Miles was pleased Alex was a low maintenance kid. He made mornings simple- get up, get dressed, eat something, go to school. He received little complaints to any of this, though he thought he got off easy since Alex had missed two days of school this week and was eager to get back. Miles figured he had to get that exuberance from Nora because he had never been one to be excited for school.

He glanced at the clock on his way out of the kitchen, then climbed the stairs to the second floor. His bedroom was at the end of the hallway with the door shut- courtesy of himself not wanting to wake his wife. He slipped quietly into the room, made sure to shut the door behind him, and watched her for a moment.

It was raining- pouring would be a more apt description- so the room was bleak and dark, as though it was still nighttime. That, combined with the rhythmic pounding of the rain off the roof, made Miles want to crawl back into bed. Alex could walk himself to school. No, he couldn't but Charlie was young and would be able to function properly if he dragged her out of her bed now.

And why was he the one doing all of this this morning? Nora had pawed at his face when the alarm had gone off, saying to give her five more minutes, and start getting Alex ready for the day without her. Five minutes had turned into forty-five minutes, and now they had to leave in ten minutes. He had decided when she had pulled this stunt that he would let her sleep until she woke herself up but he was going to at least let her know where he was going.

"Nora," he leaned down onto the mattress, face close to hers. She was curled on her side, left hand resting on his empty pillow slightly. "Honey,"

She made a pitiful sounding moan that made him frown and adjust his position so he was stretched out next to her.

"Hey," he pushed a rogue curl off her forehead and she lifted her hand enough to smack his wrist away.

"Go away." She mumbled.

"I find it shocking that Alex seems to be a morning person when neither of us are partial to the early hours. You are an absolute ray of sunshine today."

"I caught his virus. And you're a dick."

"I… yes but what does that have to do with anything? I let you sleep and handled everything on my own. You should be proud of me."

"You didn't get sick."

"Clearly a conscious decision on my part." He scanned her with a skeptical gaze, stroked the side of her cheek gently. "You sure?"

"That you're a dick? Absolutely."

"No, that you're sick. You don't have a fever. You're not projectile vomiting. You're not running to the bathroom every five seconds. You could just say you're sleeping in rather than play hooky and toy with me."

"I'm not projectile vomiting because I refuse to. Mind over matter."

"Alright, well, I'm going to take the kid to school and I'll come back and… I don't know, ravish you."

"You touch me and I'm putting a knife through you."

"Like I said, giant ray of sunshine. You are a true joy to be around Miss Clayton."

"You're the expert."

"Wow. Are you sure you're just not getting your period?"

Her response was a decently flung pillow that hit him square in the back on his way out the door. She burrowed under the remaining pillow and blanket, ignoring his deep chuckle as the door shut.

When she woke up again, she could still hear the rain pounding against the roof. The weather was only adding to her discomfort. She rolled slightly, then groaned at the nausea that followed, and pressed a hand against her stomach.

"I promise I didn't touch you while you slept." Miles kept his voice quiet on his side of their bed. She kept her eyes shut, deciding he did not merit a response, and listened to him turning pages every so often.

"How long have you been sitting there?" she finally asked.

"Since I got back- about three hours ago." He responded. There was a muffled thump, which she suspected was his book landing on the ground. Then the bed shifted and his hand nudged hers away to take its place. She let him, sighing quietly as his fingers slipped under her tank top and stroked the offending area soothingly. The gesture made her throat tighten with emotion. "I figured you had promised to be nice to me if I caught the virus so it was the least I could do to return the favor. I risked bodily harm to do so."

He turned his face towards her with a slight grin. She returned the gesture as she cupped the side of his face gently.

"You didn't have to."

"I know." He turned his head slightly, scraped his mouth against her palm, and his gaze darkened a little. She recognized it all too well. It was his guilt-ridden expression that read I need to make up for when we weren't together. "Feel any better?"

"A little." She admitted.

"Maybe you don't have what he had."

"I think it's a little soon to decide that. He progressively got worse. Give me until tonight at least."

"Okay." He lowered his head so it was resting half on her shoulder, half on the pillow. "Do you want anything? I could get you something to eat."

"I'm okay." She shut her eyes again and turned her head so it leaned against his. "This is good for now."

They laid together in silence and she was almost lulled back to sleep. She would have assumed he was too except his hand continued to move steadily against her. There was something vaguely familiar about this but she couldn't put her finger on it while her brain was in a fog.

Then, one of his earlier comments seemed to shoot to the forefront of her mind, and it hit her- hard and fast enough that she jerked with a surprised cry.

"What?" he lifted his head in alarm to look at her. She shook her head quickly, her pulse racing. No, no, no. NO. "What?"

"Nothing. I- nothing. I was half asleep. Felt like I was falling."

He gave her a shrewd look but lowered himself back down. He didn't believe her, not one bit, but he wouldn't push. She relaxed against him, forcing herself to remain calm while her brain sparked and began running anxiously through facts and worries.

Are you sure you're just not getting your period?

She lifted her hand to her face, dug her fingers into her forehead. She wasn't going to use that as legitimate variable. When was the last time she had one? But the nausea- she almost groaned out loud at the horrid memory. The first couple months of being pregnant with Alex had been horrendous. The morning sickness, the aches and tenderness, the tiredness, her irritability and improbably quick change to weepiness.

Here, laying with Miles, had been a frequent position of theirs. Once he had gotten his head out of his ass, he always slept with a hand on her stomach and on some nights when he thought she was asleep, she would find him speaking quietly to their unborn child.

She was paralyzed as she tried to decide if it was possible. With Alex, she had started showing signs sometime around their anniversary, which was the end of April. Once they had figured it out, she had been certain they conceived him during their reunion in Atlantic City at the end of February. That was eight weeks, give or take.

End of July, she thought to herself. July. The first time they were back together after the Tower flashed in her mind, as did the following days, and anxiety pooled in her stomach. That was about eight weeks ago. No. She had no concrete proof and she wasn't getting herself worked up over the possibility of being pregnant. She would ignore it until she couldn't any longer or she stopped being sick.

"Alex just fe-what are you doing?" Miles stopped in the doorway of his bedroom as his eyes landed on Nora standing in front of the mirror. He glanced over his shoulder, then entered the room completely, and shut the door.

"Do you think I look different?" she asked quietly, turning to and fro as she examined herself. She had finally ventured out of the house that afternoon- about a week after this all started- to meet Sandy at the park, and had immediately been bombarded with a million questions as well as her friend's 'supposed' keen observations. Ever since she had gotten home, she had stared at herself at every opportunity, trying to decide if the changes were truly noticeable or Sandy was being ridiculous.

"Is this a trick question?" his eyes were glued to her reflection. She stood only in her jeans and a bra, her t-shirt discarded at her feet.

"No. It's a serious one." She muttered, frowning deeply. She put her hands on her hips, sighing a little. Slowly, he walked to stand behind her, and waited for her to continue. When she didn't, he rubbed her shoulders gently, then placed a kiss on the side of her neck.

"You look like you always do."

"Well that's not true. I know I'm not exactly in good shape."

"You're joking right?"

"No, Look at me. I'm…" she trailed off, trying to find a word. She wasn't fat by any means but she had lost muscle since her injury and not being as active as she would if she were running with the rebels. "I look…"

He sighed in her ear and stared at her through the glass.

"And-" she gestured towards her chest, "it looks like I'm bigger. I feel like I am. My jeans are tight. My bra's tight."

"I can fix that." He fingered the back clasp and she squirmed to dislodge his hand.

"I'm being serious."

"So am I. Alex is asleep. Everyone's been sick. Now's our chance."

"No! This is serious!" she tore out of his grasp and sat down on the edge of the bed. He stared at her in surprise, then slowly sat next to her. Her hands were shaking as she lifted them to her face. He heard her sigh loudly behind her fingers and ran a gentle hand over her back.

"Can we just say it and get over this part?" he asked quietly. She shook her head silently and when she lifted her eyes to hers, he was a little surprised to find her tearful. "Honey,"

"I don't know if I- you- you think-"

"I'm not stupid or suffer from amnesia. I remember what it was like with Alex."

"Don't say that."

"Why? You think ignoring it is going to change things?" he paused, then added, "I thought you wanted a baby."

"I thought so too. But-" she shook her head again. "I don't know."

"You don't."

"I can't. What about you? You were never big on babies."

"I was terrified the first time. And I warmed up to the idea. You were Mom of the Year from the second you figured it out."

"I don't think we can have two."

"I don't think we have a choice."

"Alex is in a weird state right now. He's already having confidence issues and worrying about if we love him. We're going to add a baby on top of that?"

"He's not going to see it that way."

"I do." She mumbled. She scrubbed her hands over her cheeks, gnawed anxiously at her lip. She felt like hell. The entire week, she had kept to herself, lost in thought and had analyzed their entire lives from top to bottom, every which way possible. Under any other circumstances, she would have been happy. She knew she would. But now, she was torn between guilt and terror. "I feel like if we did, we'd be replacing him."

"You can't replace someone who is right there." He replied, though understood what she meant. All those moments they had missed with Alex, they'd be able to experience with a new baby. An old memory filtered to the front of his mind- one of the officer's wives making a snide remark about just having another kid and Nora's resulting meltdown in the safety of their home: Don't ever say that to me. I don't want another baby. I just want Alex. I want our baby.

"That's how I felt with Mia. My parents had screwed up with me. I love her, I do, but watching them raise her, I could see how different it was."

"That's different."

"It's not!"

"We didn't have a choice."

"And what about Charlie and Danny? You can't tell me there isn't some resentment on her part."

"That's different too."

"It's not!"

"Danny was sick. It sucks that Charlie got the short end of the stick but it's not exactly Ben and Rachel's fault for having to focus on Danny. Could they have balanced it out better? Hell yeah but it's not even close to what we're going to deal with."

"I don't want him to feel like that. I don't want him to think we were missing something and he's not good enough. I feel selfish."

"It's not like we were actively trying."

"It doesn't matter. It happened. Now we have to deal with it." She said. He raised an eyebrow at her bitter tone. It sounded more like something he would say. Almost immediately, she realized her mistake and her eyes began to water again. Goddamn hormones. She was a mess half the time.

"Look at me," he slipped a hand up to her cheek, cradling her gently. "You don't want this? Think long and hard."

"All I've been doing is thinking!" she sounded a bit hysterical now as he stroked his thumb along her cheekbone comfortingly. "About how this is going to affect Alex and feeling like a horrible mother. Then, the next second, I remember that this is actually happening, and that means that we're going to have another child, and I feel even worse because I've been so negative and I don't care that it is probably only an inch long right now and can't hear or whatever but it's our baby and of course I want it. I want any kids that we're lucky to have. I'm sitting here regretting it and I shouldn't think that way. I should be happy. But-"

Her voice broke with a sob, causing him to pull her further against him. She curled into his shoulder, body quaking with silent cries, and clung to him.

"It's okay." He murmured into her hair, rubbed her back softly. "I get it. It's okay."

"It's not okay. I feel awful. Either way I look at it, I feel like I'm hurting one of them. I don't know how to handle both. Even if I did- even if I did, I can't- I can't forget how it turned out with Alex. Losing him was the worst thing that could have happened. I'd take getting stabbed a thousand times over going through that again. Nothing is ever easy with us. With the Patriots coming in, we don't know what's going to happen and I can't- I can't do it again."

"Are you listening to yourself?"

"I'd appreciate if you could can the sass for the moment."

"I'm not trying to be sassy. I'm asking a legitimate question. Are you listening to yourself?" he waited for her to respond. When she didn't, he continued, "All your worrying and fears. Does that sound like someone who doesn't want her baby?"

"I never said I didn't. I said I can't."

"When have you ever not done something in your life?" he pushed her up so they were able to look each other in the eye. "Weren't you the one who told me that being scared is a part of life? No one knows what is going to happen tomorrow but that doesn't stop us from living."

"That was when I was rational."

"What are you now?"

"Insane." She replied promptly. He swallowed back a laugh but was unable to hide his smirk, which made her glare at him. "I'm terrified."

"I know."

"I know that's part of your point but it's different this time. I didn't think I'd ever pull myself back together after Alex. I know what that felt like and I don't want to go there again because I know this time, I wouldn't be able to come back from it."

"You don't have to worry."

"I know that but I do."

"I know and I know that no matter how many times I tell you to stop worrying, you're still going to worry. But I would do everything that I could to stop any of you from getting hurt."

"You can't control everything." She whispered. He nodded absently. He wouldn't trust himself either. Neither of them could be blamed for losing Alex but he remembered the vile words they had thrown at each other in their grief- hers in particular: You weren't here to stop it. If you hadn't gone, he'd still be here. I blame you.

"But I can try." He replied. She shook her head slightly but he nodded to offset her. "Do you want this?"

"Yeah."

"Then fuck everything else."

"It doesn't work like that."

"It does for now. We're going to take it step by step."

"Do you want this?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He stayed still, allowing her to scan him doubtfully for signs of deceit. After a moment, she leaned forward and hugged him tightly. He pressed his face against her hair, mumbled how he loved her in her ear. Her response was to hold him tighter.

There was nothing deceitful about his answer. Was he scared? Hell yeah but after having Alex, he would gladly take whatever other ones came along. He shouldn't have- he was still grappling with his guilt for his past but that would have to wait until Nora became comfortable with the idea, which he knew would happen soon enough.