, do you know that?" Stef asked, still holding him tight.
"Yeah." Jesus answered, making them both laugh.
"I can't even imagine my life without you." Stef continued. "But right now, I really need you be strong for me. I need you to trust that things will work out and I need you not to give either of us any more heart attacks okay."
"Yes mom." Jesus said, smiling up at her. He wouldn't cause trouble. He'd give her the time she needed and wait for her to come back.
"I'm still here." Stef reminded him as though she read his thoughts. "I'm still your mom and I'll still come see you all the time and have dinner with you guys when I'm not working. And I still love you to pieces." She added, kissing him once again.
"I love you too mom." Jesus smiled.
"Good, now let's go. I promised your brothers and sisters I'd be there when school finished." Stef said, picking up their trays to toss out.
The two headed back to the car and to the school where Lena and the other kids were waiting for them by Lena's car.
Lena didn't mention anything about Callie and Brandon missing their class after lunch and when Stef told her that she'd talked to Jesus about not doing it again she let that go as well. She really didn't want to have the kids even more mad at her than they already were. The moment she saw Stef and that Jesus was fine she got into her car and drove away knowing the kids wouldn't come home with her anyways.
Once home she busied herself straightening up the house and she changed some of the pictures in some of the frames around the house - something she did occasionally. As she rummaged through the box of photographs she kept looking through the ones of her and Stef and slowly she felt tears well in her eyes again. She missed Stef. Missed holding her, missed hugging her and kissing her, she even missed arguing with her. She just needed Stef to talk to her, yell at her or scream at her. Anything but this distance.
She glanced at the clock and knew that Stef would already be at work by now and the kids were all probably avoiding the house as much as they could. It was depressing being home and knowing that such an important part was missing.
'Please can we talk.' Lena messaged Stef, hoping that the woman would at least answer.
'I'm at work.' Came the reply.
'Whenever you're free.' Lena replied. She'd go in the middle of the night if that's when Stef was willing.
'Can you come to the cafe across the street from the station at eight?' Stef asked.
'I'll be there." Lena said, a small smile on her face. Even now Stef was still willing to do the little things for her. She vowed that she'd do whatever she could to make up for her mistake.
Lena wasn't usually one to be nervous but at five minute to eight she was sitting in a quiet booth waiting for Stef, her leg bouncing apprehensively, nervous about what would happen. There wasn't much she could do besides apologize and that was something she'd already done. She'd continue to do it but still she felt so helpless, so unlike the woman she usually was.
"Hey." Stef said as she sat down in the booth opposite Lena. All she had with her was her wallet and glasses. Even her gun had been left behind at the station and Lena smiled slightly to herself that Stef had made even that small gesture for her.
"Thanks for coming." Lena said as they gave their orders to the waitress.
"Sure." Stef said. "I only have half an hour for dinner so..." She waited for Lena to start with whatever she'd come to say.
"I just missed you." Lena said. "I needed to see you." She had no idea that she was saying the very same thing that Jesus had said at lunch. "I changed some of the pictures in the frames." She told Stef, just needed something to say. "I found these." She pulled out three pictures she'd found of the two of them. The first from a picnic they took when they first started going around and allowed Brandon to take a picture of them, the second from Dana and Stewart's anniversary party and the third from the quinceanera - two proud moms watching their children to the Viennese waltz. In each picture the women were holding hands and smiling widely, completely happy with their life together.
Stef looked over the pictures and felt tears well in her eyes as well. She looked up at Lena and saw just how sad she actually looked. She knew Lena was sorry for what she'd done and that it hadn't really meant anything but still she couldn't get past the ache she felt all the time. That nagging feeling that Lena hadn't come to her with whatever she was going through but instead chose to find comfort in something that didn't even have any meaning for her.
"I'm so sorry Stef." Lena finally said as Stef went through the pictures one more time, gently stroking her thumb over the image of Lena in a long flowing black gown. "I never meant to hurt you."
"I know." Stef said, looking up at Lena with wet eyes. "I know you didn't."
"I need you to forgive me." Lena said. "I know I don't deserve it but I can't live without you Stef."
The waitress picked that moment to bring over their sandwiches and coffee which neither of them touched as they continued to look across the table at each other.
"I know I made a mistake." Lena continued. "But I need you to tell me what to do to make it up to you. I'll do whatever it takes."
"I love you Lena." Stef said. "I love you so much but I can't even begin to explain how broken I feel. It's nothing you can just fix. I need to get past it. I need to be able to look at you and not feel my heart break over and over again."
Lena cringed as she thought about what Stef had said. Even the sight of her was horrifying to Stef right now.
"Come here." Stef said when she saw the hurt look on Lena's face. She couldn't bear to see it there.
Lena quickly moved over to the other side of the table as Stef moved further into the booth giving her space.
"I want to get past this." Stef told her. "I promise you I do but I need to be okay with all this before I take that step otherwise it's not going to work. I'm not leaving you I'm just... taking a break." She tried to explain.
Lena nodded, feeling just a little bit relieved, at least Stef really did want to work through this. She could live with that and she'd wait for her.
"Where are the kids?" Stef asked as she pulled their sandwiches closer to them to eat. She only had another fifteen minutes before Mike was picking her up for their rounds of the city.
"They were out but I left some money and a note telling them to order pizza if they came home before dinner." Lena answered. "They're struggling too."
"I know, I talked to them today." Stef said. "I promised I'd come over for dinner whenever I'm not at work." She added, remembering Lena making that same request.
"Really?" Lena smiled.
"Yes." Stef said. "I'll be there."
"Tomorrow?" Lena asked.
"Yes, I'm working all night with Mike and then I'm off tomorrow." Stef said.
The mention of Mike made Lena silently thank him for coming through for her and having him partnered with Stef again. At least now she wouldn't worry as much while she was out. She wouldn't be with some rookie that hardly knew what he was doing.
"What would you like me to make?" Lena asked, hoping that small gestures like that would be appreciated.
Stef smiled. She could see Lena making an effort and decided to make the same effort herself. "How about salmon and grilled asparagus?" She suggested. It was one of the very first things Lena had ever cooked for her and Stef had absolutely loved it.
"Okay." Lena smiled back.
The two ate in silence for a while, sitting side by side, their arms brushing occasionally, just feeling a sense of relief at being together - even if it was just for a short while.
And all too soon Stef's phone buzzed indicating that Mike was waiting outside for her. She quickly paid for their dinner and climbed out of the booth behind Lena.
"Thanks for coming." Lena said, feeling so thankful that Stef had come at all.
"Of course." Stef said.
"Be careful out there." Lena added.
"I will." Stef promised as they made their way outside.
The two stood outside the cafe looking at each other for a moment and just before they were about to turn away Stef leaned in and gave Lena a quick peck on the lips.
"I'll see you for dinner tomorrow." Stef said before heading to the cruiser waiting for her.
Lena nodded as her heart swelled and tears filled her eyes yet again at the small gestures that Stef was making.