Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord Of The Rings

We All Scream For Ice-Cream

"Gandalf! Gandalf! Gandalf!"

Gandalf sighed, "Ugh, what?"

"We're in a forest Gandalf!" said Pippin.

Gandalf face-palmed himself.

"You've been saying that for the last 5 hours. Give it a rest."

"Don't worry Gandalf, he did this to me last time." said Merry.

"Yes, but why does he have to say my name a thousand times?!" asked Gandalf.

"But Gandalf, you're an old man and we have to repeat your name to you so that you won't forget it." said Merry seriously.

Pippin skipped up to a pine tree and sniffed it, before sneezing and skipping over to another tree. After about 3 minutes of allergic reactions, he skipped back to Gandalf.

"I think I'm allergic to pine trees." said Pippin.

"No, really?" said Gandalf sarcastically.

"Yeah!" said Pippin.

"Errr, Pippin? I was being sarcastic."

Pippin didn't seem to hear him and began petting a boulder.

"Come along Pippin." said Gandalf.

"But this is my pet rock Tommy!" cried Pippin.

"So?"

"I can't leave him here! He'll be lonely!"

Gandalf sighed, and with a quick motion of his hands pulled the boulder out of the ground.

"Yay!" cheered Pippin.

"Here you go." said Gandalf, straining under the weight of the boulder.

"Na, you can keep it." said Pippin as Gandalf collapsed under the rock.

Meanwhile, Merry was swinging from tree to tree screaming "I'm Tarzan!" at the top of his lungs.

"Merry! Get down from there now!" shouted Gandalf.

"What if I don't want to?" asked Merry.

"Then I will leave you there and let the Leoplurodon eat you!" Gandalf replied.

Merry shrieked and jumped back onto the ground.

"I've got his portal gun!" yelled Pippin.

"You have my WHAT!" yelled Gandalf, whirling around.

Pippin held the gun above his head and shot a hole into the sky.

"Don't you dare shoot the second hole Peregrin Took!" said Gandalf.

Pippin shot another hole at his feet and jumped in.

Gandalf looked up, "What the...?!" as Pippin fell from the sky, squashing Gandalf beneath him.

Pippin sighed, "Looks like my science theory was wrong. Gandalf doesn't double as a trampoline."

Gandalf groaned.

Merry skipped over.

"Hey Gandalf. Can we pwease go to Dairy Queen for ice-cream?" he asked.

"Yeah Dairy Queen, Gandalf! It's a land of sweets and joy, and joyness." chimed in Pippin.

"No." said Gandalf.

"Or, I could sing a song!" said Pippin cheerfully.

"Not a song..."

"Step 1: Try not to be so self-conscious, 2: Shift your weight into your haunches, 3: Give a leap into the air and, 4: Just forget your parents are both dead!" sang Pippin.

"All right! All right! I'll take the two of you to Dairy Queen." said Gandalf.

"Yay!" cheered the two hobbits.

"ABCDFGQ, I'M A HOBBIT SO ARE YOU!" Pippin sang.

"First off, that's not even a real song. Second, you sang the alphabet wrong." sighed Gandalf.

Pippin gave him a confused look. "No I didn't."

"You're telling me that you don't even know the alphabet?"

"Yep. I failed kindergarten."

Gandalf laughed. "How do you fail KINDERGARTEN?!"

"Well, first I couldn't tell purple from red. Then, I only knew how to count to 3 and didn't know what all of these 6's and 4's kids were talking about. And once I fell asleep for an entire week at school while listening to the teacher read a story during Story Time." explained Pippin.

"That explains a lot." said Gandalf.

"Hey! I found a Dairy Queen!" said Merry.

"Yippee!" squealed Pippin.

The two hobbits bolted through the door and started ordering everything off the menu.

"I'll have a chocolate-dipped cone, a burger, three Diet-Cokes,..."

"Merry! Pippin! Don't.."

Ding!

"That'll be $500, sir." said the cashier.

"Grrrrrrrrr!" said Gandalf in frustration. He handed over his credit card while Merry and Pippin stuffed themselves with sugar.

Pippin took one sip of his Diet Coke and started bouncing off the walls, literally.

"Weee! I'm Spider-Pippin!" he squealed.

"I'm Lightning McQueen!" yelled Merry and started running around the restaurant.

The staff cowered behind the counter as the two hobbits continued to rampage the restaurant. One of the staff began pulling out his cell-phone.

Thankfully, Gandalf noticed and dragged the two hobbits out of the Dairy Queen before the staff called the police.

"I swear, one day you two are gonna end up in jail." said Gandalf, shaking his head.

"Uncle Gandalf." said Pippin, tugging on Gandalf's robe.

"Argh! What?!"

"Could you pwease take us to Middle-Earth Wonderland next?" asked Pippin.

"No!" yelled Gandalf.

"Awww." said Merry and Pippin.

"How about we play a game instead?" offered Gandalf.

"Yay!" cheered the hobbits.

"It's called 'Let's see who can be quiet the longest'."

The hobbit's faces fell.

"That game sucks." said Merry.

"On the count of three. One..."

"Oh no! He's counting!" whispered Merry.

"Two..."

"He's already at two! Who knows how many more numbers we have until he reaches three." said Pippin nervously.

"Three!"

The hobbits took a deep breath and shut their mouths.

Gandalf smiled and kept walking.

Suddenly, something caught Pippin's eye.

"Look Merry! It's the magic tree-house!" cried Pippin.

"Yay! The magic tree-house has come to save us!" said Merry.

The two hobbits scurried over to the tree and climbed the rope ladder.

"What the hell? A magic tree-house?" said Gandalf.

Pippin picked up a copy of The Return Of The King.

"I want to go there!" he said.

The tree-house began to spin.

"Wheeeeeeeee!" said Merry and Pippin happily before the tree-house vanished.

"What the...? Merry? Pippin? Stop fooling around you two! I'm going to be late to scare Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli!" shouted Gandalf.

A whooshing noise came and Merry and Pippin's 'Wheeeeees!' became audible again as the tree-house spun into existence.

"That was fun!" said Pippin.

"Yeah! Did you see Denethor jump off of Minas Tirith? I should've brought more popcorn!" laughed Merry.

Gandalf sighed. "Great! You messed with time. Now who knows what might occur due to your actions."

"Hey! I've messed with time before, and there have been no noticeable consequences." said Pippin.

Gandalf face-palmed.

Pippin sniffed the air, "Do you smell nachos?"

"Seriously Pippin? You just ate." said Gandalf.

Pippin shrugged.

At that moment, a familiar figure came lumbering into the area.

"Treebeard!" yelled Merry and Pippin happily.

Treebeard grinned. "Are ya ready kids!"

"Aie aie captain!"

"I can't hear you!"

"Aie aie captain!"

"Ooooooooooohhhhhhhh..."

"Er, okay." interrupted Gandalf, "I see that you three will get along great. I'm just gonna go scare Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. Treebeard, you baby-sit them. See ya!"

Gandalf shot a portal and disappeared.

"Free! I'm free!" he cried.

The hobbits and Treebeard looked at each other.

"Should we start from the top?"