Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord Of The Rings

Treebeard's Disastrous Job Interview

"Treebeard! Where are we going now?!" asked Merry, who was swinging lazily from one of Treebeard's branches.

"Yeah Treebeard! And why are you wearing a tie?" asked Pippin, looking up from an intense game of checkers with himself. Literally. He was playing against a clone of himself.

The Ent straightened his 'Sesame Street' characters tie and glanced up at the hobbits.

"Treebeard has told you two hundred times! Treebeard is going to a job interview!"

"Oh. Okay!" said Pippin cheerfully before turning back to his game to find that Pippin 2 had captured his last checker.

"Damn it! I beat myself at checkers!" cried Pippin.

Pippin 2 grinned at him and munched on the checker he had captured.

"Now you owe me fifty gallons of apple juice." announced Pippin 2 smugly between bites.

Pippin pulled Gandalf's portal gun out of his rucksack and aimed it at Pippin 2.

"Begone foul beast!" Pippin yelled epically. He then shot a portal under Pippin 2 and another on the tower of Orthanc, causing Pippin 2 to fall into the remains of the Orcs' previous barbecue.

Merry sighed.

"That lucky clone." said Merry.

Pippin shoved the Portal gun back into his bag and dusted off his hands.

"That should take care of him!" he said proudly.

Merry rolled his eyes, then gave a very loud shriek.

"Pippin! Zombies!" he screamed, pointing at a group of very stupid looking animated zombies.

Pippin shrugged.

"So?" he asked.

Merry pulled a tin of candy canes out of his pocket.

"I'll give you a candy cane if you go kill those zombies for me." he promised.

Pippin immediately jumped up and went completely 'Jackie Chan' on the zombies, killing all of them in under a minute.

"Okay! Can I have my candy cane now?!" yelled Pippin from the ground.

However, Merry had already stuffed every single last candy cane into his mouth.

"Oops." he said, swallowing the candy canes.

Pippin glared at him and pulled the Portal gun back out of his bag.

"Alright! Alright! I'm sorry!" Merry yelled. He rumaged around in his rucksack and pulled out a chocolate chip muffin.

"There." he said, giving the muffin to Pippin, "You can have this."

Pippin suddenly gasped and slid down onto Treebeard's nose, completely forgetting his muffin.

"Treebeard! I have an awesome story to tell you! Okay, so, one day, I walked into a bakery, and I saw a HUGE muffin, and I was like, 'MUFFIN!', so I ate it really really fast, and I started chocking, and the guy at the counter was like, 'Oh my gosh! You're chocking!', and I was like, 'Ack! Ack!', and he slapped me on the back, and I spit out the muffin, and he was like 'Oh my gosh! Are you okay?', and I looked on the muffin on the ground and yelled, 'MUFFIN!', so I ate it again really fast and he was like, 'Why would you do that?! You were just chocking on it?!' and I was like, 'Ack! Ack!', and he said, 'Wow you're stupid.', and then I lost consciousness, and..."

Suddenly, Treebeard stopped abruptly, causing Pippin to fall off his nose and onto the ground.

"Okay! We're here!" yelled Treebeard.

Pippin groaned.

"Why is the sky purple?" he said in a daze.

Treebeard looked around in confusion at the empty clearing.

"Treebeard is wondering where his fellow Ents are? Come out, come out wherever you are!" Treebeard said.

No other Ents arrived out of the trees.

"Odd," said Treebeard glumly, "Where could they be?"

Pippin got up and glanced at the surrounding forest.

"Hey! We've got soft tacos! Get your fresh microwavable soft tacos here!" he screamed.

Suddenly, several Ents began charging out of the woods.

Pippin grinned.

"Nailed it."

The Ents ran into the clearing in a rush to get to the soft tacos, but stopped when they spotted Treebeard.

"Oh, um, hello there, um, Treebeard." said a willow tree with a very messy beard, "Er, shall we get to the interview then?" he said in an attempt to act professional while eyeing the pile of soft tacos Merry had pulled out of his bag.

"HELLO MR. TREE-THINGY! MY NAME IS PIPPIN AND I LIKE CANDY AND I ALSO LIKE YOUR BEARD!" screamed Pippin at the top of his lungs while Merry was hurriedly eating as many soft tacos as he could before the Ents ate them all.

The Ent ignored Pippin and went on talking to Treebeard as the crowd of Ents finally reached Merry's soft tacos.

"No! My precious!" wailed Merry as the Ents began stealing his soft tacos.

"Brothers!" yelled the willow Ent, "We have to begin the interview!"

The other Ents glumly walked into their positions and away from the tacos, muttering about how they want a lawsuit for not being allowed to finish their food.

Treebeard bent down and scooped up Merry and Pippin before lightly placing them on his head as the interview began.

Pippin, bored already, leisurely glanced at his shoulder.

"Ahhh!" he shrieked, "There's a buggy on me! Oh wait, is that a bee?"

Pippin leaned over and ate the bee right off of his shoulder.

"Numnumnumnum! Hmm, IS this a bee?"

He stuck out his tongue and attempted to stare at it.

"Yep, it's a bee. Yummy!"

With one gulp, Pippin swallowed the bumble bee.

The trees screamed and began to slowly run around in circles.

"He ate a bee! He ate a bee! That's un-ecofriendly!" wailed the Ents.

"Hey! That's what my mom always said whenever I passed gas!" said Pippin proudly.

The Ents doubled over, and some of them began barfing up a mixture of dirt and tree leaves.

"Um, hobbits? Treebeard feels that it might be best if you two find something quiet to do until we finish this interview, okay?" asked Treebeard, glancing nervously at the other Ents.

"OKAY!" Pippin yelled, "WE WILL FIND SOMETHING QUIET TO DO!"

Treebeard winced at Pippin's yelling, but set them down anyways and walked back to the circle of Ents.

Pippin and Merry sat around in boredom for awhile, whistling a duet of 'Funky Town'. Suddenly, Merry stood up.

"I know what we can do!" he said excitedly, pulling out his Ipod touch.

Meanwhile

"Therefore, that is why Treebeard feels that he is perfect for the job of..."

"CAN WE PRETEND THAT AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY ARE LIKE SHOOTING STARS!" screamed Merry and Pippin from the edge of the clearing.

The Ents grumbled and looked up from their meeting.

"HOBBITS!" yelled Treebeard in frustration.

Merry poked his head out of the shadows.

"Treebeard," he said politely, "Could you keep it down? We can hardly hear our music."

Treebeard let out a long roar and stomped over to where Pippin and Merry were hiding.

Pippin and Merry quickly scrambled into the forest before Treebeard could take away Merry's Ipod, laughing at Treebeard's attempts to catch up with them.

"Whew! That was close!" said Merry, switching off his Ipod.

"Yeah." said Pippin, "I'm bored now."

"Me too."agreed Merry, "But let's just say that Treebeard was really lucky that I didn't play 'Friday'."

"I know! Let's play with Google!" suggested Pippin.

"Good idea!"

Merry pulled his laptop out of his bag and clicked on Google Chrome.

"Awww." he said, "I have no internet connection! How on Middle-Earth does Treebeard live with this?!"

Pippin struck a thinking pose.

"Maybe..." he began, "Maybe because Treebeard is so tall that he can get good satellite connection!"

Merry gave Pippin a high-five.

"Good thinking Pip! But, Treebeard told us to stay away until the meeting's over."

Pippin stared at him blankly.

"He did?" he asked. Pippin then glanced over to the clearing, where the Ents were deep in conversation. Suddenly, he jumped up and bolted over to the willow Ent.

"SANTA CLAUS!" he screeched, giving the willow Ent's leg a bear hug.

"Santy! Santy! For Christmas I...I want a bee farm! With a farmer named Tim who has a wife and three kids! His kids are named Jerry, Jerry, and Jerry and his wife is named Jerry also." said Pippin.

The Ent stared at Pippin in bewilderment.

Merry strolled casually into the scene.

"So, are you guys going to about Saramon and the possible fall of Middle-Earth?" he asked.

The Ents stared at him.

"Er, what?" all of them said in unison.

"Wait, you don't know about that?" he asked, "I thought for sure Doctor Who would have told you."

The Ents stared back blankly.

"I want my fuzzy blue blanky!" wailed Pippin in the background.

"Er, we don't know what you are talking about." said the willow Ent.

Merry started to cry.

"What is it?" asked Treebeard.

"It's just so hard. You know?! We're just trying to help our homeland! There's a really bad man, and...and it's just so hard!" sobbed Merry.

"Treebeard!" yelled Pippin impatiently. "I have to go find my clone! He stole my blue blanky and I want it back!"

Treebeard sighed and picked up the two hobbits and placed them on his head.

"Alright hobbit, Treebeard will take you to find your blanky."

Pippin beamed and started to sing.

"I'm a gummy bear! Oh I'm a gummy bear! I'm a..."

"NO MORE SINGING!" screamed Treebeard.

"Okay!" said Pippin, and instead began humming the tune to 'Friday' in Treebeard's ear.

"Owww! My ear! It burns!" wailed Treebeard.

Pippin's Bonus Song:

Pippin: "I'M PLAYING CHECKERS WITH MY SEL-ELF! I'M PLAYING CHECKERS WITH MYSELF! I'M HUNGRY AND WANT MY BLANKY! OH, I'M PLAYING CHECKERS WITH MYSELF! (Epic tambourine solo) CHEESECAKE!"

Merry: "Um...Pippin?"

Pippin: "Yeah?"

Merry: "About your obsession with cheesecake..."

Pippin: "Yep?"

Merry: "Well...It's still a better love story than Twilight!"

Pippin: "Hells yeah!"

(Epic high-five!)

:) Smiley face