Part III
Either the darkness alters -
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to midnight -
And life steps almost straight.
-Dickinson, "We grow accustomed to the Dark"
...
Nothing in her life had ever prepared her for this.
In fact, until SPR, Mai had lived an existence relatively devoid of any of the adventure or danger that seemed to come from working with the supernatural. The constant exposure to this instability and excitement in her time with Naru and the others had been more than she'd ever imagined for herself—it was a life entirely too exciting for someone as ordinary as her. Or at least that's what she once believed.
She'd come around to the idea of her own powers and she'd certainly found extraordinary value in both the work she did and the people she'd befriended. Her family, really. And Naru.
He…he meant so much to her it frightened Mai. To be so vulnerable in her feelings meant putting a lot of trust into her cold boss…which she did, instinctively. The fact that she had no proof that she should, well, that was something Mai struggled with constantly, torn between her better reason and pride and that damn pull he had on her.
Her heart always did seem to make up her mind for her.
And now…this development was the most frightening of all.
The idea of Naru's touch, of opening herself further to the scrutiny of his intelligence and observation not just psychologically, but also physically, had hit every nerve-ending Mai possessed. The sensation was overwhelming and when they'd shared that last kiss before she reluctantly made him stop, she could still see Naru's eyes—something in them that she had not yet witnessed or maybe that he hadn't yet shown her.
Somehow, despite the absolutely dizzying circumstances, she must have fallen asleep, because she was currently in that orbed, shining dreamscape she'd grown so familiar with. And there was Gene, waiting.
His grin was entirely too wide and smug for her liking.
"Sooo…."
Mai rolled her eyes, bidding the pink off her cheeks, which seemed to follow her even into the dreams, "Don't." Her tone was firm, but his eyes didn't loose their knowing gleam.
"Mai…"
"Gene," she said dangerously, "I hope I'm not here because you just had to be all know-it-all about how I would wind up kissing your brother before the year was up."
"What can I say?" Gene said smugly, looking far too much like Naru and making Mai blush in irritation, "I have been known to give some predictions."
"Well," Mai sighed, "I wish you'd help predict this case, because I'm afraid to be trapped here with Naru any longer."
Mai swore that Gene's eyebrows moved suggestively, but he was still Naru's twin, and it didn't seem quite possible. "Please," she said, her voice soft, "I need some semblance of normalcy to return."
The dark-haired man's head was tilted, his face inscrutable, before he finally replied, "It's lost."
"Huh, what is?" Mai asked dumbly, forgetting the path of conversation for a minute.
"The spirit," he said, "It's lost on the mountain…it's haunting the last path it made."
"Oh," Mai said, frowning, "That would explain why it's not haunting any spot in particular. How are we supposed to track it down then?"
Gene wasn't looking at her, staring into the distance, "You wait; it wants to be found. It won't be long now." He turned to her again and the soft smile on his face startled Mai with its earnestness.
"Thank you, Mai," he said, "It won't be long now." Mai had a feeling that he wasn't talking about the ghost, but before she could question him, Gene's eyes closed.
Mai was confused until she suddenly felt the scene around her wavering and blurring and knew it was almost time to wake up. She gave Gene a last look, hearing him say after her: "There's nothing to fear, Mai."
She awoke into the cold and dark.
The fire was very low and Mai watched it shudder and go out, a thin wisp of smoke making its way through the darkness. She looked at the figure beside her and saw Naru asleep, his dark hair across his eyes, chest slowly rising and falling. She glanced around the room, trying to place the odd feeling she had, and moved to get out of bed.
The instant her feet hit the icy floor the soft knocking began, freezing Mai's heart in her throat.
Thud, thud, thud.
She stilled next to the bed, afraid to move, before the knocking started again. She could hear Naru moving and looked to find her boss sitting up, eyes fierce and staring at the door.
"Naru…"
The young man shook his head once and stood up calmly. Mai couldn't stop her own feet from moving towards the door, which she reached and opened before she knew what she was going, Gene's words echoing in her head. There's nothing to fear. She felt Naru's hand on her arm as she swung the heavy wood open.
A blast of utterly bitter cold hit her, chilling Mai to the bone. Against the freezing she forced her eyes open and saw only the glow of white outside before she realized that this light was more than the fading snow: it was moving and shimmering with intent.
"It's you," she breathed and felt Naru at her side.
She couldn't look away as the light began taking shape, solidifying before them, reflecting blue-ish in the white night. Soon, she was looking at the transparent image of a young boy, impossibly pale and large-eyed in the snowy landscape in front of them.
"Mai," Naru said lowly, "Step aside."
The young woman shook her head and smiled at the figure in front of them. She put trust into Gene. "You're lost, aren't you?" she said kindly.
The boy's eyes watered and he nodded, his voice faint and breaking, "I can't get home."
Mai smiled with sympathy, "What's your name?"
"Ken," he said, "Kaowoto, Ken."
"Ken," Naru broke in, stepping slightly in front of Mai, making her frown, "Do you know that you're a spirit?"
The boy's eyes widened as he stared at them, "Spirit?"
Mai nodded, "Yes, Ken-san. You've been frightening people on this mountain for months."
Ken scowled and flickered under the white sky, "I didn't do anything! They just kept running away so I had to try to make them listen, but they just wouldn't. I…" he looked away, "…I got angry."
"Well we're listening," Mai said, "And we want to help you find your way."
Ken's ghostly face lit up, "Really?"
She smiled and looked at Naru who was expressionless beside her. She turned back to Ken, resigned to not have help, "Of course. Now tell me more about why you're here, Ken-san."
Ken had been lost on the mountain since last winter, far from his home village. He'd come to stargaze after a bitter fight with his mother and went much farther than he'd intended, getting lost in the forest and trying to make it farther up the mountain to see his way back. He didn't find it before he grew too tired, the cold sinking into his bones after hours of snow and exposure.
"I need to get to my mother," he said and Mai felt her heart reach out to him. "I have to apologize for the things I said to her…I didn't know it would be the last…I didn't mean them."
A tear escaped the brunette and she smiled softly, "I'm sure she knows that, Ken-san. You have to forgive yourself—your mother does because she loves you. You have to find peace and stop wandering in guilt."
Ken looked at them for a long time and Mai noticed that Naru was unusually silent during the exchange. After a long pause, the spirit boy nodded, reaching out a hand to Mai.
"You look like her, you know. You called to me."
Mai smiled and Ken continued, looking both at her and through her, "I'm sorry mom, I never wanted to leave like that." He gave a small smile, the whiteness of his skin seeming to solidify once more, "Thank you."
If she'd breathed she would have missed it: a fading light reached the sky and the spirit in front of them was gone, leaving the cold to burn the tears on Mai's cheeks. She wondered if it would ever get easier to meet these souls, to hear their pain. In a way she hoped not, because the satisfaction and relief afterwards felt important and bittersweet, in its own strange way.
Mai heard rustling behind her before she felt something heavy and warm drop over her shoulders. She looked and found that Naru had covered her with a blanket and moved to close the door, suddenly leaving them in the tremendous dark of the fire-less cabin. She watched him avoid her gaze as he moved back to the fireplace, rebuilding the flame that had gone out. She moved to sit on the side of the bed, facing his kneeling form. It was silent before one of them spoke and, surprisingly, it was Naru.
"This has been a strange encounter."
Mai paused and considered his words, trying to parse out what exactly he was referring to. "I do prefer the benign ghost chases," she said and watched the fire grow in front of her.
"You're suited to this," his back was still turned, but Mai could hear something strange in his tone.
She found herself grow pink, "T-thank you."
He stood and looked at her, his face impassive and Mai wondered how he could be so open and passionately kissing her and then so distant all in the span of a few hours. She had no way of knowing where his mind would go, and it was as exhilarating as it was frustrating.
Mai met his eyes, pushing her quick-beating heart down, "You're acting different." She didn't elaborate; she didn't have to. Naru stayed still but a slight motion drew Mai's eyes down to his hands, which were clenching and unclenching at his sides.
Naru let out a tired sigh, closing his eyes, "It's late, Mai."
She bit her lip, knowing a dismissal when she heard it. But something was telling her not to let up. Maybe it was because she sensed that he was keeping something bottled up, or maybe because if he didn't let her in now, when she'd been so close to him, he never would.
Mai took in a shuddering breath, reaching a hand out to his own clenched one, surprised by the chill of his skin. Naru didn't move closer, but he didn't move away either, and Mai clasped his fingers between her palms, warming them. The silence of the space pressed on them and Mai was afraid he could hear the wild beating of her heart as she drew his hand to her face, placing her mouth softly against his knuckles. She felt a strange sense of calm, despite the heat in her cheeks.
"I don't need to be saved."
Mai's eyes flashed to Naru's face at the words and she saw that his jaw was clenched. She felt suddenly and completely out of her depth.
"I'm not a ghost," he said, his voice rough and not like the usual, practiced cold he used, "Or spirit, or…or anyone you bestow your infuriatingly insistent goodwill towards." The words were spat but Mai could not be angry with them. Nor, for the first time, was she afraid of what he would say to her. There is nothing to fear.
She didn't release his hand, watching him carefully, "That's true."
Naru's mouth tensed further and she saw him expel air from his nose, "Your kindness, it's….you…are wasted on me."
Mai could only keep her gaze steady, her breathing slow, "Probably. But it doesn't matter."
Naru let out a frustrated sigh and she wondered when the tables had turned like this: him un-composed and her calm, emotionless. "Why?" His voice was odd, almost pleading and Mai felt her heart reach out, like it was want to do with anything in pain.
She shrugged, but her face flushed anyway, "Because people aren't reactions and experiments, Naru. Because we do, and are, and exist without reason and despite our best intentions." She bit her lip again, looking away, "Because I need you, and want to help, and can't…not."
It was possibly the stupidest way to put it, but Mai felt like it was close to the heart of it. She was in the dark about what he thought or felt, but it didn't change her own feelings. She would always reach out for him, even if he never reached back. Mai didn't have much faith that it would change, yet she was a soul that gave and she could not do otherwise, despite his resistance, or distance, or coldness.
Her hands had stopped holding his and she trembled suddenly, cold in the silence as the sky outside the windows was slowly growing towards dawn. Mai had never felt so exposed, so raw from everything that had happened, as she was right now, and she shifted to lay back on the bed with the blankets. She wanted to sleep, and she needed this day to be over and, most of all, she needed her space so she could just close her eyes and cry over this strange, unpredictable, and emotional closed off love of hers.
Before she could move again, however, Naru had knelt down in front of her seated position, his hands softly on her own. She sucked in a breath when his blue orbs met her own, holding feeling she had glimpsed right after their kiss earlier.
"I am unfamiliar with the procedure," Naru said quietly and Mai had to lean forward to hear him, "I have never been compelled to try before." She looked at him in confusion before he continued, "While I hardly consider you an equal in most respects, I admit that you posses something I am drawn to—something dear."
She felt annoyed, overwhelmed, flattered, and ashamed all at once and her expression must have shown it because he gripped her hands tighter, "You are impossible to ignore, Mai, and I don't want to anymore."
The young woman heard nothing but their breathing for a long minute, "You…are you saying…?"
Naru breathed, impatient but containing it, "Yes, clearly." Another silence, "Mai?"
She swallowed, "Um. I…"
The dark-haired man stood suddenly, touching her shoulders and bringing his face close, "If this is an attempt to get some grand romantic gesture out of me, it will be ineffective."
Mai fumed, forgetting her breathlessness for a second, "You are such an arrogant as—"
It was no surprise they were kissing because it seemed to always happen when she let her guard down. Naru's hands were in her hair, gripping the sides of her head as he bent down to her mouth. She pushed him away a few moments later, however, eyes still narrowed, "You have got to learn to be nicer. You can't just—"
"No," he said, smugly, "I see no reason to change my disposition."
She lifted her chin, "I will not be insulted and kissed in the same breath."
Naru eyed her, considering, "Different breaths, then." He was moving his face closer again.
Mai tried to frown, but found the corner of her mouth lifting, "Sometimes."
Naru looked pleased and leaned back in before she stopped him with a finger to his mouth. She felt suddenly shy as she looked at him, "Are you…serious about this?"
He smiled slightly and Mai was dazed by it. "Yes."
"Why?" She wasn't being coy…she was honestly perplexed by his words and actions and everything that was happening.
The smile disappeared but he answered nonetheless, "You go beyond what I know, Mai, and it interests me."
Mai frowned, "You make me sound like a science experiment."
Naru was smiling again, "Astute." At her expression, he relented, "This is how I am, Mai. This is how I relate to people."
It suddenly became clear to her that for Naru this was a huge gesture—a leap of incredible faith framed as a scientific discussion. He was interested in her, wanted to be here, doing this, with her, and was willing to accommodate this into a life saturated with logic and objectivity.
Her heartbeat sped up as she finally pulled him towards her by his shirt, guiding his lips to hers as she gave in and stopped asking questions. The answers were suddenly clear.
It did not take long for the kissing to resume, and once it had, it did not take long for Mai to feel like she was out of breath again, the darkness around them lightening together with the contents of her head. With a sense of Naru wanting her on her side, she felt a tremendous happiness overtake her soul. She couldn't stop the elation as it bubbled forth into her kisses, her touches, as she grasped his hair and shoulders and brought him closer to her seeking lips. Naru, for his part, seemed far more cautious and paced, though his hands wandered to the skin bared by her shirt, and he occasionally dove into her mouth with new vigor when she moaned.
It wasn't long before their breathing hitched and Mai found Naru's long fingers grasping higher along her abdomen while his mouth found new occupation at her neck. While the speed of the encounter was certainly furious, Mai just couldn't bring herself to slow it down. Not when his palms were so much bigger than she imagined and felt like heaven when he grasped her…not when the small stubble of his beard sent delightful shivers down her spine as he moved his face against hers. Not when his mouth found hers again and he groaned—(Naru groaning, she could die happy now)—into her throat when her own hands found the skin of his back. Everything was vivid and hypersensitive and the emotions he was making her feel made her want to shed her skin and be as close to him as possible.
"Mai," the young scientist said, his breath rough against her throat, "I don't expect this…" another breath, "…to change our working relationship."
"Mmhmm," she mumbled, back to kissing his mouth, wondering if the blush in her face would ever disappear. "Got it, boss."
She could feel him smile slightly against her mouth and Mai suddenly felt very powerful…until Naru gripped her hips and then all rational thought left her for a moment. She mirrored his actions and grinned when he hummed against her lips in pleasure. "This," she said between breaths, "is for our down time."
Naru's breath was hot against her skin, "Yes…starting tomorrow."
Mai laughed and blinked up at him, transfixed for a moment by his intense gaze. Their eyes locked for a heated moment and Mai watched as Naru, very intently and slowly, brought his mouth down…and kissed her forehead. Her heart skipped a beat.
"Naru," she swallowed, overwhelmed and dizzy and unable to stop, "I love you."
She watched his eyes flash before he closed them, breathing out from his nose, "You shouldn't."
Something in her stomach released and Mai realized that these words meant something very important to Naru. An admittance not to be made lightly. A regard and respect for her. She smiled softly, "You can't stop me, Naru."
There was another harsh breath before his blue eyes were on hers. She realized that she'd been stupid to think him unexpressive…those eyes held volumes of thought and consideration and feeling. "No," he agreed, "No I can't."
Face red at her own brashness and bravery, Mai bit her lip, "And it makes you…?"
Naru considered her for a moment, his breathing still labored from their kisses. She felt the pads of his thumbs brush over her cheeks as he held her face, sending currents of pleasure down her spine. His voice was low, "Humbled."
Mai parted her lips in wonder and Naru dove again, crashing his lips against hers with a passion he hadn't shown yet and all air seemed to escape the room. Mai saw stars. She knew she would never be the same again.
So when Naru's hands found her breasts through her bra, Mai couldn't bring herself to stop him, arching her back and releasing a hiss that made him push himself against her more firmly, sending a ball of electric heat to her abdomen. She panted and moved to kiss his neck, unable to get enough of him—the taste of firewood, and alcohol and spice filling her head.
It was when they were in this compromising position that the door of the cabin slammed open and icy blast of cold washed over them, together with a booming voice.
"—I SAID, ARE YOU GUYS IN HERE? WHAT THE HOLY—?"
Mai wretched her face away to see the looming figures of Bou-san and Lin in the doorway, standing there in the early dawn. She looked at Naru and realized their position, scrambling from underneath him to straighten her clothes, her face practically melting off her skull. Bou-san's face was slack with shock, his eyes trained on the scene while Lin, next to him, stood there awkwardly, averting his eyes to the ceiling.
"Bou-san! Lin-san!" Mai gulped, having gotten off the bed while a quiet Naru continued to sit, stoic as usual. And not like he'd been groping me five seconds before. "You…found us," she finished lamely.
The Monk's mouth seemed to be frozen as he continued to stare at them and so Lin stepped forward, giving a slight cough, "Yes, we started the search the instant it was getting lighter."
Naru was suddenly standing in front of them, not looking at Mai, "I assume you'd found shelter for the night?"
Lin nodded, "Actually very nearby—there are lot of cabins here, but the blizzard made them impossible to see."
Naru was pulling on his shoes and Mai was snapped out of her stupor, gathering her outdoor clothing and feeling her stomach churn uncomfortably. She was unsure what do to and felt a sense of fear at Naru's lack of direction or acknowledgment.
"Uh…what…?" Mai's head snapped up to Bou-san, who was attempting to form words again, "Are you guys—?"
Naru handed the camera bag to the Monk and pulled on his coat, "We've successfully solved the case. There is no more haunting here and we can pack up and leave immediately."
"Now, wait a minute—" But it wasn't Naru who interrupted the Monk this time. A composed and somber Mai was in front of the tall musician, touching his arm.
She couldn't bring herself to look anyone in the face, but spoke firmly, "We should go. It's been a long day."
Bou-san made as if to joke but seemed to catch Mai's sad face and the way Naru and Lin were already leaving the cabin without another glance back. The girl put on her hat and gloves and started following them, trying with all her might to keep herself from crying. How could I have been so stupid? Of course, this is Naru…
"Hey," the Monk said quietly from next to her as they walked into the cold outside. Mai shook her head and he said nothing further, but linked his arm through hers, holding firm.
Mai smiled slightly and tried to ignore the pangs in her gut, the squeezing in her chest at watching the two forms ahead of her getting farther and farther away, ready to pack up and leave the mountain. Despite how fervently she'd wished, only an hour before, that she could be home and alone, she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd left a part of herself back in the dark of that cabin. And that he'd let her do it.
.
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…
A/N: And of course this monster is turning into a super-monster, so I'm sorry at the delay in updating. I plan on one final part. Please leave me a review if you agree (or like or dislike this)! It means a lot.