A/N: I know it's been a long time coming, but finally here's your next installment of TLC! My betas are behind me 100% and I want to thank them personally for always supporting me even through my dry spells: Charmie77, acireamos, SSHG316, SavageWoman and Irritable Grizzzly. I depend on them to rid my writing of fandom clichés and random romance novel cheesiness. They do a stellar job!
I have been re-tweaking my Twilight Gift Exchange AU story, "Yuletide Canticle" which will begin posting soon. If you love Vampire Edward and human Bella, please stay tuned and put me on author alerts for this alternate re-telling of the love story. Also, readers of my "Always and Forever" one-shot in collaboration with SavageWoman, I have not forgotten you. I'm going to try to twist Savage Woman's arm to begin work on that soon.
My FGB Outtakes were purchased by the fabulous EdwardBabyMomma (EBM07 on Twitter) and the marvelous team of Arfalcon and Nanette. I am looking forward to writing two TLC outtakes that will thrill their hearts! And Readers, you get to share in their great fortune, because it will be posted here after being delivered to the winners. :)
This chapter is specially dedicated to my readers extraordinaire, ChefJayla and FunmbiE.
Two women after my own heart!
TRUST, LOYALTY, COMMITMENT
Unthinkable*
by Alicia Keys
(Excerpt of lyrics in End Note)
"Pandemonium did not reign; it poured." - John Hendrick Bangs
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
John 15:13 (KJV)
Chapter 29 - TLC - Unthinkable
Jasper arrived so soon after Alice was whisked into an ER suite that Bella was only able to ascertain that Alice's tiny body had undergone some trauma. They were fighting to get her conscious and running tests to determine the baby's status. Then they would decide the best course of treatment for her.
Bella recounted the details of the accident to Jasper as he anxiously paced the floor, staying as close as he possibly could to Alice. Carlisle and his colleagues—the ER doctor, a trauma surgeon, the obstetrician, and two nurses—were conferring softly in medical jargon as they worked to revive her. After she was stabilized they gave Jasper a brief moment with her.
Bella was amazed at Jasper's relative calm as he assessed the situation and assured his unconscious wife of his presence and love.
"Alice, I'm here, baby," he said quietly. "Do what you do best sweetheart and fight. I know you will, not only for yourself, but for little Sophie or Jackson." His voice caught. "I know you really didn't like any of those other names we were kicking around, and I kind of tortured you with it. I'm sorry. I need you to wake up so we can name our little one something that will make us both happy."
With that, Jasper deferred to the doctors so they could save his wife and child. He backed reluctantly away and assumed a posture of silent vigilance.
Carlisle excused himself from his colleagues and walked over to Jasper. Bella could see in their eyes the love these men had for Alice and for each other. Carlisle enveloped Jasper in a fatherly hug before he put on his professional demeanor.
"The impact from the accident caused internal damage, and we've run some diagnostic tests to determine just how much. We should get these momentarily. At a little over twelve weeks, the baby is well-protected by Alice's abdominal muscles, the small amount of fat she has, her uterine wall, and amniotic fluid. The bruising from the seatbelt indicates that she was properly restrained, so we're hoping that the airbag absorbed even more of the impact. This bodes well for the baby. However, any trauma to her own internal organs could affect the baby, so we're mitigating whatever damage there might be, hoping that it's not severe enough to cause a spontaneous rejection of the fetus." Carlisle looked grimly at Jasper and Bella. "The sooner she regains consciousness, the better. Pray for her."
Jasper cleared his throat, as if swallowing a lump. "Carlisle, I know you and your colleagues will do everything you can for both of them. But i-if it comes to a decision—God help me—I don't want to live without Alice." Tears fell unbidden down his cheeks, and Carlisle once more took on the role of father and pulled his son-in-law into his arms.
"God help me, too," he said gruffly. "I'm in total agreement with you there, son."
Bella couldn't help it. The dam of tears she'd so valiantly tried to hold back broke again, and she was silently sobbing, her arms wrapped firmly around her torso.
Carlisle came over to her. Bella released herself and gave him a brief hug. "Thank you for getting her here and telling the EMTs about Alice's pregnancy. Under the circumstances, Felix and Keri were able to begin prepping her for treatment almost immediately. That was very important."
"I should have been in that car. Not Alice," she said sadly. The guilt was like a parasite gnawing at her insides.
"This was not your fault, Bella. My daughter and grandchild are fighting for their lives because some madman has a vendetta against Edward. He's the only one at fault here," Carlisle said, his cool facade slipping for a moment and Bella saw pure anger. However, he recovered his professional bedside manner quickly.
Carlisle rejoined his colleagues who were still hovering over Alice. Jasper pulled Bella to his side and hugged her close. They watched from a corner of the room as the doctors continued their work.
~888~
Someone was calling his name insistently, but for the first few seconds, his brain didn't register it properly. The first thing he realized was that he was sitting in a cruiser and not in the driver's seat like he usually was. It felt oddly surreal. Edward looked at Seth, who was sitting behind the wheel looking at him expectantly. His lips were moving, and eventually Edward was able to discern what was being said.
"Edward. Edward..." Seth grabbed his forearm and shook him.
He looked at Seth listlessly. "Yeah?"
"You sure you want to be here alone? I can take you to the hospital to be with your family." Seth's tone was anxious.
Then it all came rushing back to him. Alice. All he could do was hope and pray that his Uncle Carlisle and the other medical professionals at TMH were taking good care of her. He couldn't face his family.
"I—I'm gonna take a shower. I'll drive over later." He hoped his lie was convincing enough as he stepped out of the car. "Thanks, Seth."
Edward closed the door. If he were his usual self, he would have looked back and waved Seth off before he stepped into his building, but he didn't look back. Had he been thinking straight, he might also have asked Seth to drop him off at Bella's apartment, but the therapy he needed was not there. He was prepared to walk pass the doorman without a word, but he heard his name at least twice before he stopped and turned.
Henry came around and gave him a slip of paper. On it was the name "Featherstone" and a phone number.
Edward's mind immediately went to Paul. He exploded. "Is this some kind of sick joke!"
Henry recoiled. "N-No, O-officer Cullen. A young man in his twenties maybe—maybe Native American—came in looking for you. He said his name was Featherstone and you were in the Marines with his brother."
Paul talked about his brother all the time. Why couldn't he think of his name? Edward closed his eyes tightly, reeling from a sudden bout of vertigo. He fought the urge to black out. Sweat beads popped on his forehead and he wobbled, but Henry reacted quickly and steadied him.
"Are you all right?" he asked. "Do you need assistance getting to your penthouse?"
He heard Henry, but his mind was busy trying to process his second bombshell of the day. Paul's brother—Jared—that was his name, was in Tallahassee? What could he possibly want? Was Mrs. Featherstone okay? Maybe he was the guy Dimitri said was asking about him. Edward took a couple of deep breaths, and then opened his eyes trying to string a coherent sentence together.
"Um, I'll be fine." He rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair, trying desperately to shrug off the fog that had engulfed him since the accident. "Sorry for blowing up at you, Henry. I've just had a bad day. Thanks for the message."
"No problem, Officer Cullen," he said. "Take care—and buzz me if you need anything."
Edward clutched the piece of paper and headed for the elevator.
Truth be told, his day was seriously fucked up and getting more so by the minute. If Jared had gone to this much trouble to seek him out in the flesh, this could not be good. If this were purely social, surely a phone call prior to just showing up might have been a better option. Jared had been just a kid when Paul died. Did he have some kind of axe to grind now? Then Edward thought, "Well yeah, stupid, his brother's dead because he pushed your sorry ass out of the way."
Edward went into autopilot when he reached the master bedroom. Stepping into the walk-in closet, he stripped off his service belt and all his clothes. When he stepped into the shower, he made the water as hot as he could stand it, yet try as he might, it wouldn't wash away his visions. Alice losing control of the car. Alice unconscious in his arms. Bella looking hurt as he yelled at her. How the hell had everything spun so out of control so quickly?
He was suddenly taken back to that day at Arlington National Cemetery when his friend, Corporal Paul Featherstone, was laid to rest. He had volunteered to be an honorary pallbearer despite his recent stint at Landstuhl.
After the somber ceremony and the last refrain of Taps was played, Edward approached Mrs. Featherstone as she held the folded ceremonial flag in her hands, which just minutes before had lain on her son's casket.
Her skin was flawless and the only thing that marred her pretty face was the endless stream of tears that would not be staunched. A young boy who looked to be about seventeen stood next to her, his pain mirroring that of his mother. Paul looked just like them, he thought as he approached. How fitting considering Mr. Featherstone's absence for most of their lives.
Edward came to a stop in front of Mrs. Featherstone, almost standing at attention. Paul's mother deserved the respect that one would pay a senior officer, so he saluted her. Her face registered recognition through her pain.
"Edward Cullen?" she whispered.
"Yes, ma'am," Edward said formally.
Then Mrs. Featherstone did something that confounded him. She stepped forward and embraced him like he was her prodigal son, folded flag and all. As he held her, she whispered a verse from Scripture to him:
"'When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.' This is what Jesus said to Mary as he presented John to her at his crucifixion. Paul called me about you and recited this two days before he died."
At that point, Edward broke down and bawled like a baby in the arms of his friend's mother.
Just remembering it made him sink to the floor of the shower as he let go of all the pain he'd been harboring, both from years before and the day's events. He wept for Paul, who had made the ultimate sacrifice for him; for Alice and his unborn cousin; for Bella and all that she had given up and compromised to accept him. As it turned out, he still felt deep-down he wasn't good enough for her. All he'd brought into Bella's life was danger and a healthy libido that had her breaking all kinds of rules of her faith. And he really didn't know how to feel about that anymore.
~888~
One of the nurses escorted Bella to a private waiting room so she would be available to greet the other family members and bring them up to speed on what was happening. She had to keep herself together, at least until she relayed all the pertinent information to Esme and Elizabeth. Carlisle came out briefly and greeted his wife and sister-in-law and gave them the same information in more efficient medical terms.
Elizabeth was concerned that Edward hadn't shown up yet. Bella was too, but she hadn't been in a place where she could use her cell phone until then. While the Cullen women peppered Carlisle with questions, Bella stepped away and dialed Edward's cell. He didn't pick up. When her phone vibrated immediately afterward, her heart leapt, hoping it was Edward. However, it was Rosalie, letting her know she and Emmett were on their way.
Carlisle was paged, and he left them quickly. Elizabeth sat between Bella and Esme on the sofa with one arm around Esme, while holding Bella's hand firmly, quietly praying and talking intermittently as the minutes ticked past.
As comforting as it was to be there for Esme and Elizabeth, Bella felt a void in her heart that wouldn't be filled until she was able to set her eyes on Edward again, to see for herself that he was okay. His continued absence was disconcerting, to say the least.
She excused herself and left the room to try him again, but no luck, so she decided to call the first man who'd stolen her heart: her father. She tried to convince herself that she just needed to hear his voice and his words of encouragement. When she explained what happened, Charlie was prepared to pick Renee up from her office and head over to the hospital, but Bella assured him they didn't have to do that. Her father must have heard the vulnerability in her voice, because he didn't listen. Thirty minutes later her parents walked into the private waiting room. Bella had never been so happy to see them. She flew into her mother's arms and burst into tears again.
"Whoever did this thought it would be me in that car. Oh, God! If anything happens to Alice and her baby-"
"Shh," Renee soothed. "I'm sure the doctors are doing everything they can."
Bella went from her mother's arms to her father's, and he encouraged her in his calm pastoral manner as only he could. "Guilt is not a positive emotion, baby girl. The best thing we can do for Alice and the baby is to stay strong and positive, and bathe them in prayer."
Elizabeth was happy to see the Swans arrive and immediately enlisted Rev. Swan to lead them in a pastoral prayer, which Charlie was happy to do. About fifteen minutes later, Emmett and Rosalie, as well as Alice and Jasper's pastor and his wife, joined them in the waiting room where they spoke in hushed tones, prayed more, and waited to hear news of Alice's condition. Only Carlisle and Jasper knew exactly what was going on with Alice, since they were with her. It had now been a couple of hours since the accident, and Bella had not seen nor heard from Edward. She tried him on his cell again, but still no answer.
Rosalie sidled up to her and whispered, "Where's Edward?"
"I left him at the scene with Seth. I've tried to get him, but he's not answering his cell."
Bella tried to keep her face impassive, but Rosalie wasn't fooled. She picked up her cell and called Seth. "Hey, Seth. Sorry to call you after hours, but we're trying to get a bead on Edward. Any idea where he is now?"
~888~
Bella stood just outside the door of the condo, listening to the muted sound of the piano. Edward was doing what he could control. She turned the lock and entered. He was seated at the piano playing "Zoom" and singing in Jeff Buckley-esque fashion the tune that Lionel Ritchie and the Commodores had made famous in the seventies. Closing the door, she set her purse and cell phone on the bar and moved to the bench. He was playing and singing with such feeling, it made her want to cry. She needed to reassure him that Alice and the baby were fine, so she fought back the tears and plastered a smile on her face. He looked at her; his lips turned up into a semblance of a smile, and continued to play, singing the words to her.
I'm searching for that silver lining
Horizons that I've never seen
Oh I'd like to take just a moment and dream my dream
Dream my dream
Zoom...
Bella held his eyes and inched closer until she stood immediately behind him. She buried her fingers in his slightly damp hair. He continued to play and sing until he finished the final verse, then he swiveled around on the bench until he was facing her. Pulling her effortlessly between his legs, he wound his arms around her waist and burrowed his head in her chest as she continued to massage his scalp. Finally, he asked the questions she expected.
"How is Alice? And the baby?"
"Alice and Baby Whitlock are fine now. The baby was in danger due to some internal damage, but Carlisle and Dr. Bush got her hemorrhaging under control quickly. However, they had to remove her spleen. The baby's heartbeat is stronger now, and Alice is stable. Apparently little ones are quite resilient and very protected inside their mothers, and Alice was properly restrained, so her system took most of the damage."
Bella could feel his relief. She squeezed him tightly around his neck and shoulders and kissed the top of his head.
"Thank God she's okay. I messed up. I shouldn't have..."
"Shh..." Bella soothed. She used her father's words to calm him. "Guilt is not a positive emotion. Let's just be thankful that she and the baby are all right."
Edward looked up into her eyes. His were moist and tender. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. That was wrong. Pulling Alice out of the car was wrong. Not showing up at the hospital—"
"But stopping the car before she was hit by someone else was right, Edward. We are all grateful that you were there to do that. And maybe you coming home to decompress was better for all concerned."
"I don't deserve you, Bella."
She smirked and said teasingly, "You're probably right." But then she saw how serious he looked, and she placed her hands on the sides of his face. "When are you going to stop putting me on some pedestal that I don't deserve? We're all human and frail, myself included. Faith doesn't make us perfect; it just reassures us that we're forgiven. I'm glad that you love me, but not in this self-deprecating way that you do. We are equal in every way; therefore, we deserve each other."
Edward pulled her close again and rested his head on her breast. "I love you so much, Bella."
"And I love you." She smiled, and for the first time that day, it was genuine. She saw a slip of paper lying on the piano that looked like it had been balled up and smoothed out again. It had the name Featherstone and a phone number on it. She picked it up.
"What's this?"
"Apparently, Paul's kid brother Jared is looking for me." He ran one hand through his hair and sighed laboriously.
"So, maybe he's the guy Demetri saw at the King store?" Bella released him and held the paper in both hands, studying it as if the answer to her question might appear on the paper.
Edward frowned. "I'll call him tomorrow. I really couldn't get my head in the right place to call him today."
"So he just kind of shows up without calling or anything?"
"Looks that way. I wonder if Mrs. Featherstone is okay. Maybe I'll call her in the morning before I call Jared."
"Probably a good idea. Maybe she can shed some light on why he's here," she said.
Edward stood and took her into his arms again for a proper hug. "Yeah, I'll do that." He was quiet for a moment. "You know Paul used to sing that song I was playing all the time. It drove me crazy." He laughed mirthlessly.
"He said that song was the one thing he could remember about his father. Apparently his old man loved it. I asked him, 'Why do you sing that song if all it does is remind you of the father who left you?' And you know what he said?"
She tilted her head and looked up into his eyes. "What?"
"He said the lyrics gave him a glimpse into the kind of man he hoped his father was, despite his inability to stay and take care of the family he started. You see, Paul forgave his father for leaving them, and he would have given anything to be able to do that in person, but he never had the opportunity. Singing that song reminded him why he'd forgiven him."
"I hope it does the same for you," she said. And with that, she kissed him softly on the lips. "I'll make us some dinner."
Bella whipped up a couple of omelets for them. While neither she nor Edward had a great appetite, they ate as much as they could stomach and fed the rest to the garbage disposal. It was a weeknight, and Edward usually didn't spend the night, but Bella asked him to stay and he agreed. However, she sensed that he still really wasn't himself.
When they retired for the night, he laid on his back with his arms propped behind his head. Undaunted, Bella rolled up close to him and rested her head on his chest. She traced circles on his chest that eventually became caresses, but he didn't respond in the way she'd imagined. Reaching down, he took her hand in his and stilled it, then brought his other arm around her. Too sleepy to be really miffed about being shut down, and too emotionally drained to turn it into a long drawn-out conversation, she sighed and closed her eyes.
~888~
Edward awoke early and took a run down south Monroe, not bothering to wake Bella to go with him. She'd been out late at the hospital and deserved to sleep in. His mind was riddled with scenarios—most of which had to do with the investigation and what he needed to do to quickly un-stall it. However, the primary scenarios playing through his mind were the things he could do to keep Bella safe while he pursued various leads.
It was becoming increasingly apparent that the people after him wanted blood. This recent incident with Alice had made it paramount that the perps should be found quickly before anyone else got hurt. It would upset him if it were anyone he loved, but it would destroy him if that person was Bella. She was his life, but how could he go about preserving it? Within a week's time, he would realize that the seed of a plan that had been planted in his head when Alice was hurt would eventually break both their hearts.
When he returned and emerged from the shower, Bella had made pancakes, and they sat and had their morning meal together. She was beautiful as always. He watched her tool around the kitchen in a lavender pajama set that fit so nicely it made him want to take her back into the bedroom for some early morning delight, but he scolded himself. You need to get your mind in the game, Cullen. This investigation won't solve itself, and you're not having sex with Bella anytime soon.
He offered to clean up their breakfast dishes, and Bella disappeared into the Master Bedroom to shower and dress for the day. She wanted to pop in and check on Alice before going to the Center, and so did he, considering he hadn't shown his face at the hospital the night before.
When the kitchen was clean, he meandered into his study and rummaged in his desk until he found his old address book. Flipping it open to the page he needed, he fished his cell phone out of his pocket and slunk down in his desk chair where he dialed the number quickly. He was disappointed when it rang several times and there was no answer, not even an answering machine.
Retrieving the slip of paper with Jared's number on it, he dialed him. Pay dirt.
"Hello," a voice that sounded eerily like Paul's greeted him.
Edward couldn't help but smile, and greeted him warmly. "Hi, Jared? This is Edward Cullen. My doorman gave me your message. What brings you to Tallahassee?"
The returning voice wasn't warm. In fact, it was decidedly cold. "Work. There's a matter of some urgency that I need to discuss with you."
Edward chuckled in spite of himself. "Man, you sound so much like Paul. How can I help you? You know I'd do anything for you and your mom."
"I'd prefer to talk to you in person, if that's possible."
Edward pressed on anyway. "Is your mother okay? I tried to call her, but she didn't answer."
"My mother is fine. She's taking care of her sick sister in North Carolina, but don't worry about her. You won't have to worry about her ever again."
"Jared, what's this about? You know Paul was my best friend and I love your family. I was a mess when I got out of the Corps and I haven't kept in close touch with your mom since I moved south, but I'm still committed to taking care of you guys like I always have."
"If you don't agree to meet me in person, I'll just keep coming by when I'm in town."
"Jared-" Edward began, but Jared cut him off, the edge to his voice harder.
"I'm in Tallahassee until the end of the day. When and where do you want to meet?"
Edward was perplexed. He couldn't believe how hostile Jared was being. "I have a family crises going on right now. Today is—impossible."
"I'll be back next Monday on the thirteenth. Can you see me then?"
Edward recognized the date as Bella's birthday. He hedged, "I have something important going on that day and I don't think I'm going to be available. Look, can't you just tell me what this is about?"
"Don't you get it, yet, Cullen? I will only talk to you in person about this. We don't want anything from you. So, when and where?"
He was already weary of arguing. "Monday morning, ten a.m., Starbucks on Tennessee Street."
"I'll be there," Jared said and promptly hung up.
Edward couldn't believe what he'd just heard. He'd figured Jared was just a shy boy when they first met because whenever he'd visited Mrs. Featherstone, Jared was either otherwise occupied or away at school. The half-dozen times he'd seen him, he was very reserved. Where was Jared getting all this hostility now? He really needed to talk to Mrs. Featherstone, but she was out of town and he didn't know when she would be returning.
His anger spiked, and he slammed his cell phone down so hard, the back cover came off of it. Bella walked in at that moment.
Her hand went to her heart. "Is there bad news from the hospital?"
Edward quickly reassured her. "No, no." He massaged his temple with two fingers and struggled to form the words to tell her what had just happened.
"I'll tell you about it in the car," he said and held his hand out to her. She looked curious still, but took his hand with a smile, and they headed out the door.
~888~
On the way over to the hospital, Edward shared a brief version of his conversation with Jared.
"Jared was young when Paul died, and he's probably just placing blame wherever he can to mask his pain," she said. "You should talk to Mrs. Featherstone."
"That's my hope. I'll try her again before I meet with him next week," Edward said as he pulled into a visitor parking spot at the hospital.
They entered the room. Jasper was perched on the lounge chair watching the muted television, while Alice, looking tiny and pale, slept. Tubes and wires were going everywhere, and all they heard was the soothing sound of Baby Whitlock's heartbeat from the monitor, which was turned up, while Alice's monitor was muted.
Jazz's face split into a smile when he came out of his boob tube-induced stupor. He looked like he'd pulled an all-nighter.
"Hey, guys," he whispered as he stood to greet them. He glanced at Alice. "She dozes intermittently because they've got her on pain meds."
"It's okay," Edward said. "I just wanted to see her for myself, since I, uh... Jazz, I should have been here last night, but..."
Jasper grasped his arm. "You stopped the car which was clearly out of control. You saved my wife and baby from a worse fate, Edward. Thank you."
All Edward could think to do at that moment was pull Jasper in for a hug. Bella watched as they patted backs and fought tears as grown men often try to do when they're emotional. She gave them their moment and walked over to Alice's bedside. Edward moved over behind Bella and looked down at his tiny cousin. Jasper joined them on the other side and they all smiled down at her. Edward and Bella watched her sleeping, her lips slack, mouth slightly open. Her hair was more unruly than his, and he chuckled.
"What?" Bella whispered.
"You know she's going to hate that we're seeing her with her hair like this, right?"
"What's up with my hair?" Alice slurred her words without opening her eyes. They were startled.
"It's just a hot mess, girlfriend," Bella said, fishing into her purse. "But I'll fix that for you right now."
Locating a comb, Bella leaned over to smooth out Alice's hair. She hesitated a second. "I promise, I don't have lice. Renee's genes assure me of that."
Alice opened her eyes, which were cloudy with sleep, and smiled. Her voice was gravelly, perhaps from the effects of the anesthesia. "Thanks, Bella. I'm glad you're here. These men might have let me go all day without doing anything about it."
"How do you feel?" Edward asked.
She cleared her throat. "Like I've gone fifteen rounds with Laila Ali, and she beat my scrawny ass."
They laughed. "The docs have you on the mend for the rematch," Jasper said.
"I hear Sophie-Jackson's heart still beating loud and clear," Alice said.
"Sophie-Jackson?" Bella asked.
"We've been hyphenating it since she came out of recovery around midnight."
Edward teased, "But I liked Beauregard!" They all looked at him like he was insane.
"If you like it so much, you can have that name for your firstborn," Alice retorted.
~888~
Edward was uncharacteristically combative with Dr. Levy at his next session. His therapist had been nothing but professional, and Edward had grown to consider him a friend; but try as he might, he couldn't get himself to cooperate. Pangs of guilt and blame still ripped through his soul even though he knew intellectually that Jared's animosity had sprung from the hurt and anger he hadn't dealt with from Paul's death.
There was a part of him deep down that still felt responsible, although he hadn't asked Paul to save him. Because of Paul's sacrifice, Mrs. Featherstone had lost a son, and Jared had lost a brother. He felt like all the progress he'd made had gone out the window and he was back to square one. Ira Levy, however, had the patience of a saint, and so he indulged Edward as if he were a twelve-year-old, which only served to piss him off even further.
Edward jutted his chin out defiantly and addressed what he thought was the elephant in the room. "This psychobabble just isn't working anymore, is it, Doc?"
Dr. Levy set his pen and paper on his desk and leaned toward Edward. His answering question was spot-on. "You want to tell me what's really bothering you, Edward?"
"My cousin and her unborn child almost died yesterday."
"Alice?" Dr. Levy was surprised.
"Yes, I just confirmed this morning that the brake line was cut on Bella's car. Alice borrowed it."
"Edward, I'm very sorry. Please give Jasper and Alice my best. I'll be sure to pass the news on to my wife. She loves Alice." Dr. Levy propped his elbows on his knees and steepled his hands. "And you have reason to believe that this is all somehow your fault. Am I correct?"
"Isn't it? I mean, the person who's doing this is really after me, but takes great delight in hurting the people I love." His voiced raised a few decibels. "And I don't have a fucking clue who it is!"
"You have a right to be frustrated, but you are not to blame. The blame rests squarely on the person who perpetrated these acts."
"But it's my job to take care of my family and Bella. I can't do that effectively, because I don't have any idea what's coming next. I should have checked the car out before Alice got into it yesterday, and I didn't." He held his face in his hands in abject misery.
"Even if you play every conceivable scenario over and over again in your head, there's no way you can account for every single possibility. You had no reason to believe anyone would tamper with the car, so test-driving it wouldn't have been in the forefront of your mind."
Dr. Levy waited until Edward scrubbed his face and looked at him again. "What was good about yesterday, Edward? What did you do right?"
"I tried to stop the car—and I did—but I had to brake too soon, and Alice rammed into me. And guess what? Trained policeman that I am, I moved her out of the car before the EMTs came. Bella was smart; she told me I should wait for the paramedics. But what did I do? I snapped her head off. And you know what she does? She goes to the hospital with Alice to make sure everything is all right, and then she comes back home to be with my sorry ass. Then Paul's brother shows up like he's got a bone to pick with me—and really he does. How's that for a great fucking day? Didn't do very much right, now did I, Doc?"
"You probably experienced a classic PTSD trigger. Your attempt to stop the car was right, and Bella forgave you because she knew you were under stress."
Edward nodded.
"As for Jared, from what you've told me, his mother considers you like a son. Do you think she could have said something that Jared might have misunderstood?"
Edward slowly shook his head. "I don't know. I'm meeting Jared on Monday morning. I hope I can get Mrs. Featherstone on the phone before then."
"I doubt after all this time, she'd suddenly change her mind about you. It doesn't sound like the woman you've described. Don't let a couple of isolated incidents undermine all the progress you've made. You've done such a good job of exorcising yourself of much of the guilt. Don't take it back, Edward. You let the demons win if you do."
Edward left Dr. Levy's office, even more determined than ever to find out who was making their lives a living hell. The drama with Jared was the least of his worries. Now he knew how criminals felt. It was damned uncomfortable going through life always looking over your shoulder. He didn't want to live like that anymore, and he damned sure didn't want his family or Bella to have to live in fear.
Resolving to redouble his efforts, Edward spent less and less time at the condo and more time carting files to her apartment, where he pored over them until the wee hours of the morning. When he wasn't being Bella's personal chauffeur, he was following up leads. He'd even dug up quite a bit of information on Jared Featherstone. When he'd finally meet with Jared, he would be ready to face him with no surprises.
~888~
Edward had hoped to enlist Alice's aid in making Bella's birthday special, but Jasper had just taken Alice home from the hospital on Friday and she was in for several weeks of recuperation before she could resume her daily activities. Esme and Elizabeth agreed to sit with her during the day while Jasper and Carlisle were at work. Edward also hired a couple of off-duty cops to patrol the neighborhood and keep watch on the house. He would not be taking unnecessary chances with the women in his family again.
No, a shopping spree was not possible for his entertainment-loving cousin in her present state, so Rosalie would have to suffice. Rose was a tough-as-nails cop, but underneath it she was all female. She and Bella were as thick as thieves now. She was thrilled to help with Bella's birthday party. Together, they decided to do a "friends" celebration on Sunday evening, rather than Monday, since the Center was now open full-time and Bella was in graduate school, not to mention Edward's sessions. Rosalie suggested they all get together on Sunday night at Shula's 347 Grill at the Hotel Duval, and then he and Bella could have a quiet dinner together on Monday at Chez Pierre, on her actual birthday. Edward was fine with that idea, and then they proceeded to work out the most important detail: What to get her for a present.
Even in the brief number of months they'd been together, he was convinced that Bella was it for him. A proposal would be the perfect birthday gift and he wanted to present her with a stunning engagement ring to seal the deal. He was pretty sure she wanted him the same way, but was it too soon to make his intentions known? He was just selfish enough to want forever with her even though he felt himself ill-equipped to make it a reality. Would their friends and family find it unthinkable that they would want to take this step so soon in their relationship?
When he'd returned to Florida, his mother had given him a box of jewelry that belonged to his great-grandmother. In that box was her wedding ring. His great-grandparents had been married fifty-five years, so hopefully it held a modicum of the marital success they'd enjoyed. It would be the perfect one to replace Bella's promise ring. He would take it to the jeweler's and have it cleaned, sized and possibly re-mounted in a more contemporary platinum setting.
He didn't feel comfortable discussing that with Rosalie, so together they decided that he would present Bella with twenty-three gifts. Beginning on Sunday, he would give her a small gift for every year of her life, and the twenty-third gift would be the biggest and grandest.
Armed with this knowledge, he had to somehow finagle some time away from Bella on Saturday to prepare. Rosalie agreed to take her for lunch and a movie on Saturday, while he shopped. She even suggested that he should call Angela to assist if he ran out of ideas, because she'd known Bella longer than any of them.
When Saturday rolled around, he found himself in Governor's Square Mall, trolling the stores and plucking Angela's brain for inspiration.
"So, what do we have so far?" Edward asked.
Angela held up her pad and read off the items they'd already checked off. "We have twelve gifts so far," she said with a wry smile.
"Wow, we've got a long way to go," he said, shifting the bags he was carrying into one hand and running his fingers through his hair.
Angela's eyes lit up. "I've got an idea. Why don't you let her first twelve gifts come from her friends, and you can concentrate on the final thirteen. There's six of us, so we can each pay for a couple of these, thereby freeing you to concentrate on the more personal gifts."
He was kind of disappointed at first—he'd been looking forward to being the one to give them to her—but then he decided that maybe Bella wouldn't balk at him buying her bigger things if their friends pitched in and bought half of the gifts.
A smile crept across his face. "That's actually a great idea, Angela. I wanted to take her to see Corinne Bailey Rae as one of her gifts, so I think this will be a great compromise. Then maybe she won't feel like I've gone totally overboard."
"She'll think that anyway," Angela said. "I swear, she is one of the hardest people to do something nice for."
"So she's always been like that? It's not just with me?"
"She's very much like Charlie in that respect. They're givers, but have a hard time receiving."
Edward rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it."
Angela looked tentative, but then went ahead and said what she was thinking anyway.
"Rosalie mentioned that the smallest private room at Shula's seats sixteen people. Renee and Charlie wanted to do something for Bella's birthday but acquiesced when they found out we were already planning a get-together. We could invite the Swans, your mother, Jacob, Maria, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, and even Nana and Deacon Wilson. I know Jasper won't be there, because he wouldn't dream of coming without Alice, even though his parents are visiting with them this weekend."
Bella would love having family around, so Edward didn't hesitate. "If we're going to party, let's do it right. Anyway, I'll have her to myself at Chez Pierre on Monday."
Angela laughed. "You're worse than Ben. We see each other every day and spend an insane amount of time together, but it's almost never enough."
Edward laughed. "We're whipped men. What can we say?"
After they'd purchased the remaining items on the list, Angela left to meet Ben, and Edward went to the jewelry store alone to retrieve his final special gift.
~888~
Sunday night went off without a hitch. Edward was even able convince Bella that he was taking her out for a quiet dinner because Alice and Jasper wouldn't be available for them to do a proper celebration. When the hostess offered to escort them to their "table," Bella was telling Edward about the conversation she'd had with her mother after church in which she hadn't even mentioned her birthday.
"I don't know if she was preoccupied or what," Bella complained, "but you would think that since I am her only child she would have said something, even if she only planned to get me a card or just say happy birthday."
Edward patted her hand that rested in the crook of his arm and made a show of being really sympathetic. "What do your parents usually do for your birthdays?"
"Despite the fact that I've always hated the attention, ever since I can remember they've had these lavish affairs that embarrass me for days on end with tons of guests and gifts, the sum total of which could probably feed all the children of a small developing country for seven days."
Edward stifled a grimace when she mentioned gifts. The small gifts he'd given her earlier in the day were selected because they held a special meaning. He was going to have to really sell her on the final two he'd be giving her tomorrow night. It didn't matter if one of them didn't cost him anything besides a good cleaning. He chose to distract her by changing up the topic just a bit.
"I'd like to have seen you at one of these parties when you were a pre-teen."
She smirked. "Oh, yeah? I'd like to have heard you explain to Charlie why you were hanging around his very young daughter back then."
Grinning mischievously, he stopped to give the hostess a chance to alert everyone that they were coming, and pulled Bella into his arms. "Right. I keep forgetting a five year age difference wouldn't have been appropriate back then." He figured he would distract her with a kiss. She was a willing recipient, and as always, her kiss got the standard reaction from him.
The hostess addressed them, and they embarrassedly broke away from each other. "Right this way," she said with a smile, stepping aside and allowing them to walk in front of her into the Coach's Den.
As Bella entered the room everyone yelled, "Surprise!" Bella was rooted to the spot, completely stunned, and Edward watched as her face registered shock, surprise, a face-splitting smile, and then tears of joy. She turned into Edward's arms, pummeling his chest playfully.
"You knew all along! How did you—?"
"Skills," he said simply and leaned down to brush her lips with his. "Happy Birthday, baby."
Then everyone was up greeting the birthday girl, and Edward stood off to the side to chat with Emmett, who had given Bella his characteristic "sweep 'em off their feet" hug. Edward might have been jealous if it were anyone other than Emmett.
The surprise guest of the evening was none other than James Hall, in the flesh. He approached Bella sheepishly, and Edward involuntarily moved closer to her, silently staking his claim.
"James!" Bella exclaimed happily. "Fancy seeing you here."
James looked to Edward, who gave a brief nod, before he leaned in and gave Bella a friendly hug.
"Happy Birthday, Bella. Your parents had lunch with mine today and insisted that I come along tonight," he explained. "It's good to see you."
Bella held both his hands, looked into James' eyes, and whispered so only the three of them could hear, "You look great. Your hiatus was just what the doctor ordered."
"Yeah, it was necessary." James released her hands and scratched nervously behind his ear. "I'd like to make good on my promise to have you over to sing in a couple of weeks. Dad's doing a series and wants you to sing your specialty hymn."
"His Eye Is On The Sparrow?"
"Yeah, that's the one." He grinned. "No one does it like you."
"You can count on me," Bella said with an answering smile. "Shoot me an email with the particulars."
"Will do," James said. He then nodded at Edward with a warm smile, just before he turned to take his seat next to Maria. "Cullen."
Edward's response was just as brief but equally warm. "Hall."
When James was out of earshot, Bella smiled up at Edward. "See? I knew you guys would be friends one day."
Edward made a show of rolling his eyes playfully, and they took their seats.
Angela and Rosalie had filled the room to capacity and smartly decorated it with flowers, balloons and streamers. There was also a respectable pile of gifts in the corner, just waiting to make Bella's night. She was radiant as they enjoyed a delicious steak dinner with all their closest friends and family, except for the glaring exception of Alice and Jasper. After the meal, Edward delivered her gifts to the table, and surprisingly, she didn't complain once.
After the cake was cut and eaten, they began to disperse. The elders left first, leaving only the younger couples and James and Maria, who had enjoyed a lively conversation during the party, Edward noticed.
Emmett, who never wanted the party to end, had a suggestion. "We should take this party upstairs to Level 8, guys."
"Yeah," Ben seconded, hugging an agreeable Angela to his side.
"The view is awesome," Rosalie said, "and I could stand to dance away a few calories."
Edward looked to Bella and she nodded vigorously. "We really haven't partied until we've danced."
"It's still your party." Edward stood and took Bella's hand, helping her up and into his arms. "Let's dance."
They made ready to leave.
Bella called to James and Maria, "Are you guys game for some dancing?"
James shrugged, and Maria smiled and said, "Sure."
Emmett helped Rosalie pack up all the decorations, and Edward and Bella packed her gifts.
"Emmett and I will take this stuff out to the car," Edward said. "Stay close to Rosalie. She's packing heat."
"Nothing I don't already know," Bella said sarcastically.
~888~
Edward left the condo early on Monday morning after making Bella a birthday breakfast. It probably would have been wiser to stay over at her apartment, but after the dinner party and then dancing until after midnight, they had both been rather tired—but never too tired to make out, of course. Bella had been very anxious to get naked and horizontal. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stop before the point of no return, but they were still able to manage it. She had undressed him in record time, and after he'd removed her white birthday dress, they'd spent another hour giving each other orgasms without intercourse.
If she said yes to his proposal, he would definitely opt for a short engagement. He wanted to make love to her properly. She understood him like no one else, loved him like no one else, and was his ideal in every way.
Only one hurdle was left to cross in his therapy and once that was accomplished, it would affirm him as a man honorable enough to have her as his bride. Once he overcame his issues with his father, he could be a good husband and father. He couldn't wait to have conversations with Bella as her fiancé. They would finally be able to talk about children and finances and future career goals without any fear.
Edward arrived at the Starbucks with ten minutes to spare. He really wished he'd been able to reach Mrs. Featherstone before the meeting, but repeated calls told him she must still be out of town. Despite the sense of foreboding that dogged him, he was trying to keep positive, and thinking about Bella was the most positive he could get. He remembered how beautiful she looked when he'd left her, wearing the red satin night shirt she'd slept in after they'd shared a quick shower together the night before. She had been sated physically and emotionally, and was all set to have a wonderful birthday.
He was determined to stay upbeat, even if Jared decided to deck him. He certainly had sounded hostile enough to try. He'd found a couple of simple assault charges against Jared that gave him a clue that he might be predisposed to violence if generally pissed off, provoked, or he perceived a threat. Both assaults had occurred in the year after Paul's death, so it was understandable that he might have acted out then. They were also situations in which he was able to successfully make counter charges against the persons with whom he'd had the altercations. Both parties had pled no contest. Other than that, he only had a couple of parking tickets and one speeding ticket on his record.
Edward ordered a coffee and sat near a window. To pass the time, he texted Bella, wished her happy birthday again, and told her that he loved her. A few minutes later, he saw Jared making his way through the door. He was dressed in a khaki suit and a crisp white shirt. He looked so much like Paul that Edward's throat constricted, but he pulled himself together and stood as Jared approached, extending him a hand to shake.
Jared ignored the hand as his eyes swept Edward's frame in disgust.
"It figures that you'd be a cop," he said with a sneer.
Edward was not apologetic. "Meaning?"
"Most military types don't know what to do with all that aggression they bring back from war."
Edward sat back down and took the last drink of his coffee. "Have a seat, Jared. Why don't you tell me what this is all about?"
Jared sat, and pulled an envelope out of the inside pocket of his suit coat. He placed it on the table and slid it toward Edward. "I believe this is yours."
Regarding him warily, Edward picked up the envelope, opened the flap, and pulled out a six-figure cashier's check. Now what the fuck was he gonna do with all that money? Garrett, his tax advisor, was going to have a freaking cow, but that was the least of his worries. His heart felt like it had floated up and lodged in his throat. "Why are you doing this? Paul and I promised to take care of the other's family if something happened to either of us. I gave this to you and your mother in good faith, honoring that promise. Does she even know you're here?"
"I wouldn't worry about that if I were you, Cullen. We're done taking your blood money. Any further funds wired to our account will be returned to you."
Edward flinched when he said "blood money." He couldn't believe this angry man was the kid brother on whom Paul had doted. Jared had become a bitter young man.
Edward had known all along that providing the stipend was the least he could do for Mrs. Featherstone, given that Paul had not come home to take care of her and Jared as he'd planned.
"Returning this won't bring Paul back any more than my gifting it to you did. You dishonor his name by doing this," Edward said. He thought it was worth a try to appeal to him the way Paul might have if he were in this situation.
"You're right about that, Cullen. For some reason beyond my comprehension, my brother thought you were worth giving his life. If you wanted to gift us anything, you should have traded places with my brother."
"Paul was a man of faith. You know that. He lived John 15:13. What do you live, Jared?"
"I live the code of taking care of a mother whose eldest son was lost to her when he saved the life of a liquor heir who should never have been in the Marines in the first place. You probably shouldn't even be in that cop's uniform. Why do you rich white boys always believe you've got to be some poor minority's savior? I saw that piece of ass you date at the community center. Still slumming in the ghetto—"
Edward lunged at Jared and they tumbled to the floor, wrestling. Nobody insulted his Bella. The few patrons in the Starbucks scattered. One of the Baristas screamed. They were evenly matched and scrambled around on the floor, frantically trying to one-up each other. Finally, Edward pinned Jared down. He raised his fist and would have hit him square in the face, but then he remembered this was Paul's brother.
He pushed off of Jared and stood up. Jared came up swinging and hit him square on the jaw with a right hook. Edward took the punch and didn't budge an inch.
"That one was free. But if you feel the need to hit me again, I'll haul your ass in for assault on a law enforcement officer." The least he could do in honor of Paul was to let his brother blow off some steam.
The manager came rushing over to them. "Do you need me to call for backup, Officer?"
Edward held his hand up. "No, not at all. Sorry for the trouble."
"I guess we're done here," Jared said in a clipped tone as he turned to leave.
Then he thought about it. Jared knew about Bella. How would he know about her if he hadn't been stalking them?
"Not by a long shot," Edward said as he rammed into Jared and pushed him against the wall. He had him in handcuffs before he could blink.
"I'm running you in," Edward declared. "You've got some questions to answer."
~888~
E/N: John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (KJV)
Edward's Great-Grandmother's Ring:
A gorgeous cushion-cut diamond engagement ring with micropave diamonds set in platinum (picture on profile).
The Video for Alicia Keyes "Unthinkable" is so hot! She in a star-crossed love relationship with none other than Chad Michael Murray of "One Tree Hill" fame. I think of Copward and Bella every time I see that video. hahaha
*Unthinkable (Excerpt)
by Alicia Keyes
I know you have said to me
"This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be"
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually
If we gonna do something about it
We should do it right now
You give me a feeling that I never felt before
And I deserve it, I think I deserve it
It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore
And I can't take it
I was wondering maybe
Could I make you my baby
If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy
If you ask me I'm ready
If you ask me I'm ready
Why give up before we try
Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I came prepared
I'm suspended in the air
Won't you come be in the sky with me