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I slowly inhaled and then exhaled before opening the back door. Pushing it open I hurried through the sitting room and down the hallway. I glanced in a few rooms trying to locate my Mother. Humming drifted from the kitchen followed by cutting sounds. I skipped through the dining room and into the kitchen.

"Afternoon, Mother! Rose!" I called out. I looked about the room to find Nan peeling, "And Nan!"

Mother looked up from the basil she was slicing and said, "Felicity! How did your lessons go today?"
I hopped over to Mother's side and replied, "Very well, Ms. Mannerly demonstrated the proper way to serve coffee. Can I help with supper preparations?" I watched Rose bring over some cilantro and I knew my fate.
"Of course you can. Put on you apron, dear and slice the cilantro."
I hastily grabbed my red apron and scrunching up my nose I fell to work. "What are we preparing for tonight?" I asked.
Nan answered, "Stew with bread."
I didn't exactly doubt her but I did glance around to see where the bread was rising. On the end of the table two loaves sat covered by a damp cheesecloth. The cilantro was chopped and put into the pot sooner than expected and soon I fell to chopping carrots next. I wonder why stew in the middle of spring? True, it's good anytime of the year. And it's damp outside...
"Felicity?" I looked up to see who called my name. It was Rose. "Felicity? Mind your fingers!"
I smiled down at the cutting board and realized most of my hand held the carrot in place. "Thank you, Rose," I said.
She nodded her head in acknowledgement.

In the matter of minutes the pot of stew sat on the hearth. I took the plates from the cupboard and set them down on the counter. I set aside 5 plates before asking, "How many will be joining us for supper?"
Mother cocked her head to one side and then answered, "Six, maybe seven. Why don't you get set the table for seven?"
As I set the plates in their places I started wondering. Six or seven plate settings. Father, Mother, Nan, William, Me... And Polly. Who's the seventh? Oh! Bother! I set down the seventh plate with a sigh and returned to the kitchen. Rose bustled past- her hands full of silver ware. Another man followed her with the glasses.

As I re-entered into the kitchen I heard the sound of the chairs being slid into their spots around the table. "Anything else, Mother?" I called out.
"No dearest!," came the reply and with that I hurried out to the barn to see Penny. Upon reaching the barn I pushed open the door and stepped inside quietly. I saw Penny's stall and approached it saying, "Hey, Penny girl!"
Penny spun its head towards my direction and gave a little neigh.
"Hello to you too. I'm sorry you got spooked earlier," I said leaning against the stall. My eyes caught hold of Penny's foot. It was bandaged. "Oh my! Can you move it?" I asked with a sudden urge to take her out in the hallway and check it myself. Not wanting to injure her further I looked her over from where it was. She was obviously supporting her weight on her other legs. I frowned. "What happened to you Penny?" Penny shook its head and whined again. I spotted an apple and fetched it. I raised my right hand to stroke its nose for a while. I hope she didn't damage any nerves in the fall. What if she's lame? She wouldn't be standing right now if that were the case, right?
Penny broke my worried thoughts with a loud neigh.
I laughed, "Do you smell the apple?"
Penny bobbed its head.
"Oh! I love you," I extended the apple and Penny ate it quickly. "I better go. I'll come and check on you tonight."
I drifted around the barn noticing a few new horses. My wandering feet lead me to the ladder that lead up to the loft. I gently shook it before I started climbing. I watched out for my dress hem least I trip.

Upon reaching the top of the ladder I looked about. Sun flooded the barn illuminating the stalls. I smiled to myself as I looked at the horses. They look so majestic even in their stalls. I climbed onto the loft and just stood there for a moment. My eyes captured in everything. The bundled hay sat in the far right corner and the loose hay to the left. My eyes laid hold on the cot and recognition was instant. Ben's cot! The war has been going on for two years now and Ben's still here? I approached it and saw writing supplies scattered to the side of his cot. I bent down to them and picked up the piece of paper that had writing on it. It read:

Dear Ben,

I am so proud of you and your choice in fighting for freedom. News reaches us daily of what is going on the front lines. I can't help think about you. How are you fairing? It has been a whole month since you last wrote and we are all worried sick about you. You are constantly in my prayers.

I set the paper down and looked at the writing supplies. I opened the box in which they were scattered around and in it was engraved FM. FM. IT must stand for Felicity Merriman, that makes sense. I cleaned up my writing supplies by placing them in the box. I double-checked the box to see if I had left my journal in there but no.Perhaps I really didn't continue writing. I'm almost confident I did since Ms. Mannerly suggest so frequently. Maybe I'll ask her.
I shut the box with a snap and returned to the house with it. Ben is out there somewhere. Missing in action? I hope he is okay. I guess he got his wish- to get recruited in the war. "I knew something like this would happen," I mumbled as I started to go down the ladder.

I made it down the ladder with one hand since I was holding the box. I walked across the barn and shut the barn door behind me. I slowly breathed in the fresh spring air before rushing across the yard and into the house. Nan met me by the door and exclaimed, "Felicity! Young ladies don't run! What would Ben say?"
I stopped and started to retort but then stopped. Did she say Ben? "Nan? What do you mean? Isn't Ben missing in action?" Nan gingerly took a step toward the house pretending she didn't hear me. "Nan?" I prompted.
"I thought you memory was gone. How did you know about that?" She replied.
Answering a question with a question. Fiddlesticks. Most likely Nan's curious ways haven't escaped in the last two years. Better just tell her. "I found a letter I drafted a while ago. Where is Ben?"
Twirling her golden ringlet Nan replied, "He came to us yesterday morning. Ben's arm is injured and the army let him go-"
I cut her off there and exclaimed, "The army shouldn't dismiss a person such as Ben if his arm is just injured!"
Nan lifted her shoulders and then dropped them in a gesture to say, "What do I know?" Nan tilted her head to the side and said, "Well there is more to the story. His leg was giving him trouble and they thought he had smallpox."
I nodded. They still shouldn't have removed him! I know how much he wanted to get into the army. Perhaps he will enroll into the army once he is recovered. Another question popped into my mind and I blurted it out, "Does that mean he is staying with us?"
Nan nodded with more enthusiasm than I anticipated, "Yes, he is! I'm sure you are glad!" Her eyebrows wiggled up and down as if she knew something I didn't.
I crunched my eyebrows together and said, "Nan I'm truly glad he is safe. That's all." With that I walked past her and into the house.

Once in my room I deposited my box on my end of my bed. I sat upon my red and cream duvet cover. I fell back on my back and sighed. My bed is so soft. Maybe I can just lay here a little bit... And in a few minutes a cloud of sleepiness enveloped me.

At the sound of horse hooves I jerked my body erect. I wiped at my eyes and stumbled to the window. When did my dress get so long?! I pushed back the lace curtain and peered out the window. I saw two men riding horses towards the barn. The man in the lead pointed upward and the other man followed his gaze. The first man I immediately recognized as my Father so I drifted my gaze to the second. I didn't get a perfect view of him but I noted the brown hair sticking out his tricorn hat and his distinct nose. He glanced upwards towards my window it seemed and when I caught hold of his blue eyes. His crooked smile felt familiar and I racked my brain to see who it could be.Ben! I turned my gaze back to the retreating men. I stared at Ben's figure.Two years in the military and he has changed so! I thought the army's food wasn't as fine as ours. I let out an audible "Hmm!" and withdrew drew from the window.
Supper time must be approaching!I spun around and ran to the basin of cold water. I splashed my face hurriedly and dried it. I spun toward the mirror to find my hair a bit frazzled. I pulled my pink ribbon out of my hair and combed my red locks out. I ran back to the window to find them still entering the barn.

I walked down the hall as fast as possible but slowed my step down as I descended down the stairs. I made my way back into the kitchen and upon seeing Rose I asked, "Can I be of any assistance?"
She broke her huge smile to reply, "No Felicity miss, we are just fine."
"Very well. Do you know where I might find my Mother?" I asked.
"Why she most likely is in the nursery getting Polly and William," Rose paused and looked at my confused face before continuing, "The nursery is upstairs and the first door to your right."
I smiled my gratitude and disappeared up the stairs. Rose was right. I found my Mother encircled by William and my baby sister... Polly. "Hello Mother," I said as I glanced around the room. This room was somewhat new. It had a circular braided rug that took up the center of the room. A table against one wall and a crib and a cabinet lined the other. The cabinet had toys and other baby essentials on its shelf. Wooden blocks formed a pyramid on top the cabinet and a stuffed doll leaned against it.
I turned my attention to my mother as she said, "Felicity, will you wash Williams hands for supper? The men will be home any moment."
"Of course," I responded. I walked over to William and took his hand. I lead him to the water basin next to the door. Somehow I must have overlooked it when I entered the room. There was a small wooden stool by the basin and I pushed it over so he could step on it. I watched him reach his hands into the water and swirl them around. Taking the bar of soap I wet it and then scrubbed William's hands with them. He swished the water around some more making the bubbles on his hands disappear. William took some liberty and splashed his face till it was dripping and I had to quickly dry it with the towel hanging next to me.

I held Williams's hand as he hopped off the stool. Mother had scooped up little Polly by now and dampened the towel to clean her small hands. I followed Mother down the stairs with William next to me. Wanting to break the quiet I asked William, "Are you hungry?"
He smiled and exclaimed, "Yes!"
I returned the smile and half whispered, "Do you know we are going to have for supper?"
William's brown eyes lifted to Mother's figure as it continue to descend the stairs before he said, "Salad!" He crumpled up his nose and stuck his tongue out.
I laughed, "I think so. Salads are what will make you big and strong like Father."
Two steps later I heard William say, "No. Growing up will."
William seems so serious. He would probably be hurt if I laugh. And so, I didn't. Instead I gave him a huge warm smile.

We entered the dining room and William skipped to his chair. Nan scooped up Polly and set her in her highchair. I disappeared with Mother into the kitchen to find Rose remove two gigantic loads from the oven. I couldn't contain my surprise, "What happens to the yeast!" I stood admiring the two foot long loaves that stood about 8 inches tall. The scent of the warm loaves met my nose and gave me a tingle of hungriness.
"I suppose the weather finally turned warm enough to produce such a masterpiece," responded Rose picking out the bread knife. She found the knife and laid it to the side of the cutting board. Time seemed to tick past slowly and finally Rose deemed to cool enough to cut. I held my breath as the silver jagged blade hung over the pure golden crust. I exhaled only when the blade was deep in its white firm-yet-soft interior.
Rose's expertise hands moved quickly and soon the first loaf was placed in a basket and I draped a white and red cloth over it. Oh! I really want a piece. "Tsk! Burnt a bit on the corner," Rose exclaimed cutting the price off and setting it to the side.
I restrained myself from the urge of lunging at the piece. "Rose? May I have that burnt piece?" I asked examining the bread that was slightly black on its edge.
Rose laughed quietly, "Course, here I'll cut it for you." She trimmed the black bit off and handed me the price of bread. I grabbed the butter container but didn't touch it lest I ruin the engraving of a flower on top. So I silently bit into the price of warm bread.It tasted so good! Warm. Fresh. Warm!
I offered to set the bread on the table and upon receiving a nod I picked up the baskets. As I finished setting one basket of bread on each side of the table Father and Ben came around the corner and into the dining room. I walked swiftly up to Father and encircled him with my arms. He quickly returned my embrace.
"How's my Felicity doing?" He asked breaking his hold to look at me.
"Getting along quite well. Lessons went smoothly," I replied. I added with a whisper, "And I didn't burn the stew this time."
He laughed good naturally and went to kiss Nan's head and mess up William's hair. I turned to Ben and instantly the image of my encounter with Nan played back.

"Does that mean he is staying with us?" I heard myself saying.
Nan nodded with more enthusiasm than I anticipated, "Yes, he is! I'm sure you are glad!" I saw Nan's eyebrows wiggled up and down as if she knew something I didn't.
I felt my frustrated expression and heard myself say, "Nan I'm truly glad he is safe and that's all." I recall moving on into the house after that.

I cleared my throat and said, "Ben! I'm glad you returned to us. I hope your arm heals soon." Oh man! I wish I didn't say that! I'm sure I already told him that when he got home! Darn it!Automatically I added, "Um, sorry. Probably already told you that when you got home before. Still hope your arm feels better." I managed a small smile to hide my hesitation. Felicity? Why did you correct yourself? Now he thinks you aren't... I started to chide myself.Why do I care what he thinks about me? I have and always will be his best friend. No? Great, Nan really is messing with my head or is it his smile. His teeth are too white. What does Washington have at those camps? Bleach?
"It's fine, really. Nice to see you Felicity." Ben said.
"Great to see you too," I responded focusing my mind on the dialogue at hand. Not that I needed to. The food was laid out on the table and people were finding their seats. With a half-smile I excused myself and retreated behind my chair. Ben stood behind his chair that was far away from my chair- which was good- except he was on the opposite side of me. His brown eyes flickered sideways to meet my gaze once in a while.
We all clasped each other's hands and Father started the blessing.Lord, forgive me but my mind is anything by focused on the blessing. Why was I so awkward by Ben? I normally am never like that around him. He just seems so... Changed. For good- of course. Just different, taller, still thin, and... I searched for the right word, "Mature!" I said out loud without realizing it. My cheeks flamed a bright red and I kept my head down. To me I didn't sound too loud.I hope I wasn't too loud. This night is getting worse!
"And yes, for the mature hands that have made it. Amen," continued Father.
We all echoed an "Amen". I felt as if were safe to raise my head now and so I did. As I reached for my napkin I saw Ben wink at me and I felt embarrassed all over again.
Soup was ladled into our bowls and we passed the baskets of bread around the table. I took an end piece of the loaf and spread it with a thin layer of butter.
Father cleared his throat once we were served and asked how the day fared.
Nan was the first to pipe up, "I received an invitation to Lady Templeton's Spring Party! May I go?"
It was apparent Father thought Nan would continue for a while since he bit his bread just as she said "Spring Party!" He quickly chewed while glancing at Mother. Finally he said, "When is it?"
"Noon till evening, April 18th," came the prompt reply.
"I'm sure you can go as long as you have someone to escort you," Father said before returning to his neglected bowl of soup.
Nan turned her attention to me, "I'm surprised Lissie didn't get an invitation."
"Nan," came Mother's voice to silence her. Still all eyes fell on me.
"Well," I said setting down my spoon, "I was invited and asked to be escorted be someone already."
Nan tried to casually glance at Ben but it seemed to be more of a stare. Ben shrugged and I interpreted it as, "Sorry, a bit lost here."
Father dabbed at his mouth with his napkin and asked, "By whom?"
"Um, I told him I would ask your permission first and if I could even attend," I said quickly forgetting the question.
"Who asked you?" asked Father quite straightforwardly.
"Oh! Sorry! John Cole. Your new apprentice I believe. I bumped into him on my way back to our home," I responded but mentally added literally.
"Oh! Very well," he said glancing around the table as if to see if anybody objected.
After that the rest of the meal I was pretty much quiet. I listened to Father and Ben talk without looking up towards them. Compliments bounced around the table about the stew and the bread before the meal was adjourned. First Nan excused herself from the table followed by William.I wish I knew his name! I thought upon seeing a male servant come in and clear the dishes. I excused myself and walked towards the siting room and out the back door. I ran around the house and into the kitchen door. "Rose!" I called out softly.
She turned and asked, "Yes, Felicity?"
"May I help you with the dishes?" I answered. I needed to be occupied with something else for a while.
"Course, that is if you really want to," she said eyeing me up.
"It is. Would you rather wash or dry?" I said with determination.
"You just go on ahead and start washing. I'll help Peter finish clearing the dishes."
Peter! That's his name. There isn't that many dishes, I thought eyeing up the growing pile.Just seven dinner settings if you think about it. The glasses stood nearest so I picked one up and dipped my washcloth into the warm soapy water. My mind started to wander. All of the glasses and a few bowls later Rose broke my trance as she asked, "Miss Felicity? Do you think that bowl is clean yet?"
I turned to look at Rose who held a dishcloth in her hands before returning my gaze to the bowl. I dipped it in the cold water basin to rinse it off. I grabbed for the last bowl and started to swirl my cloth in it.
"Felicity? Why don't you finish that bowl and then I'll finish up for you," offered Rose noticing my distracted manner.
I smiled and nodded. As I washed the bowl out I remembered when I had said to mother, "Cooking is so much work and after it's done it's all done!" I smiled to myself as I recalled her patient response, "True, there isn't anything that we can see but at least it gives me great pleasure knowing I have provided for my family."
"Felicity?" Rose prompted yet again.
I quickly stuck the bowl in the rinsing basin before handing it off to Rose. "Thank you," I said while untying my apron.
"Sure thing. Anything on you mind you would like to tell me?," she asked with a comforting tone.
There was much on my mind but I decided I needed to talk it out myself so I replied, "No thank you. Good night!"
With a "Good night!" from Rose I grabbed an apple and disappeared out of the kitchen door. I made my way out to Penny. The barn door swung open already.I wonder if anybody's in here. I darted my eyes about looking even in the loft. Not seeing anyone I shut the barn door and approached Penny's stall. I wonder why she in her stall. She loves sleeping in the pasture. "Hey Penny girl," I cooed petting her nose. Penny neighed. I sighed and suddenly I could think clearer. I stood stroking Penny's nose feeling relaxed for the first time today. "I got one more apple for you today," I said after a bit. I reached into my pocket and I brushed past a piece of paper before grabbing the apple. I extended the apple to her and Penny ate it slowly. "I had a busy day today. Too busy, I think, and no time to think."
Penny munched his apple quietly and allowed me to think. My thoughts strayed from repercussions of my fall to the Spring Party. I was in such deep thought I didn't even hear the barn door open and someone come in. Until a male voice from behind me asked, "Am I interrupting you, Felicity?"
I turned to find Ben standing behind me his hands in his pockets.Yes, you are interrupting my chain of thoughts, I thought for a second. Before shaking off that answer and saying, "Hello Ben. No, just thinking with Penny."
Ben smiled and said, "Someone was quiet during supper."
I smirked, "Suppose we all had something on our minds? So what are you going to do now that your back?"
Ben sighed, "Enlist once this arm is out of its sling. Say 2 weeks or less."
I turned back to Penny and asked in an even voice, "Going back so soon?"
He nodded. "Well yes. I believe I must continue serving my country while there is still time and when they are at great need."
I nodded my reply. His tune never changed but I didn't care negatively. No, I was quietly proud of his ongoing commitment and his bravery. He really grew up from being the shy boy who was always there for me. I cringed inwardly at my observance and changed it. He really grew up from the quiet boy that first found us. We always could talk with each other even if it was through letters.
"Felicity?" Ben asked.
"Yes," I said turning back to him, "Sorry, distracted slightly." I didn't want to say "I hope the war ends quickly so you can return home" because where is his home? With us? But he is already twenty and will be getting older and independent. So I added, "I hope you will be continually safe and I'm glad you didn't die when you got injured."
I nodded towards his arm and realized I had grown quite a bit. I stood just two inches lower than him. I giggled at that.
Ben looked confused, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head, "You know I almost caught up with you in height. I just never thought I would get there."
"I always expected you would grow a bit taller than me," Ben confessed.
"That's a first," I said, "Unless we had this conversation before my fall."
"Your fall, right. I don't believe we did," he paused, "So, how much do you remember if I may ask."
I shut my eyes, "Right after my Grandfather died or about that time frame when we came back." I reopened my eyes to see Ben staring at me thoughtfully. Noticing the seriousness of his stare I said, "Penny for your thoughts."
"Which one?," he said good naturally.
I laughed, "As in a copper coin. Now tell me."
Ben sighed, "It's just that." He trailed off. "It's nothing."
"You don't get a penny, Ben," I reminded him. He only shrugged it off. "Why did you come outside to the barn?"
Ben hesitated fishing for an answer, "I was just walking around and my feet led me back to my old room."
"Did you want to go up to the loft?"
Ben shook his head, "No, I'm fine. Shall we go up to the house?"
"Sure," turning to Penny I said, "Good night, Penny." I stroked its neck for another moment before kissing it on its nose.

With that I turned and Ben and I walked back into the house.