Happy Christmas everybody, or Happy Holidays if you prefer! Hope you have a wonderful holiday, and eat lots of Christmas cheesecake! (Merry: 'Is that a thing?' Pippin: 'Who cares? Yahoo! CHEESECAKE!')

By the way, you know how you can check for the synonyms of words on some writing programs? Well, I checked the synonyms for 'Pippin', and some of the suggestions were 'Eating apple' and 'Dessert apple'. I just hope he doesn't try to eat himself after that.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord Of The Rings (It was on my Christmas list...but Santa must have missed it).

Have A Merry & Pippin Christmas!

December 24th, Edoras, Rohan

"One the 5th day of Christmas, Gandalf gave to meeee! A farm with a thousand bees!" sang Pippin as he wrote his, extremely long, letter to Santa (aka: Gandalf).

"For the last time Pippin! I am NOT Santa Claus!" yelled Gandalf.

"Haha! Oh Gandalf you make me laugh!" laughed Pippin.

Merry leaned over and whispered in Pippin's ear.

"Um...Pip? I think grandpa Gandalf means it." he whispered.

Pippin laughed insanely.

"Don't be silly Merry! Gandalf is totally Santa Claus! I mean, just look at his beard! And of course he's likely lying about his weight, since I totally saw him eat all of those cookies yesterday."

"Hey!" yelled Gandalf, "I never did that! And for the last time I'm not Santa Claus!"

"Awww," said Merry, looking down at his completed letter, "But I already wrote down your address on my letter!"

"And now my life is a lie!" wailed Pippin, waking Aragorn up from his nap.

"What?! Who's there? Where am I? Is there someone I need to kill?" asked Aragorn excitedly.

"Awww, Aragorn's awake." sighed Merry, "Now who are we going to sacrifice to the winter gods?!"

"Wait, what?!" yelled Aragorn.

"Don't worry Merry," said Pippin, "Aragorn can help us!"

"Help you with what?" asked Aragorn sleepily.

"Help us get Gandalf back in the Christmas spirit so that he can go deliver presents again!" replied Pippin happily.

"Oh hell no! Not this again!" yelled Aragorn, "I already did my Christmas helping time LAST year when I had to wait for Santa Claus with Eowyn, my murderous metaphorical sister! You two are a totally different story!

"D'wawwww, that's sooo sweet!" squealed Legolas, listening in on their conversation, "You must have gotten lots of gifts for that!"

Aragorn glared at Legolas.

"I got a goddamn LAMPSHADE!" he bellowed.

Legolas squeaked and hid behind Gimli.

"But Aragorn! This is important!" whined Pippin, latching onto Aragorn's leg, "Pwease! Won't you help us? I wanna bee farm! Santy Claus needs you!"

"How old are you again?" asked Aragorn.

"It will be a bluuuuuueeeee Christmas without yooouuuu..." sang Pippin.

"And it'll be a red Christmas if you don't get the hell off my frickin' leg!" yelled Aragorn.

"ARAGORN! I'll put you on the naughty list if you do that!" bellowed Gandalf.

Everyone in the room gasped and stared at Gandalf.

"Oh, I-I m-mean, Santa will put you on the n-naughty list." he said.

"I was right!" squealed Pippin, "Gandalf IS Santy Claus!"

"Alright alright! I AM Santa Claus! Geez..." said Gandalf, "But I am SOOO not in the mood to deliver presents this year because SOMEONE (he glared at Pippin) stole my portal gun!"

"But what about your sleigh?" asked Merry.

"The magic dust that it runs on become very rare and went up in price, you know, supply and demand, so I put the sled away and bought a portal gun." explained Gandalf.

"Don't worry Gandalf! You can borrow my TARDIS!" said Pippin.

"No, for the last time, I'm not in the mood to deliver presents tonight!" said Gandalf.

"GET IN!" yelled Pippin, "WE'RE GOING TIME-TRAVELLING!"

"But I still need someone to make a few more toys, and several of them aren't even wrapped yet!" said Gandalf.

"Don't you worry Gramps, we have an official elf here!" said Merry, pointing to Legolas.

"Wait...what? What did you say?!" shrieked Legolas, "Oh no no no no NO! There is no way that I'm going to dress up in those hideous little elf costumes and build toys! I am ROYALTY!"

"Oh we'll never be eeeelllllves! Eeeellllllves! It's not fashionable! To dress in red and white, to build toys for Christmas night!" sang Pippin and Merry horribly while dancing around with elf hats on.

Suddenly, Gandalf got an idea.

"I never thought I'd say this, but it might be a good idea for you two to be my elves for tonight." said Gandalf, pointing at Merry and Pippin.

"You mean us?!" asked the two hobbits excitedly.

"No, I mean President Lincoln. Yes I mean you two!" yelled Gandalf in frustration.

"Yay!" squealed Merry and Pippin, dancing around the hall.

"Now get to work!" ordered Gandalf, rubbing his temples due to the hobbits' loud squeal.

"Yes Santy Claus sir!" said Merry and Pippin.

"The secret present room is to the left," instructed Gandalf, "Oh! And drink this."

Merry and Pippin took the giant bottle from Gandalf.

"What is it?" asked Merry, as Pippin began chugging it down.

"It's a mixture of eggnog, pounds of sugar, custard, and candy canes." replied Gandalf.

"Wait, you're giving them MORE sugar?!" asked a sleepy Gimli in disbelief, "Are you out of your mind?!"

"Don't worry Gimli, I have this all planned out. The extra sugar is to set them on a sugar rush in order to get them to finish the job in time, because although we CAN travel back in time anyway, it's nice to have everything finished quickly." Gandalf explained as the two hobbits bounced out of the hall. Gimli nodded and fell back asleep.

Aragorn was glaring at Gandalf.

"Could I PLEASE get something other than a lampshade this year? Because I was so awesome this year?" he asked.

"We'll see." Gandalf replied.

"Hey Gandal- I mean 'Santy Claus', wanna meet my Elf-On-A-Shelf?!" asked Pippin, dragging a large sack behind him and holding up a little plush elf in a red onesie.

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be working?!" said Gandalf.

"We're on break," replied Merry, randomly popping out of the sack Pippin was carrying, "We have rights you know."

"Break?! Already?! But what about the presents?!" yelled Gandalf.

"Well, we weren't entirely sure how to build a 'World of Warcraft' for Aragorn, so we thought we should ask you." Whispered Merry.

Aragorn jumped out of his bed.

"Wait, I'm going to get that World of Warcraft game I asked for this year for Christmas?! And not something stupid again?!" he asked excitedly.

Gandalf ignored Aragorn.

"I don't know how to build one either Merry, just try your best" he replied, shooing Merry back into the workshop.

Suddenly, Pippin jumped on Gandalf and shoved an Elf-On-The-Shelf in his face.

"Gandalf Santy! Looky! This my Elf-On-The-Shelf! His name is Potato Fry, and he will only watch movies that have squirrels in them!" Pippin squealed.

"Errr, Pippin? You do know that you're not supposed to touch your Elf-On-The-Shelf or else they lose their magic, right?" said Gandalf.

Pippin shrieked and quickly dropped Potato Fry onto a sleeping Gimli's face.

"Potato Fry nooooooo!" he shrieked.

Gimli opened his eyes.

"What the hell is going on here?!" he asked sleepily. He began rubbing his eyes, then caught sight of the Elf-On-The-Shelf staring at him from his perch on his beard.

"What the….?"

"Don't worry Gimli, I'll save you!" yelled Legolas, firing a confetti arrow at the Elf-On-The-Shelf, and promptly missing.

Gimli rolled his eyes and brushed the tiny elf plushy off his beard.

Suddenly, a loud whoosing noise filled the air and a battered blue Police Box appeared on top of Gimli. The doors flew open and a hobbit that looked exactly like Pippin waltzed out.

"Uh, Pippin? Why are there two of you?" asked Gandalf.

Pippin stared at Gandalf.

"That's Pippin Clone Mr. Santy Gandalf sir." replied Pippin, "But he says he prefers to be called Lord of All Penguins."

Pippin Clone giggled and downed an entire bottle of mustard.

"Will someone please get this stupid box off of me?!" groaned Gimli.

Pippin Clone whispered something to Pippin.

"That's a brilliant idea Me!" gasped Pippin, "We'll sacrifice Gimli to the winter gods instead!"

"Wait, what?!" yelled Gimli.

"Well, how else do you suggest we get it to snow?" asked Pippin.

Just then, the doors to the workshop flew open.

"Mr. Santy Gandalf I finished making the toys!" said Merry happily, dragging behind him a huge sack.

"Good job Merry! Now put it in the Tardis quickly and we'll be on our way!"

Merry threw the bag into the box with a crash.

"Alright, now everyone in!" ordered Gandalf.

"Uh, no thank you!" said Aragorn, "If you don't mind, I'm just going to stay here and play video games."

Suddenly, the door to the hall flew open and Eowyn rushed in.

"Big Brother Aragorn! Do you wanna play with me? I just got my sword sharpened!" she squealed.

"On second thought, never mind I'm coming!" yelled Aragorn, leaping through the Tardis doors.

First stop: Gondor

"Pippin, be quiet!" hissed Gandalf as Pippin fell once again into a suit of armour.

"But Gandalf, there's too many silver people in this hallway!" whined Pippin, "They keep catching me when I do my gravity checks!"

Gandalf handed a present to Gimli.

"You deliver this one Gimli," said Gandalf, "Now remember to put it under the tree this time."

Gimli rolled his eyes and clomped away.

Suddenly everyone heard a huge crash and Gimli yell 'Merry Bloody Christmas'.

"Gimli! What did you do?!" yelled Gandalf.

"I delivered that pyromaniac his freaking cardboard box that's what." grumbled Gimli, wiping his mysteriously messy hands on Legolas' clean tunic, causing the elf to faint into the Chirstmas tree.

Gandalf face-palmed as Merry and Pippin attempted to drag Legolas out of the tree, but gave up and just took the tree with them into the Tardis.

Just then, the phone rang in the Tardis.

"Yo it's Aragorn." said Aragorn as he answered the phone.

"Future Hubby!" squealed Arwen on the other line.

"Oh no! Not you!" screamed Aragorn, dropping the phone.

Merry swooped down and picked the phone up again.

"Yes, Uh-huh, okay be right there!" he said, nodding, "Gandalf! We have to take Aragorn to Rivendell for Elrond's Freakin' Christmas party!"

"Merry no!" yelled Aragorn.

"Don't worry Aragorn, Rivendell's our next stop anyway." said Gandalf.

"What do you mean 'Don't worry'?! Arwen's insane! And her brothers are going to make me play dress-up and have princess tea parties with them again!" wailed Aragorn.

"No, let's go! I'm starving!" said Gimli.

Second Stop: Rivendell

"Damn! I forgot that elf food was complete and utter crap!" yelled Gimli, staring angrily at the piles of vegetarian platters.

All of the elves at the table inched away nervously from Gimli.

Legolas smiled as he picked his fork, then shrieked.

"The stupid fork broke my perfectly manicured nail!" he screamed, "That's it! I'm not eating with a fork ever again!"

Gimli quickly ducked as Legolas' fork flew pat his head and embedded itself in the wall behind him.

"Aragorn! I bought you a present!" squealed Arwen, dumping a giant box on Aragorn, who had been forced by Arwen's brothers into a neon pink princess dress. "Open it! Open it!"

Aragorn rolled his eyes and ripped open the wrapping paper.

"What the…" he said, and pulled a tiny silver necklace out of the gigantic box.

"Merry Christmas!" yelled Arwen.

"You got me a….necklace?!" said Aragorn, "What the hell Arwen?! Do you not know how to buy presents?! This is even worse than last year when you gave me a box full of your own breath!"

Suddenly, the doors to the dining hall burst open with a blast of pink confetti and a tall elf swaggered in wearing lime green glasses and a party hat.

"Ooh! More bling!" he squealed, grabbing the necklace out of Aragorn's hands and draping it over his hat. Then he turned to the rest of the guests.

"Leggy-boy!" he yelled excitedly and stumbled over to give the elf a bone-crushing hug.

"DAD! You're ruining my hair!" whined Legolas, "I just got it straightened!"

"Sorry son." Said Thranduil, pulling away from the hug and fussing with his hair in a mirror, accidentally yanking some of Legolas' mix-matched colour extensions out, "I guess you just can't be as effortlessly fabulous as me."

Just then, the door burst open again and in stumbled a huge elk carrying hundreds of bottles of alcohol in his saddle bags. Then Aragorn burst out laughing.

"Dammit Thranduil! Why do you always have to be so freakin' annoying!" yelled Elrond, angrily stabbing at his plate of lettuce.

Thranduil flipped his hair, causing a waterfall of glitter to fall down on the table.

"Now don't be jelly Elrond." He chided, missing his chair as he drunkenly attempted to sit down.

"Does anyone want to sing karaoke?!" asked Arwen, clutching onto Aragorn's arm with a deathgrip. "Aragorn, do you wanna sing a karaoke song with me so we can fall in love like in High School Musical?!"

Aragorn went deathly pale and struggled to wrench his arm out of Arwen's grip.

"Ooh! Ooh! We'll sing karaoke!" volunteered Merry and Pippin excitedly.

Gandalf hid his face in his hands.

"For the love of…."

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you sold it on Ebay! Next year to save me from tears, I'll sell it myself for a higher bidding!" sang Merry and Pippin before smacking their faces into a pile of vegetable pies, causing the elves to shriek as bits of food splatted onto their tunics and dresses.

"Now this is my kind-of party!" said Thranduil before downing a bottle of wine. "Leggy-boy, how about you sing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' with your old man?"

Legolas shook his head violently and slouched under the table.

"Hey Legolas, do you think your dad will mind if I eat that elk of his?" asked Gimli, eyeing the elk hungrily, "I'm starving!"

Thranduil suddenly stopped doing what looked like a drunken version of the Macarena and shrieked.

"A dwarf!" he screamed, "Noooooo! I'm allergic!"

Thranduil then proceeded to unfabulously writhe around on the floor and dramatically pretend he was choking.

Legolas nervously inched away from his dad.

"Can we leave now Gandalf?!" he whispered.

"I couldn't agree more." Gandalf replied.

Gandalf then whispered urgently into a walky-talky and suddenly Pippin Clone crashed the Tardis through the dining hall doors and onto the table. The Fellowship quickly dove into its open doors, Aragorn only managing to jump in at the last second after wrenching his arm out of Arwen's grasp.

"Wait!" said Merry, "Aragorn, you're supposed to be Arwen's present!"

"What?!" yelled Aragorn, "There's no way I'm going back there!"

"Oh well, we'll just have to give her the alternate gift." Said Merry.

Pippin nodded and dug through the bag until he found a poorly made doll with a scraggly beard and carrying a sword made of toothpicks, then threw it out the Tardis doors at Arwen.

"What the hell?! Was that supposed to look like me?!" asked Aragorn.

"I accidentally ate the good copy." said Pippin, munching on the head of a rocking horse.

A few stops later

"Whew!" sighed Gandalf, wiping his forehead, "Thank goodness that's over."

"Well it got a whole lot better after we threw Pippin and Merry out of the Tardis while flying over the Tower of Orthanc." Grumbled Gimli, hoisting himself out of the near-empty toy bag.

"Yeah! That was super duper fun!" squealed Pippin.

Everyone else whipped around.

"How the heck did you get back?!" asked Gandalf.

Pippin held up the Portal Gun.

"Pippin! Merry! You two had it all along!" Gandalf bellowed.

"Not all along," said Merry, as Pippin hummed a very off-key version of Jingle Bells, "Pippin had swallowed it, but spit it out when we hit the ground after we fell out of the Tardis.

"Is it present time now Santy Gandalf?!" asked Pippin as he attempted to gnaw off the pompom of his Santa Hat.

"Fine" sighed Gandalf, rubbing his head.

"YES!" cheered Aragorn, "World of Warcraft here I come!" He immediately attacked his present.

"Wait….WHAT?!" he screamed, lifting out a stress ball printed with a map of Middle Earth on it and a bunch of tiny plastic tanks stabbed randomly into the ball.

"It's your World of Warcraft!" said Pippin happily.

Aragorn collapsed on the ground.

Then, the doors to the Tardis creaked open.

"Big Brother!" squealed Eowyn, jumping on Aragorn, "It's Christmas! It's Christmas! Let's go have a snowball fight!"

Aragorn groaned.

"Yay! Christmas pile-on Aragorn!" screamed Merry and Pippin, diving on top of Aragorn too.

"That's it." said Aragorn, "Next year I'm gonna celebrate Hannukah instead."

"Ooh! We love Hannukah!" squealed Merry and Pippin.

"Crap." groaned Aragorn.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" yelled Merry, Pippin, and Eowyn.

"And a happy migraine." sighed Gandalf, "Next year, I'm asking myself for a pair of ear plugs."