Author's Note: First the appologies. I am extremely sorry this took so long: long story short, it has been a series of tragic events, including the breaking of my arm and some hospital stuff. But I finally have this part. I hope...it's not disappointing. Thank you to all of you for your incredible support-you have been invaluable in my continuing to write.

...

Part IV

...

You have cast enough light

To make my thought

Visible again.

-Gluck, The Evening Star

...

She had not spoken to him in thirteen days (and fourteen hours, he tried to stop adding mentally) and Naru was done.

It was simply ridiculous how she'd avoided him—how she'd managed, given the limited space of the office, the proximity of their desks, and the sheer amount of interaction he'd initiated (well, made up) in order to get her to simply talk to him. Mai had uttered no more than a handful of phrases and nonsensical sounds the whole time, while Naru was forced to initiate conversation (of all the horrendous activities she could possibly get him to stoop to) and it just wouldn't do.

So it was with very little patience and civility of tone that he had called her into his office that Friday afternoon, where she was standing now, looking at him serenely with her hands at her sides. "Yes?" she asked politely and it was all Naru could do not to scowl at her calm demeanor, while he festered with this…frustration.

Instead, he betrayed no expression as he said softly, "I assume it's impressive."

She furrowed her brow as she looked at him, "Sorry?"

Naru continued, "Whatever wrong I've committed in your eyes. It must be impressive for you to be acting this way."

Mai's eyes flashed something he couldn't make out, but she simply said, "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't play games, Mai."

To her credit, the brunette didn't flinch. "I'm not, Naru. I haven't done anything."

Something about her tone made him sense that there was more to the sentence that remained unsaid. Naru stood abruptly and walked around his desk to face her and was mildly pleased that this seemed to shake her out of her uncharacteristic serenity.

"Really?" he asked, tone low, "Then you and I are—"

"Fine," Mai interrupted, her large dark eyes sliding over his face intently before seeming to find the carpet far more interesting.

At this he did frown slightly, unused the sensation in his stomach. It felt like a mild queasiness…discomfort. Naru glanced at the clock on his wall, as the second hands passed over and showed that it was now five in the afternoon. Without another word, Naru stepped closer to this unpredictably difficult girl and leaned into her.

Mai's eyes darkened before she looked at his mouth and Naru didn't hesitate, pressed close, claiming her lips with his own.

The imprint was firm and warm and suddenly opened mouthed as he let himself taste her for the first time since the cabin, electricity running through him like a conduit: hot, quick and vibrant. It was unlike anything he'd felt in kissing before, and Naru made a mental note to see how the feeling progressed with intensity of contact and intimacy, as well as the passage of time.

He felt her shake beneath him and he pulled away physically and mentally, catching air quickly to help him think, "Right." His tone was more sarcastic than he thought it would be.

Mai seemed to shake herself as she looked at him, eyes unfocused, "Work over now?"

Naru gave an imperceptible nod, "Obviously."

She looked down for a second before brushing her hair behind her ear. When she lifted her eyes Naru saw that they were back to the face she'd worn all week: calm, mildly interested…distant. In fact, she looked rather bored…or maybe it was tired?

"I was about to pack up," she said.

That feeling was back in his gut and the scientist felt decidedly confused and frustrated…and completely unsure as to why. He needed to make the feeling go away, so he reached for her hand and found it cold in his own. He warmed the skin with the pad of this thumb, "Are you hungry?"

He watched her pause and bite her lip, reddening the flesh. Finally, she nodded, giving him a small smile, though he felt its insincerity without really knowing how or why. Her glances were too brief, her smiles weak, he surmised, attempting to approach the situation by studying their body language.

"Let's go, then," he murmured and gathered his things, trying to make sense of his confusion. This was…wrong.

He looked at Mai, her back to him as she walked to her own desk. The hands at her sides were clenched and white. Doubt crashed through his chest, as sudden as it was painful, and Naru had the distinct feeling that he'd missed something very important.

No, it wouldn't do.

...

The car ride was as silent as a morgue.

The rain that had persisted for the last two days had changed to sleet sometime that afternoon and the temperature had dropped significantly. Everything around the vehicle was cold and grey and did nothing to help the atmosphere inside, thick with tension.

Mai was looking out the window while his head played over and over every interaction they've shared since the cabin. There was evidence he'd missed—overlooked or misconstrued or something because the information in front of him told Naru with absolute certainty that this was awkward as bloody hell, (Gene smirked in his head).

He had deduced, though the process of elimination, that Mai was unhappy and that it did not stem from the evening they'd shared on the mountain. Naru had also dismissed the possibility that she did not like him as her confession and actions that night were too real (and far too pleasant, he was forced to admit) to fake. Likewise, it was unlikely that he had not…pleased…her during their time together. Her moans and fevered kisses were not something he would ever likely forget and still caused reactions in him. Naru glanced at Mai in the passenger seat, glad that she had not seemed to notice his sudden breath hitch and warm face (a bodily reaction that was simply embarrassment, he thought firmly, nothing more).

So no, the scientist was fairly confident that his assistant did not regret what had transpired. Which left far more to investigate than it helped matters, Naru thought with frustration. Though he was certainly more than competent at deductions, the young man had the uncomfortable feeling of being far out of his depth when it came to dealing with people and emotions and (God help him) relationships. He needed to gather more information.

"Mai."

His words seemed to stir the girl from her thoughts, her head turning towards him in the faint light of the dashboard seeming to indicate she was listening.

"Are you having second thoughts about this?" Naru was nothing if not direct, and he watched Mai's face pass slightly with some unknown emotion.

Naru's jaw clenched, "About me."

The young man fought whatever that acidic feeling was in his stomach, (akin to nerves and dread, he noted with a practiced air). He barreled ahead, "Because it was you that had started this, and it seems rather illogical to simply change your mind about it. Given your demeanor these past couple of days, it seems that one would come to the conclusion that you regret your choice."

He glanced at her again and watched as Mai looked out the window, facing ahead. Naru didn't understand her lack of response and almost gave a sigh, holding back the frustration. His piece was spoken and it was more than he'd ever thought or allowed himself to do. It was unsettling to have to work this hard to engage someone and Naru found that he much preferred to be on the other side of the attempt.

Still, though, Mai did not respond and Naru had to fight down a panicking sensation…before he looked at her and realized that she had fallen asleep.

"Mai?"

It took him a moment to process her slightly parted mouth and closed eyes before he was muttering unbelievable and turning the car away from the restaurant neighborhood and towards her apartment. It was completely astounding and incredibly irritating that she had somehow managed to nod-off during his agonizing attempts at conversation and Naru was more than a little peeved to be in this position. He concentrated on the driving, pushing all thoughts of Mai out of his head for the time being.

When they finally arrived at her building he was forced to deal with the second annoyance of the evening: what to do with a still-sleeping Mai.

He rolled his eyes and tried touching her shoulder, lightly at first but then with more force as she remained still. Naru grit his teeth, getting out of the car and opening the passenger door, speaking her name and shaking her by her upper arms.

"Mai," he said, but the name and accompanying jolt did nothing more than make her head roll back against her dark blouse. Naru frowned and felt something clench his chest. "Mai?" he tried again, noting her pale face and, on closer inspection, the shallow breathing coming from her slight form. Of course—she wasn't sleeping.

Naru wasted no time in picking the unconscious girl up from her seat and carrying her as quickly as he could. He was inside her apartment with a forceful blow to her door, depositing her on the couch and checking her vital signs within minutes. Her heartbeat was steady, but she'd begun moving her mouth, eyes flickering behind her eyelids unsteadily as she groaned out.

Angry at himself for not noticing earlier, Naru knew that this was supernatural—a psychic episode and began the slow process of getting her out of it. First, with his own psychic consciousness reaching out, and then with words decided to break her past the other plane.

"Mai, can you hear me? You need to come back to my voice slowly. You need to imagine yourself, where you left yourself, and come back to your body. I'm right here. Do you feel my hand?" Naru watched her sweating face and scrunched brow, reaching back in with his own mind, his fingers clasped around hers.

It took several minutes for him to reach her and Naru found himself suddenly sucked in, no longer sitting by her on the couch, but in the vast expanse of nature in the dark. He looked around but could see no sign of his young assistant, only the tremendous night sky over the dark trees of a dense forest. This was abnormal for someone of his power and mental restraint to be brought into a psychic episode like this and Naru wondered what had gone wrong for Mai to be able to accomplish it. His heartbeat increased, unused to feeling such worry.

"Where are you?" he called out, moving around in the dim light of the stars. "Mai?"

He hadn't realized how panicked he'd been until he saw her, his heart stopping briefly in suspension. She was standing on top of the hill ahead, the clearing slightly lighter than the forest around them. Naru felt his steps get faster, "Mai!"

She turned to him and Naru was struck by how wide her eyes were, the confusion in her face, "Naru? Why are you here?"

The dark haired man stopped a foot from her, "I was trying to get you to wake up. I somehow got pulled in."

Mai furrowed her brow, "Pulled? But aren't we…" She paused and looked around, her frown growing, "How long has it been anyway?"

"Mai," Naru said steadily, "I need you to tell me where we are and what's going on. I have no reference point."

The young woman for her part, reached out into the night, gesturing, "We're at the cemetery." And suddenly they were.

Naru started, seeing at once the gravestones around them, barely illuminated, the cemetery akin to the one by their office, one he would sometimes visit on this lunch break. Only here, it seemed to go on much further, monuments and statues extending as far as he could see in any direction. He realized it must be a self-created location, or an amalgamation of other places that Mai has visited in the past. Why she would be here without the urging or prompting of a spirit was highly unsettling, indicating a strange control of her psychic mind.

"Why?" he asked carefully, unsure if Mai was entirely aware of their situation, "How did you get here?"

Mai bit her lip, abashed, "I've been coming here for a few days, lately, as I haven't been able to sleep." Naru opened his mouth but she beat him to it, rushing out, "I didn't mean to slip in but…it's kind of a comfort."

He did not understand, his practiced mind drawing a blank at what she was insinuating, "How is it comforting?"

Mai tilted her head, looking at him in surprise, "I get to keep everyone with me now." She stepped closer to a nearby stone and ran her fingers over it and Naru saw the name engraved—her family name. He looked at the young woman and she nodded, "My parents are here. So is…everyone." And Naru felt the weight of this suddenly, walking forward and seeing names all around them that seemed like familiar pinpricks of memory: cases they've worked, people that died, spirits—some without more than single names.

"Mai," he spoke slowly, "This is…"

But he could not continue. In front him, in bold carved letters was the name Davis.

Naru stood still as stone until Mai's face was in his line of vision. "I'm sorry, Naru," she said, her eyes wide and tearful, "Sometimes I'm just not strong enough and I come here to think and…"

"You had to bury him?"

The words were cold and caustic, barely wretched out of his throat. He felt the icy plunge of grief and anger. Mai's eyes widened further, "No!" She reached forward and grabbed his hands, though there was no sensation in this unconscious level.

"No, it's not like that!" She looked away, as if trying to find the words, "I had to put him to rest for myself. Let him free."

Naru closed his eyes and felt the cold unclench in his body. When he opened them again, Mai was gazing at him expectantly, "I'm sorry you had to see it like this." At her words Naru found a tugging at his navel, as if some other force was moving him through the air.

Seeing his look Mai nodded, "I'm waking up." She bit her lip and looked down at his hand, which he suddenly realized was pressing against the stone of his brother's headstone.

Her eyes were immense, "Are you coming?"

Letting him free. That's what she'd said and the words threatened to overwhelm him, the pressure building from every atom in his body like a grievous gas. He looked at her dark brown eyes, suddenly so open and warm again—nothing like the ones that had regarded him for the last few weeks—and let go, following her awake.

...

She set the tea in front of him and Naru almost smiled at the worried glances she kept shooting in his direction, her thin form nervously plucking at her skirt as she regarded her fingers. It was almost amusing to him that he'd gone in to help her and here he was, being treated like an ailing patient in her own home.

"I'm fine, Mai," he sighed, leaning back against her couch and regarding her wearily, "I just overreacted for a moment about…Gene."

The brunette gave a slight nod but looked down at her lap again. It was aggravating, really, how worried she was about him. The way she fluttered about, always trying to accommodate him, make sure he had everything. She'd already made him two cups of tea and had yet to take a sip herself.

"So you didn't pass out to avoid a conversation with me?" His face was neutral, but his voice betrayed some amusement.

To his un-displayed relief, Mai grew bright red, "N-not exactly." She took a steadying breath and when she looked at him again her face showed uncharacteristic seriousness, "I haven't slept in days. And when my guard is down it's very easy for me to…wander, I guess."

Naru thought of the past few weeks and her distance and his brow furrowed again, "It's because of the cabin?" But it wasn't a question.

Mai paused, "Yes…and no." She stilled her nervous hands on her knees and suddenly snapped her eyes to his, "Do you remember what you said? About keeping…us…apart from work?" Naru gave her a slight nod and it spurred her on, "Well I was fine with that—great in fact. Because being with you, and the kissing, and…" her face was bright red and a smile threatened to tug itself on his lips, "…it was amazing. And I had you. But then Lin and Monk came in and it was like a curtain dropped."

Naru scowled. She couldn't possibly expect him to keep fondling her in front of his employees? Is this what it's been about? The young man opened his mouth but, seeing his expression, Mai broke in, "Naru, it's not that I wasn't prepared for that separation. I wasn't prepared for the extent—of both your reaction and my own hurt."

Not giving him a chance to interrupt she continued, "I just realized that I can't do all and nothing. Not if I want to be good to myself." Her eyes shone with a determination usually reserved for protecting others, "I've been up endless nights, dreaming, drifting, and thinking about how much I love you and how I would always come back to you and do anything…"

"Mai," Naru swallowed, a feeling of discomfort overtaking him, "You know how I am. You knew how it would be—"

Mai's slight smile and nod did nothing to appease the feeling of apprehension that was washing over him, "I did. I do. Which is why this is so hard." Her face gave slight tremble and Naru felt her hand on his own, cold and small, "That I have to…say goodbye."

"What?" He couldn't feel her hand anymore. He couldn't feel anything.

Tears were escaping her eyes and she tried to blink them away, "I have to let this go, Naru. I have to move away. You're not wrong about anything…but neither am I. You can't change yourself anymore than I can and I have to be honest. I can't just go along with whatever scraps of affection you're willing to give me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"So it's either I become a doting boyfriend or you're gone? Ultimatums are hardly your best argument here," the ice in his chest escaped his lips and he didn't care if he upset her.

But Mai was not angry, "You mistake me, Naru. This isn't a choice, it's decided…I'm leaving because I can't make you compromise yourself. Neither of us can."

Naru was on his feet instantly, walking to the door and past her shuddering form. He stopped when he heard his name in a broken voice. He felt her arms wrapped around him tightly, her warm head against his chest, the wisps of honeyed brown clinging to his shirt, "Please be okay, Naru. Please don't think I don't love you."

He took her by the shoulders, willing his voice and face to remain as steady as possible, "It doesn't matter. That's of no significance." He did his best not feel the intensity of her gaze but she was pressing into him so quickly he couldn't blink. Her hands gripped his head as she raised herself to his mouth, pouring all of her grief and passion into him. Without hesitation Naru was pressing back, his mouth open and her own taking advantage, making him hungry, and he was so angry he could feel his fingers press into her shoulders roughly enough to leave marks. He didn't care.

Mai pulled away, gasping, "Don't ever say that. Don't—"

But he pushed her against the wall of the hallway, his palms spanning her hips, his mouth insistent and harsh. He tried to push all thought of his head, an impossibility with anything—anyone—other than her, right now, and he gave a moan when she allowed it, letting her fingers run down his chest, moving her lips to his throat. Naru's long fingers gripped her thighs and she pulled on his shirt and suddenly it was so much more than he thought he could allow: his shirt off, her own as well, his mouth at her jaw as she fumbled with this pants and instantly he was carrying her back to the couch.

"Naru…" but he didn't let her finish her thought, dropping her on the plush surface and moving his hands to places he'd only imagined and when she finally opened her mouth again it was to plead into his ear, don't stop. Naru felt shocks upon shocks of light and color and thought more and yes. They were the last coherent thoughts he had for quite some time.

Much later, he opened his eyes into the dark living room, feeling too warm and uncomfortable, sticky with sweat.

He noticed the heavy blanket covering him and pushed it off, looking around the small, sparse apartment, the activities from before flashing in his skull. He clenched his jaw and felt his heart speed up, noticing that Mai was not in the room. Naru didn't have to call her name to know the truth: she'd already left.

...

3 months later

The case took much longer than it should have and Naru didn't not even consider the schedule before he informed Lin, in no uncertain terms, that they all need a week off. Of course, Lin knew that it meant nothing of the sort for Naru—that the young man would spend the next few days holed up in his office and not see anyone, as he's been prone to since…

Everyone's been feeling his change in attitude (something Monk affectionately called his new "dickishness"). Naru merely scowled at them and retreated ("like an overgrown bat," Ayako was fond of adding, much to Naru's irritation). But he felt hard-pressed to disagree sometimes, especially if his tea was cold when John brought it in in the mornings.

Tonight he stayed in the office late and would have likely slept there again had not the call interrupted him.

"Hello?"

"Good evening. It's Masako."

Naru paused and ran through the possibilities for the call. The medium had been with SPR very sporadically the last few weeks. After Mai left (the reasons for which he avoided acknowledging and nobody pushed, leading him to conclude that the girl herself must have told them something before she departed), Masako had tried to talk to him, but he'd coldly and succinctly told her that she was not wanted in that capacity…in most capacities, really. The ensuing distance, despite Masako's advantages as an employee, had greatly relieved him.

"I know where she is and I thought I would pass the information along," came her cordial tone.

Mai.

Naru felt the air leave his body, instantly glad that Masako could not see his expression. He controlled his voice, "I'm not sure why you'd think I care."

Naru furrowed his brow at what sounded like a snort on the other end of the line, "You needn't pretend with me." Naru felt his heartbeat increase before she continued, "I've seen the looks you both exchanged. Given that, it is surprising that you would drive her away so thoroughly."

His hands clenched, "She left. I had nothing to do with that." But the words sounded hollow and unconvincing.

Masako continued, "If you don't want to see her, I'm certainly fine with dropping this. I just thought you were…" Silence.

"What?"

"Different," she finally said, "I've never known you to be this ambivalent. This apathetic about your life." Naru let her words wash over him, feeling them strike against his gut in a way they never would have, a few months ago.

It's painful when he finally grits out, "She doesn't want to see me. She's done."

A pause. "Are you?"

A half hour later he sped through yellow lights without reprieve, driving the car at a pace too illegal and reckless to dwell on. Masako couldn't guarantee how much longer she would be there, she said, but Mai had come to her hotel earlier that day without notice. The girl had seemed restless and lonely, Masako said, and the medium had known that Mai would not seek her out unless she was really out of sorts.

"She needs you," Masako had said softly and Naru couldn't seem to stop the steps that moved to the door almost of their own accord.

Naru tried to compose himself—what he would say when he saw her, what he would do. Nothing came to mind. In fact, his normally brilliant mind was overwhelmingly devoid of ideas. It was his body doing the thinking: his rapid heartbeat as he pulled up to the valet of Masako's hotel, his stomach clenching and twisting in the elevator up fifteen stories, the blood rushing in his ears as he knocked at the door.

And then Mai stood in front of him, her lips moving and Naru wasn't sure if she wasn't making a sound or whether he'd gone temporarily deaf. The silence invaded the space and Naru tried to think that the idea was ridiculous, was embellishment and frivolity but it was his body that was speaking again, reaching for her shoulder to make sure it was real or to steady his shaking palm, which was suddenly the weight of a boulder.

Her eyes never left his, not even at his touch and Naru felt all of his anger and resentment drain out at her soft expression. He had to pull her—get her back. That or hope that she might do it herself. A tiny breath escaped her.

"I'm sorry."

The words were out of both of their mouths simultaneously and that alone was enough to spur the smile threatening to break over his normally stoic and restrained face. He couldn't be bothered to appear unconcerned, not now, not here. Naru could not control it and let his words tumble, "You came back."

Mai's mouth trembled, "You came here."

It was both of them, Naru realized, that had to move together to compromise their positions, to bridge the gap, like colliding spheres or atoms. His fingers moved to her cheek and she stepped into him and smiled, her eyes wet, and Naru felt a surge of true power, of limitless force finally drawing them in until their bodies touched and lips aligned.

The current struck, sending Naru spiraling down, down, past Masako's slight giggle behind them, past the amber light of the hotel hallway, down past the soft skin of Mai's face on his own, down into the feeling he'd avoided, and thought he'd never get back after Gene: he finally came home.

...

A/N: I can't decide, but I think an epilogue is necessary (and would bring the chapters to a nice number), but I'm not sure if you guys agree. Let me know and please review. Thank you again for bearing with me and I hope you found it to your liking.

Love, Dear