Leliana

I rose and began pacing, ignoring the twinges of pain from my thigh and Wynne's order not to move excessively. I could not stop the questions thundering through my mind.

What did Salem see in the Fade that made her return so...cold? Am I breathing on borrowed time? Wynne could not tell me and I hesitate to ask Alistair, but I am more afraid to inquire of Salem. She could never forgive me if, in a pointless argument, I condemned myself to death. She has been so careful of all of us, making certain that none of us encountered darkspawn blood. Damn it! I have caused nothing but trouble, yet again.

The tent flap opened and I froze. Salem entered, looking grim. "You shouldn't be standing." her voice was tight, carefully controlled.

I shuddered. "How," I asked the first question that came to mind, "did you know?"

"Sit down, Leliana." Salem ignored my question and pinched the bridge of her nose.

I obeyed, mute, fearful. I did not know where I stood with this Salem. She acted aloof, distant, far from the warm and caring woman I had come to love. Even in the night's warmth, I shivered.

Tension gathered in the air and thickened until I could barely breathe. Salem stood over me, sightless eyes unreadable.

"I'm sorry." she broke the silence at last, with words that frightened me more than a torrent of wrath.

"What?" I asked, incredulous.

"I acted without consulting you and put you in a situation that was compromising at best. For that, I apologize."

"No." I felt my own anger. I got to my feet, wincing as my leg protested. "Not this time, Salem. I will not have it. I cannot stand how you manage to levy all blame on yourself. It disgusts, angers, and hurts me."

"I hope your blades haven't dulled due to the excessive use of the whetstone on your tongue." Salem quipped. "You've certainly been slicing through morale and burrowing into people's minds, spreading doubt and animosity."

There was no heat in her tone as she spoke, no emotion. One thing I had never been able to conceal was how I felt. Marjolaine had consistently chided me about my inability to feign coldness. I could not detach from any situation...it was a wonder that I had remained alive this long.

"While that is true," I said, uncertain whether to antagonize or assuage her, "it was not my intention to cause harm. I was terrified, Salem. Morrigan sent you into the Fade. I had no idea of knowing if you were even coming back."

"Forgive me if I disgust you, Leliana, but that was the reason for my apology." Salem turned away from me. "I did what was necessary, dear heart. Can you not just apologize to the others tomorrow and put this behind us?"

"No!" I shouted, uncaring if the entire camp heard. "I meant what I said and they needed to hear it!"

"Because I need Alistair sniveling and doubting himself? Because my own swords aren't weak enough, I need another warrior questioning his efficacy in the field? Because I need a feral witch flinging the woman I love against a bloody darkspawn corpse!"

There was her heat, her anger, her emotion. I had broken through the veneer of ice and reached the woman within. "I cannot help that your pet has the manners of a rabid dog!" I snapped.

"Pet?" the anger left her voice. "What are you talking about, Leliana?"

"Morrigan." my voice dripped venom. "Every time you need something, you knock at her door. When you were wounded, you went to her! And had she not, in a rare moment of humanity, told me of your injuries, I would have lost you and known nothing! That would have killed me, Salem!"

"Morrigan helped save my life." she reminded me, angering me yet more.

"Yes, Salem, defend her again! Defend her because she had the courage to thrust the blade that saved your life against your heart..."

"No, she did not." Salem cut off my words. "Do not think that I hold her in such high esteem. Morrigan uses me as I use her, a means to an end."

"But you admit that you let yourself be used!" I exclaimed. "Even..." my voice cracked, "...even by me. I would ask you when you will let this vicious cycle kill you but it already has!"

"And if my death frightened me I would cede this argument to you at once." she strode forward and wrapped me in a fierce embrace. "When Morrigan sent me into the Fade, I had a vision...I watched you die, your eyes close, your breath cease. Had I not realized it for a dream I would have lost myself entirely. Losing you is my one fear, Leliana. If I knew that it would keep you alive at the end of this road, I would forsake every dream I possess. I would even let Rendon Howe live out his days in peace. I care for all of you, deeply. But I love you. I trust you. I need you."

My anger faded as I heard the desperation in her voice. Tears pricked my eyes, but I hesitated to let them fall. Passionate declarations of love and devotion had undone me before. I had grown too wary to let that happen again.

"Why, love?" I left my voice soften, at least. "Why did you put yourself through that torture?"

"For myself." she gave the answer I had prayed she would. "Morrigan spoke of separating the primal mind from the rational one. What I saw...cemented the truth of myself. I must be able to protect those that I love."

"But why?" I asked the question that I had never received a satisfying answer to. "Why is it only your blood that you let be spilled without thought?"

Salem pulled out of the embrace and her lips curved in a smile filled with sorrow. "As my father once said, 'A Cousland builds his house with his own hands. If it stands, it is his pride. If it falls, it is his demise'."

"I...I do not understand."

"This quest is my duty." Salem explained, gentle, warming, transforming back into the only one who could break my heart. "If I fail, it should be me alone that suffers. No one else. I will not lose a single one of you to the Blight, Leliana. Not even Morrigan. That is the reason for every secret; the drive behind every action. I will build my house, dear heart. And it will stand."

But I, in my foolishness and haste, nearly destroyed that foundation, I thought, letting my tears fall. "Forgive me, Salem." I whispered. "I will speak to the others tomorrow and apologize. I did not mean to cause any of this."

I moved towards her and my injured leg caved. As I stumbled, I felt Salem's arm wrap around me and ease me to the ground. "Leli?" her hand stroked through my hair and rested on my forhead. "Are you all right?"

"Fine." I assured her, new fears creeping into my mind. "Salem, am I..." I could not finish the question, but she understood.

I guided her hand to the wound in my thigh and bit my lip as she waited...waited for my blood to speak to her in the ink-dark tone that spawned her nightmares. Please, dear Maker, grant me this one request. Do not let my foolishness bring about her greatest fear.

"You...are not. she whispered, and the breath I had been holding rushed out.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Salem seized my face between her hands and forced my eyes to hers, even though she could see nothing. "Never," her voice thickened, "frighten me like that again. I beg you, Leliana, never again."

"Salem..."

She cut my words off in a crushing kiss. I trembled as she poured wordless emotion into me; fear, remorse, anger, terror, and fierce, fierce love. I gave back, silently imparting a promise that I would never leave her, that the house she had fought to build would stand, and that there, someday, in peace, together we would dwell.

Salem broke the kiss and I nearly wept at the loss of her touch. It had been too long, too long since she had shared with me her soul, her heart, her body.

"Please, love." the words were no more than a breath, a desperate plea for her, and her alone.

"But..."

"You are whole." I gave her the same words she had given me that first night she had seen the scars that marred my body. "And I love you."

She smiled. Her lips caught mine once more, radiating strength and primal fire. Gentle, hesitant hands reached out, tugging at the laces of my shirt.

"I love you, too," she whispered, "my Leliana."