Chapter Three - Far Away

That night, when the sun went down and the night fell, Harry's mind kept spinning. He felt tired, every bone in him ached but it was his brain that felt the heaviest. Amidst all his empty feelings and the swirling fragments of thoughts, he found himself at a loss, unable to grasp anything beyond the downward spiral he was falling into. From his bed that was too soft, to the room that was too dark, to the constant snoring of Ron.

He ended up contemplating how it was possible that this day he had spoken more words with Malfoy, a random person he bumped into, than any of his friends. He really didn't speak much anymore. Not much to say these days.

But still, somehow, he didn't feel disappointed or angry about it. He had meant what he had said to Malfoy before, there ARE more important things than trying to annoy him.

Voldemort had risen again, damn it. His arm still hurt of the cut that rat had made. Why had he saved Wormtail last year? If only he could turn back... but would he be able to kill him? Would he be able to let Sirius kill that rat? Would his parents approve? Hell, he was going to have to kill Voldemort for Merlins sake! He was going to have to kill- his eyes flew open of the images this idea created. His arm aching of the idea of having to cast such a curse. His head was pounding, what was he supposed to do?! The dark increasing, the silence too quiet, the rooms suddenly too small. He felt trapped.

And so, not one day after, Harry found himself walking out of the Gryffindor tower once again.

A purpose now on his mind of getting to the lake. It felt quite good to have this goal, as insignificant as it was, it was a goal he was able to master.

While his thoughts were clouded with doubt and fright, he walked down the many stairs. Dodging the tricky falling steps, avoiding the shadows unconsciously and crossing corners quickly every moment he picked up on an unknown source (he suspected Mrs. Norris, but one could never be too careful). All the while he just kept focussing on breathing, as this had gotten heavier and more painful.

The moment Harry stepped through the back doors into the fresh air, the pressure on his chest lightened.

Seeing the lake far ahead he quickly set on his journey to the tree he had found to be quite the comforter yesterday.

And so it was that Harry was able to fall with his back against the tree. Focussing on the smooth waves, the quiet clattering, the distant night animal sounds, and seeing the moonlight coming out behind the clouded heaven, Harry relaxed.

It was after two more nights of going to the lake, that he noticed a shadow by the tree. He paused, unsure of what to do next. Slowly, a sense of panic started to creep in, as he realised that finding any form of peace seemed less and less likely.

Being too stubborn to let someone take his perfect place, he was a Gryffindor for Merlin's sake, he gathered his courage and just quietly sat down, immediately realising it was Malfoy next to him. For a second they both tensed completely. He saw from the corner of his eye that Malfoy opened his mouth to say something, then frowned, and shut his mouth while putting up his mask of indifference. Harry was slightly amused of the rise he was able to get from surprising Malfoy.

He knew after his first year that his choice of denying Malfoy a friendship had been wrong. It had been a hasty prejudiced decision, but that didn't leave the fact that Malfoy was still a proper git, yet also one of the only people he ever met that didn't treat him like he was some golden hero and expected him to fix everything.

Malfoy was just Malfoy, really annoying, always complaining, somehow a bit too proud of his fathers' capabilities, but he was also just a Hogwarts student. And Harry knew better now than to judge someone by their mask.

Settling in, he found some peace by staring over the lake, the last moonshine glistening before dawn would break. Slowly but surely the never-ending storm in his head diminished and he actually felt like he could get through the next day without completely falling apart again.

He had almost forgotten that Malfoy was still sitting next to him, until Malfoy started moving a bit, finding a better place for his apparently very cold hands which were now placed between his legs to braze them from the cold.

Huh, it was rather cold for an evening in June. He guessed pyjamas weren't the best outside clothes, but that was the least of his worries.

He realised just now that finally his thoughts had subsided that he was sitting next to Draco bloody Malfoy, and he actually felt at peace. It was nice to not be completely alone with his thoughts. Slowly drifting away in this moment that felt somewhere close to peaceful, the sun came up and he heard far away some Ravenclaws already going to an early breakfast to start the day.

Next to him, Malfoy stood up and walked away.