That was her responsibility after all; to keep her family and the club safe and running. Even if that meant things were predicated on the soft, shifting sands of deceit. Sometimes those lies caused people to get hurt, sometimes people died. It's the life. Most people's allies are your enemies. People look at you differently. You had to be strong to get through it. Tough decisions have to be made. Always having to be one with the steel backbone when situations were tough. The one who had to turn off their emotions and whisper, (after all she didn't have an actual say), the harsh truths of what needed to be done. You take care of and protect what is yours because you could lose it at any minute. Funerals are common place. You have love, but not happiness, because there are always strings. Love cemented with the secrets and lies you hold in check for one another. So if you did get a little bit of happiness, you grabbed a hold of it tightly. It was what she has done since she was 18.
Gemma tried to focus on the woman feverishly working to save her. Tara wanted out. She had never settled into Club life. She could never accept the realities that came with being married to Jax. Tara had grown stronger and more resourceful under Gemma's tutelage. However, the role of Old Lady and Queen were just that; roles. She never grew into them.
Tara had seen and lived in the world where things like that didn't happen. Lies weren't the norm. Death wasn't a companion. Lockdowns didn't happen. Compared to the life she had now, it was Mayberry, Smalltown, USA. That's why she couldn't understand how the boys could be brought up in an environment like the Club. A different world had existed for her at one time. Damn there could be some amazing clarity in pain. She knew that there could be happiness somewhere else.
Tara felt something lightly brush her leg. "I think I understand now." Gemma whispered.
She bit back a cry of pain when the vehicle took a corner too sharp and hit a curb. There was an apology from the front. It seemed miles away. Her mind began to drift trying to find its way back to the last thought.
Happiness! That was it. She had found love and happiness in one package. Outside of the Club. Nero loved her. She didn't have to always be the strong one. He knew she was far from perfect. He knew her darkest secret and he came back. He knew many of her secrets. He didn't care. He loved her.
Then something happened. He wanted to leave, to come with him. She almost said yes. But she couldn't go because Jax needed her, (she was afraid). She was afraid because in the end John betrayed her with Maureen. Clay betrayed her with his lies and his fists. She always had the club to fall back on, her boys to take care of. Stepping away with Nero meant that her safety net would be gone. Would he ever betray her? He never wanted to be a part of the club. It happened because of her. It didn't matter now. He was gone.
Gemma envisioned the chasm she and Nero had been trying to straddle since they met. Hooks and lines running from her to the Club, to the boys, to Jax and his sons, and to Nero. While she pulled those lines trying to keep the gaps from widening, the lines began to snap. The result of those broken lines is cuts to her. Some emotional some physical. Unfortunately in the recoil others got cut in the process also. It was a nasty web that either trapped or hurt and she was at the center. It didn't matter that some of the hooks were in her rather than the other way around. Damn, there could be some amazing clarity in pain. She decided to let herself fall.
Gemma's words kept tumbling around in Tara's brain while she was trying to work on the woman. Why would she say something like that? After all the lies, manipulations and games to outright threats what would make her include her as part of the family. Sure they were close at one time. Friends even. In that moment, an epiphany hit Tara. Could Gemma be angry that she was leaving too, not just the Jax and the boys?
"Gemma!" the panic in Juice's voice caused Tara to refocus, "Gemma!"
Gemma's eyes had rolled back in her heard. The trembling had stopped, her breathing was slowing. She was giving up. Tara started to rub her knuckles firmly against her mother-in-law's collar bone while shouting her name. There was no response. "Don't you do this to me you stubborn bitch. I am not going to be the one who loses you and I am not going to be the reason." Tara shrieked.
Nero had made record time to St. Thomas. He saw the row of bikers waiting at the emergency entrance. He threw his truck into park not caring that he was taking up multiple parking spaces as he ran up to meet Roosevelt's approaching vehicle.
Tara could be heard yelling when Eli drove up. The emergency team pulled open the back and loaded Gemma on to the stretcher. Tara got out and began giving medical history and a rundown to the doctors. Her shirt had blood on it as did Juice's jeans.
Nero shoved his way through the crowd that lined the entrance. "Gemma!" He ran up beside the gurney.
"Were sorry sir you need you to step aside and let us do or job," one of the nurses said.
"Mama no," leaned over placing his hands on his legs.
It was him. It was Nero. He was still here. "Stop, wait. Nero," Gemma called out weakly. She had to see him. "Nero," she began to thrash and struggle.
"Ma'am please you need to calm down. You're making things worse. Please," a nurse pleaded. All the movement had made her start hemorrhaging again.
"No. Don't touch me," Gemma was managed to get some authority to her voice. She grabbed Tara's hand.
"Gemma, you have to let them treat you." Tara knew the women was stubborn, but she couldn't figure out what brought on this display.
She shook her head, "No treatment," her words came out in gasps, "Nero."
The young woman looked down to the far end of the hallway to see Padilla still leaning over against the wall. Gemma held onto her hand a little bit longer, "Take care of our boys."
Tara felt a shiver crawl up her spine as she ran down the hall, "Nero you need to come with me, Gemma is refusing any treatment until she sees you."
"I should have known it was you causing all this trouble." He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it, "Now behave yourself and let the doctors do what they need to okay Mama?"
Now that he was here, Gemma found she had no words left. Her strength gone, her energy expended. All she could do is look up at him. Her frustration manifested in tears.
He watched the emotions run across her face. "It's okay Mama, I understand. But I'm not going anywhere."
Dr. Keith Arkam turned to Tara as the approached the doors to the trauma ward with the red and white sign "Authorized Personnel Only beyond this Point."
"You better let him go. This is my mother-in-law. I know her." He raised his eyebrows briefly before swiping his card to open the doors. There weren't many people at St. Thomas who hadn't heard stories about Tara and Gemma.
Nero did his best to stay out of the way while the medical staff did their work. They had to clean blood off to attach the pads for the heart monitor leads. The nurse put on an oximeter that was held with adhesive so it wouldn't accidentally be pulled off in the commotion. Gemma groaned in pain when they moved her to her side to look at the entrance wound then moved her back.
"I got no usable veins here," someone called out.
"We're going to have to use the neck. Get those IV's in now," shouted one of the doctors.
"Check and see on the status of the OR. I need in there stat." Arkam barked.
Gemma thought back to Nero's words, "I'm not going anywhere." She saw Lucius's name on his neck. Again she flashed to the image of the lines with the hooks forming the spider web, tying her to the club, tying people to her. She was willing to let go of Jax's line now. She wanted to let go of the Club's line, but that hook was in deep and it was in Nero now too. Could they both get out together, or would she have to let Nero go to make sure he and his son made it out safely? Her hand went slack in his.
"O2 sats are dropping. Blood pressure is bottoming out," the heart monitor sounded an alarm as she went into tachycardia.
"No Mama, hold on" Nero leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"I'm sorry. You both need to leave now." Arkam gestured toward the door.
When Tara and Nero arrived in the waiting room they were met with hopeful faces. Those were quickly dashed when they saw the expressions on the pair's faces. Tara stepped forward still in her bloody blue shirt and bloody hands, "It's not good. She took the bullet in the back and it exited out her abdomen. The way she was bleeding, I don't know for sure, but I would have to say the bullet damaged an internal organ," her professional demeanor began to waiver, her voice breaking.
Jax came over and wrapped her in his arms, "I'm sorry babe. I'm so sorry."
She shoved him away angrily, "You should be. This is your fault. They said it was because of something you did and you too. They said they were going after Gemma next anyway." She turned her anger around on Nero.
"Tara, I have no idea why Marks would send someone after you. As far as I knew we were all good."
"I think Gemma was right, these guys were too stupid and clumsy to be sent by Marks. They were just some low lever Niner's out for some sort of retaliation." Juice had changed out of his bloody jeans into scrubs.
"Niner's? This was Niner's?" Nero's world swam out of focus. He felt like he was breathing in mud. Padilla managed to pinball his way off the doorway and walls to the near-by bathroom and into the stall where he began to throw up.
"Do you believe in Karma?" echoed in Nero's head. He had thrown that in Jax's face earlier. Implied that all the bad shit that had been going down with Tara was because of what he did to Darvany. Now karma was laughing at him. He had done nothing when Alvarez and his crew had shot up the Niner's. Now the Niner's had gone after an innocent mother of two and in the process he may lose Gemma. She wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for him. Tara might not have been in danger if he would have said something. Every time he thought about it he started to throw up again until he had nothing left.
Eventually Nero pulled himself up off the floor of the bathroom and went over to the sink. He scrubbed his face with cold water several times trying to steel himself for what he had to do next. He had to tell Jax what happened. He was not going to let the Sons go to war with August Marks under false pretenses. He had known Alvarez a long time, but this was not going to stand. The war he was wanting was ridiculous. Nero could see it now. Jax was not trying to build and empire with Marks. His reason had shut down when he was convinced that he needed to do things for his own kind, brown helping brown. The Byz-Lats would have to choose with whom they stood; him or Marcus.
"Where's Jax?"
"He went outside." Tara had now cleaned up and changed into scrubs.
He found the biker president leaning against the side of the building smoking. "Hey Mano, I need to talk to you."
"You know what man; I'm really not up for…" Nero held up his hand interrupting him.
"You're going to want to hear this. Today after you left the buy, Marcus asked to see the guns. After he checked them out he handed over the money to the Niner's there, only it was food in the bags instead of cash. Alvarez's crew killed all those Niner's. I swear Jax I had now idea that was going down. But I was pissed at you for Darvany so I didn't give you a heads up. I never thought it would go down like this. I was still pissed when I found Gemma at Diosa. She wanted to talk. I told her no. When she got mad and started to walk out I asked her if she would give up everything and leave with me. I knew she wouldn't. Not with the boys missing. You as upset as you had been. But she hesitated. When she did tell me no, I told her I had to leave. She would have never been at your house if I hadn't been," he ran his hands over his face in frustration.
Jax slid down the wall trying to process the information he just heard. "Hey, I know you're going to be pissed man, I don't blame you. I am asking for two things here. I will do everything I can to help you get Alvarez and I need to you keep in mind, my son needs me. So whatever you're going to do to me after this, I need to be able to be there for him.
The young man sat smoking several cigarettes contemplating things before he spoke. "You know when I was looking for Tara, I was furious. She was going to pay for what she did. When I found her, I saw my terrified wife begging for one last chance to say good-bye to her sons. She knew the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to die. Suddenly it was so clear. I told her to take our sons and go. Get them out of here. Some place safe. I decided I would turn myself in on the gun charges if Tara and the Club got a pass. She came back so I could spend my last day with my boys. She almost got killed because of it.
I think I am starting to believe in your karma now. I messed with you and mom's relationship for my own selfish gains. I needed to manipulate Clay and I knew she was his one weakness. This kept her involved in my and Tara's life which caused constant conflict with the two of them. Made Tara pull away more, didn't help Mom's spiral after what happened with Clay. The game just kept getting more and more complicated.
I lie to you, starts to cause conflict between you and mom. Lies breeding hate. I didn't care how anyone else felt. I was angry hateful. I was becoming more than what I hated. Even with trying to get out of guns. The cost of everything was going up. Lives: Piney, Opie, V-Lin, Phil, even Clay."
Jax stood up and faced Nero, "If Mom hadn't have been there, Tara would have been dead. My boys would have been without their mother. I would have lost my wife." He tried to stop tears that were threatening, "Mom is strong. She's going to make it. She'll be fine."
Nero had his faith in God. It had got him through many things including his addiction, however right now he didn't find that it was strong enough to give Jax the reassurance he needed. He felt something change when he was in that room with Gemma. She was letting go. He was going to lose her and he was slowly dying inside.
Jax saw it in Nero's eyes. He had seen it in Tara's when she had turned her anger on him. He may not have been the smartest man around but he knew part of what she was feeling was because she didn't think Gemma was going to make it and she felt like it was partly her fault. He was going to ask Nero what happened in the trauma room when he saw DA Patterson pull up.
Jax grabbed Nero's arm dragging him inside the hospital.