Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
A/N: I do not have a Beta and I'm too lazy to read over my work. So, sorry in advance for what I'm sure will be numerous grammatical mistakes and probably some missing/wrong words in several places.
Lunch was a mostly quiet affair. Minimal questions were asked and answered and the four of us seemed content to stay locked in our thoughts. I couldn't be completely sure what they were thinking of, but my thoughts couldn't stray far from Edward and the talk we were about to have.
To be honest, my nerves were starting to get to me and I didn't want to talk to him. A part of me, a big part of me, wanted to not talk to him and just put his betrayal behind me and move on with my life. No matter what he said, nothing would or even could change what had happened. There was no way I would forgive what he had did, even if, with time, I may be okay with being friends with him. I knew he wouldn't try to get me back, no matter how strongly he may still love me, the Denali's had scared him too badly for him to try anything. Well, at least I assumed he was smart enough to not try anything with the Denali's around; but he had done all this in the first place, so I could be wrong. The part of me that didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to talk for that reason; I didn't want to give him a chance to be stupid.
But, I wasn't sure I could fully move on without at least hearing what he had to say. I was sure that whatever he had to say wouldn't negatively affect my budding relationship with the Denali's, but I wasn't so sure that what he had to say wouldn't negatively affect my future possible friendship with him. It wasn't a big part of me, but there was a part that did want to hear what he had to say simply out of curiosity. I couldn't help but want to know what he thought to make him do all he did; to break all those rules and play me like he had. There were so many chances to take it all back and come clean, but he just kept coming back and pushing forward and digging himself a bigger hole; I wanted to know if he ever thought he would never be caught or if he thought he had built enough feelings for him in me, if I wouldn't be as mad.
"Did he tell you guys anything about why he did what he did?" I asked once we were back in my room. This time, I was lying on the bed with Irina sitting next to me and Kate on the desk chair; Tanya was still in her spot leaning against the wall across from me.
"He didn't say anything when we talked to him." Irina said from next to me.
"We didn't give him much chance to." Kate admitted. "We just berated him and then made him go away because we didn't want to be in his presence but we wanted to stay at the house because we were waiting for you."
"As long as he doesn't say anything too stupid or proclaim anything to piss us of, we won't be saying anything now either." Tanya warned, which I knew they would do.
"I didn't think you would." I said with a sigh as I leaned my head against Irina's shoulder.
"I'll text him that you're ready." Kate said. "Unless, did you want more time?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.
"No; I just want to get this over with." I answered right away. If I put off talking to him, I might not do it for a while; which I didn't want to do.
"Then I'll send a text to have him come right over." Kate said as she pulled her phone out and quickly sent out a text.
While we waited for Edward to show up, no one said anything. There wasn't much we could say. It wouldn't, or at least it shouldn't, take long for Edward to get here and I, as I'm sure they did as well, didn't want to say anything or ask anything of the Denali's, but I didn't want Edward to hear anything. I didn't want him to hear anything personal anymore; I didn't want him to hear anything that wasn't personal but had to do with me. I was so mad at him that I just didn't want him to try and involve himself in my life anymore.
It took longer than I thought it would for Edward to get to my house. By the time he got here, we had waited for him for nearly half an hour. During that time, I was tempted to talk several times, but I figured that the moment I talked, he would show up. So, I had just sat, cuddled with Irina, and waited for Edward to show up. None of the Denali's seemed bothered to talk either, so we had waited in silence for the half hour it took for Edward to get there.
"I'm sorry I took so long to get here." Edward said as he crawled through the window and into my room. "I was hunting and was a little far from here." Edward explained as he stood in the center of the room, in between me and Tanya.
"I seem to remember that manners dictate that when you enter someone's home, you should knock first and ask for permission to enter." Irina said with just a bit of a growl in her voice.
"I've never had to knock before; I didn't think I needed to now." The tone Edward used made me think that, even though he was being defensive, he didn't want to offend the sisters.
"Circumstances have changed though." I said before any of the Denali's could say anything that I was sure would only escalate things. "You're not exactly very welcomed at the moment." I said as harshly as I could.
"If I'm not welcomed, then perhaps I should just leave." Edward spat out, causing the three Denali's to growl in warning.
I heavily sighed and rubbed my temple. I took a deep breath to calm down and straightened just a little to show that I was determined to complete what I had sent out to do. I wouldn't let Edward piss me off enough so that I wouldn't be able to talk about what I wanted to with Edward. No matter how he may act or what he may say, I at least wanted to try and get Edward to tell me what I wanted to know. I already knew most of what happened; I was sure that Edward already knew what we knew as well. So, I was hoping this wouldn't take that long. But if Edward kept being difficult, which I wouldn't be surprised if he did, this conversation would take so much longer than was necessary.
"Edward, please, I just want to talk." I said, doing my best not sound so defeated but didn't really succeed. As a result, Irina pulled me closer to her as a way to comfort me. The move didn't go unnoticed by Edward, but thankfully, he didn't say anything about it even though he didn't look happy about it.
"Talk about what?" Edward asked in a tensed voice.
Kate rolled her eyes, I heard Irina scoff and I saw Tanya narrow her eyes. They didn't say anything, but their actions said plenty. From the small twitch in Edwards left eye, I could tell that even though they hadn't said anything out loud, the Denali's were definitely holding nothing back from what they were thinking in their heads. I just hoped they wouldn't go too far and piss Edward off enough to make him leave.
"I want to know why you did what you did." I said, choosing to take the high ground and not tell Edward that he was stupid if he thought there was anything else I would have wanted to talk about with him.
"I'm sure you already know." He said with a sigh in a defeated tone.
That answer was enough to let me know that I would have to take a bit more of a direct route with him. It would seem that he was going to try and make things more difficult for me and I didn't know why. I couldn't decide if he was perhaps afraid of having the conversation and just being difficult about it or if he was trying to make this as difficult as possible because he was upset about how things ended up. I wasn't sure, but I just really wished he wouldn't do so. History predicted, though, that he would not make this conversation easy. I was just hoping that he would just stick around for the entire conversation and not leave when he was put on the spot.
"Okay." I said to buy myself just a few more moments to think of what exactly to say that would move the conversation along. "Well, when you came back from Denali, when I had first moved here, you kept telling me not to be friends with you, but whenever I sought you out, you were always there and stuck around. You're a vampire, if you didn't want me near you, you would have made it possible. Why keep me around and keep my feelings, and yours, build?"
I figured that I would just ask questions about specific events that had happened throughout our relationship and he would hopefully answer them. If I was specific enough, but general enough to not lead him to give an answer that I already knew, I was hoping he wouldn't be too difficult.
Edward stared at the ground with such intensity that I had actually really wished I had his gift of reading minds. His face only gave away that whatever he was thinking was upsetting him. He stayed there, standing and all but glaring at the ground for several minutes before he started talking. I hadn't wanted to interrupt him because it was clear that he was going through a difficult decision and I was hoping that his decision would be in my favor. When he started talking, I knew that my patience had been a good thing.
"Your blood." Edward said and thankfully after just a brief pause opted to elaborate his answer. "As you've found out, you are my singer. I really crave your blood." His eyes darkened as he talked and the Denali's growled at him in warning.
"Watch it Edward." Tanya warned as Irina, just slightly, tightened her grip on me and Kate leaned in her chair as if readying herself to stand up.
"I already know that." I said, choosing not to say anything about Tanya's warning. I spoke fast enough so that Edward wouldn't try to retaliate and instead move on with the conversation.
"I know, but that's the only reason why I came back." Edward said. "I had been warned from Carlisle and Tanya that a singer was impossible to live with; the call of their blood was too strong. I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to show that I was better than that."
Well, that certainly went along with his personality. He was definitely arrogant enough to think that he could prove everyone wrong and try to do what everyone said he couldn't. I just wished he hadn't done that at my risk. He wanted to prove people wrong, which in the end didn't matter if he did or not, at the risk of my life. I didn't like that, but I wasn't surprised by his answer; no matter how much I didn't like it.
"Why start a relationship though?" I asked, momentarily forgetting that he actually had feelings for me. "Why not just stay at school without killing me; why keep talking to me instead of ignoring me?"
"The more you tried to talk to me and the more I was around your blood, the more I was addicted to you." Edward answered, this time there wasn't any hesitation. Perhaps that was because I already knew the answer, but still wanted to ask in case there was anything I didn't know. "Eventually, I fell in love with you."
"Then why leave me?" I asked, my voice breaking just a little from bring up something that hurt so much. "You must have known that leaving me would leave me undefended against Victoria and that the way you left, it was so brutal and didn't give me a chance to have an opportunity to heal. I couldn't even talk about it to anyone because there was no way I could without telling them about you being a vampire." I could feel my eyes tear up, but I was doing everything I could to not let it happen.
I hadn't intended to talk about when they had left right away; I had actually wanted to talk about when James had hunted me and I was sent to Phoenix. That was the plan at least; but after he claimed that he feel in love with me, there was no way I couldn't mention when he left me after Jasper had attacked me.
"I didn't want you to be hurt by my family anymore." Edward said and I already knew that; but that wasn't what I really wanted to know. I hadn't asked my question properly. We had this talk when he came back and I hadn't believed it then and I wasn't about to fall for it now. I was sure that part of it was true, or at least he believe it was true. But I didn't want to argue with him how I thought it was stupid of a mate to leave the other because they thought it was best. I had tried before to argue with him about it, but he just wouldn't listen.
"Okay, but when you left, why didn't you tell the Denali's about me? That you were out of the picture and that I was still in danger and that I needed them?"
I wanted to yell at him; I wanted to tell him all the pain I had to go through and could have avoided if he had just done what should have been done in the first place. But, it wouldn't do anything. Edward wouldn't change his point of view; he would always think he was right and there was nothing I could do to change his mind. Perhaps when he had a mate, a real mate, and I explained to him, again, what I had gone through and put his mate in my shoes, he might understand. Maybe. With Edward, it was hard to say.
"I was hunting Victoria; you know that." Edward said with a shake of his head and a small smile that really annoyed me. "I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough at tracking Victoria before she became such a big threat."
"You were nowhere near where she was Edward." I said almost loud enough to be considered yelling. I had to take a deep breath before I actually did start to yell at her. "She was here the whole time; if you had stayed or if you had told the Denali's, I would have been so much safer and the fight would have been so much easier against her newborn army."
"I realize that now; but at the time, I wanted to be the one to keep you safe." Edward unreasonable reasoned.
I had to bite my tongue so that I wouldn't start an argument with him. There were so many things that I wanted to tell him, wanted to yell at him for. But, there was no point. Just like with Alice, what was done was done and no amount of yelling could change it. I could yell at him all day and not only would he probably still think what he did was the right, or best, thing to do, but he would probably end up leaving before I finished this conversation.
The more I talked to him, after all this had happened, the more I realized that he really wasn't the man, or boy now that I thought about this, that I thought he was. After all this was revealed to me, it was like the rose colored glasses were taken off and I was very grateful for it. I couldn't imagine myself truly being happy with Edward. Even if I had never met the Denali's and Alice and Edward hadn't figured out that I wasn't Edwards' mate, I was sure that I wouldn't have stayed with him forever. I was sure that I only would have stayed to not be alone; but I would really like to think that I wouldn't have stayed by his side for eternity. There was no way.
"So, when the Volturi made it clear that I would have to be changed soon or be in trouble, why did you continue to argue with me about being changed or not?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound as calm as possible. Irina's thumb on my waist that started to rotate in circles helped to calm me, but I was sure my voice wasn't very convincing. "If I'm not changed when they check, not only me, but you, Alice and probably even Carlisle since he is the coven leader, could get killed for not using the Volturi's second chance they gave us."
All the vampires growled slightly at my question. But I knew they all didn't growl for the same reason. The Denali's growled because I knew they didn't like hearing that my life was technically still not safe; it wouldn't until I was changed and the Volturi confirmed it. I was sure that once I was confirmed, by the Volturi, that I was really a vampire, I would be safe. I didn't plan on doing anything that would put me back in the Volturi's line of sight and I knew the Denali's would keep me safe as well.
Edward though, he growled for a different reason. I had heard his big reason for not changing plenty of times to know exactly what he was about to say. He wanted to save my soul and would never change me to put that in danger. Apparently he didn't care if not changing me put his family at risk; he didn't want to do it. He also seemed to think that he had say over what I did with my body or not. I was confident that if it came down to the Cullen's safety I could get the one vampire that prided herself on never tasting human flood to change me. Rosalie would do anything to keep her family safe and I was sure that if I asked her to change me because her family would be at risk of being hurt from the Volturi if I wasn't, she would do it… while cursing me the whole time, but she would still do it.
Edward never wanted me for eternity. I was sure that he really wanted to keep me human, not to save my soul, but to keep the addiction to my blood alive. I was guessing that when I was turned, I wouldn't smell quite as appetizing to Edward because I wouldn't have my blood anymore to be his singer.
"I could never put your soul at risk!" There was a growl in Edwards voice that automatically caused the Denali's to growl in response. Kate stood from her spot, but didn't move any further. Irina leaned just slightly in front of me in a protective manner. And Tanya, she took a step towards Edward. They were all probably concerned that Edward was about to attack; to be honest, I was a little afraid he actually might.
"I know Edward." I said as I put my hand on Irina's thigh since I could hear her starting to growl and I didn't want her to. Growling could only lead to trouble. "But, it's either I get changed, or the Volturi step in and they either change me or kill me themselves. Aro was really clear about what he expected to happen."
"I would have never let that happen." Edward said in a pleading tone.
"You think you can stop the Volturi?" Kate asked. "Then you are even more foolish than I had previously thought and that's a pretty difficult thing to do." She added, causing Edward to growl.
"Watch it Edward." Tanya warned. "Not only are you outnumbered, but you are also out matched; you have no chance in beating us if you decide to attack."
"I don't want to attack." Edward said with clenched teeth.
"I believe you Edward." I quickly interrupted before the Denali's could respond. "But, I just want to know how you planned to keep me safe from the Volturi."
It was the last thing I wanted to know. There was nothing else I could ask him that reveal anything else about why he did what he did. Plainly speaking, he was acting greedy, selfish and childish by wanting to stay around me and then never tell me about the Denali's. I would say that Alice was more responsible for not letting the Denali's come to me than Edward was. I hated to side with him, but I could at least understand that he wouldn't want 'his mate' to be around others that would take me away from him. He probably really did think we were mates and wanted to keep it that way; at least he thought that until the Denali's had a talk with him.
"I would have hid you." Edward confidently said and I couldn't help but blurting out the first thing that came to mind.
"Hide me like you did with James before he attacked me?" I asked, probably sounding a lot more sarcastic than was called for.
"That wasn't my fault." Edward practically roared at me. "If you had stayed with Alice and Jasper like I told you to, then nothing would have happened."
"Wrong Edward." Tanya said. I hadn't seen it, but both her and Kate had moved to stand in front of me. I was sure this conversation was over after Tanya finished saying whatever it was she was saying. Edward was way too mad to continue talking and there was nothing else I had to say to him that wouldn't be considered arguing anyways. "You never truly hunted humans; even when you lived off of them, you never truly hunted. Hunting a human, especially one from a distance and one with protection takes a lot more intelligence than you seem to want to give to James. Simply moving Bella to a different state and then dividing your forces was a foolish thing to do and you would have never won that way; as is clear from the outcome."
"You think you know so much because you've been alive for a century, but you have never truly lived the life of a predator. The hunting you do is nothing more than what a human hunter does and it's nothing special." Kate snarled at Edward. "You were foolish to think it would have worked with James and you're even more foolish now to think that would work against the Volturi. Go home Edward; there's nothing more to say." I was a little annoyed that Kate had ordered Edward to leave my room like it was her own room, but I wasn't annoyed enough to bring it up while Edward was still in the room.
He moved quickly, just barely slow enough for me to see, to the window, but hesitated before he left. He looked at me with the saddest look I had yet to see on him. But, for once, I didn't feel like I needed to cheer him up; in fact, I was actually a little happy he felt that way. I hoped that the way he was feeling would lead him to be a bit introspective and he might realize how stupid and arrogant he was.
"I really did have the best intentions for us Bella." Edward said.
"The road to hell is often paved with good intentions Edward." I said. He gave me a wounded look and then left, leaving Kate to close the window.
"Stupid, arrogant, little boy." Irina mumbled as she leaned back against the wall, pulling me just a little closer to her.
"Was that talk what you were expecting?" Tanya asked as she leaned against the wall again.
"Not really." I admitted. "I hadn't thought it would be so short; but I guess I should have known since I could have predicted his answers would have been basically all the same different stupid he's been spouting at me since I've known him." I wasn't happy admit that I should have known better how the talk would have gone down, especially since I had been stressing about it for a while, but they were just too easy to admit things to. It was so much easier to talk to them and tell them things I would rather not than it ever was to tell Edward or Alice things. As it was supposed to be since I was their mate and all.
"Is the conversation being short really a disappointment?" Irina asked.
"I just, I just thought he would have had different answers." I said in a disappointed tone. I guess there was a part of me that had hoped he was more mature than what he was. It was definitely false hope, but it was still there. I guess I wanted to believe that he wasn't as immature and arrogant as he really was and that I was that stupid to actually date him or to have been that obsessed with him.
"You were in love with him; you should have known." Kate said with a hint of a teasing smirk on her face.
"I can't believe I was." I said as my face lit up with a small blush of embarrassment. I wouldn't say I was ashamed that I had dated him; but only because as I was too stubborn to admit I was ashamed of my decision.
"Not one of your finest moments." Irina said from next to me.
"But you've definitely upgraded from him." Kate said with a smug, almost arrogant, smile.
"I wouldn't say upgraded." I said in a teasing manner; happy that they had distracted me from the disappointment that was talking to Edward. "I would say it was more like all the other options were taken." Which was true, everyone was now taken… except for Edward, but I really didn't care about that because I was sure he wouldn't find his mate soon. He still had some growing up to do.
"You wound us Bella." Kate said with a pout.
"We'll just have to prove how much of an upgrade we are." Irina husked in my ear.
"Calm down you two; there is still something we wanted to talk to you about before we can relax for the night." Tanya said with a regretful look.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked a bit warily.
"Nothing too emotionally draining." Kate assured. "At least, we hope it won't be." That wasn't too reassuring.
"We just wanted to talk about exactly how you wanted to leave." Tanya said. "We were unsure of when, during the day, you wanted to leave."
I hadn't put much thought into that. I only knew that I wanted to leave without saying anything to Charlie. It would be too hard. I also knew that I wanted to at least make sure I had dinner with him the night before I left. It would be like a farewell dinner; even though he wouldn't know he would be saying farewell. But, I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep my emotions in check during the meal if I told myself that it was a farewell meal. I didn't want Charlie to think anything was up.
"I think leaving after Charlie is at work would be best." I eventually said. "I don't want him to have a chance at seeing me leaving. So, the earlier in his shift we leave the better because he always does paperwork at the start and end of his shift."
"We can do that." Irina said.
"Another thing though." Kate said. "We want to make sure that you know that you can't bring anything with you."
I had already thought of that. Briefly. It wasn't something I liked to think about. I didn't want to leave everything behind; leave all my memories. But if I took anything; it would look too suspicious. I couldn't take anything and I didn't like it. I had even started to think that, since I would be immortal, I could keep an eye on all my things and when Charlie threw them away, because eventually they would be thrown away, I could get them and have my memories back again.
"I figured. I was actually hoping that, eventually, I would be able to get my things back." I said, sounding a bit hopeful. "I don't really want to give up all my things."
"You might have to do that my dear." Tanya said with a sympathetic smile.
"Not many vampires are able to bring even just one item with them from their time as a human." Kate warned. "Even in your situation; it would be difficult to have even one of us come back in a few years to grab anything; much less keep an eye on things here to know when Charlie would have his guard down low enough for us to sneak in and take things or see when he threw something away."
"It's just wishful thinking I guess." I said with a sigh.
"We're sorry Bella." Irina said as she tightened her grip for a moment. "If there is a way we can come back for anything, we will. But, at the moment, I don't think we'll be able to."
The rest of the day went by fairly quickly. I avoided Charlie whenever I could until we sat down for a late dinner. During dinner I wanted to be closer to him and give him a big, teary hug; but I couldn't. He would know something was up if I did that and if he thought something was up he might think that I had planned to run away. Even though that was technically true, if I had a choice, I wouldn't run away if I could get away with it. I couldn't do that to him.
I was going to be sad when I left him and I wanted to soak up every moment I could before I left while not seeming like I was actually saying goodbye. So, after dinner I had actually sat down and watched some random sports game with him while I read a book on the sofa. It wasn't much, but I knew Charlie loved when I was at least in the same room with him as he watched a game; he considered it to be bonding time. I wanted as much bonding time as I could get before I couldn't get anymore.