A/N: Hello! Well, summer has dwindled down (here it took longer…) so hopefully I'll have more time to spend on my writing! This is a short one—forgive me—but I figured it was better than nothing. I really appreciate all of your insight so I hate it when I fail to update on a regular basis.
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
The Hotch Chronicles – Segment 6
/11/
You wiggle your toes inside your sneakers as you watch the players take position. You're nervous as you watch Jack prepare to take control of the ball once his teammate throws it back into play. It's the playoffs and you know your son desperately wants his team to advance.
Ever since he started on the upper elementary team you've noticed his competitive streak grow stronger. Over dinner, when you're able to make it, he talks to you about strategy and worries about the team's weaknesses. You're glad he is passionate about the sport; you're so proud of him. You thought Foyet would ruin him, but in hindsight you know that was a ridiculous assumption. Jack is strong, just like his mother. And, like his mother, has a stubborn streak.
You rub your hand over your face and rest your elbows on your knees. The whistle blows and as you expected, Jack's teammate throws the ball to your son. You almost don't want to watch.
"Come on, come on," you mutter under your breath.
Jack quickly takes control, and dodges the kid guarding him. You smirk because JJ, being the veteran soccer player she is, taught him that move in a conference room at Quantico. You walked in, finally done with a meeting, to find all the chairs and table on one side of the room and Jack and JJ kicking your son's soccer ball around while Garcia was taking pictures.
Jack approaches opposing team's zone, searching for a teammate to pass the ball to. He sees Carter open. He waits for the opposing player to overstep and quickly kicks the ball over. You watch as he runs to the goal, unnoticed by the defense, and wave his hands. Carter, one of Jack's best friends, sees him and passes the ball back.
You're pretty sure the world stops.
Your son takes aim and kicks.
You hold your breath.
/12/
You don't allow yourself to visit too often, even though there's a bench under an oak tree. It might be a cop out, but you believe she wouldn't want you spending your life talking to a headstone. While the two of you didn't practice your faiths, you both believed in something. You do believe there is a heaven so you feel awkward talking to a grave when really, she's in the clouds.
When Jack wants to come, Jessica is usually the one available to take him. Your son always understood why you couldn't—you were busy catching bad guys like the one who hurt Mommy. Over the years, Jack's requests to visit became fewer, but the two of you are committed to coming on birthdays and holidays. It is an unspoken promise between you and your wise son.
Holidays and birthdays. That was—is— the deal.
Unfortunately, you missed the last one.
At the thought you cringe. Your son still went, along with his aunt, but you were in Arizona chasing a serial killer. You were after a lunatic when you should have been here with your son. It was easy to distract yourself with the complications of an ugly case, but that distraction dissipates on the jet ride home and leaves you feeling guilty.
You take a seat on the cement bench under the oak tree and lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees. Haley always said this was your default position when you were having an internal debate with yourself. You sigh and whisper an apology for the job getting in the way again. You should have come with white roses and your son in hand.
A soft breeze surrounds you and you almost allow yourself to think it is Haley forgiving you.
The urge to explain takes over.
"We were in Mesa, Arizona. A man was torturing mothers. Blonde ones. The last one had a four-year-old son. We had a solid lead when Morgan and Blake were jumped. They're okay, but everything was chaos. We caught him in the end so at least…at least I can feel like my absence accounts for something good." You pause because six years ago you'd never offer this information to your wife. Haley hated that and said you were shutting her out.
"Jack's doing great. He's…great. Playing soccer like a pro and I can barely get him to come home after practice because he wants to keep going. He's a machine when it comes to soccer." You pause again and debate carrying on. But you figure you're on a roll. "I'll keep working on my promise. My split from Beth is a setback but…it just wasn't right anymore. And Jack seems okay about it, but I'm not 100% sure. He says he understands, but he's always put on a brave front when need be, just like you."
You sit up and sigh. The sun is peeking through the branches of the oak tree, beckoning you in a way. "I'll show him love his whole life Haley. He'll have it, always. I'll make sure he sees it. I'll find a way. As promised."
You take a deep breath and exhale slowly, reigning in your emotions. You need to go to Jack after this and you can't be a mess. Standing, you give her headstone one more, long look. Another breeze rustles the leaves on the oak making you look up to the sky and smile a farewell.
"Happy birthday, Haley."