Chapter Five - Psychology Books
Flashes of light. The graveyard. A green light. Cedric's face. Screaming. More screaming. His mother. Darkness
Harry woke up screaming with no sound, drenched in sweat and tears still running down his face. Completely in panick, he tried to catch his breath. It wasn't only fear, it just wasn't, it was real, it happened, he had been there. How he wished to talk to his parents again, to see Cedric laughing with him, but all he got was the burden of the everlasting wish that just could not be. It was his fault in the end, it was all his fault. Why people were still admiring him, thinking he would be their salvation, was beyond him. He didn't have anything to bring them anymore.
Once his breath had returned to something resembling somewhat normal, a quick tempus told him it was six in the morning, "luckily I don't have to go to sleep anymore," he muttered in the darkness, better to find some distraction from the day ahead.
He slowly got out of bed, grabbing a towel to shower. Ron was snoring loudly still, it never changed, but he found Neville looking at him with sadness in his eyes. For a moment, Harry looked back at him, but not a second later he quickly moved away, blinking away new tears as he got into the shower.
Kind, awkward and shy Neville, he had never judged Harry, and Harry had always appreciated that. He knew they weren't the best of friends, but Neville would be there for him should Harry need him. Not that he would ever understand Harry, but at least he didn't expect anything from him, and sometimes, that was comforting enough.
After sitting at the breakfast table for an hour, Hermione and a grumpy Ron showed up. It was better not to talk to Ron early in the mornings, which meant he did not have to make small talk about the Chudley Canons, as if he cared after having just experienced all the deaths in his life. 'How lovely' he thought ironically.
Hermione though, ever tactful, started talking to him with her overbearing voice. He knew she was right to be worried, but he just didn't feel like talking or eating or well- anything really. Especially with Hermione, who just thought she would be able to solve it with the books she had just read about cognitive behavioural therapy and whatnot.
"Harry, really you must eat something, eating healthy will really help you to feel more energetic. Oh- you know, I just read something about writing everything down in a diary. I know you don't want to talk, but you really must Harry…" and that's where he just shut her out, and went into his own thoughts.
While he might not listen to her anymore, he could not shake the thought that she might have a point. Maybe he should write to Sirius, maybe he could bring some happiness back. Some hope sparked up in his stomach, as he thought about the idea. He knew there was still someone that loved him through everything. He could just talk for a bit, ask how Sirius was doing, hopefully he could come and stay with him during the summer.
"Harry, Harry, are you listening?" Hermione waved a hand in front of him, "Oh Harry… never mind, you'll talk to me when you feel like it, come on, we have potions this morning"
Ha! even though Harry might think he felt emotionless over the last days, there was always the utter resentment and anger, potions, Snape. Why did he always have to suck so much at everything?
As expected, potions brought no suprises. Harry screwed up somehow, Ron just looked surplussed and slightly amused and they got taken away 20 points for Gryffindor for "utter incompetence" and a sneer that was truly a piece of art. He had to give Snape that point.