Disclaimer: I do not own Lord Of The Rings.

Aragorn Plays Operation

"Aragorn! How could you have killed such an inspiring singer! I was going to see him in concert tomorrow!" wailed Arwen.

Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Arwen were sitting around a bonfire, which was using the body of the dead Justin Bieber as fuel.

"Chillax Arwen." said Aragorn, "Look on the bright side! If you die, you can see him in concert every day!"

"DADDY!" screamed Arwen, causing Legolas and Gimli to fall off their chairs and drop their marshmallows into the fire.

"My marshies!" wailed Legolas dramatically.

Suddenly, there was a loud 'pop' and Lord Frickin' Elrond appeared in front of the three travellers and Arwen. Unfortunately, that meant that he was standing on top of the bonfire.

"Frickin' Owwwwwwww!" he screamed, leaping nearly ten feet in the air. He fell to the ground, clutching his burnt foot.

Arwen got up and stormed over to him.

"Daddy! Aragorn killed Justin Bieber! Make him pay!" she demanded.

"Wait...he frickin' killed Justin Bieber?" said Elrond. He immediately jumped up and hugged Aragorn.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" he squealed, "Now I'm frickin' free from wasting my frickin' money on that frickin' idiot's concert tickets!"

"Daddy!" sobbed Arwen, "Bring him back!"

"Hell frickin' no!" Elrond said.

"Hawaiian Punch!" squealed Legolas for no apparent reason.

Arwen stormed over to Aragorn.

"You have to fix him!" she yelled.

"Wha? Arwen, he's dead. By medical terms he cannot be fixed." said Aragorn, "However, thank you for noticing my PhD for medicine."

"What? You don't have a PhD!" laughed Gimli.

"Do too! I had a job as a doctor back in the day. I was the best Operation player that ever lived!" retorted Aragorn.

"Oh sure, what day? Do you mean the day Chris Columbus founded America?" asked Gimli sarcastically.

Aragorn furrowed his brow. "Who's Chris Columbus?"

"Whatever." said Gimli, "So, were you really a doctor?"

"Hell yeah!" replied Aragorn.

"So, then can you teach us some of your medical wisdom 'Doctor' Aragorn?"

"Definitely! See, there's this person here, and their nose over here. I stick their nose back on. Do you know what this makes me? This makes me God!" yelled Aragorn.

"Oh dear, there goes his last shred of sanity." sighed Gimli.

"What do you mean?" asked Arwen.

"SOFT KITTY WARM KITTY LITTLE BALL OF FUR! HAPPY KITTY SLEEPY KITTY PURR PURR PURR!" screamed Aragorn.

"Okay then, come on Arwen. It's time for us to frickin' go." said Elrond hurriedly.

Arwen nodded sulkily and disapperated.

"Oh, and guys! Sauramon's got a frickin' army of ten thousand frickin' orcs to come bring down frickin' Helms Deep! Have fun dying!" yelled Elrond before he disapperated as well.

"Sweet!" yelled Aragorn, coming out of his insanity, "Another battle? Yey! More death!"

"Yey! Now Legolas and I can see who can kill the most orcs!" cheered Gimli.

Legolas crossed his arms. "No way."

"What?! But...why?!"

"Blood is icky. It'll ruin my brand new designer sun hat!"

"What sun hat?" asked Gimli.

"This one!" Legolas said, pulling a large fluffy pink sun hat out of nowhere and placing it on his head.

Aragorn and Gimli looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"So, do you like it?" asked Legolas, fluffing up the feathers.

"It's...it's as ugly as hell!" laughed Aragorn.

Legolas' face fell.

"You're just jealous because I have a sense of fashion!" he huffed, sending clouds of glitter flying off of his new hat.

Then, King Theoden ran over to them.

"Ooh! Nice hat Legolas! Can I have one too?" he asked eagerly.

"Finally! Some one who understands fashion!" said Legolas happily.

"King T! King T! Uncle Theo! T-man!" yelled Aragorn, jumping up and down and waving his arms, trying to get the King's attention.

"What?!" snapped Theoden.

"Evil wizard man and...and orcs and epic battle coming this way!" he said.

"So?" asked Theoden.

Aragorn stared at him. "I think it will be rated PG-13."

"Aw, only PG-13? For a battle? That sucks..." groaned Gimli.

"Oh well, I guess it's time for battle strategy planning." sighed Theoden, "I WAS going to go to Dairy Queen and get milkshakes for everyone, but I guess that will have to wait."

He pulled a gigantic map out of his pocket and laid it out in front of him.

"Alright so, there's the giant chicken over there, and the washing machine of death over here. I recommend we line our troops along the rock climbing wall, because there's definitely no way the orcs will ever be able to climb up that wall, and have the rest of our army ready with our new shipment of explosive lemon guns at every entrance. Also, I need someone to deliver these liability forms to every citizen, just to cover simple things like funeral arrangements and what colour pony they want to ride into battle. You know, important life-guard stuff."

Aragorn turned to Gimli.

"On a scale of Voldemort to Pinocchio, how nosy are you?" he asked randomly.

Theoden gave Aragorn a 'wtf' look.

Aragorn gave a really high-pitched giggle and ran over to Legolas.

"Lego! Could you trip please? The floor looks like it needs a hug." he said, patting Legolas on the head.

Legolas burst into tears and hug the floor.

"I'm soooo sorry! You poor lonely floor!" he wailed.

Gimli pulled out a bazooka gun.

"King Theoden! Can I use this during the battle?!" he asked aiming it at Theoden's face.

"Where on Middle Earth did you get that?!" Theoden asked, hiding behind a lawn flamingo.

"Hey!" yelled Aragorn, "That damn neighbour stole my pet flamingo!"

He stormed over to Theoden and snatched away the lawn flamingo.

"My precious!" he yelled, petting the flamingo.

King Theoden folded up the map and began to back away slowly.

"Oh my Valar dude, I've got the best idea ever." said Gimli, "Let's play...Spiderman!"

"Gimli! Gimli!" yelled Aragorn.

"What?" asked Gimli.

"Do you believe in..."

"No! I do not believe in ghosts!" Gimli yelled.

Aragorn glared at him.

"I was going to ask you if you believed in fairies, but if you're going to be all Ghirahim about it than FINE!"

"Okay...Well, I guess I'll go deliver these liability forms. Try not to blow anything up." said Theoden, quickly running away from the insane Fellowship members.

"Come back here coward and fight like a chimpanzee!" yelled Gimli.

"And bring me a green tea!" yelled Legolas.

"I have to pee!" yelled Aragorn.

They all stared at each other, then broke down laughing.

"Rhyming is fun!" giggled Legolas.

"Why are we so weird?" asked Gimli.

"Because YOLO!" yelled Aragorn.

"And Oreos!" screamed Legolas.