A/N: Segment 3 is up! Some notes about the one-shots: 5) I've always thought so much more could have been done during season 6 after Emily was forced to go into witness protection, especially between JJ and the rest of the team. #5 is set in season 6, post "Lauren", 6) Set in season 8. Some of you may think Hotch's behavior is far fetched, but I've been watching some of the earlier episodes (season 1) and enjoyed the scenes where he interacted with the team without being so uptight. I wanted to bring that side of him back.
Secondly, I'd like to thank those who thoughtfully reviewed my writing. They are always very much appreciated. Please continue and to everyone else; if you have time after reading let me know what you think. What you like/don't like. It is always nice to receive honest feedback!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
The Hotch Chronicles – Segment 3
/5/
You hear a knock on the partially open door to your office. The sound surprises you since you know it is late. You look up and see JJ tentatively walk in.
"JJ?" Her presence is unexpected, especially since she doesn't work for you anymore.
"Hi, Hotch." Her greeting comes out in a breathy voice and you sense something is wrong.
You get up and walk to her. "What's wrong?"
You can see that she is taken aback by your directness. She looks as if she is about to turn and flee, perhaps thinking she made a mistake in bothering you, which is ridiculous. She may no longer be your agent, but she's still a friend. "JJ?" you encourage softly.
"I…" words fail her and her big, blue eyes are swimming with emotion that you know she is trying to control. She clears her throat before speaking. "I just uh, wanted to come and see how you were doing."
She turns towards the couch and gives you a shy look before walking over to it and sitting down. You're wondering what brought her here. The two of you never make social calls so you haven't seen her in a while. It has been at least a month since the two of you successfully plotted Prentiss' disappearance and you never expected JJ to show up at your office at 10pm one night to check up on how you're handling it. She is looking at you expectantly and you're wondering what she anticipates you're going to say.
You internally debate how honest you're willing to be in this moment. Showing vulnerability is simply something you never do. Yet, you feel like you don't have the strength to insist you're fine and deny that you've been sitting in your office reading the same report for an hour because none of it is registering. Emily's absence has distracted and traumatized your team and admittedly you, even though you are the one who participated in covering up her "death". You have mixed emotions ranging from guilt and relief to anger and sadness, but like always, you planned to deal with your grievances privately.
"I'm fine." Unfortunately your default answer doesn't appease the blonde seated before you. She almost looks disappointed in you for not answering her truthfully. You should have known this since she is the only person on the team—who used to be on the team, at least—that can read you, with the exception of Rossi. You sigh, take your hands out of your pockets and venture over to where she sits. In a rather ungraceful manner you collapse onto the couch, suddenly feeling heavy. You lean back and without looking at JJ you mutter the truth. "It's hard."
"Yeah. I'm not doing so well myself," she confesses as she leans back into the cushions too.
You figure the two of you are quite a sight; both slouched into your couch with your legs stretched out before you and your hands clasped on your torsos.
"It'll get better." Your empty reassurance is harsh even to your ears. When JJ scowls you turn your head to look at her. Up close you notice her eyes are puffy with faded, black circles under them which tells you she hasn't been sleeping. JJ does a double take when she realizes you're studying her and bites her lip. She gazes at the ceiling and her eyes water.
"I keep telling myself this is for the best." She keeps her response vague, mindful of where you two are. "It is hard to find a balance. How much should I be allowed to cry with Spencer when he comes over to my place in tears?" Her voice cracks. "I feel like I'm the ultimate hypocrite and cheating all the people she cared about." A tear falls down the side of her face and loses itself in her hair. "Will knows something is wrong and keeps asking questions and I'm running out of answers. I've never lied to him before."
In all the years you've known her, JJ has always been a private person, much like yourself. Hearing her talk about Will and her life outside of the office is rare. The only other time JJ has shared something personal with you is when she told you about her sister.
She turns to meet your gaze full-on. "I can't keep my emotions out of this. I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself in this, Hotch."
You understand perfectly what "this" is. It is your mutual lie. Your shared deceitfulness.
"This is necessary." You look upon her with sincerity, willing her to believe you. Your heart tightens when her face crumples as she tries to hold back a sob. You can't gather her in your arms because you two have boundaries so instead, you place a hand on top of hers. JJ immediately intertwines your fingers and tightly grips your hand.
"It's okay to lose it once in a while." You have said these words to her before while on a case a few years ago. Recognition settles in JJ's eyes.
"You don't lose it," she says, repeating her own words from the conversation you two shared.
Compared to your original answer all those years ago, you slightly alter your response. "Maybe this time I should."
/6/
You're studying the most recent case file that has come across your desk as you walk into the bullpen. You've been at the BAU for so many years that you unconsciously navigate between the desks as you head to your office.
"Your hair used to be that long?" Alex Blake says, clearly astonished. You slow as you near the cluster of desks where your team has gathered to socialize, from the sounds of it.
"Oh yeah! Kid here started to look like William Bonin reincarnated," Morgan teases. You wince at his choice of words.
"Morgan!" JJ chides, as if reading your thoughts.
"I am not the reincarnation of the Freeway Killer, Morgan!" Reid protests. "And besides, he had a mustache!"
You wish Reid wouldn't give in to Morgan's instigations so easily. If anything, the older agent will use it as fuel for more provocation. You continue to hang back a short distance behind the group and read some more about a case in Lincoln, Nebraska. Three stabbings and no leads. Detectives found…
"You know that the dude had a mustache?" Morgan stops and rethinks his question. "Ah, nevermind. Of course you do."
"Well he has one of the most recognizable mug shots of all time, so yes. I do."
"Reid, long hair or short; you know way too much."
"You're just figuring this out?" Rossi jokes as he comes down the steps and joins the conversation. You glance up from your reading and the two of you share a smirk.
"Well Morgan did you ever have hair?" Blake's deadpan is impressive, if you do say so yourself. You take her comment as your cue to enter the discussion.
"I don't think so, but he used to wear a suit and tie to work everyday." Your focus remains on the pages in front of you, but it is mostly because you don't want to be caught sending Morgan an evil grin.
"Morgan? In a suit and tie?" Blake says in disbelief. "Yeah, right!"
"That is right!" JJ exclaims. "I remember when Garcia bumped into you one day and you were so mad you had to get the suit dry cleaned twice in the same week."
"I'm jealous I wasn't around for your dashing suit days," Rossi teases.
"It was a phase," Derek groans out, clearly not liking the quick turn of the conversation.
"Well why don't you wear them now?" Blake asks.
You close the file in your hands and give Morgan your full attention. "Yes, I've always been curious myself."
"I…" Morgan struggles to come up with a response so you raise an eyebrow.
You know Morgan won't say anything against wearing a suit and tie to work, since that's all you wear. He looks around, probably for Garcia to rescue him, but she's tucked away in her office.
The tables have turned and you're trying not to enjoy this too much.
"You should start wearing them again," Reid says with a victorious smile. He knows Morgan is trapped and is rightfully pleased about it.
"Yeah, you should." Rossi contributes, crossing his arms. At Morgan's scowl he shrugs. "Strapping young man like yourself, bet you'd be an even bigger hit with the ladies."
"I'm already a big hit with the ladies!" Morgan proclaims, obviously offended.
JJ's laughing and at Morgan's inquisitive look she explains. "Admit it, these days you wouldn't last a week wearing a suit to the office everyday."
"I could too!" Morgan gets up and walks over to you, patting you on the back. "But, I can't steal Hotch's thunder."
You can't wipe the smirk off your face. "I'm not worried about my thunder. JJ's right. You wouldn't be able to pull it off." You smack your file against his shoulder before walking towards your office.
"I'm afraid Hotch is right," Rossi reiterates as he goes to follow you. It is moments such as these that you are pleased he can read you so well. That he knows exactly what you're doing.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I can pull it off. You guys think I can't handle wearing a suit? Okay, let's bet on it!"
You and Dave stop in front of your office and share a knowing look. "You'd think a profiler would know better," Dave mumbles before the two of you turn back to Morgan.
"Morgan, bet or no bet, you won't be able to do it," JJ tells him, catching on to your plan. She used to manipulate the media on a daily basis so Morgan, you're sure, is a piece of cake.
He gives JJ an affronted look, as if he is insulted that anyone suggested he couldn't do something. "I could too!"
"I doubt it," you say for antagonizing purposes only.
It is rare you participate in conversations like this with your team but today you're in a good mood and yesterday you're eight-year-old son told you that you needed to lighten up.
"You know," Blake interrupts. "We could make this interesting." She crosses her arms and looks from you to Morgan. "Morgan, you wear a suit for a week and Hotch dresses down. We'll see who caves first."
For the new girl you have to admit she has a lot of guts.
"That is a great idea," Rossi enthusiastically agrees. You glare at him so he'll stop encouraging the situation.
"I like it!" JJ grins.
And this is why you do not participate in conversations like this with your team.
You look to each of your team members and you think they've lost their minds. Your eyes land on Morgan and his cocky smirk and suddenly a spark of competitiveness ignites in your chest.
"I'm in."