I sincerely apologize for the extremely late update. A bit of writer's block, a trip to New York, and an overload of school work has tipped my lateness over the edge. So, here's your chapter! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord Of The Rings.

Helms Deep and Hair Extensions

When they arrived at Helms Deep, Aragorn was considering pulling a prank on the citizens by getting all of the men who had travelled with them to convince the others that he really HAD fallen off the cliff, just to watch everyone cry at his funeral when a girly shriek from Legolas interrupted his thought.

"HE CUT OFF MY HAIR!" cried Legolas while pointing a manicured fingernail at Gimli, who was holding his axe and howling with laughter.

"It...was...only...a...chunk..." said Gimli between laughs.

"IT MESSED UP MY HAIR STYLE!" Legolas screamed.

"Don't worry Legolas," said Aragorn, "Now you have layers!"

"This isn't layers! This is a mess!" sobbed the elf.

"Well, how about I even it out for you..." said Gimli, grinning while lifting up his axe.

Legolas screamed and jumped off his horse, running all the way to the back of the group.

"Seriously? All of the times we've abused his hair and THIS is the one that sets him off?" asked Aragorn as Legolas began frantically searching through his purse for his hair extensions.

"I'll show you! I'll show you all! I'll make you regret that you ever did this to my precious hair! I'll...I'll be a pirate! Yeah! That will teach you!" screeched Legolas hysterically.

Aragorn and Gimli erupted into a fit of laughter as they rode through the gates of Helms Deep. But Aragorn's laughter quickly faded when he saw Eowyn running toward them.

"Oh crap..."

"Hi big brother!" said Eowyn, smiling happily up at him.

"Please, exit my life, and never return." groaned Aragorn.

"How many orcs did you kill? How many?! How many?!" she asked, apparently not hearing his previous comment.

"A lot. Would you like to join them?" said Aragorn.

"That's so cool! I wish Uncle Theo would let me fight orcs." she said, remaining completely oblivious to Aragorn's annoyance with her, and skipped away.

"Uncle Theo?" laughed Gimli.

"Yes?" said King Theoden, who had just come through the gate.

Aragorn and Gimli broke into another fit of giggles that Theoden had actually responded to the name, and the king's confused and worried expression that his niece had called him with a voice of a man.

When Legolas finally entered Helms Deep, Gimli and Aragorn's laughter grew even louder.

Legolas was wearing at least twenty hair extensions to cover up the spot Gimli had chopped off, but it seems that he had run of of blond ones and had replaced them with hot pink, bright blue, red, and even brown ones.

"What's with the hair Legolas? Are you trying to be the next Lady Gaga?" asked Gimli.

Legolas glared at him.

"Maybe I am!" he said defiantly, causing Gimli to fall off his horse in laughter.

Aragorn look around to see that everyone was staring at him, then immediately stopped laughing.

"I have to keep my swag!" he thought.

"H-hey everybody! Er..."

Suddenly, he spots someone in the crowd that looked oddly familiar. Oh crap...

"ARAGORN!" yelled an extremely whiny voice.

Aragorn clutched his head as the person who had spoken, Arwen, stomped over to him.

"You promised that you would take me to Hogsmeade today!" she whined.

"What? Hogsmeade isn't even in this universe!" said Aragorn.

Arwen frowned and pulled out a pair of nunchucks.

"Er, Arwen? What's with the weapons?" asked Aragorn nervously.

"I'm the next karate kid!" said Arwen happily.

"What?!" exclaimed Legolas, "I thought I was!"

"No offence Legolas, but I highly doubt you'd want to mess up your hair by doing karate." Aragorn pointed out.

Legolas' face fell. Not literally though because that would be weird.

"WHO AM I?!" sobbed Legolas dramatically.

Suddenly, a beaver in a purple jumpsuit strolled through the gate.

"It's Justin Bieber!" gasped Arwen.

"That's Justin Bieber?" said Gimli before breaking out into more laughter.

"Quick! Does anyone have a water bottle I can throw?!" asked Aragorn.

"Sometimes, when I'm really happy, I shoot sparkles out of my fingers!" said Legolas randomly.

Everyone stared at him.

Legolas began rocking back and forth on the floor singing the Happy Cow Song in a maniacal voice.

"Er...Gimli? I think we broke Legolas." said Aragorn.

The Tower of Orthanc, Isengard

"Sauraman! Do you really think you can invent a blowy-uppy-thingy?" asked Grima while chewing on some Red Vines.

"Of course I do! And it's called a bomb you imbecile!" replied Sauraman.

"Hey Sauraman! What's my favourite way to say 'Red wines' in a German accent?"

Sauraman rolled his eyes. "Red Vines."

Grima's eyes filled up with tears of happiness.

"You DO know me!" he sobbed.

Sauraman muttered the troll song under his breath as he filled a steel bowl with the black power.

"Grima! Get over here!" ordered Sauraman.

Grima hopped clumsily off his stool and carried a candle over to Sauraman.

"What are you doing with that?!" asked Sauraman, horrified.

"I thought you might need some more light sir! So I brought you this, whoops!"

At this moment, Grima tripped over his shoelace and the candle fell into the bowl of black powder.

When the dust cleared, Sauraman and Grima had been blown back against the wall, Sauraman's hair completely black from being covered with soot.

"Hey Sauraman! You look different." said Grima.

"Where am I?" groaned Sauraman, "Do I live here?"

"Want to play Battleship?" asked Grima.

"Sure!" said Sauraman enthusiastically.

An orc lumbered into the tower.

"Sauraman! We're ready for war! How many should we send?"

"A dozen trillion apple sandwiches!" said Sauraman happily.

"Er, sir? I actually mean how many orcs should we send." said the orc.

"What? But what happened to going Vegan?" asked Sauraman sadly.

Another orc ran breathlessly into the tower.

"Sir! We're out of chocolate milk!" cried the orc.

"Oh no! It's the end of the world!" sobbed Sauraman.

"Oh well," said the first orc, "I'll just send all of our troops."

"And don't forget my special hamster army!" said Sauraman, pressing his face up against a cage with one hamster running on a wheel, "I've been training them specially."

The orc rolled his eyes and walked out of the tower.

Back at Helms Deep

"Maybe he's possessed." suggested Gimli as Aragorn prodded Legolas with a stick, "I saw it in a movie once."

"What was it called, Ghostbusters?" laughed Aragorn.

"G-g-ghosts? Where?" whimpered Gimli.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were afraid of ghosts." said Aragorn, "Now I know what to dress up as for Halloween."

"What?! No!" cried Gimli.

"What? I was going to dress up as Chuck Norris." said Aragorn.

"Oh."

"Ghost Chuck Norris!" said Aragorn, causing Gimli to go pale in fear.

"I can't wait to be Queen!" sighed Arwen, "Then I'll hire Justin Bieber to sing to us all the time!"

"What?! Who said that you were going to be Queen?" asked Aragorn.

"My daddy did." Arwen replied, "And if I'm not, Lord Frickin' Elrond is going to make you pay!"

"Wait, his name is Lord Frickin' Elrond?" asked Aragorn.

"Yeah, he had his name changed." said Arwen.

Aragorn laughed and purposely threw his sword at Justin Bieber, killing him immediately.

"ARAGORN!" sobbed Arwen.

"Oops." said Aragorn in fake guilt.

Suddenly, Legolas snapped out of his insanity and stood up.

"I know! I'm gonna be a pop star when I grow up!" he said.

"No you're not! The world doesn't need another one!" said Aragorn.

"YOU'VE CRUSHED MY DREAMS!" sobbed Legolas.

Aragorn put his hands over his ears and muttered, "Get out! Get out! Get out of my head!"

"And fall into Mount Doom instead?" finished Gimli.

"That's what I hope will happen to the actual singers." said Aragorn.

Gimli gave him a high-five.