It's been three weeks or so since Carl was admitted into the infirmary. I've adjusted my daily routine to include a visit with him and play time with Judith. She hasn't gotten to see Carl once, and she asks every day. It breaks my heart to tell her no and I always ask Rick if maybe that today could be the day. But Rick would always look at his son and grimace nervously, shaking his head. Maybe he just didn't want Judith to see her brother in a slightly more gruesome light. I mean, bandaging covering nearly half of Carl's head would probably be quite jarring for the four year old. She'd seem some pretty dark stuff, but I suppose Rick didn't wanna traumatize her more. It goes back to the whole 'let's keep Judith from becoming cold' idea.

After about the second week I really stopped worrying about Carl, he was healing incredibly well and was awake for most of the day. There was no sign of infection, and they only kept him in the infirmary for precautionary reasons. This just drove Carl nuts more than anything else.

But today, they're finally releasing him. Today he finally gets to see Judith. She doesn't know it yet. We decided it would be a nice surprise for her.

I think the worst part about all this is he's not being released in the morning, but rather in the afternoon, shortly before dinner. Which means I have to suffer through my job, and I have no doubts the day will trickle by at a snail's pace. I'm actually going on a run today; I decided not to tell Carl because I think the whole thing is the slightest bit ironic. I've withheld a lot of things from Carl lately, but I only do them in efforts not to worry him. Starting with my headaches, they've become more frequent and have only gotten worse in magnitude. I've thrown up a couple times out of nowhere. And sometimes my vision will go wonky on me for a bit. I'm also not telling Carl because I'm afraid he'll want me to go see a doctor. But I'm afraid of what the doctor will tell me.

"Sam! Sam!" squeals Judith. She's become my regular alarm. She does her job well, I must say. But on mornings like these, where I'm waking up with a dull headache, it's a little less welcome. It also requires me to push away any cranky, snappy responses my brain wants to give. Most of which includes words that would inappropriately extend Judith's vocabulary. So I groan and sit up, giving Judith a false smile, but the eager look on her face is enough to turn the fake smile into a real one.

"Good morning Judy, how are you?" I stretch my arms up and yawn, blinking away the sleep from my eyes.

Her little arms are locked and her hands are pressed palms down as she uses the bed to help her as she jumps up and down, "Good! Good!" I've got teach her some more diverse words than 'good' to describe her mood.

"Someone is excited," I can't break the smile from my face.

She nods, "Can we see Carl today?" never fails, every day almost immediately after I wake up.

I've gotten to where I mix up my answer, because a straight up no can be wearing on the child, I don't want to discourage her, she needs hope. And I'm not going to lie to her either so I say, "Maybe," I've used that one before, and it hasn't come true, but today it will. Today at last.

I get her dressed in a green shirt with a watermelon on it with a pink skirt. I put her hair into pigtails and put on her socks and shoes. I set her on her bed with one of her books while I duck into the bathroom and put on my purple and white striped shirt and dark gray cargo capris, I pull back my hair so it's less of a hazard when I go on my run and then

I'm ready to go.

Judy eats all of her breakfast without any coaxing from me. It's like she can sense that today's gonna be a good day. I get her dropped off at Paula's in a timely manner and then head to the front gate.

On my way I get stopped by Beth, her and Daryl's wedding is actually scheduled for a week from now.

"Sam!" she calls

"Hey Beth," I give her a friendly smile because today I'm in a friendly mood.

She smiles back, "Hey, I bet you're ready for Carl to get out today, aren't you?"

I nod emphatically, "Oh yeah, I can't wait for Judith to see him."

Ok. Cut the small talk. What are you here for?

She's not going for it though, because she continues to say meaningless things, "So where you headed off to?"

"Actually," I give a breathy laugh, "I'm headed out on a run."

She receives the news in such a way that I know that she's just dancing around the main reason of her talking to me.

She nods back, and then looks at the ground for a moment. She looks back up and rests a hand on my shoulder, "Would you mind doing me a favor if you could?"

Here we go.

"Sure," I give her a fake smile, "Anything."

"Well," her lips push together nervously, like she feels bad for asking for this favor, "Daryl and I still don't have our wedding bands, and if you saw some, maybe you could pick them up? I know it's silly, but if you could, that would be great." she smiles and blinks her blue eyes at me expectantly.

"Sure!" I tell her, with more enthusiasm than necessary, "I will certainly try!"

Beth looks relieved, "Thanks, you're the best!"

I shrug, "No problem." and then I get on my way again to the front gate.

Sasha's there with Heath, Scott's nowhere to be seen and I'm not sure who else is going on a run with us today. But let's just say if it's Josh, I might find a way for him to 'mysteriously' not make it back home.

I look around, seeing if perhaps if anyone else was headed our way when Sasha speaks up, "If you're looking for Josh, he's not coming. Douglas, he um, dealt with him after what happened with Carl." she lowers her head and her voice

"Dealt with him?" I lift an eyebrow

I was the one who was supposed to 'deal with him', make sure he learned from his mistakes. Not shake a disapproving finger and move on. At least, that's what I assume Douglas would have done.

Sasha swallows uneasily, "Let's just say, he won't be an issue anymore. For anyone..."

Still confused, I let it drop. If he's out of the picture that's probably good news for me.

We're joined by another man and a woman; both look like they're sensible and can handle themselves out there. The man appears to be in his early twenties and the woman in her thirties. I've seen them around, but never interacted. Sasha introduces the man as David and the woman as Betsy. Scott catches up with us as we're loading up on weapons in the armory, I forget what his excuse was, I think I tuned him out.

We load up into the van and I sit in the back next to Betsy. She's pretty quiet too, which I like. I'm tired of people I don't know, or like, talking to me. I've found it to be a chore.

Today, we're going to an abandoned mall. Runs of this sort are particularly dangerous. One, because malls are huge and walkers could be anywhere. Two, in the beginning, once people gave up on being in large cities for protection, they'd move to smaller facilities, like malls and schools and sometimes even super markets. Sasha and Heath scouted this place out earlier this week though, tried to lure out as many walkers as possible. They hooked up a boombox with big speakers to a car battery; I hope it'll be enough.

As we approach the mall I see a couple walkers off in the distance, but they don't appear to have noticed us yet. Heath parks us outside the Macy's and this time we're breaking up into groups of two. We won't hit the whole mall today, there's just no way it can be done efficiently. Today we'll just be taking the northern corner. Sasha and I will be taking Macy's itself, Scott and Heath will be tackling a vitamin and health store along with a military surplus store. David and Betsy are tackling a couple of restaurants to see if there's anything salvageable.

We split up once we all have our instructions and instantly my radar goes up and I'm more attentive for strange noises. Sasha and I are supposed to pick up little girls clothes in size infant to 8, boys clothes in 4-14, children's shoes in any sizes we can find, women's shirts and pants, men's shirts and shoes, pillows, and blankets. Oh and wedding bands if they'd even be around here. We take down the occasional stray walker or two, and Sasha decides the job would get done quicker if I went upstairs to collect the children's stuff.

So I walk up the broken escalator and I'm standing in the 'for the home' section, which includes the pillows and blankets on our list. I pile what I can beside the elevator, to collect them for later.

I turn back around, I start to walk in one direction and suddenly I stop.

What was I supposed to get again?

I search my mind, but for the life of me I can't remember. I walk around semi-aimlessly on the second floor. I walk out of the home department and into the kid's shoe department. I pause and I turn to the small shoes. Shoes! I was supposed to grab shoes! They jump start my memory and I walk through the aisles of shoes. I pull the bag off my back and start stuffing shoes of all sizes into the bag, but only the useful ones. I skip over the flip flops and the cute little baby heels. Once my bag is full, I throw it over my shoulder and start to head back towards the escalator. I grab the pillows and blankets and begin to walk down the steps. I find Sasha kneeling down, putting some women's tank tops into her bags.

She looks up at me and my haul, "Got everything?"

I bend over, setting down the huge load in my arms, "Yup, they had it all, pillows, blankets, and shoes."

Sasha jerks her head up, "No clothes?"

I frown, confused, "Clothes?"

Sasha lowers her head and narrows her eyes, "Yeah, the kid's clothes. Were there none?"

"I was supposed to get clothes?" my eyebrows knit together.

Sasha stands up, she crosses her arms and studies me intently, "Sam, are you feeling alright?"

I shrug, "Yeah?"

It comes back to me in a strange flash.

You dumbass! You were supposed to get the girl's and boy's stuff. Sizes infant to 12 and 8 to 14.

Great. Now she's gonna think I've gone nuts.

"Right. The clothes. I'll go get those now, I just ran out of room in my bag." I try covering up my memory lapse.

Sasha doesn't look convinced, but nods anyway, "Right, just leave what you've got here. I'll keep an eye on it."

I grab an empty bag and turn around, mumbling angrily to myself. I scowl as I stomp up the stairs and I'm still beating up on myself as I walk down the walkway to the kid's clothing department. I walk into the little girl's section and start taking items off the rack in the sizes we need. I'm still lost in thought as I pass a fitting room to get over to where the baby clothes are kept. I stuff whatever I can find, grumbling intelligible things.

Then I hear a different grumbling. It's not my own, and it's accompanied by moans and scraping of feet.

"Shit!" I curse and drop the bag, grabbing for my knife. There are 3 of them. Nothing I shouldn't be able to handle, just gotta give myself some more space. I'm careful as I back up to the walkway of the department. One lunges for me head first and I plunge my knife into its skull. I yank it out and the walker falls to the ground lifelessly. Black blood trickles from the wound and I back up trying to prepare for the next one.

A wave of pain hits me.

Not now. Not now.

Son of a bitch.

My mind stops thinking about the walkers, how they're getting closer, how I'm probably seconds away from consumption if I don't act fast, and it instead throbs with the insanity and pressure that is a headache.

My knife clatters to the floor and I fall to my knees.

I'm going to die, I'm going to die.

Scream you idiot! The others will come if you scream!

I'll be dead by the time they get here!

I look up and the walkers stumble over their fallen buddy. Their dirty hands stretch out towards me and the smell is too much for my head to bear. I puke everywhere, on the floor, on the walkers, on myself.

I try to fight off the pain in my mind and focus on the real world. I backpedal, pushing myself back against the tile, my hands fumble backwards and on my way back they find my knife. My fingers grip helpless around the handle. My chest heaves and I bite my tongue, soon my mouth becomes bitter with the taint of blood. Not enough pain to distract me from the real problem. The walkers crawl after me, the adrenaline flows through me, but rather than making this easier, it makes my head pound harder. I squint my eyes shut.

If I don't act now, I'm going to die, it can hurt later. Kill now. Kill or be killed.

I force my eyes back open and I try to get to my feet, but the pain is too disorientating, my butt hits the tile quicker than it left it.

Gun, long range. Remember dumbass?

So I keep pushing backwards and grab for my gun.

I curl my fingers around the gun and one goes to the trigger. I force my arms to stiffen, it's not good gun posture, but I can't afford to shake.

BOOM!

One bullet rings out, and it's like the bullet went to my brain instead of the walker's. I have to close my eyes again, trying to regain some mental abilities. I keep pushing backwards. I open my eyes again, damn I must have missed. Both walkers are still coming for me and trying to crawl over each other in the process. I push back more and my back slams into a pillar. It hurts, but my head still hurts more.

I look to my left, there's a rack of clothes. If they got close enough, and I could push the rack over, then I could crush their heads, or at least disable them. I close my eyes again, because I can literally feel my brain pulsing and pushing against my skull. I move as quickly as I can manage to the rack and I use it to pull myself up. When the walkers get close enough, I shove it as hard as I can. It falls over, but I fall with it.

I hear the sickening crush of skulls beneath me, and my shoulders heave as catch my breath. The growls have stopped, so I'll assume I'm safe. I push myself up from the sea of clothes and hangers. I fall to my knees, clasping my skull. My eyes squint shut and my mind shuts down.

I lay there for too long, people will probably start looking for me soon.

They can't find me like this, whatever else happens, no one can know.

Come on. Get up, just push through it.

I release my head and start to push myself up. I'm attacked by the nausea again.

Or not. I choke back on my own bile.

I press my chin into my chest and it connects in my mind that I smell. Like reek, horribly.

I have to change clothes. I open my eyes and peek at my shoes.

No. Not my Docs.

I groan and roll over. I'm facing the pillar, which is a wall to floor mirror, I look past myself and I see the hand of a walker still stretching out for me. The rack shifts a little and I scramble to my feet. I grab my knife and clutch it so hard my knuckles turn white. I press my back against the pillar to keep me upright; I watch the hand for a little while longer, occasionally shutting my eyes because I have to. Its dirty nails curl into the grout of the tile and claws out hopelessly in my general direction. But air-clawing isn't doing a thing to me, so I deem the walker incapacitated and go to collect the dumb clothes. As I walk to the bag, I pass a checkout counter.

Someone had to have some kind of pain medication here. So I stumble over to it, my head still throbbing. I pillage through drawer after drawer until I find a bottle of Tylenol, that'll work right? Dosage says two tablets, but I do three. I swallow them dry and stuff the bottle in my pocket.

I grab the bag and decide it's enough, then slowly make my way back to the steps, my headache gradually waning, when I remember my clothes. I can't let Sasha see me like this.

I start to sneak down the stairs, ears perked for any noises, I look around for Sasha but I can't seem to find her. I get off the escalator and make a break for the juniors department.

I grab a blue and white plaid shirt, a clean tank top, and some skinny jeans. I make a quick change and dispose of my old, vomit ridden clothes. I find the shoe department before I find Sasha.

I grimace, but my Docs!

But you don't wanna be found out do you?

No...

Then dump your boots!

I cast one final, forlorn look at my boots before kicking them off and raiding the back of Macy's shoe department. The quick, hasty movements shake my brain around and put me out of breath quicker than normal. I slide down one, nearly black aisle and find what I'm looking for.

Victory.

And in a size 8, ha.

I find a brand new pair of black Doc Martens, identical to my old ones.

Hey if it ain't broke don't fix it.

I lace up my new boots as quickly as possible and make headway towards the exit of this place.

It's like a shoe catacomb here. The shoes destined to never be worn. Row after row of heels, their only purpose now is maybe an emergency weapon to stab walkers through the eye. The place is downright creepy, and I'm glad when I get back out into the open where the world is somewhat less dark.

I turn the corner, heading back to the women's department and Sasha catches my attention, "Hey!" she shouts, her voice is not welcome to my ears. They were just adjusting to the silence. Nope, this headache has not dulled enough for me to deal with people, "There you are!" she walks towards me and I tell myself to act natural.

"Got those clothes you were looking for," I give her a fake smile, lifting up the bag of clothes.

She looks me over, "Looks like you got some new ones for yourself."

Shit. She's on to me.

I shrug indifferently, "My old clothes were wearing out and I figured while I'm here, why not?"

Sasha nods, by the look on her face, I'm definitely on her radar. Damn.

"We should probably start heading back to meet up with the others, assuming you've gotten everything?" she lifts a wary eyebrow at me.

I have everything don't I?

Beth.

"Actually, there is one more thing, but it's more of a specialty item. Does Macy's have a jewelry department?"

Sasha gives me a strange look, pondering why I need to go to the jewelry section, "Um yeah, it's towards the entrance to the rest of the mall by perfume and cosmetics."

"Cool, I'll meet y'all at the car soon." I promise, heading off in the direction I believe to be the mall entrance.

Somehow, leaving Sasha releases some of the pressure in my head and I take it as a good thing. I find the jewelry counter without a problem, I also find a cabinet with wedding bands. The key is, how am I going to get to them. I mean, I'm assuming there isn't any power for this thing, so I hope the alarm won't go off. Here goes nothing, I pull out my gun and fire at the glass.

It shatters and no alarm fills the air, my ears just ring with the sound of a bullet being fired off. I grab two bands that look like they'll fit Beth and Daryl respectively and then head to the car, stuffing the rings in my back pocket. Everyone else is already there by the time I arrive, but I act like it's nothing and pile into the back of the van.

I try and sleep on the ride back to the safe zone, for one of two reasons, to try and calm down this headache as much as possible, the meds are helping, but a relaxed state of mind couple drastically improve that. Two because I need to get my mind off the fact that I'm going to see Carl very soon, and he won't be in a hospital bed. The pure idea of it makes me giddy.

I don't think I actually fall asleep, but I feel a lot better when I get out of the van. I help Sasha distribute the supplies to those who need them and then I run into Beth.

"Hey," she smiles warmly, "you're back, did you..."

"Get the rings?" I finish her sentence for her, "Here." I pull the rings out from my back pocket, "I hope they fit alright."

Beth hugs me, "Thank you, they're perfect."

"No problem," I half hug her back

She walks off shortly afterward, and I've finished really helping Sasha, so with a couple new things for Judith, I go pick her up from Paula's.

Paula has stopped questioning where Carl is, I assume she must know, or she simply stopped caring. So when she opens the door and lets me in, there's no more awkward conversation, just Judith running to me excitedly.

"Sam! Sam! Come see what I made!" see grabs my hand and starts pulling me to a table with paper and crayons spilled all over the place. I kneel down beside her as she shows me her drawing.

"Look!" she points at the picture, it's a picture of all of us at the safe zone, our little group, "See, there's me and you and Cawl and Daddy and Meechonne and Dawyl and Beth!" she points at each person as she says their names. She drew Carl with his hat on, on one side of Judith and me on the other, and we're holding her hands, like that first day we were here and we swung her as we walked. She drew Michonne with her sword, and I think Daryl has his crossbow in one hand and is holding Beth's hand in the other.

A wide grin spreads across my face, "Judy, it's perfect. I love it and I'm sure the others will too."

"Cawl?" she blinks hopefully at me

I nod and smile, "Yes, Carl will really love it." speaking of which, "We should get going, Miss Paula probably wants us to get out of her hair."

Judith decides she wants to walk today, so she holds her picture in one hand, and tightly clasps mine in her other. We go back to the duplex and play for a while, then I tell that it's time to go to dinner even though it's a bit early. I make sure Judith's hair is nice and brushed out, and I take mine out of the ponytail and put on my beanie.

"Do you have your picture?" I ask her before we head out the door. She lets go of my hand and runs back to her bed and grabs her drawing and runs back, and then grabs my hand again.

"Yes." she beams happily up at me. We start walking towards the pavilion, "Will Daddy be at dinner? I wanna show him my picture."

I nod at her, "I'm sure he will."

We walk past the pavilion and Judith gives me a funny look, she points at the pavilion, "What about dinner?"

I try to be reassuring, "We'll eat soon." I tell her to let me carry her and for her to shut her eyes. She lets me pick her up and she wraps legs around my waist and her arms cling to my neck. She squints her eyes shut and presses her face into my shoulder, I keep walking, heading towards the infirmary. Just as we approach the entry, Carl and Rick come out, his face lights up when he sees me and Judy, I notice most of the bandaging is skillfully covered by his hair and he's even wearing his hat.

"Hey Judy," I tilt my head towards hers, "You can look now."

Her head whirls up and she immediately sees Carl, I set her down and she takes off for her big brother, "Cawl! Cawl!" her little voice rings with glee.

"Judy!" Carl's smiling wider than he has in weeks he bends down so he can give her a hug. She wraps her arms around her big brother and I walk up slowly, giving them their space.

"I missed you so much!" Judith tells Carl

Carl hugs his sister back, picking her up, "I missed you too, Judy."

"Is your boo boo better?" she asks, I think that's when she realizes that Carl looks different.

Carl looks past her to me, here's what he's been worrying about, "Yes. I'm much better now."

She looks at the bandaging, "Did you hurt your eye?"

Carl nods very slowly, "Yes, Judy. I hurt my eye very badly, that's why I couldn't play for so long."

"That's a big boo boo." Judith remarks, "Can I kiss it?"

Carl grins, "Sure, that will make it even better."

Judith kisses the bandage very carefully, "Now we can play?"

"Yes, but let's eat some dinner first, ok?" Carl laughs, he sets her down and I walk over to him. He gives me a hug and kisses me on the cheek.

"It's good to be free," he jokes.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Judith squeals, "Look what I made!" she holds her picture up so Rick can see it. Rick smiles, "That's very good, Judy." he picks her up and studies the picture.

Carl turns towards his dad and walks over to have a look at the picture. I stand behind him.

"It's beautiful Judy," Carl smiles at the drawing, I rest my chin on his shoulder and he grabs my hand.

"It's for you Cawl. I made it for you." she stretches across Rick to hand the drawing to Carl.

Carl takes the drawing, a smile still on his face, "Thank you, Judy,"

"You welcome," she beams

Carl sets the drawing in his backpack with his comics and other belongings I'd brought to him during his stay at the infirmary. I offer to carry the bag for him and he walks with Judith to dinner, he keeps a hold of my hand on the other side.

Dinner is the happiest meal I've had in a while, we're all together again and the food is better than normal. There's fresh vegetables and David and Betsy found like ten 20 pound bags of rice. There's even fresh meat, I think Daryl and some others went out on a hunt today. Squirrel and venison are abundant around the tables tonight.

After dinner, we head back to the duplex and Carl plays with Judith until it's her bedtime. I would've joined in, but I figure the two wanted to have some brother-sister bonding time.

So I just take a shower and then read on my bed.

The door swings open and Judith is running to me, Carl's leaning in the doorway, "Sam! Will you read to me?" she asks. She's wearing her little nightgown and her hair is still damp. She pulls herself up onto the bed and crawls over to me, sitting back on her heels.

"That's the only way I could get her to take her bath," Carl admits

I smile at Judith, "Of course I will," putting down my own book, "What would you like me to read you?"

She ponders this for a moment, "I want Cawl to pick."

Carl shifts his weight around, before finally coming into our room and sitting on the bed. He tugs one side of his mouth over in thought, "Peter Pan."

I look at him, and I can't move or say anything for a moment. He knows the history we have with that book, it's been through hell and back, and yet I still reach over and pull it out from my book pile to read it, to share it with new ears.

Judith curls up next to me as I read and Carl sits on her other side, back leaned against the wall, his hat is no longer on his head, I assume he's resting it on the floor. I get into the story and try to make it sound interesting for Judith, and I think it's working. However, about two thirds through, not to my at all surprise, I look up from my book and find them both asleep.

You'd never know they were siblings.

I crack a smile and pick up Judith, carefully carrying her back to her room. Her breath blows against my ear evenly, and her little head rests on my shoulder. I lay her down in her bed, tucking her in, making sure she has her favorite doll.

I walk back to my room, and when I close the door behind me upon entering, Carl stirs.

"Is it already over?" he mumbles, blinking sleepy eyes. I laugh a little and walk over to the bed, I kiss Carl's forehead, and he moves over. I sit next to him and he kisses me. Our first real kiss since he was shot.

"God, I missed you," he smiles as he pulls away.

It's really a strange thing for him to say he missed me. We saw each other every day, there wasn't much to miss.

But all the same, I understand it. We couldn't be then as we are now, and I missed the way this felt. The safety, the comfort. Yeah, I understand it.

I rest my head on his chest, "So did I. I'm glad you're back."