But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death." (Revelation 21:8)

The week passed in a blur of grey. It was a week full of monotony, boredom and to some extent, loneliness. The days were indistinguishable from each other, each flowing seamlessly into the next without any definition. Lovino went to classes, did schoolwork, and talked to Feliciano and his few friends to fill the time. The conversations felt dry and trivial, none holding anything of real substance. Lovino drifted in and out of concentration while they spoke about classes, girls and other things he couldn't even be bothered to remember.

When Lovino found himself zoning out, he realized his thoughts stubbornly and consistently drifted to only one thing, or should he say, one person: Antonio. His mind was frustratingly fixated on that bizarre man's laugh, his smile, and his philosophical comments that seemed so effortless yet hit so hard. The way he stuck in his head was horrifying. Lovino even caught himself counting down the days until it was Sunday again. It was truly irritating, not to mention overwhelmingly confusing.

After what felt like both an eternity and a single blink of the eye, Lovino was standing in front of the old church again with Feliciano. This time, he didn't feel a need to hesitate. "Come on, Feliciano. Let's get inside." He said in spite of himself. He realized he sounded far too eager. "It's cold out here." It wasn't a lie. It couldn't be above fifty degrees.

Feliciano smiled in a way that suggested he saw right through him. "Okay! Are you excited to see Antonio?"

Lovino's face suddenly felt hot. He shook his head as though he hadn't been wrestling with that question since their first class. "No, of course not. Why would I be?"

"It's okay, Lovi! I'm excited to see Ludwig!" Feliciano said as though he had completely ignored his answer. They set off toward the doors. "Grandpa would be happy to see you're finally making friends!"

Even though it was doubtful Feliciano meant it spitefully as it came out, the words stung. "Finally?" Lovino parroted. "I do have friends, Feliciano."

"You never bring them home!"

Lovino paused. The idea of hanging out never really came up with the guys he sat with at lunch. He was more of an accessory at the table than anything. "I see them at school." He said.

Feliciano stuck out him bottom lip in a pout. "That doesn't count. I want to meet your friends!"

Lovino didn't respond. Instead he pulled Feliciano through the crowds and past the heavy doors into the even more crowded lobby. The familiar uneasiness had set in some time ago, but he was able to ignore it. He unconsciously scanned for Antonio's bright smile among the groups of nameless, faceless churchgoers. Why he was doing so, he wasn't sure. It wasn't as though he would feel anything other than annoyance if he actually did find him.

"Lovino!"

Before he could even register the jumping Spanish accent, he felt a pair of arms embrace him from the side. For a split second he looked down at his sun-kissed skin and noticed the few freckles that decorated them- wait, why the hell was he hugging him? Where had he even come from? He managed to snap back into his senses and ignore the strange downpour of emotions that almost got the better of him.

"Shit!" exclaimed Lovino. He managed to free himself from the uninvited hug. "Do you even know what boundaries are, you crazy bastard?"

Antonio laughed warmly. "My apologies! I suppose Americans are less affectionate with each other than the Spanish."

"We're not American, we're Italian." Feliciano said, smiling. "People hug each other all the time in Italy! Lovino is just being a sourpuss. Right, Lovi?"

Lovino felt his ears burn in embarrassment. No matter how affectionate Italians tended to be, he was never a hugger. "No! I just don't like when our damn group leader hugs me out of nowhere! It's creepy as hell!" He said. "How old are you, anyways? Twenty-five? Thirty?"

Antonio laughed again. "Oh no, are you telling me my age is creeping up on me already? I am twenty-one, Lovino. Hardly a day older."

Oh. He had known that Antonio was young, but he had never guessed he was that young. Something about Antonio gave off the vibe that he had far more life experience than someone barely out of college. That was only four years older than Lovino. That was the difference between a freshman and a senior. He stopped himself. Why did it matter how old the idiot was?

Lovino took a step back. "Whatever. Just mind my personal space next time."

"I sincerely apologize." The laugh in Antonio's voice and the amusement in his eyes implied that was far from the truth. Lovino glared at him and Antonio quickly changed the subject. "How are you two today?"

Feliciano decided to join the conversation. "I'm doing fine!" He said excitedly. No matter how joyful he sounded; it was clear his attention was elsewhere. "Have you seen Ludwig?"

Antonio pointed behind him. "I believe I saw him by the church entrance not too long ago. If I'm not mistaken, I think he was looking for you."

Feliciano's face lit up. Without another word, he darted off into the crowds in search of his friend. He wasn't gone ten seconds before Lovino became painfully aware that he was alone with Antonio. He stared at him, at his stupid smile; at his eyes that held so much emotion that he realized were staring back at him like no one else was in the room.

Lovino broke away from his gaze and stared at the floor. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Antonio smiled still. "I was just wondering if you felt any differently about being here today."

"No." Lovino said firmly, though it was partially a lie. He didn't want to be in church anymore than he usually did, but the promise of seeing Antonio had filled him with an aggravating nervousness beforehand. That much was different.

Antonio almost frowned. Almost. "That's truly a shame! Tell me, Lovino. Is there anything I can do to make your experience here a better one?"

Stop being so damn confusing, for one thing! Lovino pushed the thought aside and scoffed. "You strange, strange man." He said. Just a second later, he continued without thinking. "I just want this to be over, alright? I hate being in this building. I hate the creepy stained glass windows, I hate being told what the believe and I hate that priest that says all those morbid things!" He quickly stopped himself. Why was he telling Antonio all of this? He was a youth group leader. Surely he would be upset, he would get angry, he would-

He was nodding. Why was he nodding? "Sometimes I think those things myself, Lovino." His smile had finally subsided, and his eyes narrowed in contemplation.

Lovino was sure he had misheard. "You're a youth group leader. You work at a church." He stated as if Antonio didn't know.

"That doesn't mean I am immune to doubt." He said. For a moment, he paused. "Maybe we can get each other through this." His voice had grown quiet and distant. It was nearly a whisper, like he was speaking to himself. Lovino froze, shocked by the sudden mood swing. What on earth did he mean by that? Before he could get an answer, Antonio's eyes widened and his head snapped up. His next few sentences were emotionless and robotic. "Enough of that silliness. We should head inside. The sermon will start soon."

For a moment, Lovino didn't move. For so long he'd thought he was alone in his doubts and fears. His entire family followed the church without question. Not only that, they seemed to find great comfort in its teachings. In Italy, skipping a Sunday service was unheard of. Families bonded over scripture and a baptism was as big of a deal as a wedding. Lovino always felt a sort of disconnect from it all, but he kept it hidden. No one around him felt that way; at least he thought they didn't. Now he was being told his damn group leader felt the same way? His head was spinning.

Lovino didn't have much time to revel in his confusion. He had no choice but to follow Antonio into the church, since Feliciano and his new friend were nowhere to be found and there was no way in hell he was sitting alone. He kept his head down and walked quickly to avoid looking at the accusing eyes of the saints from the windows above them. Lovino sat down at a random pew and Antonio quickly took the seat next to him. Their eyes met and Antonio offered a slight, apologetic smile. Lovino sighed in exasperation. For once, he was glad when the sermon started.

"God is good!" It was that same priest who spoke- Lovino never did catch what his name was. Somehow, that didn't upset him. While the entirety of the congregation parroted back the response, Antonio and Lovino remained silent.

The priest rambled off a few greetings that Lovino didn't really hear. In fact, he made a conscious effort to zone out. He wrote grocery lists in his head, counted the grooves in the wood on the arm of the pew, tried to recall his locker combination from the seventh grade- anything that would distract him from the accusing voice of this man. He caught himself stealing a glace at Antonio. His cheerful expression was back, but if Lovino looked closely he could see there were a thousand unsaid things behind it.

He shrugged it off. Maybe he was imagining it. He continued his routine of filling his thoughts with as much distracting nonsense as he could until the priest said something he just couldn't ignore. "There is one evil in our society that children younger and younger are being taught to accept. This evil, of course, is homosexuality."

Lovino's head snapped up at the man's tone. It had been intimidating before, but now it was downright venomous. He had no idea of the context behind that statement, but it shocked him to the core nonetheless. His blood ran cold during the long, pregnant pause in which no one spoke. He looked to Antonio with a wild look in his eyes. Not daring enough to break the silence, he mouthed the words "what the hell?"

Antonio's lips parted but he said nothing. Not a second later, the priest continued speaking. "More and more people are succumbing to Satan's lies. Satan is telling this generation that being gay is acceptable, even that it is somehow natural! This thinking warps the mind and tortures the soul." He said, waving his hands spastically as though he was conducting a twisted orchestra.

Lovino's eyes flickered around the nearly full church. Everyone sat still, their facial expressions unmoving as if this were the most normal sermon in the world. Beginning to feel more than a bit uneasy, he scanned the room for Feliciano. It didn't take long to spot him just a few pews away with Ludwig. His eyes were dark and his hands were clasped tightly together. After watching him for just a few seconds, Lovino saw him turn to Ludwig and whisper something to him with a panicked look in his eyes. Ludwig only shook his head. Lovino grimaced. Feliciano wouldn't be able to tell him he wasn't listening this time.

Lovino tore his eyes from his brother and returned his gaze to the man behind the altar. Never had he seen a self-proclaimed 'man of God' spew such hateful things. Lovino finally gathered courage to speak, albeit as quickly and quietly as he could manage. "Antonio, what in the hell is he talking about?" He hissed.

Antonio stared back at him, his eyes filled with apologies and confusion. "I don't know, Lovi, I-," he stammered before the priest launched back into his ranting.

"Homosexual activity is condemned by the Lord our God!" His voice boomed throughout the room like thunder. The room was completely silent, why was he shouting?

Lovino stiffened, suddenly feeling threatened. He thought churches made him uncomfortable before, but this was an entirely different level of discomfort. Then he realized that this wasn't discomfort, it was fear. What he was afraid would happen, he wasn't completely sure. Even so, the panic shot through his bloodstream like an injection. He tried his very best to zone out again, to fade into his own little world.

"The homosexual agenda is reaching our youth at an alarming rate-"

Lovino tried to name a fruit for every letter of the alphabet. Apple, banana, carrot- shit. A carrot is a vegetable. Whatever. God, what else is there? Dragon fruit…

"…Their perversion threatens the sanctity of traditional, correct man and woman relationships and marriages…"

Never mind the damn fruits. Lovino decided this was a better time than ever to practice his multiplication tables. One times one is one, two times two is four, three times three is nine, four times four is sixteen…

Somehow, the priest's voice forced its way into Lovino's ears, destroying his train of thought. "…The punishment for these acts is an eternity in hell! Joining them will be the adulterers, the unbelievers, the liars, the thieves, the murderers, the selfish, the fornicators- anyone who rebels against God!"

Lovino bit the inside of his cheek, having given up on trying to distract himself and wondered how there was anyone in heaven by this logic. He had always been told that God was a loving and forgiving being- going off of what this man was saying; he was exactly the opposite. In spite of himself, Lovino began to try and grasp the concept of eternity. More specifically, he tried to imagine an eternity that held nothing but suffering. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't imagine something that simply didn't end, especially something so awful. After just a moment of allowing his thoughts to go to such places, he felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead. He felt his head starting to spin, terror gripping his chest and pulling at him like he was a puppet on a string.

"…The sinful will be met with a lake of fire and burning winds! The days will be without rest, filled with weeping, gnashing of teeth…"

Lovino had to get out of there. He was sure he was going to combust if he sat in that pew any longer, that his own racing thoughts were going to swallow him alive. He stood up in a spontaneous, quick movement. "Bye." He muttered to Antonio.

"Lovino-"

Lovino barely heard him. Trying not to call too much attention to himself, he rushed out of the church in quick, purposeful steps. His breathing grew more labored in anger and uncomfortable fear. He was strangely grateful for it, since the sound of his own breathing successfully drowned out the sermon that continued on behind him. He realized his heart was beating in his ears. Even better. He fought the overwhelming urge to scream, to run, to break everything in that church and burn all of its bibles.

It felt like it took a year to reach the lobby, but he felt the grip on his lungs loosen when he finally did. He ducked into an adjacent hallway, leaned against the wall and took a series of long, deep breaths. He hoped that Feliciano didn't see him leave. If he did, Lovino would never hear the end of it from Grandpa. Knowing Feliciano, there was no doubt that he would tell him. He closed his eyes and counted to three, demanding that his heartbeat slow down.

Not a minute passed before he heard footsteps approaching him. Lovino opened his eyes and his heart about stopped when he realized that the figure approaching him was none other than Antonio. He groaned. He needed to be alone; and that man and his eccentricities was the absolute last thing he needed. Only this time, Antonio wasn't smiling. His eyes held no fire; only concern. Lovino had yet to see this side of him.

"Lovino?" He said. Then he was beside him, hands shoved in his pockets with that damned worried look in his eyes. "Lovi, are you alright?" He took a hand out of his pocket and placed it on Lovino's shoulder.

He wondered why Antonio kept calling him 'Lovi.' His grandfather called him Lovi. His baby brother called him Lovi. The name felt much too personal, but at the same time his face grew hot whenever he heard his nickname spoken in Antonio's jumping Spanish accent. He quickly realized could feel the heat from his hand all the way through his jacket and shirt, as if his skin had absorbed all the heat from Spain.

Lovino shrugged his hand off, confused by the sensation. "No! No, of course I'm not alright!" He said. "How in the hell do you expect me to be alright after that?"

Antonio sighed and finally looked away. "I don't." He said. "No, I cannot say that I expect that…" He trailed off, and the hallway they were in fell cold.

Lovino stared at him, his eyes narrowed and his breathing still erratic. "Why are you here? God, why can't you just leave me alone?" He asked in exasperation.

"I could say it is because you're my responsibility." Antonio stopped and shook his head. "But the truth is, I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know how this feels. That, and I was not enjoying that sermon any more than you were."

Lovino uncurled his fists, not having realized he had his hands that way. There Antonio went again, talking about his supposed doubts or fears or whatever else he had about this church. "What are you talking about?" He asked through clenched teeth.

Antonio paused. "Why don't we step outside? I'm not sure who works in these offices, and the walls are thin." He pointed to the doors that lined that hallway.

Lovino huffed and looked at him. "Can we do that? You have other students. They're going to come looking for you."

"The sermon is not over yet. We can leave for a minute, if you would like. The fresh air may do you good."

Lovino wanted nothing more than to get out of that building. The realization hit him like a brick- he didn't particularly want to be alone when he did so, either. He actually wanted to talk with Antonio about all that had happened. He could have kicked himself. How absurd to actually want this man's company, to want to hear him explain whatever story he had to tell and even tell parts of his own.

Lovino sighed. If anything, he needed to vent. Feliciano likely wouldn't want to talk about that outlandish sermon, and his grandfather would probably have his head if he even hinted that he disagreed with the church. A million doubts rushed through his brain, but he ignored them. He was going to vent. An ear that actually heard him was all he wanted from Antonio.

"Fine." He said. He turned towards the nearest exit and began walking towards it, Antonio not far behind.

When he threw the heavy doors open and was smacked in the face by the crisp autumn air, Lovino felt nothing but pure liberation and ecstasy. He breathed in the fresh air like he had never been outside before, intent on filling his lungs to their maximum capacity. He felt his head clearing, but the priest's roaring voice was still rattling around in his ears like tinnitus.

Lovino leaned against the brick wall, leaving a decent amount of space between himself and Antonio. "What was that about?" He asked. "Jesus, he was yelling at us like we all pissed in his coffee or something!"

Antonio nodded. "Our new priest…he is a loud one." He said. "Since his arrival, things have gotten much more intense around here."

"You can say that again." Lovino grumbled. He suddenly remembered something. "God, I left Feliciano in there. He looked like he'd seen a ghost or something. I think that was too much for him. He's so damn fragile." He began to wonder if he should run back in the church, pull his brother out by his collar and never return.

"I am sure Feliciano will be fine. He was with Ludwig." Antonio stared off into the distance. "I'm friends with his brother, you know. Gilbert."

"I know. You told us." Lovino looked at his feet. They were obviously ignoring the elephant in the room: the comments that sent them out here in the first place. He cleared his throat and went for it. "Do you really believe all of that shit?"

Antonio appeared puzzled. "I'm not sure I know what you're referring to."

"What he was saying. About gay people being evil or some shit, and how they're all going to hell." Lovino said. The unpleasant memory was burned into his brain.

"Oh." Antonio dropped his gaze to his feet and shook his head. "No, Lovino. I do not believe any of that. I could go much further into this topic, but I feel it would be vastly inappropriate." He paused and glanced quickly at Lovino. "Do you believe those things?"

Lovino shook his head. "Hell no. That's ridiculous. You know, a gay couple lives a few houses away from us. Their names are Yao and Ivan. They're a bit of an odd couple, I guess, and Ivan is a little bit weird, but they sure as shit aren't evil. They're just ordinary people. I seriously doubt they have any kind of agenda."

"I see." Antonio pursed his lips and started to pick at his thumbnail. "Why do you think they're an odd couple? Is it because they're the same sex?"

Lovino shook his head. "No. It's because Ivan looks like he can rip you in half and Yao is pretty small and soft-spoken. They get along pretty well, though. I've met them a few times."

Antonio finally smiled again. He looked relieved. "I suppose you cannot help who you love."

The best things in life are often ridiculous. Lovino pushed Antonio's intrusive words from his head as soon as he noticed they were there. "I guess so." He said. He looked at Antonio for no reason in particular, and he couldn't help but notice the way his dark hair caught the late afternoon light. His eyes were just about the greenest thing Lovino had ever seen. Once he caught himself, he looked away, feeling slightly confused.

"Lovino, what he said…did it frighten you?" asked Antonio, breaking Lovino out of his embarrassment. There was trepidation in his voice like he wasn't sure he should be asking.

Lovino scoffed despite how relevant his words felt. "Frighten me? What do you mean?"

"The concept of hell can be terrifying for many people." Antonio explained and quickly added, "I should know."

Lovino raised an eyebrow. At the same time, he couldn't deny that it was true. He wasn't sure if he would trust someone that wasn't scared of something like hell. An eternity of unimaginable suffering- Lovino was sure there was nothing worse in existence. If it actually did exist, that is. He could feel himself overthinking things again. He quickly stopped himself. "Well, I guess it does freak me out, just a little." He mumbled.

Antonio nodded. "That is nothing to be ashamed of."

Lovino felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment regardless. This was something that he never told anyone, and now he was telling someone who might as well be a complete stranger. An annoying, confusing, spirited stranger whom for some reason took an interest in him. Why he would be interested in or worried about the person who was frequently dubbed 'the grumpy version of Feliciano,' Lovino didn't understand. In one moment of absolute madness he wanted to tell him everything, every late night spent in fear, every existential crisis, and every doubt he ever had about God that he was sure no one else would listen to or understand. Lovino froze in horrified shock at the bizarre urge. No! What on earth was he thinking?

Before Lovino had a chance to lose control and actually tell him Antonio one more personal thing about himself, the space behind the doors suddenly filled with the music signaling the end of the sermon.

"I suppose I should locate the rest of our group. Lovino, why don't you head to the room?" said Antonio. Without another word, he was back inside the church.

That was another thing about Antonio. He could go from having a delicate conversation with someone to speaking as though they were conducting a business deal in just a few sentences. Lovino shrugged it off and entered the church after making sure to wait awhile after Antonio went inside. He certainly didn't want it to look like he had anything to do with him, after all.

To be continued...