July 2020 : Seven and a Half Years After the Blackout
The incessant knocking on the door was beginning to piss Nora off. It was bad enough she had hardly slept last night. The house felt like a furnace. The humidity was making her feel disgusting. This time of the summer was bad enough as it was and she had a few extra pounds now that only made it worse. Miles was gone - off on the campaign to Maine that apparently was so important and could not be put off for another day and he must lead them there.
It was easy to say she was not in the best of moods. Whoever was standing on the porch would be lucky if she didn't shoot them. Mia must have left for the day otherwise she would have answered it.
Maybe if she continued to lay here and pretend no one was home, her unwanted guest would go away. However, it seemed as though they would not be dissuaded and continued.
Finally unable to control her irritation any longer, she climbed out of bed and grabbed the robe off the bathroom door. She was definitely going to inflict some sort of bodily harm.
"I hear you! I'm coming!" she snapped. She wrenched the door open without looking out the window and froze seeing Bass on the porch. She was surprised by his appearance - especially since he wasn't in uniform. He stared at her wordlessly for a moment and suddenly she was overcome with a terrible fear. How could she have been so stupid? Obviously something was wrong. It must have been Miles.
"Hey,"
"What's going on?"
"Nothing. I just - I wanted to talk to you."
"Is it Miles?"
"No."
"Is it anything to do with Miles?"
"What? No. I haven't even heard anything from them. What, you think I came -"
"The way you were banging on my door would lead one to think there was an emergency."
He looked at the door, as though it contained all the answers, and looked back to her remorsefully.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize how - I'm sorry."
"Whatever. If it doesn't have to do with Miles, then could you go?"
"Are you serious?"
"Bass, I am really not in the mood to deal with you right now."
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" she almost scoffed at his apparent concern and shook her head.
"Nothing is wrong. I'm exhausted and don't need you here."
"I rode out here to check on you. I haven't seen you since - well, since Miles left. I was worried."
"I'm fine. I don't have any reason to be in the main part of the city lately."
"You're out here by yourself. I keep telling Miles you guys are too far out of the loop. You should be closer to the Hall in case anything happens."
"I don't live in the goddamn woods. It's a neighborhood with other militia families. It's a twenty minute walk and quicker if I took a horse or carriage. I have Mia here."
"I would feel better if you came by once in a while or we got together. I could come here -"
"No." her tone was hard and she could tell he was surprised by her attitude.
"Nora,"
"I don't need you to check up on me. I'll see you later." she tried to shut the door but he wedged his foot in the small space and smacked his palm against the wood, trying to push it back open. "Bass!"
"I'm just trying to be a good friend. You don't need to be so damn difficult. I promised Miles I'd look after you."
Bullshit, she thought as she said, "Well, it's appreciated but unnecessary."
"You're five months pregnant -"
"Exactly! Do you think it's wise to be trying to force yourself in my house and piss me off right now?"
"That's not fair. I'm just trying to help."
"It's not fair?" she let out a laugh. "Has any part of the way you've treated me over the last year been fair?"
"I apologized."
"Yeah, well, your apology doesn't mean shit. Do you think I'm stupid? You have your hand in everything. I'm not dealing with this anymore. I don't have the energy to. I keep telling you this!"
"You don't even give me a chance!"
"Why should I? Give me one good reason. No matter how many times you have apologized or said you didn't mean it, you do something after that and you think I don't realize. Why is it so hard for you to leave me alone? You have ruined our friendship. I don't even want to be in the same room with you! I don't want to see you. Miles isn't here. I don't have a reason to associate with you. When he's here, I will be cordial and keep up that image we need. Otherwise, I don't want you around."
"I care about you."
"If that's true, you've got a funny way of showing it. You hurt me Bass. You tried manipulating me. You tried using my sister against me."
"I apologized!"
"And after you apologized, I found out that you sent Mia to Texas. You tried to play innocent when I confronted you."
"You can't prove that."
"Of course!" she held up her hands, as if to prove her point. "I don't need this right now."
"I'm trying to change."
"Not right now. Maybe if I see some real changes but not right now. Bass, please, just go. If you really want to help, you will leave."
"Fine." he conceded softly and turned from the porch without another word. She watched him walk to the end of the short driveway and finally shut the door, then leaned her head against it. She made sure to lock both locks on the door, then walked back upstairs to try and get some more sleep.
It was later on in the afternoon when another knock came on the door. Nora pushed herself off the couch and this time, peered out the window before opening the door. She smiled slightly when she saw who was standing there and unlocked the door to greet Jeremy.
"Hey,"
"I figured you had stood me up so I came to drag you out." he held up the wine bottle and added, "Or we could stay in."
"I can't drink."
"This isn't for you. Gonna let me in?"
"We had plans tonight, didn't we?"
"Baby eating your brain?"
"Just a little. It's been a rough week."
"I'll forgive you." he side stepped the door, allowing her to shut it behind him. "I've been struggling without Miles too."
She laughed quietly, running a hand down her face, and walked back towards the living room. He followed behind and collapsed into the leather armchair near the fireplace.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Just tired."
"Right," he examined her carefully and leaned forward on his knees, "I know I'm not the best person and despite Julia and Leah's best attempts to turn me into a woman, it hasn't happened yet. However, if you want to talk, I'm a good listener."
She gazed back at him, trying to decide her next step. The only one she ever discussed Bass with was Miles. She wasn't sure she trusted anyone else with that information. Eventually, if Miles ever got his plan back on track, they were going to have to trust someone to be on their side.
"It can be within reason. If there's some… weird, bodily thing that's going on, I may throw up."
"Any other restrictions?"
"Other that weird bodily things, I'm good."
She smiled faintly and leaned into the couch. Her hand rested gently over her stomach and for a moment she was distracted by the faint movement she felt. This had been a new development over the past week or so - of course after Miles had left - and at most points it was difficult to spot or realize what the sensation was.
"Do you worry about Bass?" she finally asked, so softly it was practically a whisper. Jeremy grew uncharacteristically quiet as he contemplated the question. His hesitation made her anxious and she waved her other hand, "Forget it. I - it doesn't matter."
"You didn't even give me a chance to respond."
"You were speechless. That's a first."
"I just don't think it's a good idea to talk about him."
"You're right."
They eyed each other, both wondering if the other could be trusted. She felt her insides twist uncomfortably. What had happened to all of them? She could remember the days when it had just been the four of them. They had always been so at ease with each other and had been able to talk and rely on each other when they needed to.
"I do worry about him." he muttered, hand raking through his hair.
"You're the only other person, besides Miles, who's been there since the beginning."
"Yeah."
"You know what he was like."
"Yeah."
She didn't know what to say after that. Anything else would probably be considered betrayal of some kind. Jeremy's eyes darted around the room, as though he was expecting Bass to jump out of a corner.
"We've all been through a lot. I'm not making excuses but sometimes he needs to make the tough choices. That's part of his job right?" he said. His tone seemed forced, as though he wanted to say otherwise.
"I guess." she smiled a little, trying to lighten the mood. There was no point in pushing him. It was a sensitive topic. She didn't expect him to be jumping at the chance to gossip about Bass. No one seemed to feel that way. It was all forced smiles and fake tones. Maybe if one of us took a chance to speak, the rest of us would speak up too. That was too big of a risk though - especially being pregnant and not having Miles around. The last thing she needed was to have others think she was trying to singlehandedly begin a coup. "Anyway, are you hungry? I'm sure I can throw something together. I feel bad."
"No way. I'm not going to make you slave over a stove."
"So you're going to cook."
"Unless you want to die, then no. We'll head into the city. What do you feel in the mood for? Any odd cravings?"
"Cheesesteaks?"
"If that's what you'd like, then so be it. Is Mia here? We can drag her along too."
"No, I haven't seen her all day. She keeps busy now that school is done. Give me a few minutes to make myself look somewhat presentable."
"Whatever. I think you look hot as always but do what you must."
Bass was passing by the restaurant and immediately noticed Nora sitting at one of the tables on the sidewalk. She was facing him, her companion's back was turned, but neither noticed him. He was a safe distance away that he could watch without being caught by her. He stopped on the sidewalk, anger and jealousy pulsating as he watched her tilt her head back with a laugh.
"Sir?"
He turned his head, forgetting that he was still with a small entourage. He had been on his way back from inspecting the renovations to the post office. The last thing he needed was for someone to witness him eyeballing Miles's wife.
"Keep walking." he ordered, picking up his own pace again. He glanced at Nora once more, then realized she was sitting with Jeremy. That pissed him off even further. She could associate with all of Miles's friends except himself. You did treat her like shit. What's Jeremy done to her recently?
He ignored the voice in his head. Maybe his methods had been… extreme but everything he had done had been for her. Was it? Or is it for you?
The thought was ridiculous. He didn't need her. He had Rachel. But you want her. You've never denied it. You're attracted to her, what she represents, how she acts, and now the baby.
He loved Rachel - or he assumed he loved her, they kept coming back to each other time after time - but Nora was different. She had something that Rachel couldn't give and Bass couldn't pinpoint what it was. It's Miles. Whatever Miles has, you need to have too.
It was twisted. He knew Miles. This whole husband, dad to be routine was bullshit. It simply wasn't who he was. That's why it hadn't worked with Emma. Miles wasn't family material. He was waiting for his best friend to snap out of whatever this was. When that happened, Nora was going to be hurt. Someone was going to have to pick up the pieces. Why not him? Why was she being so stubborn that she couldn't see he was just trying to help? He wanted to be there and take care of her.
At the same time, he needed Miles. He couldn't do this on his own. If he wedged them apart a little, both would see their mistakes. Miles would get his head out of his ass and stop worrying constantly and be the reckless son of a bitch he needed him to be. Nora would need someone else to rely on.
"How come you didn't go to Maine?"
"Miles asked me to stay behind. What the General says, goes."
"He asked you to?"
"Yeah. We can't have all the best ones leaving the city." Jeremy flashed a grin as Nora slowly sat next to him. They had been back at the house for an hour or so now and were watching the sun set from the porch. "He wanted someone to keep an eye on you. Asked Brad to stay too."
Nora was not surprised. Leah and Brad had been spending more time at the house than usual in the past week.
"You've got him all messed up. I've never seen him so crazed before, at least not regarding a specific person."
"It's good though."
"He's making you out to be some kind of victim."
"Well, I can't exactly fight for myself right now. I'm glad that he is concerned." then she added teasingly, "It's a very big step for him."
"Almost humanlike, I'd say. He's finally making some progress."
Footsteps started up the driveway and they both looked to see Bass approaching in the dying light. Nora fought to keep the displeasure off her face and allowed Jeremy to greet him first.
"Hey. I'm surprised to see you here." he stood up, extending his hand in greeting. They exchanged their usual shake/ manly hug. Nora turned her head when Bass tried to make eye contact over Jeremy's shoulder. "You want a beer?"
"No, I'm good. Aren't you on watch tonight?" Bass scanned him with a critical gaze.
"Not till one. I'll be fine."
"Yeah, well, I saw Callahan puking in the bushes outside the stables. Maybe you could go in and relieve him?"
Nora knew exactly what was happening. Jeremy nodded, knowing not to reject an order from his president, and turned back to the chair to grab his sunglasses.
"I'll see you later. Thanks for hanging out with me."
"Thank you for dinner."
"Anything for Mini-Miles." he winked, then left the porch. The others remained silent until he was out of earshot and it was only then that Bass turned on Nora.
"Had a fun night?"
"That's none of your business."
"Bet Miles will be glad to hear you're keeping busy with his friends."
"Well, Jeremy is my friend too and Miles isn't a crazy, jealous bastard if the situation doesn't call for it." she looked up at him, trying not to feel like she was at a disadvantage in the chair. "Did you come here to spy on me Bass?"
"No. I came to check on you. I feel bad for upsetting you this morning."
"Right," she snorted at his response and rubbed a hand over her forehead. She was exhausted. Even if she wasn't, she didn't want to be alone with him. In the back of her head, she hoped Mia would come strolling up soon.
"Can we just talk? That's all I'm asking for."
"I told you this morning that I didn't want to."
"I know." he sat without being asked and she glared at him. It wasn't enough to get him to move. "I know I've been a jackass."
"That would be putting it lightly."
"You mean a lot to me."
"Bass,"
"Just let me finish. You're only making this worse by not listening. Am I hurting you by talking?"
She remained silent, both of them knowing the answer was yes. He sighed quietly, a hint of irritation in it as well, and hesitantly reached a hand out to her. She jerked away immediately.
"Do not touch me."
"Besides Miles and Jeremy, you're the oldest friend I've got here. Don't you remember what it used to be like?"
"Bass, you changed that."
"What is it going to take to make you see that I'm serious about all of this? Be honest. I haven't done anything to you in months."
How was she supposed to say that it now went beyond just their relationship? He was terrifying. It didn't matter. He seemed to realize it anyway, judging by the slight smirk on his face.
"You're a hypocrite." he muttered, leaning in towards her face. "You think I don't see the little looks you and Miles give each other? The things I'm doing - that I have to do - are things we have all done before. Why does it matter now? I'm not hurting you Nora. I'm protecting our city. We built it together. You, me, Miles. This is ours. Do you want to see it destroyed and wrecked by people who can't appreciate what we're doing?"
"We're not talking about your politics and agenda."
"Then let's talk about us. I'm not trying to hurt you. Maybe I was inappropriate and crossed the line one too many times. Can you blame me?"
"Yes."
"I just want you to know that I care. I'm not going to push. I'm not going to twist things. I'll be patient. I'm going to be the Bass you always knew. It'll be like old times. When the shit hits the fan, and it's going to, you'll see who your true friends are. I'm going to show you that you can depend on me and I'll be there to help."
"You are insane." she kept her voice quiet and careful as they glowered at each other. He was too close for her liking. She started to move back but he grabbed her hand gently. His thumb roamed lightly along the inside of her wrist and the smile on his face was beginning to freak her out. She couldn't move - too scared he would do something stupid and actually hurt her or the baby. She wished Jeremy hadn't left. And where the hell was Mia?
"I'm just trying to be a good friend."
"Bass, I told you this morning I don't want you around. If you truly mean what you say, you will leave me alone. You'll take the time to prove that you've changed. Right now, I can't be with you. You have to respect that. That is the first step."
"Ignoring me is only going to make this drag on longer."
"No. Being in my face is causing me more stress."
"Let's just talk."
"Are you deaf?"
"You're stubborn."
"Do you blame me? Why is it so difficult for you to get this through your head?"
"I don't like knowing you're by yourself."
"I'm not by myself! I have Mia! Jeremy was just here until you ordered him away. Leah and Brad are over constantly. Just because I haven't seen you doesn't mean I'm by myself!"
"I know but I would feel better that I get to see you. Especially with you pregnant. I know what you're going through. I've been in your shoes -"
"Yeah, because it worked out so well for you!" the words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. His jaw fell open, all pretenses swept aside, and he looked truly wounded at her mention of Shelley and the baby. She felt guilty for a split second then told herself to stop. It was a low blow, definitely, but he had put her through so much this past year.
"Wow Nora," he let out a disbelieving laugh, "didn't know you had it in you."
Then his face darkened and he grabbed her by the shoulder. She struggled to get out of his grasp but he pulled her in, ignoring her protesting noises.
"Don't you think that's why I'm so interested? I don't want to see you and Miles go through the same thing. It is the worst fucking feeling on Earth. Let me tell you."
"Bull. Shit. Get off of me! Bass, I'm not kidding. Stop!" she twisted and felt her arm turn painfully. He was close to her face and suddenly, her free fist connected with his jaw. He reeled back, nearly falling over the chair and she jumped up, going into the house as quickly as she could. She heard him groan and his hand reached out, trying to grab her as she moved by but she made it through the door. She slammed it shut, turned both locks, and leaned against the door, trying to get her heart rate to lower.
She could hear him yelling and pounding, maybe even kicked the door once or twice. Then it was silent and she peered out through the curtain. He was nowhere in sight.
His anger stayed with him the rest of the night. He laid in bed later that evening, listening to Rachel breathe softly, and tried to get himself to fall asleep. It was useless. His thoughts were on his interaction with Nora. She was too difficult to get through to. Maybe because you've been such a dick to her.
The thought only caused his anger to intensify. He had tried every way possible to get back on her good side. It was impossible. Because she and Miles are never going to leave each other. You can't have both of them and you can't have either of them without the other. It's never going to work.
He thought back to what he had said to her - You think I don't see the little looks you and Miles give each other? The things I'm doing - that I have to do - are things we have all done before. Why does it matter now?
The memory made him climb out of bed, anxiety crawling up his throat. He moved quickly towards the liquor cabinet, trying to drown out the panic. He didn't know why it had been so hard to realize it before. Maybe he had been too blinded by his trust in them. He had said those things to toy with her but now he realized how true it was. Miles was constantly looking at him like he was some kind of monster. Nora seemed to be keeping a tally of all his misdeeds - as if Miles had never killed someone in cold blood before.
Now, more so than ever, it felt like it was him against them. If he wasn't careful, he was going to lose total control. And the baby … His fingers tightened around the tumbler. Neither of them were kid friendly. If they had wanted one years ago, they could have. Why now? This was just a way to cement their place, making sure there was someone to take over when they couldn't any longer.
"Why aren't you in bed?" Rachel asked tiredly. He turned and saw her propped up on an elbow, hair a tangled mess. "Bass?"
"I was just… thinking." he replied softly. He drained the rest of the glass and set it on top of the cabinet. He moved back into bed, positioned himself on his back, and automatically wrapped an arm around her as she settled against his side. "What do you think of Miles and Nora and the baby?"
"Miles could barely take care of Charlie for an hour. I can't really see either of them giving up their war life to raise a baby. I'm sure they'll be interviewing nannies soon enough. Once it's old enough for Miles to manipulate, that's when they'll become interested."
The comment added to his anxiety, which she must have picked up on. She lifted her head slightly and met his eye in the darkness.
"Why?"
"I was just thinking the same. This was a total mistake. They weren't even trying for one. Neither of them ever said anything about wanting a kid. It just - doesn't seem fair that people who deserve them can't have them. Poor kid will probably be fucked up for life. I mean, it would be okay if one of them was stable. Everyone knows how Miles is but they all think Nora is this sweetheart. At least you can read Miles. You can't tell with her. She's worse than he is and she hides it well."
"I try not to pay attention to either of them."
"We could have one." he said suddenly as he rolled onto his side so he was facing her. Even in the dark, he could make out the surprise on her face.
"What?"
"A baby. We could have one. Our own little heir to the Republic." he skimmed his hand lightly over her side, toying with the silk that ended at her upper thigh.
"God, I don't know. I didn't think about it. We can't. I can't at least. I would love to but it's impossible. If you feel that you need one, you can figure out the details. I understand if you want an heir or a family. It's natural for someone in your position. I can't though - not after Danny. They told me I couldn't."
"What if I was able to work it out so that we could?"
"What - adoption?"
"Maybe. Or maybe, you know, kid's going to wind up with a nanny anyway. Might as well keep him in the family."
"Bass,"
"I don't know." he sighed quietly, rolled back onto his back. She stayed where she was, watching him carefully. "I always wanted one. After losing Shelley, I didn't think it would be possible. I hate seeing kids have to go through having these hard lives. They're not fit to be parents. Why make the kid suffer?"
"How would you make that happen?"
"We'll figure out the details. If I can make it happen, will you do it? We can be a family. I can find Danny and Charlie. I won't let Miles stop that from happening any longer." he tacked on the bit at the end, playing up his lie as to why the kids had not been brought to the city yet. If she thought Miles was responsible for not finding the kids, maybe she would be more responsive to his idea.
"It's been a while since there's been a baby around."
"All the more reason why we should."
"Bass," she bit her lip, trying to hide her smile.
"Rach, I want to give you a baby." he moved so she was on her back and he hovered over her. His hands were roaming along her body, knowing how to manipulate her. "I want you to be a mother again. I know how important that is to you. If we can't have one the traditional way, we'll just have to improvise."
"I don't want to get my hopes up."
"I always keep my promises." he pressed his mouth against hers, feeling a small bout of triumph. He would make this work. He would have to work on the details of course but things would go back to normal. Miles wouldn't give a shit. He didn't even want a baby. He'd be grateful Bass was taking it off his hands. If Nora wanted to be a bitch, he could dispose of her easily. Hell, he'd probably get a medal for that. Miles had probably been waiting for the opportune moment to ditch her. It wasn't really surprising. After all, he had always done Miles's dirty work.
She had made a very big mistake that afternoon and now he was done. There was no point in trying to win her over. If he couldn't have what he wanted, then there was no use for her.