I Don't Want to be a Hero - Second Year

Chapter Forty

All Those Years They Were Friends

Poppy walked, fairly strolled to the Infirmary. Once inside those hallowed walls she took her Healers Bag to her office, closed the door, and then picked up the letter she had received that morning from Severus Snape.

Just touching the parchment had her heart racing, and reminded her that only her Glamour added ten years to her visually; within she was a youthful 39; barely in the prime of her life. Should she want them she could look forward to a husband, to children, a krup or a kneazle or a snake. Poppy did love snakes.

She loved Severus Snape.

With the exception of that morning when Helios, Severus' owl arrived, Poppy had never admitted- even to the deepest part of her heart -that her feelings for the tall man in black were any more than that of friendship. There had been her apprenticeship, her Healer's qualifications, her job at Hogwarts which had quickly become so dear to her heart, and then the growing threat outside the castle that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was causing.

Poppy had sunk her attentions into the children, and then the staff of Hogwarts. She did not want to know about the growing evil, and she had refused to join the Order of the Phoenix when it was offered. An offer that came to her at least once a year after she finished her apprenticeship in 1974 and took over the Infirmary from Healer Ganglion who had retired. She had never joined formally to fight but she had agreed to become exclusive Healer to the Order.

She had sat with the small boy Severus; tended his hurts, and ills, and then, when he began to sneak up to the Infirmary to sleep (in order to escape nightmares he had claimed), she had kept watch over him. As a child he was bright, intelligent, and had so very much to say, and to ask of her. And, he was always interested in her thoughts, or her opinion.

When Severus, a tall, very thin young man in his very first set of new robes left Hogwarts she had never thought to see him again. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had begun to attack Muggles, but there were some strange incidents involving witches and wizards that were reported in the Daily Prophet; Poppy was certain the Dark wizard's followers were behind those incidents. A part of her had been afraid that Severus was behind much of what she read. She would not have known that he had ever taken the Dark Mark if it had not been for Albus letting the information conveniently 'slip' one evening.

Poppy had followed Severus career not by any news in the paper but from more of such 'slips'. They were snippets of conversation between Headmaster Dumbledore, and Minerva McGonagall that Poppy had been certain were meant to be overheard. She learned of how Severus had become the wizarding world's youngest Potions Master at age 20. That very same year brought the horrid murder of Lily and James Potter, the curious testimony of the Headmaster for Severus Snape, and then the young man had been brought to Hogwarts to be both a teacher, and a Head of House.

The two adults had not immediately renewed their association, or friendship; Poppy was not even sure there was one. Severus Snape stood tall, part of the shadows in his clothing, and he was a taskmaster to his students.

Yet, not two months into his first year the wizard had come to her with a very serious problem; how did someone braid a little girl's frizzy hair?

Poppy had not laughed but gave him a simple book that showed both the Muggle and magical way to braiding, and styling hair. He had simply thanked her, and left. Poppy did not see Severus again until he came to her about how he ought to handle the appearance of a young girl's menses. The older wizard, and Head of Slytherin, had blushed, but he had listened to every word she had spoken.

From that moment on the new teacher's visits were almost daily. He asked how to deal with the girls in his House, but also the boys. Severus asked about diet because he was concerned at how many of his Snakes tended to go for sweets, and fats at meals, and then were sick. He learned about 'spots', about puberty in boys and girls, 'raging hormones' in boys, and 'sneaky hormones' in girls.

Poppy gave Severus dozens of books on how to raise children, how to take care of them, and books on psychology. Severus read those books religiously, and it was not odd to see him at the teacher's dais during mealtimes reading one of those books. He had confided to Poppy that he would be what his Snakes did not have at home; a parent that was devoted to their accomplishments, and their futures beyond that of being a follower of Voldemort, or a Death Eater.

One night, nearly two years later, Severus woke the Healer from a dead sleep. One of his fifth years had not shown at the Welcoming Feast, and he had gone to the girl's home where he had found her beaten, nearly starved, and thrown in the dungeon of her father's palatial home. While Poppy tended to the girl's injuries Severus had begun talking to her about how the child's father was a Death Eater, and had tried to force his young daughter into a Binding with a much older wizard in order to cement their family fortunes. She had refused, and that had earned her the beating.

Together Poppy and Severus had the girl taken away from her father, legally, and sent to a family member in Australia the girl herself had always loved.

They continued to work together in keeping the children of Slytherin healthy, and happy. They had also begun a deeper friendship than their association of nurse and student. Poppy and Severus would have tea, almost regularly together, where they would discuss his Snakes, or any number of other topics from Hogwarts Quidditch, to events coming to the school.

Severus would rarely speak of himself but Poppy would tell him of the spells she would create for Healing, or about her Summers in Cornwall with her only relative, an aging uncle.

As much as she wanted to invite the private man to enjoy a Summer with her she had never extended an invitation. In the latter half of 1990 her uncle had passed away, and when she thought she would be the only one at her uncle's funeral Severus had come all the way to Cornwall to stand with her, and then to comfort her in her uncle's home for a few hours later.

Mostly she had cried, leaning on Severus, and to her dying day Poppy would regret that one moment when she almost kissed him. To save face, whether hers or his, she would never know, Severus had quickly left.

Neither of them spoke again until after the Welcome Feast of 1991 when Harry Potter arrived at Hogwarts, was Sorted, and then disappeared. Several weeks later (during which time the Headmaster had spoken cheerfully derisively of the boy) Severus had brought Harry, near death after being tortured by Bellatrix LeStrange, to her Infirmary. The mad witch had left him for dead in a Muggle park, and the hospital had barely kept Harry alive.

Poppy had nursed Harry back to health, and had watched, late at night, as the Potions Master slept in a comfortable chair by the boy's bed.

Once Harry was recovered the two, man and boy, had become nearly inseparable. Severus still came to ask her questions for and about his Snakes, but now he also spoke about Harry Potter. They had tea once a week but neither of them mentioned that awkward time when Poppy wanted to kiss the Potions Master. She did not mind overly much, she had her friend back in her life, and if that was all she was allowed, then so mote it be.

Until this early morning when she had wakened to the sound of Helios tapping upon her bedroom window. The letter she now held had been read and re-read at least a dozen times since the morning.

Severus Snape wanted to court her in the fashion of days past; the courtship would cover a period of time for both of them to see if they had the appropriate physical attraction, and if so, the end of the courtship would be marriage.

Poppy had been stunned when she first read of Severus' proposal, then she was thrilled. Doubt crept in when she ran into him on her way to the Hall of Armory. She had been jarringly reminded of the Winter Ball, and although he had not behaved one iota out of line, he had not been able to take his eyes off of her that evening.

After the crisis with Albus had been averted, and she was left alone with Severus, she was reminded of that awkward moment in which they had not kissed, and he had rejected her mere presence to the moment when he could not let go of her. Had she only appealed to Severus' more base instinct rather than his intellect? Had he decided to court her because he found her to be only beautiful?

To be possibly thought of as such a one dimensional creature when she knew she was much more than what was underneath her Glamour had eroded her confidence. There in the Hall of Armory, she had not quite told Severus 'no' to his offer, but neither had she said 'yes'. And now, in the peace and privacy of her office, she wish she had wrapped her arms around his neck, and taken that kiss she had not so long ago.

With a sigh in which she wondered if she had done wrong, and would never see him again after what she had said, Poppy put down the letter when her charm chimed to let her know that someone had entered her Infirmary. A patient do doubt.

Opening the door to her office Poppy walked out, and right into the unyielding figure of…

"Severus!"

In a brilliant display of avidity Poppy was drawn into the wizard's strong arms, and kissed. It was not a kiss that was an afterthought but a kiss that spoke of longing repressed finally set free. Poppy melted against the Potions Master as she wove her fingers into his hair and tried to draw even closer to him.

A spark of thought was just enough to sear this kiss into her memory. This would be the kiss she would remember all the days of her life. When he annoyed her, when she was mad, when she indulged in all the pleasantries of melancholy this would be the one kiss never would she forget.

When it ended, but not really ended, Poppy felt as if she were floating, and the only face she could see was his. Severus.

"Poppy Pomfrey, I should… very much… so very much like to court you. Will you agree?"

Poppy smiled, and kissed him again in answer.

8 Jan 1993 - Evening, Prince Lighthouse Island

Harry had arrived by the portkey Severus and Lucius had fashioned for him for Christmas. It appeared as a copper knut that had a green patina. It hung around his neck by a soft, leather cord. By gripping the coin, and then saying the word 'home' Harry would be transported across the sea from Hogwarts to the front door of he and his father's cottage on Prince Lighthouse Island.

It gave Harry a sense of freedom, and maturity. He did not have to be escorted by an adult. He had eaten dinner on Friday, said a farewell to his friends. Luna had given him a delightful hug, and even though Hermione, and Ginny hugged him, too, Luna's had been so much better! Draco shook his hand as did Ron and Neville, and then Harry had not been hugged so much as enveloped by Fred and George's arms. Luna had giggled at the twin clowns, and hugged him again. When Harry had arrived on the doorstep of his home he had a goofy grin on his face.

Severus had ushered his son into the cottage, and muttered, "That is it. You are getting The Talk before the end of this weekend."

The pronouncement sounded dire, but he was more interested in what his father had brought him home for on the weekend.

Of course, Severus was in no hurry to reveal what the weekend would bring, and Harry knew better not to push him. They both talked of Harry's classes, and Severus had asked a few questions about Potions. His father had listened attentively, and then nodded in apparent approval as he spoke of a practical in which they brewed a medicated skin powder that began as a liquid and cooled down to become an actual powder.

"Professor Lupin's going to give us a test on Monday but for the weekend we all have an essay to do on the youngest Potions Master in the last century, and the potions he created or discovered." Harry smirked as he father looked up from his tea.

"Me?" Severus asked in surprise, and possibly a touch of horror. Harry nodded. "You are to do an essay on… me?" For a moment Severus leaned back in his chair contemplating what his son had told him. He then leaned forward, and inquired, "What are your sources?"

"Well… you," said Harry as if it were obvious. He then Summoned his bookbag. "Professor Lupin gave us this book to study." He plucked out a moderately thick volume bound in leather with scroll work of ivy and snakes curling and writhing around the edges. Harry handed the book over, and Severus took it. He smiled at the tome.

"Ah, my research into the deconstruction of organic poisons," mused Severus. "This research led to a general antidote for poisons, and then a vaccine for Dragon Pox. I recall not desiring to publish my research but Horace Slughorn simply gathered my notes, edited them, and sent the result to be published. I received my Mastership, and I never spoke to Slughorn again because I had been so angry with him." He chuckled softly, and handed the book back to his son. "You are free to ask me any questions you may have, Harry."

Conversation faded away but Harry noticed that his father was worried about something. The fireplace which burned with a light heat to warm the cottage against the cooler nights was often the attention of a decidedly looking pensive Severus Snape.

"Dad? What's on your mind?" asked Harry in concern. He hoped it was not another illness. He had just gotten his father back from lung cancer.

"I have made a decision…" he began slowly. "One that shall affect us both."

Harry gripped the ends of his chair. "Were you forced?"

Severus chuckled wryly. "In a way however, it was… rather pleasing." Harry gave his father a puzzled glance, and wondered if he had gone mad. "Calm, Harry. I am well in control of my senses. What I have to confess is that…" Severus paused. He was almost afraid to say what he had done aloud. And, that feeling was both ridiculous, and insulting. "I should like to wed, Harry."

"Cool!" Harry grinned in delight.

Severus was a touch caught off guard by his son's reaction. He had expected denial, anger, possibly even jealous tears. His son appearing happy for him was eminently preferable to those reactions, but he was still hesitant.

"You are… fine with my decision, Harry?" asked Severus cautiously.

"Yeah, dad! Then I'd have a mum! A full family just like everybody else has. And, maybe a brother or sister!"

"What?!"

Harry laughed at the look of shock on his father's face. "Dad, I'm not dim, you know. You get married, and it could happen. Which, that would be really cool. I could teach a brother about Quidditch, or teach a sister to draw…"

Harry babbled on, and Severus slumped in his chair. Children… his own and Poppy's were not an abhorrent thought but him? The Bat of the Dungeon? An ex-Death Eater? The fear of all students at Hogwarts? With sons and daughters?

Still, a smile he could not stop bled across the Potions Master's lips. Children. With Poppy. Not a bad thing… at all.

9 Jan 1993 - The Courtship Begins

Harry was dressed - white shirt, his forest green waistcoat, a pair of black trousers. His father was not quite dressed. Severus had a pair of deep grey trousers, a white shirt with mutton-chop sleeves and emerald diamond cut cuff-links. Severus' hair had not been tied back in a queue since Poppy had made it clear that she preferred his hair loose. Where his dressing stopped was in which waistcoat to wear. Like his son he would not wear his long frock coat but he absolutely could not wear a shirt by itself.

Most of Severus' waistcoats were black (about a dozen) but they were adorned with black or silver embroidery, quilting, solid, and even a rather handsome waistcoat that was a patchwork of black velvet, satin, and silk squares. The only colours were deep in the rainbow and consisted of Bordeaux red, forest green, and a startling jewel-like royal blue that Severus hardly ever wore. It had been one of the few gifts from Albus that had not been socks of an insane design so the few times he wore the waistcoat were just for Albus.

"The blue, dad," Harry suggested for the fourth time. Severus snarled shortly at him. Harry persevered. "Dad, Madame Pomfrey's got really pretty blue eyes. Don't you think the blue waistcoat would be a compliment to her?"

Severus turned slightly, and scowled at his son. "How old are you, Harry? You sound like Lucius giving me wardrobe advice."

Harry giggled, and walked over to his father. "Trust me, dad. The blue one." He then turned sharply away, and ran out of the bedroom. Severus was curious about what his son was up to but he turned back to his wardrobe, and snatched the blue waistcoat.

When Harry returned with a small, black enameled copper box, and a 'cat that ate the canary' expression on his face Severus had donned the blue waistcoat. It really was not bad looking. Not at all.

Harry held out the little box. He explained, "This is from me and Draco but his father helped with what we couldn't cover. Professor Malfoy said you should wear it for at least a century."

Severus took the box and opened it. When he saw what lay nestled amongst black velvet made him weak in the knees. Harry Summoned a nearby chair, and Severus dropped into it.

Inside the box was a pocket watch, and a fob chain. The pocket watch had a drawing (etching) of… himself (!) by Harry of his father seated at his worn workbench, and brewing a potion. Stylised fumes curled around his head, body, and the area he was working. Severus then opened the watch. Inside the lid was the inscription:

I love you, Dad. Forever and beyond. Your son, Harry.

The glass watch face was clear sapphire, and the numbers of the clock were elegant Roman numerals. Severus was about to express his emotions when he saw a glint deeper down in the velvet. Pushing aside a fold in the cloth Severus discovered a second, smaller watch that hung from a small, twisted bar beneath a swirl of an 'S' studded with tiny emeralds, and diamonds.

"That's from Mrs. Malfoy, dad. She said when you get married you give that to your new wife." Harry smiled. "It's a twin to your watch from me."

"Harry…" Severus placed the box with its smaller watch on a shelf within his wardrobe. His own watch he began to attach to his waistcoat until the fob chain draped across his abdomen. He flipped open the pocket watch then closed it and tucked it in the thin pocket of the waistcoat.

He suddenly drew his son into his arms, and kissed the crown of his head. "Each day I look upon you, Harry, I remember how blessed I am. It is because of you that I have a future… a future with you."

"And, Madame Pomfrey!" added Harry against his father's chest.

a/n: Warning- this is a long author's note in regards to my stance on Remus Lupin. I would like everyone reading to understand this. You do not have to read the note if you do not want to.

A guest left the following review - No, being afraid doesn't make you a coward. However, allowing yourself to be vested with the authority of a prefect, then using that authority to help cover up your friends' criminal behavior, DOES make you a coward. It also makes you a fraud. Harry and Remus's situations are in no way comparable.

Remus was in a precarious position as a student at Hogwarts. Werewolves were not allowed to do anything. If the Ministry discovered that a werewolf was near they would not hesitate in destroying that werewolf. It was Dumbledore's belief that werewolves could learn, and could hold a job, and he put Remus in as his secret poster boy. Meaning, if Remus were a successful student, with friends, and plum position as a student (prefect or Head Boy) Dumbledore would be able to reveal to the Ministry Remus Lupin HIS success story. It would be glory, and prestige for Dumbledore.

Rowling has said that the only protection Remus had after getting bitten were his parents. She has never said what happened to his parents after Dumbledore took over.

Also, please note that it was Dumbledore and the teachers that selected the prefects and the Head Boy and Head Girl. It was not something Remus chose for himself. If he had turned down the position, his friends would have been a touch annoyed but being a Prefect was not a big deal to the Marauders. It was a position that meant a great deal to Dumbledore and Remus could NOT risk displeasing the man.

Death, remember.

Remus never deliberately covered up what the Marauders did. He just never said or did anything. He was afraid to do so. If he spoke against his friends, or Dumbledore's plans for him - he did not know what might happen to him. He could only guess the worst - he would be killed legally by the Ministry. The covering up was done by the Headmaster, and quite possibly to a degree by Minerva.

This is what I am trying to bring out in this story about Remus. He had a tough childhood in which death was his constant companion if he made one misstep. That is why I think what Sirius did to Severus in using Remus as a very dangerous tool to frighten the boy he hated is such a heinous thing. That, to me, would be unforgivable. Remus SHOULD have thought that, should have railed at Sirius, but he was afraid to do so. One malicious word from Sirius to his horrid family could have meant death for Remus.

So, for the purpose of my story, Remus and Harry are more alike in their childhoods than either realised. Both grew up with fear making their decisions. Harry has learned quicker but Remus is learning, too.

So, Remus was a frightened boy, NOT a coward. And, neither was Harry.