Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord Of The Rings
Mirror Mirror In A Bowl...
Frodo had been walking for only a few minutes when he realized that walking out into unfamiliar territory at night wasn't such a good idea.
" Crap!" he said, looking around wildly. "Where am I?"
Suddenly, he spotted a figure weaving gracefully in and out of the trees. Well, technically they were skipping. Against all other judgement, he decided to follow it. As he got closer, Frodo was able to recognize that the figure was Galadriel.
" To Grandmother's house we go!" said Galadriel as she skipped, holding a basket of goodies.
" Mommy!" screamed Frodo, running over to the elf.
" Ahhh! It's the Big Bad Wolf!" screamed Galadriel.
Frodo gave her the 'Wtf?' look.
" Oh! Hello Frodo." Galadriel said kindly. "Would you like to walk with me?"
" Okay." said Frodo.
They walked along in silence for awhile before reaching a clearing. It looked a lot like a patio, with tables and deck chairs surrounding a stone pillar with a bowl of water on top. Galadriel motioned for Frodo to take a seat.
" So Frodo." said Galadriel, "Tell me about the Shire."
" Well, it's a land of sweets and joy...and joyness." answered Frodo lamely.
Galadriel tilted her head.
" Sorry, just channelling my inner Pippin." mumbled Frodo.
Galadriel smiled. "That is alright Frodo. You of all people deserve to have a little joy in these dark times."
She stood up and walked over to a bowl of water.
" Will you look into the mirror?" she asked.
" Well...What will I see?" asked Frodo.
" Your reflection, duh." said Galadriel in annoyance.
" Ummm, okay?" said Frodo uncertainly.
He walked over to the bowl of water and leaned over until he could see his face in the water. Suddenly, scenes of Pippin's horrible singing, Merry eating the ring, and Gollum doing the tango with a fish appeared in the mirror. Then he heard a voice, and felt a tap on his shoulder...
" Ahhhhh!" screamed Frodo as he jerked his head out of the water. He turned around.
" Hiya Frodo!" said Merry cheerfully.
Standing in front of him were Merry, Pippin, and Sam. The latter was holding a potted plant and petting it.
" Were you following me?!" yelled Frodo.
" Maybe." said Merry.
Frodo rolled his eyes and turned to Sam.
" What have you got there Sam?" he asked.
Sam held his potted plant up proudly. "This is my nightlock bush, to supply us with food for the long journey!"
" Uhhh, Sam? You do know that nightlock is poisonous, right?" said Frodo.
Sam gasped and put a hand on either side of the plant, as if covering its 'ears'.
" How dare you accuse Billy Bob Joe of being poisonous!" exclaimed Sam, "Shame on you!"
He held out the plant, "Now, say you're sorry."
" Uhhh, I'm sorry Billy Bob Joe." said Frodo.
" I'm bored!" whined Pippin. "I wanna go bug Gandalf!"
" Pippin? Gandalf's dead." said Frodo.
Pippin furrowed his brow, "I thought that was Dumbledore."
Frodo face-palmed himself.
" Let's play hide-and-seek!" suggested Pippin. Everyone nodded and ran off in different directions while Pippin tried unsuccessfully to count to 3. Frodo rolled his eyes and went back to camp.
The next day, the Fellowship was lined up to receive their parting gifts from the elves.
" I hope I get a puppy!" squeaked Pippin. "No wait! A gumball machine! No wait! A goldfish cracker..."
" I hope I get a kick-ass sword!" said Aragorn.
" SHINY!" yelled Boromir excitedly.
Galadriel walked over and handed a shiny coin to Boromir.
" For your obsessiveness with shiny things." she said.
Boromir nodded, then swallowed the whole thing.
" Now I glow!" he said happily.
Galadriel handed a piece of cheesecake to both Pippin and Merry.
" This is to shut you two up for a few seconds." she said.
Pippin attempted to eat his piece of cake while singing 'Eat It' by Weird Al Yankovic, which resulted in a fit of coughing and a grossed out Galadriel as the cake was retched out onto her clean white dress.
She gave a sword to Aragorn, who had to get Merry and Pippin to restrain Boromir from licking it because of its 'shinyness'.
Legolas got a new bow, and, in his excitement, he accidentally tested it out on Haldir.
" Oops." he said as Haldir groaned and fell to the ground.
" Don't worry." said Galadriel, "He was going to die soon anyway."
Galadriel gave a track suit to Sam.
" What is this for?" he asked, puzzled.
" Oh, nothing." said Galadriel unconvincingly.
Sam looked at it in confusion and attempted to wear it as a turban.
Galadriel walked over to Frodo.
" I give to you a piece of cloth, which you can use on Pippin if he won't shut up."
Frodo looked evilly at Pippin. "Looks like I'll be using it a lot then."
Galadriel laughed and walked over to Gimli.
" And what would a dwarf want of an elf?" she asked.
Gimli shifted uncomfortably.
" Oh, I don't know. A Maserati, a pet tiger, to marry you..." he said.
Galadriel laughed and gave him three strands of her hair.
" Thanks." Gimli said sarcastically and handed her one of his toenail clippings.
" Time to go!" said Aragorn, and the Fellowship raced off towards the boats.
At first, they all tried cramming into one boat. However, they decided this wasn't the best idea when Sam put one foot into the boat and caused it to rock precariously. So, they decided that Aragorn, Frodo, Merry and Gimli would go in one boat, Pippin, Boromir, and Legolas in another, and Sam isolated with his plant in his own boat.
" Cool!" said Merry, climbing into his assigned boat, "They supplied us with more lembas bread pizzas! Now I can collect more little tables!" He eagerly flipped open the boxes and began plucking out the little tables from the middle of the pizzas.
" Yes!" said Frodo, "I'm not in the same boat as Pippin!"
" However, his singing is so loud, it can be heard all the way in Mordor." joked Gimli.
Frodo smiled, "At least that would save us the trouble of killing them in person."
" Why do I have to be in my own boat?" asked Sam.
" Because your added weight would cause us all to sink to the bottom and because you're carrying dangerous cargo, which either Merry or Pippin would be most likely to eat and die." answered Gimli.
" Well, why don't you just put Merry and Pippin together in one boat so I can come sit with you guys?" asked Sam.
" Because that's a disaster waiting to happen." answered Frodo.
Meanwhile, Aragorn was busy trying to doodle a picture of Arwen.
Frodo leaned back to get a good view of the picture.
" Is that supposed to be Elvis or a deformed bat?" he asked.
" It's supposed to be Arwen!" cried Aragorn.
Suddenly, a tiny drop of water flicked out of the river and onto the paper.
" Nooooooooooo!" screamed Aragorn.
Merry patted Aragorn on the back.
" Don't worry, your girlfriend probably would have killed you if you sent that to her."
Aragorn spazzed and tried to get at Merry, but ended up falling out of the boat.
" Help! Help! I can't swim!" screamed Aragorn, flailing his arms desperately in the water.
" Uhhh, Aragorn?" said Frodo, "You do know that your feet are touching the bottom, right?"
Aragorn looked down at his feet.
" Why so they are!" he exclaimed. Frodo face-palmed himself.
Aragorn smiled, "I'm too awesome to drown."
On the other boat, Pippin had opened a huge box of Viva-Puffs and was currently stuffing his face with them. He turned to Legolas, Viva-Puffs stuffed into his cheeks.
" I'm a squirrel!" he said happily.
Legolas laughed. Unfortunately, the added weight of the Viva-Puffs on his head caused Pippin to topple over board.
" Hey!" called Pippin from the water, "The Viva-Puffs in my cheeks are helping me float!"
" Great job Pippin. You made me crave a Root-Beer Float." said Merry as his tummy rumbled in agreement.
Pippin grinned and got back onto the boat, shaking himself like a wet dog.
Legolas shrieked as water droplets soaked through his clothes.
" Hey Legolas!" said Pippin as he sat down. "When I was little, kids at school would call me 'Pip-squeak' because of how short I was compared to them. Now look at me! I've grown 2 feet taller!"
Legolas hadn't been paying attention to Pippin, he was too intent on playing Angry Birds on his cellphone. Boromir looked at Legolas' silver cell-phone.
" SHINY!" he screamed, snatching the cell-phone from Legolas.
" Hey! Give it back!" yelled Legolas.
" My preciousss!" hissed Boromir.
Suddenly, a bony hand reached out of the water and wrestled the phone from Boromir.
" It'sss MY preciousss now!" Gollum cackled as he swam away.
" Hey Aragorn." said Gimli, who had watched the whole thing, "Looks like we found someone to give you swimming lessons."