Disclaimer: I do not own Lord Of The Rings
The Legend Of Frodo
At the moment, the two hobbits and the one dis-formed, corrupted hobbit were travelling across the marshes on their way to the Black Gate.
"Weee!" said Gollum as he frolicked around in the puddles that had formed in the soft ground.
"Ewwww!" cried Sam as some of the murky water drenched his cloak.
"Honestly Sam? You've nearly drowned in a river and you're worried about a little water on your cloak?" said Frodo.
Gollum crawled over to Sam and placed something soggy into his hand.
"Ewww, what is this?!" asked Sam in disgust.
"It'sss a rabbit! I'sss killed it." Gollum said proudly.
Sam shrieked and threw the dead rabbit out into the water.
Gollum immediately jumped into the water and started doggy-paddling over to the rabbit and brought it back to Sam, panting like a dog.
"Looks like Gollum`s going to be your new pet, Sam." laughed Frodo.
Sam looked horrified.
"But what about my other pets?! What about Rosy the goldfish, or Rosy the cat, or Rosy the hamster? What will they think about another pet?!"asked Sam.
"Errr, Sam? Are you THAT obsessed with Rosy?" asked Frodo.
"Maybe." said Sam sheepishly.
Frodo looked around.
"Hey! Where`s Gollum?"
They spotted Gollum swimming towards them dragging something big along with him.
"Merry Chrisssmasss hobbitsss!" said Gollum happily.
"Gollum? Is that a... tree?" asked Frodo uncertainly.
"Yesss precioussss! It isss a tree, yessss!" answered Gollum.
"How did you manage to find an evergreen tree in the middle of a marsh?!" asked Frodo.
"Wesssssssssss ordered it off Amazon!" said Gollum happily, "Wesssssssss got free shipping too!"
"Uh, Gollum? How exactly did you manage to pay for this?" asked Sam.
Gollum held up a brown leather wallet.
"Hey!" yelled Sam, "That's MY wallet!"
"Nope! It'sss my wallet now, precioussss. Gollum! Gollum!" said Gollum triumphantly.
Sam began chasing Gollum around, grabbing wildly for his wallet before giving up.
"Fine! Keep my stinkin' wallet!" yelled Sam.
Gollum didn't hear him. He had lost interest in the wallet and was now using dead animals and frying pans to decorate the tree.
"On the firsst day of Chrisssstmassss the preciousss gave to me! Two juicy fisssshessss and a precioussss in a pear tree!" sang Gollum.
"Please stop singing." groaned Frodo, "I thought I was done with singing after the Fellowship split up."
"Just be thankful that it isn't Pippin singing, Mr. Frodo." said Sam
"We are done with the tree, hobbitssss." said Gollum.
If it was even possible, the tree looked even worse than the marsh. Its branches were all covered with dead animal carcasses and Gollum had used Sam's teddy bear as the tree topper.
"Mr. Snufflekins!" cried Sam.
"Errr, nice tree Gollum." said Frodo, trying not to offend their guide.
Gollum grinned.
"Presssent Time!"
Gollum pulled two packages out from under the tree and handed one to Frodo and one to Sam.
Frodo unwrapped his.
"A calender? What good will this be if I can't even remember what month it is?!" said Frodo.
"Ooh! Ooh! I wonder what I got!" said Sam excitedly. He tore open his present.
"Hey! This is just my wallet you stole earlier!" yelled Sam.
"Merry Chrissstmasss!" said Gollum.
Sam glared at him.
"Um...guys? I think we better get going." suggested Frodo.
The sun was beginning to set and the party had hardly made any progress in the trek across the swamp.
"Okie Dokie master Bagginssss!" said Gollum, "Let's go then!"
Gollum scampered over to Sam's travelling pack and pulled out a jar.
"What's that for?" asked Frodo.
"Don't tell me you ordered another thing off Amazon." groaned Sam.
Gollum grinned at the hobbits and pulled off the lid.
"Hey! Listen!"
"Arrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" yelled the hobbits. They cowered behind a bush.
"What IS that?!" asked Frodo.
"It'sssss Navi, precioussss!" replied Gollum happily.
"You mean that annoying faerie from Legend Of Zelda?" asked Frodo.
"Mr. Frodo? I didn't know you played video games." said Sam.
"Hey! Listen!" Navi said again.
"Arrrgggghhhh!" yelled the hobbits.
"Navi will lead usssss through the fog, yessss precioussss sssshe will."said Gollum. He scampered ahead.
"Come on hobbitsssss! Long way to go yessss!"
Frodo and Sam followed a safe distance behind Gollum.
"Mr. Frodo?" said Sam.
"Yeah."
"What's a faerie?"
Frodo sighed and handed Sam a dictionary.
"Merry Christmas."
Sam flipped eagerly through the book.
"Hey! Watch out!" said Navi.
Frodo looked too late and tripped over a log, falling face-first into a deep section of the marsh.
He looked around underwater. Green spirits were floating among the reeds, their ghostly hands grabbing for him. Then, three ghosts materialized in front of him, scaring away the others.
"Who the hell are you?!" asked Frodo in his head.
"We are the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future." answered the ghosts.
"You can read my mind?"
"Hell yeah." said the ghost of Christmas Present. The Future ghost kicked him.
"I mean, Yes." corrected the Present ghost.
"Let me guess. You guys are going to fly me around to different Christmases in my life in order to scare the crap out of me and turn me into a happy psycho like Pippin." said Frodo.
"Whoa. He's good." said the Present ghost in awe.
"Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen." said Frodo, and he climbed out of the water.
"Mr. Frodo! Are you okay?" asked Sam.
"I'm fine." replied Frodo.
"Watch out!" said Navi.
Frodo tensed.
Nothing happened.
"Hey Gollum! I think Navi's broken!" yelled Frodo.
Navi flew in circles around Sam's head.
"Pretty light." said Sam.
"Don't follow the lightssss, preciousss!" cried Gollum.
"Um, he was talking about Navi, not the lights in the marshes." said Frodo.
"Oh. Well, that light issss fine, jussst don't follow any other lightssss." said Gollum.
The two hobbits nodded and followed Gollum and Navi into the mist.