April 2020- Seven and a Half Years After the Blackout

When Nora heard footsteps coming up the porch three days later, she contemplated throwing something at Miles the instant he walked in. Instead, she decided to not to react at all. She kept her eyes focused on her book, though she was dying to look at him when she heard the door shut quietly.

"Hey," his voice was quiet and- she found it hard to believe- remorseful. "I uh- I know I- honey it'd be a lot easier to- could you-"

She sighed heavily, as though he was inconveniencing her, and lifted her gaze to him. He remained in the doorway, looking extremely guilty. In one hand, he held a bouquet of roses. The other had a little teddy bear.

"I- I got these." he held them up so she could see, "Uh- I'm- I'm really sorry."

"You're sorry." she repeated flatly.

"Really sorry. There was a really in there."

"There better be a hundred of them in there."

"Nora-"

"You've been gone for three days."

"I needed to clear my head."

"Three days?"

"You gotta understand-"

"I don't want to hear it." she sounded tired, not at all willing to argue with him. "I don't care. Okay? I'm not even angry. I can't be because I feel sorry for you."

"Don't do that. Be angry. Be pissed. I deserve it."

"I don't need your permission to do something. You're never going to change. That's your problem. I'm not going to let myself get upset or feel guilty because we're having a baby."

"You're right."

"Miles, agreeing with every word I say and coming in with a dinky stuffed animal is not going to make things okay."

"I'm not expecting it to. I'd appreciate it if you'd hear me out though." he waited for her to give a sign of approval. When he didn't get one, he figured he better forge ahead and started to speak. "I'll be the first to admit that I reacted badly the other day. Looking back, I acted like a total dick to you. I know you probably won't believe me, but when I left, I went to my office to work on stuff. I figured I'd give you the night but then yesterday I kept thinking things over and I couldn't come back. Every time I tried to come, I thought of how much I'm going to screw up. I said that you'd be better off without me anyway. You'd be able to handle anything and not need anyone else. I know how you feel about the baby and I figured that when it came down to it, you were not going to budge. You'd choose it over me and I don't blame you."

"So why are you sitting here then?"

"As ridiculous as it sounds, I looked at the calendar this morning and saw it was our anniversary. Then, I thought about how you pointed out I was willing to stand by you until I found out you were- were pregnant and I walked out on you. I don't want that. I don't want to be without you. So if- if a baby gets thrown into that, whatever. I'll handle it."

"This isn't a very good apology. I don't want you to handle it. This isn't about me. I appreciate that you love me but I don't want you hanging around because of me and act like the baby is a cramp in our style."

"I know. I know you want me to be jumping for joy and hollering it from the rooftops or whatever. I know the things you want me to be saying but I can't do it. Not right now. I would do anything to make you happy-"

"It's not about me! You're not getting it. It's not one or the other. We're a family. I don't want to act like one. I want to be one. I don't want you to pretend that you care for our kid because you want to see me smile. I'm going to know it's not real and that's only going to make me feel shitty and one day, he's going to realize that too and how do you think it'll make him feel knowing his father didn't want him or doesn't care for him?"

"I know! Fuck, I know." he gritted his teeth together, trying to keep himself composed. This was not going the way he planned. "Alright. Alright, I worded this wrong. I'm starting over. I'm not happy right now."

"Keep digging that hole a little further."

"You gotta let me finish, alright? I'm not happy but I'm not angry either. I'm fucking terrified. That's why I said I can't right now. I don't know what to do. I need time to think about things. I mean, we've got nine months right?"

"No. No, you are not hanging around here, hemming and hawing, and having worse mood swings than I'll be having. You're making a decision now. You don't get to think because you twist things and are pessimistic and nine out of ten times, the shit you worry about doesn't even happen or you are the exact opposite of what you swore you'd be. Stop projecting. Stop thinking of all the reasons you think you can't. What do you want?"

"I- I don't-"

"You don't want a baby with me? You don't want to start a family?"

"I-"

"It's a yes or no answer."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is. Stop thinking! Everything else does not matter! Pretend everything does not exist. I don't exist. You're not trying to make me happy. Someone asks you if you want kids. What do you say?"

"Yes but-"

"Stop." she put her fingers against mouth, cutting him off. "That's all you had to say."

"But-"

"Do you want a baby?"

"Yes."

"Do you want this baby?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"It's not that-"

"If you say it's not that simple, I'm going to punch you." she said softly. She felt him smile against her fingers, then moved her hand to cup his cheek gently. "You can spend as much time as you want until December being scared, thinking you're going to mess things up, whatever."

"You just said I needed to make a decision now."

"No, you needed to make a decision if you wanted this. You just did. That's what I needed to hear."

"Nora,"

"I need you to trust me. I know you- better than anyone."

"You don't."

"I do. You don't let anyone in. You let me in, further than Bass, further than Ben. I've seen past all the walls you've put up. I know you, the real you." she laid her other hand against his chest, as if to reiterate her point. "I'm grateful for that. I know that took a lot of effort on your part and it was a big risk and knowing you like I do, you were probably scared shitless. Now, my point is that you need to trust me. You need to let me return that favor and show you the man I know you are. I need you to believe me when I say that you are going to be a good father."

He shook his head slightly, which she counteracted with a nod.

"Yes. You are because you're going to trust my judgment. I remember you told me you didn't want kids because you knew you'd screw them up like you have other things. I know things are rough right now. It feels like everything is pretty much crumbling around us. I know you don't want to be the General anymore and you feel like that's the only part of you. It's not."

"It is."

"Are you the General towards me?"

"No."

"No. And you're not going to be the General towards our kids either."

"Can we have this one before you start adding any more on?"

"Fine. Our kid," she corrected with a smile. "If I thought you were going to be a bad father, a bad husband, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. I wouldn't put myself or my child at risk. So I want you to trust me."

"You've got way too much faith in me."

"That's because I need to make up for the amount you lack. And I'll start right now." she grabbed the bear that was smushed between their legs and held it up for his inspection. "Ruthless generals that hate children don't buy teddy bears wearing monogrammed sweaters. I know that you had someone make this because I have never seen one in any shop and even if it did exist, this is not the Republic-issued M."

"I threatened her life to make sure she finished it." She laughed quietly as he admitted with a smirk, "I tossed in a few extra diamonds as compensation."

"I figured as much." she moved her hand to the back of his neck, pulled him into a slow kiss. When they separated, he leaned his forehead against hers, stared deeply into her eyes. "I love you, even if you act like a stupid jackass most of the time."

"Are you sure about all of this?"

"Absolutely."

"And all I have to do is follow your word?"

"Up until you believe it yourself. Just know you have until the day I go into labor because I'm going to need you on your A-game while I have a seven pound baby trying to get out of me."

"When you phrase it like that, it sounds really creepy." he muttered, making her laugh again.

Later that night, Nora started to doze off on the couch once they had returned from dinner. The crackling sound of the fireplace caught her attention. She opened one eye to see Miles standing over the fire, tossing paper after paper into the flames.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting rid of the evidence."

"Of what?"

"Whatever plans I had made." he crumpled the last page into a ball and allowed it to join the others. "I can't do it now."

"Miles, this has nothing to do with that."

"Yes it does. Any number of things could go wrong. I don't want to raise a baby in hiding, without the best amenities, if we had to run. I don't want to get executed and leave you alone. I don't want you being implicated and something happen to you. It's not worth it. It can wait a while."

"So what are you going to do in the mean time?" she decided not to argue, knowing he wasn't going to budge from his new position.

"I don't know. I'll do what I can to keep him under control. It's not going to be much but maybe I can figure something out. I don't know. I'm just… trying to be a good family man. It's not just you and me anymore. We can't be stupid."

"Well, it's a step in the right direction." she smiled faintly at him. It slowly faded as she considered what he was saying. Talking about Bass made a new concern crawl into her head. "Can we not tell people for a while?"

"Tell whoever you want when you want to."

"I just- I don't know what he'd do if he found out. I don't think he'd do anything but I- I want to enjoy this without him looming over our shoulders."

"Baby, I wouldn't let something happen to you. I know it sounds like I'm forfeiting but if push came to shove, I would do what it takes to keep you safe." he joined her on the couch and she nodded as he leaned in to kiss her. "We don't have to tell him."

"Eventually, he's going to figure it out."

"We'll deal with it then." he pushed her hair out of her face, twisted strands around his fingers. "You need to trust me too."

"I do. A hundred percent."

"Okay. Then, there's no need for you to be worrying."

"Let's just remember the conversations we had today in a few months, when we're both freaking out."

"Deal."