Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord Of The Rings.

Die Fourth-Wall! Die!

"F is for Friends who do stuff together! U is for You and me! N is for Anywhere at anytime at all! Down here in a forest green!" sang Pippin.

Merry yawned. "How much farther?"

"Don't be hasty now Master Merry. My home lies deep in the forest." Treebeard replied.

Suddenly, Pippin gasped and jumped to the ground.

"Pippin!" shouted Merry, "We don't have time to look for rupees!"

But this time he wasn't looking for rupees. Pippin ran over to a dark figure, whom neither Merry nor Treebeard had noticed, and gave him a hug.

"Slender Man!" said Pippin happily as he hugged the figure.

"What the hell? My name is Lord Voldemort you stupid muggle!" said the figure.

"That's a stupid name." said Pippin.

"What? It was either Voldemort or Tom Riddle." said Voldemort.

Pippin giggled. "Tommy!"

Voldemort was getting really creeped out by now, and started to slowly inch away from the physco hobbit.

"Why you no include Ben?!" screamed Pippin.

Voldemort quickly apparated.

Treebeard scooped up Pippin in his hand and kept him there to make sure he didn't try to escape and delay their journey any longer. Pippin tried to free himself by biting Treebeard's hand. Then, he thought about it and sprinkled salt on the hand to make it taste better.

"How about I tell you a story to pass the time?" asked Treebeard as Pippin continued to chew on his hand.

"Yey! Story time!" cheered the hobbits.

"There used to be female Ents, a long long time ago..."

"Wait, trees have genders?" Merry asked.

"Yes, many plant species have genders." replied Treebeard.

"This story is boring!" whined Pippin.

"Well, why don't you tell us a story Master Peregrin." huffed Treebeard.

Pippin grinned.

"Oh god." said Merry.

"Once upon a time, there was a little sheep. Then the sheep was turned into stew. The end!" said Pippin.

"Wow. That was no where near as strange as his usual stories." said Merry.

"Then the Sandman came and killed everyone with his bazooka and turned the entire world into a ball pit!" continued Pippin.

Merry and Treebeard stared at him.

"Down Merry! Down to where the buffalo are!" yelled Pippin.

Pippin had a giggling fit and started singing.

"Down by the bay, where the watermelon grow, back to my home, I dare not go! For if I do, my mother would say..."

"Pippin, shut up?" guessed Merry.

"Exactly!" said Pippin.

Him and Merry gave each other a high five.

Treebeard stared at them.

"A whale ate my beach ball." said Pippin sadly.

"Okay! Here we are hobbits!" announced Treebeard, dropping Pippin on the forest floor.

"This is your home? What are you a hobo?" asked Merry.

"I'm a tree." said Treebeard, "Where else do I think I'd live?"

"I don't know, but I'm ordering pizza." said Merry, whipping out his Blackberry. Suddenly, Pippin ate his phone.

"Pippin! What the hell?! I was going to order pizza!" yelled Merry.

"Yummy! Pizzas! Ooh! Ooh! We could have breakfast pizzas with yogurt and fruit, then regular pizzas for lunch, extra large pizzas with a thousand toppings including rocks for dinner, and chocolate pizzas for dessert!" said Pippin excitedly.

"Well we can't have pizza now since you just ate my phone." grumbled Merry.

Pippin handed him his Iphone.

"Here you go, Merry!" Pippin said brightly.

Merry turned on Pippin's phone, but there was no signal.

"Crap! There's no signal!" said Merry.

"I can fix that!" said Pippin. He grabbed the phone from Merry and started smashing it on the ground.

"Pippin!" yelled Merry as Pippin held up the jumble of wires.

A confused look crossed Pippin's face. "That's weird, it always worked before."

"Yeah, tell that to your thousands of other broken phones." said Merry sarcastically.

"I know! Let's go capture a leprechaun and force it to fix my phone!" said Pippin.

"No thanks. I'm not on good terms with leprechauns at the moment. All because I wanted that bowl of Lucky Charms!" said Merry.

Pippin looked around.

"Hey! Where did Treebeard go?"

Somewhere in the forest

"I'm free! I'm free! I'm sodium free!" shouted Treebeard happily.

Back with the hobbits

"Whatever, I'm thirsty." said Merry.

Pippin ran over to a nearby spring.

"I found a liquid!" he exclaimed before drinking enough of it to drown a village.

"Good job Pippin! You finally passed Kindergarten science!" said Merry.

Pippin stood up.

"Hey, Merry?! Have you always been that small?" asked Pippin.

"What are you talking about...woah!" shouted Merry.

Pippin had grown at least a foot taller than Merry in less than a second. Seriously, what the hell?

Pippin looked around.

"Merry! The world is shrinking!" exclaimed Pippin.

"Well, I guess the water didn't increase the size of your brain." said Merry.

Pippin gasped. "We should have a giant battle!" He grabbed Merry and forced him to drink the water. Merry came up spluttering.

"Ugh! That water tastes horrible! Like sulphur and old cranberry muffins!"

"Well, no wonder." said a voice behind them.

The hobbits turned around. "Treebeard!"

Treebeard stared at them. "That's my toilet."

Merry vomited on the ground and Pippin randomly got bitten by a squirrel and deflated to his original height.

"Asparagus is yummy." said Pippin happily.

"I thought you didn't like vegetables." said Merry, getting up and wiping his mouth.

"Silly Merry. Asparagus is a dairy alternative." said Pippin.

Treebeard blinked and handed each of the hobbits a small bag.

"Treebeard went out and bought you a present." he said in third person, again.

The two hobbits eagerly ripped open their bag and pulled out a flower-chain.

"Errr, what are these for?" asked Merry uncertainly.

"We Ents are also known as Middle Earth hippies." said Treebeard, putting a flower-chain and purple-tinted glasses on himself and began playing the ukelele.

"Yey!" cheered Pippin, "I always wanted to be a hippo!"

Merry sighed. "I can't wait for Return Of The King."

Pippin and Treebeard gasped.

"Merry! You just broke the fourth-wall!" cried Pippin.

"The fourth-what?"

"Watch out for the watermelon balloons!" shouted Pippin as fruit splattered all over Merry.

"Seriously, what is going on?! Why is everything so random all of a sudden?!" cried Merry.

Suddenly, Dumbledore appeared with a bazooka loaded with fruit balloons.

"Taste lemon, suckers!" he shouted as he shot a lemon balloon at Merry and vanished.

"Ahhh! Sour!" yelled Merry.

Suddenly, a random commentator's voice boomed out of the trees. "Congratulations! You've survived the apocalypse! Have a nice day!"

The three companions looked around. Everything appeared to be back to normal.

"What...what happened?" asked Merry.

"I guess the fourth-wall just couldn't handle that last breach." said Treebeard.

"I like cupcakes!" said Pippin.

"Well, now that that's over...who want's pancakes?!" asked Merry, back to his normal self.

"I do! I do!" shouted Pippin, falling back into Treebeard's toilet.