A/N: I'm sorry for grammatical error, English is not my native language.
Cristina walk to nurse station, to check all her post-op written by Shane, then back to her room to start make journal article of her surgery, she plan to publish it a soon as possible. Without her realize she spending about four hours in her room, then she saw Derek passing her room, she call him, then ask about Owen mother condition, Derek shake his head, "I'll do my best, I succeeded take out all of bleeding in her head, but I'm not sure she will make it, because she too late came to hospital, now she in ICU, she just survive because of support system". he excuses himself because he has to pick up Bailey and Zola in child care.
Cristina can't imagine about Owen feeling now, she walk in hospital to search Owen, she can't find him in ICU, then she see Owen escort Emma to the lobby, she waiting for him, then follow him to chief room, she intent to say her condoles.
She can see Owen desperation from outside the room, she knock, and then enter the room, "I heard about your mom from Derek, I'm sorry Owen", Owen let a big sigh, " you know what, I regret the most?, I can't fulfill her wish, her simple wish to have a grandchild". "If just, you didn't kill our child before, she can gone with smile now", his breath start increasing because hold his emotion, then suddenly he shout to her "you ruin me, Cristina, you, ruin my life" " I regret that I had love you, and I wish that you disappear from my life", he try to calm him self and said " don't even bother to attend my mother funeral, you not welcome for it".
Cristina really shock with all Owen word, her heart is so hurt until tears just fall from her eyes, all she can say just "I'm so sorry Owen, I never intent to ruin your life, I'm really sorry", and then she walk out from the room.
She wipes her tears soon she out from the room, because she don't want make a scene to entire hospital, only one person she need right now, she need Meredith, she walk fast to Meredith room because she can't hold her tears any longer, she so grateful Meredith in her room alone, she enter her room, but Meredith seem not in good mood,
"I lost my research funding", "they just confirm that my research is fail". Meredith let a big sigh. Cristina shock hears the news, "I'm sorry Meredith, but you did your best". Meredith answer "I really a big embarrassment for my mother, I just ordinary doctor, I can't imagine how shame her to see me now, she said didn't raise me to be ordinary doctor, but I 'am".
"No Meredith, you're not ordinary doctor, you just need time and focus, maybe now, it's not the time, but trust me, your time will comes". "Maybe in next few years, when Zola and bailey already capable to take care them self".
"yeah and then you already get your second Avery award" she respond with bitterly, " why you have talk like that, Meredith ?"." just get out Cristina, seeing your face right now, just make me feeling worst about myself". "But, Meredith we have promises to push each other to be better, forever". "Just cut the crap Cristina, I need you out from my room now".
Cristina can't handle her heart now, she being hated by two people most important in her life, she just wandering in hospital until she arrive where, she used to hang out when her intern and resident, there no one there, she can't help anymore her crying burst in the bed sitting alone by herself. Avery just buy snack in vending machine, he hear someone cry, he saw Cristina sobbing, he then come closer sit silently beside her, she put her head in Avery shoulder, he then hug her, she hug him back and let all her tears in Avery chest.
"I never feel this lost since I'm nine, when my dad died in accident, and my own hand felt his heart stop beating, I feel useless, when I can't do anything for the one I love, then they just gone from my life, and now Owen and Meredith want me to disappear from their life, I can't, they are all my life, I don't have anything in my life anymore, I feel useless and meaningless".
"No Cristina, you have you, you are the most bad ass chick I have ever meet, you are talented and brilliant surgeon, you strong and independent woman, you have to trust yourself", "I know you through a hard time now, but it will pass, I think you just need day off to composure yourself".
Cristina try to be strong and give smile to Avery, thank you so much, I hope you can erase the memory that I cry in your chest before, because I want you still consider me the as the bad ass chick you ever knew, then they both let a laugh together. But Avery know, that's just a fake laugh.
Cristina try to stay strong, she walk back to her room, while in her way she hear, Calli, April, and Arizona chat in room talking about her, she can hear clearly that they compare her with Emma, they talk about how fun if Emma work in this hospital, because she is really nice, fun and bake a cake, not like Cristina dark, bitter, arrogant, and how perfect Owen and Emma together. All the thing happen today is more than enough to Cristina to make her realize that she doesn't belong in that hospital anymore, by the time she enter her room, first thing she do is make a resignation letter.
At morning, she walk to the chief room, Owen not there, she just put her letter on his desk, then check all her patient, she so grateful that she doesn't have any surgery patient anymore, last patient she visit is Amelia, Shane already waiting in NICU, Amelia condition is progress than expected, Cristina felt happy about it, in next few days Amelia can back home, then Cristina ask Shane to get lunch with her.
while they eat, Cristina start the conversation "Shane, I'm sorry, I can't teach you anymore, I just put resignation letter before, you are a talented student, you will make a good doctor, don't ever give up, because there still lot of challenges ahead, and I want to thank you, for pushing me about Nathan case, if not because of you, I'll never make it", "and about brooks case, you have to try to overcome it, I understand your feeling, trust me, because I been there before, my attending husband die on my table, all that's happened to you, have to make you stronger".
Shane start to teary, " but Dr Yang, why you leave it's your hospital". Cristina answer "there comes a point where it all become too much, when we get to tired to fight anymore, so we give up". "Wipe your tears "whiny", it's disgusting, I don't want people know I leave, you the only person know about it for now, and I have one favor to ask, can you help me pack my book in my room, and bring it to my car, please try to not make it too obvious okay".
Shane nod, then they walk together to her room, fortunately, hospital looks empty because most of them attend Owen's mother funeral, and the rest of them have surgery, after finish packing her belonging, Cristina went to change her scrub, because she in hurry she doesn't realize her lab coat left.
Shane already put all the box in baggage, then he ask, can he hug her, Cristina smile, then open her arm for hug, Shane come closer to her to hug her, "I feel honor have learns from you Dr Cristina yang".
Cristina answer it by "for now, you are the best student I have ever teach" Cristina let a laugh," I hope someday we can work together, as a fellow". Okay let me now Shane, I have to go".
First Cristina arrive on Alex house, she pack all her stuff in her room, put it on the box, and then pack her stuff in fire house, she in rush because next few hours expedition car will arrive, after put all her stuff on the expedition car, and give her key car to the agent expedition, she will get plane because she doesn't has energy to long drive after lack of rest these three days, she take a deep breath when her taxi arrived in airport, it's will be her first time get plane since the accident flight crashes, after pay the fare, she enter the lobby of airport, she try pull herself together, she doesn't has any other choice, it's the beginning of her new life, she doesn't has time to panic, or dealing with her PTSD, in her heads right now only fill with last word of Owen and Meredith told her, strangely all of those word make her power through it all, finally she arrive in front of big dark wood door, she push the bell, then someone open it,"Cristina"."Mom, I 'am home" then she hug her tightly.