September 2020 - Eight Years After the Blackout
"Mail's here."
Jim waited a moment after his announcement to see if Miles would respond in any way. He was slumped into the chair behind his desk, eyes focused on something in his lap.
"I said the mail is here." he said, annunciating his words slowly.
"What?" this time, he caught his friend and general's attention and huffed in annoyance.
"Thank God we don't have you out on a battlefield somewhere. Did you eat bad mushrooms or something? Did someone spike your liquor with some bad mixture?"
"Shut up." Miles straightened up with a scowl and tucked whatever he held into the inside of his jacket. Jim knew perfectly well it was a small picture of Nora.
"You're turning into a woman."
"Hudson, go get married and then you can lecture me. Better yet, get her pregnant, then stay away for a quarter of the year."
"Whatever. Here, it's from her." he tossed a small envelope onto the desk. "And this is from Bass."
A thicker envelope followed it, causing the other man to grunt. He pulled Nora's letter out from underneath and tore the envelope open without a second thought. Her usual, loopy cursive writing greeted him instantly.
"Would you like some privacy?"
"No. Give me a minute to read this and we'll go over whatever the hell he wants now." he settled back into the chair and started to read.
Miles,
I hope when this gets to you, you're still in one piece and not too beaten up. I'm still not used to the distance and not knowing if you're safe or not drives me insane. Please be careful. I kind of need you here.
Jeremy mentioned the other day that there are plans to have you come home soon. I hope that's true. I don't know what it is - probably hormones - but I'm missing you like crazy. More so than usual.
Mia told me the other day that she plans on moving out. It sounds like she's going to find her own place in the city. I think our little escapade earlier this year has turned her off hunting for now. I think she feels like she's going to get in the way with the baby coming. She did agree to stay until you got home. Bass is behaving but I still feel uneasy on my own.
I could never do this on my own. Not much is happening but I feel like you're missing a lot. Not trying to make you feel guilty but I feel bad. Maybe you wouldn't have the exact reaction I imagine but I hope - and know - you would show some kind of interest.
Writing a letter to you isn't the same as talking face to face. I know you're rolling your eyes as you read this but there are things I can only talk to you about or feel that I can any way. Mia is trying to be helpful, so are Julia and Leah but it isn't the same. You might not think you do a lot but sometimes just having you there listening is the best thing for me.
I can't believe it's September already. Sometimes, it feels like you've been gone for years and other times, it seems like it's only been a a few days. It's crazy how things have changed though. I doubt you'll recognize me when you get home. I feel huge and the baby moves constantly. I'm just grateful the heat finally broke. It's been a miserable summer.
It's hard to think in a few months the baby will be here. I feel like we haven't done a thing to prepare. I keep putting things off, trying to wait until you're home but I'm beginning to worry you won't be here. I know you can't make any promises but try to be here before he is.
Please take care of yourself and don't do anything stupid.
Love, Nora
Although she insisted she wasn't trying to make him guilty, the letter did a fine job of doing so. He reread it quickly, then folded it, and set it onto the desktop.
"How is she?"
"Fine."
"How much longer?"
"Three months." he glanced at the calendar on the corner of the desk. It was the second week of September. There were days he doubted he'd be back in Philly before the new year. The thought of Nora having to go through a pregnancy, labor, and raising a baby on her own sent a chill down his spine. He didn't want her to go through that.
"Miles, why don't you just go back?"
"I can't."
"Like hell you can't. Appoint an interim leader for now. The winter is coming. We won't be doing much of anything when the snow falls. What good are you going to be up here? She actually needs you. Once the spring comes, you can head back up here if you need to."
"Yeah, well, Bass seems to need me up here and what he says goes."
"Not for nothing, but it seems to me that Bass is sending you away so he can reign terror down on Philly without you interfering. You know he's giving military orders, stating they're directives from you, right?"
"If he feels something has to be done, he has that right. You would benefit from not gossiping about your superiors. Someone might think you're disloyal."
"Is that a threat?"
"Consider it a warning for your own good."
"Then may I say, with the utmost respect, General," the title was stated with an air of distaste, "I never took you to be a pussy."
"Hudson, I swear-"
"This has gotten out of hand. I know you agree and see it. Why else did you order Jeremy and Brad to stay behind? Bass is your oldest friend. You don't trust him with your wife?"
Miles made a face and looked away.
"Don't be like that. I'm supposed to be a trusted advisor right? Well, I'm advising. Get back to Philly. Gaining land up here is going to be no good once the city falls down around our heads. We are at a dangerous point and if we let him run loose any longer, there won't be any turning back."
It was slightly terrifying to hear those words come from Hudson. Relieving but terrifying all the same. There was a brief moment where Miles wondered if Bass was onto him and was trying to deceive him through their common friends and allies.
"Don't repeat that to anyone else." he ordered, eyes turning hard. "Or the only thing anyone is going to remember you for is committing treason. Now, if you're done talking stupid, let's see what he wants."
Nora wasn't eavesdropping. The large bookshelf kept her hidden from view as a group of women entered the old Barnes and Noble. She had been biding her time before meeting Julia and Leah for lunch. Besides, if this group was going to speak so loudly in a public place, it was their own fault.
It never ceased to amaze her how catty some women could be. They gossiped back and forth about people they knew and some names Nora recognized. She was flipping through a ragged copy of A Tale of Two Cities and paused as one topic caught her attention.
"Did you hear about Captain Grayson's wife?"
"She'll be lucky if she lasts another week. Honestly, with the time and place we live in, how could anyone be so stupid as to make a decision like that?"
"Someone has to. Are we supposed to stop living because we don't have power?"
"No but don't complain when you nearly die in childbirth. There's a reason why so many women died back in the day and kids didn't make it. I don't feel sorry for them."
"Tricia, that's awful."
"Why? You made the conscious decision to get pregnant. You should know the risks are greater now than they used to be. We live in the Dark Ages and -" the voice lowered to a whisper, "and with the way Matheson and Monroe are running things, it's not like we have a lot of options. Maybe it's different in California or Georgia. Besides, she was sick to begin with. That's just irresponsible."
"Well obviously they don't feel that way if they're willing to have their own. I think that's the way you have to be. We would die off within a few years if no one tried to have a family."
"And some will succeed and others won't. It's basic science. Obviously Matheson thinks he's top of the food change. Nothing could ever happen to them." Nora could practically see the eye roll on the other woman's face. "Bet when that kid of theirs doesn't make it, that'll teach them a lesson. Maybe they'll try and do something about our life styles then. And think, this is the amenities we have as members of the Militia and their families. I can't even imagine what the poor part of the city is like. Forget the rest of the Republic."
The comment made her blood run cold and she nearly dropped the book in her hands. She would be lying if she said the thought hadn't crossed her own mind but she had ignored it. What good was it to worry about something that hadn't happened and likely wouldn't? It was the fact that someone was actively gossiping about her family and even hoping some tragic event happened to them that upset her.
After a few moments, the women continued on through the store and their voices faded. Nora was still frozen where she stood. Her knuckles were white against the spine of the book. She was only spurred into action when the baby gave a swift kick and startled her out of her angry haze. She slammed the book back into the shelf and was half tempted to storm over to the women. She was willing to bet they wouldn't be so vocal when they were face to face with a Matheson.
Instead, she moved around the edge of the shelf and exited the store as quickly as possible. Around the corner was a small cafe that made the best sandwiches around. As she approached the building, she saw Julia and Leah already sitting at a table on the sidewalk. They were whispering intently at each other and Nora could almost guess what they were talking about. Leah jumped guiltily when they saw her approach but Julia remained collected and smiled.
"We were beginning to think you got lost."
"Just lost track of time. Have you been here long?"
"No. We just ordered drinks. We got you an iced tea?"
"That's fine. Thanks." she sat down in one of the open seats and tried to quell the irritation she felt. Once that was pushed to the side, she felt a sense of sadness as well. She knew her hormones were raging and it was all she could do to not burst into tears. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Leah answered quickly. Her guilt seemed to intensify at her rapid response and Julia rolled her eyes as the younger woman blushed. Nora stared Leah down, truly not in the mood for their antics. "Just the usual gossip."
"Who was Major Donovan seen taking home last night?"
"I swear I don't know how Morgan handles him." Julia huffed quietly into her glass, which Nora assumed was some alcoholic beverage. "I think all three of us can attest to the fact that just because your husband is in a high ranking position, the wife can still take command off the battlefield. As far as I know, there was no whore in their house last night. Probably due to the fact that Morgan was actually home for a change. If she thinks running to her mother every time he lashes out at her is going to fix anything she's wrong. Either take control or leave for good."
"Not everyone is like that." Leah murmured. "Brad is not like Major Donovan, or a lot of the others. He's a good man. I don't have to order him around. We're partners."
"That's sickeningly sweet." Julia retorted. "Even the best man needs to be steered in the right direction. Tom knows I won't sit back and take his garbage. Just because the power went off doesn't mean women have to be relegated back to the obedient wife routine. We have opinions and rights just like they do."
"Tom doesn't strike me as the kind of person who needs prodding in a certain direction."
"He may be an important man but he's still a man all the same."
Leah shrugged at Julia's comment and sipped her water carefully. She frowned as her eyes landed on Nora across the table. She had been quiet during the exchange and her gaze was focused on her lap. Her friend could tell from the way she was worrying her lip that something was wrong.
"Nora?"
Her head jerked up and she wiped a hand quickly across her cheek to catch the stray tear.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." she forced a smile to her face and took a long drink of her iced tea. "Anyway, so if it wasn't them you were talking about, what's going on?"
"Something is wrong if it's got you in tears."
"I can assure you that this is a regular occurrence." she laughed a little and Julia nodded in agreement.
"You just had to look at me the wrong way when I was pregnant with Jason and you'd think someone had tried murdering me." she added. Leah tipped her head in a relenting way, as if to say she had never experienced it and couldn't comment. "We were talking about Captain Grayson and his wife."
"Julia!"
"Leah, I think we can all agree that honesty is the best policy."
"I thought we said-"
"If you guys were trying to keep it from me, it doesn't matter. I already heard it through the grapevine." Nora muttered. "You don't need to step on eggshells around me."
"We weren't stepping on eggshells." Leah insisted. "You don't need to be hearing that kind of stuff though."
"Why, because I'm pregnant?"
"You don't need stress. It's a completely different situation. Lindsay was -"
"Not really. Look, it's sad, yeah, but we don't need to be talking about it."
"Is that what has you upset?"
"Leah," Julia sighed in irritation but Nora couldn't get angry at the young woman. Leah was always trying to be helpful and look out for everyone. She wasn't intending to be malicious - she wanted to make sure she was okay.
"Don't start ragging on her. And no it's not. Let's change the topic."
"Okay." she agreed, then asked quietly, "Have you heard from Miles?"
Nora's face fell further, if that was even possible, and Julia must have done something under the table because Leah yelped in pain.
"What is wrong with you? Do you not understand how emotionally unstable she is right now?"
"You were the one who wanted to tell her about the Graysons!"
"Can we keep the subject away from botched childbirths and missing husbands? Jesus. Did you see the new dresses in Annabelle's window?" Julia rolled her eyes at Nora, who was slowly beginning to smile. "It's amazing what she can do with a needle and some thread."
"I saw them for a second. The blue one looked nice. And no, Leah, I haven't heard from him. I sent him a letter a few weeks ago but I haven't gotten anything yet."
"Maybe he'll be home soon."
"I hope so." she mumbled. There was no doubt in her mind that her recent attitude had to do with the lack of her husband. She missed him more than she thought was possible and she attributed that to the baby. She touched her stomach gently as she felt a nudge. She didn't want to do this alone. She tried not to imagine herself alone when the time came and told herself that even if he wasn't home by then, she would have Mia, Leah, and Julia. And if you die and never get a chance to see him again? She sighed inwardly at the thought and changed the topic herself. "Did you want to walk by the stores after we're done?"
They were halfway through their lunch when a horse approached from the direction of Independence Hall and slowed to a stop near the restaurant. It was nearly impossible to read her friends' expressions and Nora felt her pulse quicken in anxiety. She hadn't heard from Miles at all and was suddenly concerned that she was going to turn around and see a rider bearing bad news.
Instead, it was Miles who was striding towards her from across the street as she turned around. Her throat seized up when she realized he was actually standing there.
"Hey," she managed to choke the word out as he pulled her up out of the seat.
"Hi." he was fighting the urge to press her into the table and have his way with her right then and there. He typically tried to avoid any public displays of affection but she had grabbed him in a bone crushing hug and was practically strangling him. Fuck it, he thought, winding his own arms around her and kissed the side of her head softly. If Julia and Leah were going to gossip that he was a loving husband, plenty of worse things had been said about him.
"I uh," she managed to pry herself away enough to look at her friends. She didn't bother hiding the wave of tears that had unleashed. "We'll get together later in the week. I'll see you later."
She threw some diamonds on the table for payment and practically dragged Miles back to where Bond was tied to a lamp post.
"You can't ride." he argued.
"Then we'll walk. We're going home. Now."
"How about I get an officer to walk this one back to the stables and I'll get a carriage. It'll go quicker."
She didn't care how they got home, just as long as they got home. Within the next forty five minutes, they were standing in their foyer and she was sobbing mess.
"Baby, baby, stop, it's okay." he cupped her face gently and pressed a few soft kisses to her mouth.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong."
"It's okay. I missed you too."
"I didn't think you'd be home."
"I know. Neither did I."
"I hadn't heard from you. I sent that letter weeks ago."
"And I left right after I got it." he promised, giving her another kiss. "I figured I'd surprise you. I wasn't doing anything up there. If Bass wants something, he can go himself."
"A quick note letting me know you were alive would have been nice!"
"Are you really going to pretend to be angry right now?"
"Don't start." she hissed at him, wanting to slap the smirk off his face. She took a few deep breaths, trying to get herself under control.
"I'm sorry." he tried to stop grinning and crouched in front of her. She felt another round of tears threatening to start as he pressed his face against her stomach. "Whoa!"
He reeled back suddenly and she laughed tearfully, knowing he felt the baby.
"That is crazy and creepy and kind of cool."
"It's a lot crazier when it's inside you." she ran her fingers through his hair as he stared up at her. "I can't even begin to tell you how glad I am that you're home."
"I can take a guess. Come on, I'm starving and you can fill me in on what I missed."
"Did they ever find out what happened with Danny?"
"What?" Miles shifted slightly, half awake. He opened his eyes to find Nora sitting upright in bed, a book open on her lap. The lamp on the nightstand was burning bright. "What?"
"What is a fluke or hereditary?"
"I- I think it was just some rare thing. Why?"
"What were you like as a baby?"
"Couldn't tell you."
"Miles,"
"I don't know." he sighed, not understanding why they had to have this conversation now. "What the hell are you reading?"
He pushed himself onto his elbow and leaned over to examine the book.
"Babe, you're going to drive yourself crazy if you read that." he tried to pull the book away but she gripped her end tightly and refused to let go.
"It's an important section of the book. Were you sick a lot when you were a kid? Did your mom have an easy time giving birth?"
"I don't think there were any problems." he flopped back onto his pillow and shut his eyes. If they had to do this, he might as well be comfortable. "She always said I was the easy one but that may have been because I was the second and she knew what she was doing."
"There was nothing wrong with you?"
"I was perfect."
"Any medical problems other than Danny?"
"No."
He must have given a hint of irritation because he heard the book snapped shut and smacked onto the floor.
"Sorry if I'm bothering you." her tone was icy at best and he sighed and reached blindly for her. His fingers grazed her arm and she moved herself away.
"Come on, don't be like this."
"I'm trying to have a serious conversation!"
"It's almost two in the morning and you want to talk about what ifs!"
"I need to know these things!"
"There is nothing wrong." he sat up and leaned against the headboard with her. "Why are you acting like this?"
"These are a possibility." she held the book up, as if it contained the answers.
"I've never even heard of some of those names."
"Me neither. It's still a possibility."
"Did you skip the part where it says about 1 in 1,000,000 are affected?"
"You're not funny."
"I'm not trying to be. There's nothing wrong with the baby."
"You don't know that."
"Judging from the jabs he's giving you, I'm going to assume he's healthy. What did the doctor say?"
"She can't tell."
"What did she say?" he prodded, knowing that was not the right answer. She sighed and averted his stare as she responded.
"That everything seems fine for this point. But she doesn't know for sure. She can't see him."
"I know this is hard on you."
"Lindsay Grayson had her baby a few days ago and it died. They don't think she's going to make it either. I bet she was told everything seemed fine."
"Lindsay Grayson has been sick since we found her and Neal in Harrisburg. You, on the other hand, are not and have always been in good health."
"So was Shelley."
"Nora,"
"We don't know what's going to happen and I don't want to bury my head in the sand."
"So you'd rather read alarming stories about diseases that haven't been seen ever? It sucks what happened to the Graysons but that doesn't happen to everyone. You have enough sense to know that. You were pretty happy when I left."
"What if it's all for nothing?" she turned her head to look him in the eye. "What if we don't have a baby in the end or I die?"
"Neither of those things are going to happen."
"You can't stop it if it does." she thought of the comments she overheard in the bookstore. "Why should we start prepping or allow ourselves to be happy when it may blow up in our face?"
"Even if we had all the technology in the world, it still wouldn't stop something from happening. I don't want anything to happen to you or him or her but if something is going to happen, it's going to happen. Does that mean I think it will? No. I don't. You're young and healthy and we're both amazing and awesome and the baby will be too."
"What if I die?"
"What if you walk outside tomorrow and get trampled by a horse?"
"Would you keep the baby?"
"What?"
"I know you're terrified of it and think I'm going to do all the work. If I'm not here, what would you do?"
He stared at her a moment, then slid down the bed until he was staring at her stomach.
"Do me a favor and give your mom a good kick for me."
She smacked him on the head even as the baby reacted to his voice. He looked back up at her, trying to decide whether to be hurt by her accusation or not. It definitely was warranted by his actions.
"I didn't like being away from you the past few months. Maybe it was what I needed to get me in the right mind frame. I'm scared, as you know, but I didn't like missing this. I realized how much I… care. I don't want to be an asshole. My dad - you know, he - he wasn't a bad father but he wasn't involved. He did what he had to and I never felt like I could go to him. I always relied on my mom. I don't want it to be like that. Maybe that's why I'm going to try even harder. So, if you were to drop dead, you don't need to worry that the baby's going to go out on the curb. He can stay and I probably won't do the best of jobs but we'll manage. So you can't die because you'll come back and haunt my poor ass when the baby's in the same diaper and onesie for two weeks. You being alive is for my benefit, not yours by the way." he finished with a slight grin to let her know he was joking.
"Haha."
"Seriously, everything is fine." he moved back up and kissed her gently. "You're fine. The baby is fine. If God forbid something were to happen to you, I promise I would step up to the plate. I'm hoping I do that anyway but life would go on without you."
"I heard people talking today. They think if there were more amenities in the city, Lindsay wouldn't have had the complications or at least would have been able to fix things."
"Maybe but who's to say that would help?"
"She said you'll change your mind about things when - when the baby doesn't make it."
"Who was this?"
"I don't know. I didn't recognize her voice. I was behind a shelf."
"And that's what got you upset."
"It's a lot of things but yeah."
"People don't understand -"
"They're angry."
"That doesn't give them a right to talk like that. Who wishes that on a baby?"
"I'm not saying they should have said it but it made me think."
"Well stop thinking. We both know that's dangerous."
"I just want to know everything is okay."
"And to the best of our abilities, we know it is."
"I just want to see him and hear him and be able to hold him."
"That'll happen soon enough and then you'll be saying the opposite." he smirked.
"No. Never." she shook her head, a deep frown on her face. "You get it though, right?"
"Yeah. Do you think Maine was a picnic for me? I didn't like not knowing what was happening every day."
"I missed you so much. I hated not having you here. I was worried and all this…"
"I know and I'm sorry that I put you through this. I should never have agreed to have gone. There was no reason for it. I should have been here with you."
"You have to do your job."
"Even my job has limitations. You don't come before it. I'm not leaving again. I'm going to be stuck to your side for the next three months and at that point, the baby will be here and you will see there is nothing to worry about. Alright?" he leaned in close to her face until she gave a nod with a small smile. He flashed a quick grin and kissed her. "Now can we go to sleep?"
"You should really announce yourself Miles." Rachel commented coolly. He stood in the doorway of the sitting room, hands clasped behind his back. "You could have found me in a compromising situation."
"I doubt that. Bass is in a meeting. Unless you've made other friends since moving here."
"Are you here on Militia business?"
"A personal call, actually."
"Well there's a surprise." she tossed the book she was writing in to the side and stood up from the desk. "What do you want?"
He studied her carefully for a moment. She looked quite smug where she stood, dressed in the nicest clothes available. You and Bass do deserve each other. No doubt she felt as though she was on top of the world at the moment, as though she was the queen of the Republic. She had the best of both worlds - got to have all the fun parts and avoid the business end. Most people didn't know who she was and didn't pry. As far as Ben knew, she was dead. He doubted any news of Bass's private life travelled that far out west. If it did, he doubted his brother put two and two together. An unknown blonde was unlikely to catch his attention.
"You don't even stop to think that maybe I have something to tell you about your kids."
"Why? Did you do something to them?"
"I'd never lay a hand on those kids."
"I guess they're the exception to the rule then? I have things to do Miles and so do you. Let's not waste either of our time. What did you come here for?"
"You know how to get the power on."
"Are we really back to this?"
"You and Ben knew something. Bass may not be pressing the matter right now but the topic is going to come up again. Can you get the power on?"
"No."
"If you could, would you?"
"Why would I?"
"People would benefit from it."
"And you could take your tanks and planes and all your other toys and annihilate Georgia and Texas."
"I guess you have enough blood on your hands from it going off so that's why you're against the war."
"You would know about that."
"Is there a way to turn it on for a short period of time?"
"You're asking the wrong person."
"Don't play games with me."
"What do you want?"
"Nora -" he was cut off by his sister-in-law's scoff and she rolled her eyes, muttering,
"Here we go."
"Nora isn't coping well with the pregnancy right now. She's worried about the baby and I'm worried that she's going to stress herself out over nothing. If you can or know someone who could, is there a way to get some kind of power going for a real exam or do you have any ideas? It wouldn't be for war and you can flip it off when we're done. It would be for a good reason."
"No. Even if I did, I wouldn't help either of you."
"That's real nice."
"Miles, you're the reason why I'm here. Why would I try and do something to benefit your life?"
"I don't know Rach, looks like you're sitting pretty comfy around here. Don't blame us for you being here. You came of your own free well."
"I didn't come for Bass if that's what you're thinking but I'm grateful he saved me from the likes of you."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
"Fuck you."
"This is your niece or nephew we're talking about."
"Because you care so much for yours!"
"I didn't do anything to Charlie or Danny and if I could, I'd do whatever the hell I could to help them out."
"You threatened them."
"Maybe I will bring them here. Imagine what they'll think when they find out you're still alive. Maybe they'll appreciate your new lifestyle while they've been struggling. You're making such great sacrifices to keep them safe. You're just gunning for Mom of the Year."
"And I suppose you think that honor should go to Nora?"
"She's better than you at least."
"We'll see about that."
"Thanks for nothing. I think I'll mention to Bass how beneficial the power would be. Maybe it'll spur his need for getting it on again."
"Bass and I have already talked about the power. He knows he can trust me. Nothing you say or do is going to change his mind about me Miles."
"I stopped trying to do that years ago when I realized neither of you gave two shits about Ben."
"And you do? Believe what you want. Whatever helps you sleep at night." she threw his own words back and he scowled, then turned on his heel and stormed from the room. She was still smirking as he disappeared from view.