I Don't Want to be a Hero - Second Year
Chapter Thirty-Two
An Interlude 'Til Christmas - Part IV of V
The Shrieking Shack
Severus continued to dream as his lungs grew to their full size, and became strong. Within his dreams the plain was flat with trimmed grass, and bleachers at the edge for an invisible audience. Baseball players at various points on the field waited patiently as the two captains argued on the pitcher's mound. All the players, but one, wore resplendent uniforms for baseball of the 1900s era. James' team were outfitted in white striped with red and gold, and Severus team were also in white uniforms but theirs were striped with silver, and green. Severus, though, wore his black trousers, a long coat over a white shirt, and a black waistcoat.
"... no uniform, Potter!" sneered Severus.
"Come on, Snape!" James griped. "Everyone else is wearing a uniform. Don't be such a lame git!"
"My dream, Potter!" snapped Severus. "I can wear whatever I want, and there is no way… hey!" Severus felt the change in his clothing and looked down at himself in horror as he was now in a uniform that matched that of his teammates. James guffawed. "What did you do, Potter? This is my world! You can't affect it!"
"It's not me, Snape," chuckled James with a beaming grin that Snape wanted to knock off his face. "Look!" he pointed behind Severus at the one person sitting in the stands. Severus turned to see Lily waving at them.
"Lily?" he grumped with shades of betrayal. James only laughed more, and Severus was glad that umpire Bill Klem shouted for the game to begin. He stomped off to the dugout where he was able to glance up at Lily who smiled mischievously at him.
"Stop frowning, Severus," chided Lily with a smile. "Everyone ought to wear a uniform."
"How did you do this?" Severus asked. "No one but me can affect this environment."
"I really can't, Severus. I only… nudged what you wanted to do all ready. You just wouldn't wear a uniform because James wanted you to."
Severus grumbled incomprehensibly, but then studied Lily. He frowned against the sun shining above. The tint of Lily's hair was dimming becoming more its natural colour. He even saw some strands of her mother's brunette. No protest at her change came to his lips as he found that Lily, in her true appearance, was as pleasing as that version he often thought of.
Suddenly everything around him vanished to be replaced by the clearing in the Forbidden Forest where Severus preferred to be when visitors came. He was alone in the clearing but he was aware that he had a visitor at St. Mungos in his room. A breeze presaging wariness skirled the leaves along the ground, and Severus shivered with the knowledge that there was snow in the waking world, yet Autumn hovered in his.
"Who is there?!" he shouted to the silence. Severus suddenly felt a hand grip his, and he shook it, trying to shake it off but then he heard…
"Brother."
"Regulus? What are you doing here? Not that I am not pleased by your visit but someone might…"
"Polyjuice Potion, Severus," came the light hearted chuckle that lightly whisked away all of his worries. "I hope you don't mind that I had to… borrow… from your supplies again."
Severus walked over to his tree, and settled down at its roots. "I wonder…"
"I Summoned a hair from a Muggle outside St. Mungos. Poor man probably thought a bird was pecking at his head."
"I heard what my brother did, Severus." Severus felt his hair flutter as Regulus ran his fingers through his hair. "I am sorry. How could anyone survive what he did in Azkaban and not come out insane?"
"I have never liked your brother, Regulus," sighed Severus. "However, I think his mentality was suffering even when we were students. He did much to hurt me but his… cruel pranks were not limited to myself. Remember the Ravenclaw girl with the port wine stain on her left cheek…? Simply for that flaw…"
"Kingsley had Sirius put in the Janus Thickey Ward next door to Neville Longbottom's parents," sighed Regulus. "I wanted to visit but I doubt he would be acceptable to my return."
Severus could not only hear the regret and sorrow in his old friend's voice but he could feel it as a cool, wintry breeze that gave a chill to his surroundings. That faded in minutes as the warmth of his friendship, his brotherhood returned.
"I will see you again, Severus. Heal, my brother. Heal."
The Forbidden Forest in the Mind of the Half-Blood Prince
Severus left the clearing in the Forbidden Forest once he had lost all sense of Regulus. Even though the wizard had taken the caution of appearing in public under Polyjuice it was still a risk. Yet, with that risk taken Regulus had left his sanctuary beneath Hogwarts to visit him. Only a few minutes which in reality were likely an hour; time was difficult to measure in this dream world. The days to his son's next visit only felt like hours but his treatment felt like it was crawling past in decades.
And, to be truthful, it was downright disconcerting to find his dreams continually occupied by Lily Potter, and her husband James. His opinion had changed from hatred of the boy James had been to a grudging tolerance when the man had lived. Now, in this world, this Dreamtime that Severus was cocooned within, he and James argued about anything possible, yet agreed when it came to Harry. Severus thought he ought to laugh but then he could not when he realised that these two people were long since gone to history. When this fact raised its insidious head Severus had the awful feeling that Death was nearby awaiting his chance with the Potions Master.
Visits from those that cared about him reminded Severus that Healer Smethwyck expected him to join his son and friends when the latter half of December came round. He was able to think comfortably of the future; summers on Prince Lighthouse Island in Greece, watching Harry grow, and Severus had accepted the fact that he was even anticipating Narcissa's delivery.
Regulus, though. Severus was not certain what to think when it came to the wizard he had long ago accepted as his brother. A story that no one, not even Lucius knew.
The Forbidden Forest darkened as Severus thoughts fell heavily back into the past. Just as sudden as the thought of that memory had flitted through his mind, it slipped from its cage to make itself known. Severus could easily have swept the memory back into oblivion, but for once he wanted to see that past again; no matter how awful it had been.
Severus remained the adult he was, but within minutes he heard the rattling of branches and the rustling of leaves, and he saw his teenage self in his short, second-hand robe, his shoes that were held on his feet by a sticking spell, and socks in the toes because they were longer than his own feet were.
The teenaged memory of himself was making his way through the forest following the heels of an equally teenaged Remus Lupin. Lupin exuding exhaustion pressed on towards his goal by fear; fear of what the teenager did not know. His curiosity had drawn him out on this night after he had heard James and Sirius speaking quietly earlier in the day about their friend and the Shrieking Shack that resided on the outermost edge of Hogsmeade.
The adult Severus followed his younger self knowing with a lead weight in his heart that he could not turn his memory self from what this evening held. He could feel the anticipation his younger self was feeling, the exultation that finally he would catch one of the Marauders in the commission of some mischief that would cause them trouble.
The memory spun itself forward, and the adult Severus was now in the tunnel under the Whomping Willow as his younger memory-self continued to follow.
"Death lies ahead, you stupid boy," hissed the adult Severus.
The boy could not hear his older self, and was certainly not aware of him. He saw a door before him that he was sure led to the Shrieking Shack. Lupin was behind it. Young Severus stepped forward, and then the tunnel echoed with an unearthly howl that stopped him in his tracks. To his horror the wooden door splintered, and he was face to face with a nightmare; Death in the form of a werewolf. Golden eyes glittered with the desire for his blood. Young Severus stepped backwards, and tripped over a root. He fell backwards as the beast roared again, and advanced threateningly upon him.
"Remus! No! Back!" Before Young Severus could fathom what was happening he was grasped under the arms by the Quidditch champion. "BACK! REMUS!" James Potter pulled so hard on the slighter wizard that his grip was causing bruises. James' voice caused the werewolf to pause just long enough that the two boys were finally able to run away down the tunnel to the hole under the Whomping Willow. They emerged with James gripping Severus painfully by his wrist.
The werewolf had followed so neither could stop running. Just when it seemed that Death would secure both boys a scruffy shadow bolted past them, and even though neither boy looked behind themselves, they heard the ghastly Grim attack the werewolf. A fearsome sound that had Young Severus plumbing the depths of his adrenalated fear and to run faster after James Potter.
The adult Severus blinked and when he opened his eyes the memory had spun forward again, and now they were in the office of the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.
"Headmaster!" protested James. "Snape knows what Remus is. He'll tell everyone!"
"Damned right I will, Potter," growled the Young Severus. "Your friend is a bloody werewolf and he nearly killed me tonight!"
"You will say nothing, Severus," ordered the Headmaster smoothly but with an edge to his voice that caused his insides to roil with wariness. "James, please go to back to Gryffindor. Send Sirius and Remus to me when they return."
"Yes, sir." Before leaving James gave Severus an odd look that held regret. Severus' lips thinned in anger as he realised the regret was only for what the Slytherin had discovered that night about Remus Lupin. James nearly ran from the office to escape the anger that was boiling under the Young Severus' skin.
"Severus," Albus spoke sharply capturing the Slytherin's attention. "You will…"
"They tried to kill me!" Severus blurted hotly. "Why aren't you doing anything to them?!"
"Calm down, Severus. There is nothing to be done, and you know it. Remus is here under my protection, and I will not allow your anger at this prank to cause the young man's destruction by the Ministry." Albus glared with all the power of his advanced years. "Do you understand me, young man. You will say nothing of this night to anyone." To the Younger Severus' disbelief the older wizard suddenly smiled, and became the dotty Headmaster that all of Slytherin derided. "I will not take any points from Slytherin tonight, Mr. Snape, but it is late, and you need to get to bed. I believe that Professor McGonagall has a test in Transfiguration tomorrow. You ought to get yourself properly rested for it."
Seething, and confused, and deeply hurt Young Severus left the office of the Headmaster.
One last time the memory rolled forward until it opened like a lotus upon the scene of two boys in the Slytherin common room.
Young Severus had not gone immediately to bed as the Headmaster ordered. He remained before the embers of the old fireplace in the common room silently weeping as the terror of the night played before his eyes. He was not aware that he had company until Young Regulus sat down beside him, and drew him into his arms.
"Tell me, Severus," whispered Regulus. "I vow to keep your secrets."
Young Severus was wary of revealing any part of himself to another but this night had been his breaking point. He knew he would be unable to speak to Lily of this; she was all ready turning away from him. He was desperate, then, to have someone close that he could speak plainly to; someone who would understand.
"Please tell me, Severus. You are trembling and I know it is not all from anger. What happened this night that has you so knotted up?"
Clinging to Regulus' gentle offer of friendship, and confidence, Severus spoke of the night. He left out nothing knowing he would never speak again of this night, and all that he witnessed, and then what the Headmaster had done to him.
When his final words ended hoarsely Regulus tightened his hold, and patted Severus' back. "I shall never repeat this, Severus. In this secret let our lives become entwined as brothers. Will you accept this in turn."
Severus pulled back slightly, and lifted his dark gaze to the blue solemnity of his friend. "We are as brothers, Regulus." And then Severus sobbed into his brother's shoulder the terror, the pain, the betrayal of the evening until exhaustion drew him down into sleep.
Finding himself back in the clearing of the Forbidden Forest, Severus sat down within the roots of his favourite tree.
"Brother," he sighed. "You will know freedom. This I vow." Severus then closed his eyes to sleep until his son came to visit.
a/n: Dear readers: I hope I did this scene justice. It made me so angry in the book that Severus was still a young boy who had been threatened by his worst fear, AND he also faced death. Albus simply did NOT care!