Leliana

Wynne took a small blade from her belt and cut the thread. She should be sewing robes for young mages at this time in her life, I thought, not stitching together the skin of fallen warriors. This Age is a cruel one. Wars, Blights, slavery running rampant, unrest in the Circle of Magi. Change is dawning at a furious pace. I wonder, will we all be burned by this new rising sun?

"How is she?" I looked to Morrigan.

"Her position is precarious at best." Wynne nodded in thanks as I handed her a relatively clean square of cloth. She wiped sweat and grime from her face. "Leliana, I...I have to rest. If Morrigan should wake, do not let her move. I could do no repair to her ribs, and her spine is bruised, though not broken, thank the Maker. She will be in an immense amount of pain when she wakes. There are herbs in my pack..."

"I remember." I rested my hand on her shoulder. "Get some rest, Wynne. Is there anything else Morrigan needs?"

"For the moment, no." Wynne replied. "Leli..."

"You're falling asleep on your feet." I stalled her. "Rest."

"But," Wynne argued, even as her eyelids fluttered, "Salem. She was hurt."

"I will take care of Salem." I promised her. "You must take care of yourself first. It will do you no good to burn out."

Wynne lay down beside the fire, smiling. "You sound like your warden." she mumbled as her eyes closed.

Thank you for that, Wynne. Pleasant dreams. And on the note of my warden...I rose to my feet, looking at the open jar of burn ointment, the few remaining bandages, Wynne's healer's bag with her needle and silk. I prayed I would not need to use it.

I found Salem leaning against the wall of the cavern. Her eyes were closed and I took a moment to look at her, smiling.

We have made it this far, my love. Because of you. You brought down a city of madmen and went from thence to slay a dragon. If anyone is worthy of the Urn, it is you, Salem Cousland. My heart.

I knelt beside her and ran my fingers through her hair. My brow furrowed as I saw the terrible burn across her cheek, a black and crimson smear. I placed my fingertips near it, feeling the heat from the wound.

It will leave an impressive scar, I frowned. But she will always wear a highly visible reminder of this battle. I am sorry, love. I wish I could take this from you.

"Salem." I whispered, hesitant to wake her. "Salem, love, I need you to wake up."

She did not stir.

"Salem." louder this time, worry forcing my heart to beat faster. Still no response. "Salem, wake up." Not again, not again, dear Maker, do not make me live through this again. "Salem!" I tapped her un-burnt cheek, hissing as my fingers protested.

"Wha..." her words faded out on a groan. "Leli?"

"Yes." I breathed a sigh of relief, watching her eyelids flutter shut. "Salem, stay awake."

"I'm 'wake." her words slurred and her eyes would not open. "Cold."

"I know, love, I know. Please, forgive me, but..."

"Morrigan took precedence." Salem shook her head, forcing her eyes open. "I'm all right, Leliana. I swear."

"You're not." her shirt was torn, the material soaked with blood. How much has she lost? "I need to get you beside the fire. Are you able to walk?"

She paused, cataloguing her injuries. "Yes."

Salem wrapped her arm about my shoulders and I helped her to her feet, taking most of her weight as she sagged against me. I should have seen to you sooner, I berated myself. But we were all so concerned for Morrigan, and Wynne was so tired...I forgot you, Salem. I forgot you.

I eased Salem to the ground, beside the fire, not at all pleased with her color. Her eyes looked bruised; sweat sheened her face, and her skin looked waxy and wan. I grabbed my satchel and tucked it underneath Salem's head. She smiled at me in thanks.

"Where are you hurt?" I asked, tearing off pieces of bandaging and wetting them in the pot of water that Zevran had melted and let boil.

I could see Salem's burned cheek and the blood that soaked her side. I hoped that was the extent of the damage.

"My hand and back...burned by dragon's blood." Salem extended her right hand to me and I bit my lip.

The metal of her gauntlet had been melted, and I could see the remnants of it sticking to her blackened skin. Blood oozed through the macabre cracks in her flesh. I dreaded removing the gauntlet, knowing it would take a great deal of skin with it.

She needs magical healing, I thought, feeling the weight of despair crash in on me. Or Wynne's experienced touch. More than I can do for her.

Salem laid her hand back down, wincing. "I...I think my side may have been hurt. I know my armor was torn but I do not know if the talons caught skin."

"They did."

My hands trembled as I lifted what was left of her shirt, wincing as it clung to her skin with the stickiness of drying blood. I poured water on the cloth, loosening it, wishing I had left it be when I surveyed the three jagged slash marks. They began at her side and curved across her stomach, under her breast, stopping at her breastbone. A lump formed in my throat and tears pricked my eyes.

Keep yourself grounded, Leliana. I ordered. You cannot afford to give into your emotions.

"How bad?" my warden asked.

"Three cuts. All of them will require stitching." I answered, trying to distance my mind from the situation.

I was not Wynne. I could not do this. I could not separate my mind from the knowledge that the woman I loved lay before me, her skin torn open and bleeding. And that I had disregarded her injuries in favor of a woman I did not even care about.

I removed the bandages from the water and began cleaning her wounds with a gentle touch, afraid to put too much pressure on them. It did not matter that I knew she could not feel it. Tears blurred my vision as I washed away the dried blood from the wounds and saw the rough edges of her skin, the bits of sheared metal embedded in the wounds. I picked it out, shard by shard, wiping away the bright red beads of blood that swelled up in place of the metal.

"Leliana," Salem reached up with her left hand and wrapped her fingers around my wrist, squeezing gently, "thank you. I'm sorry."

The words, said in a whisper, broke my heart. I strangled my tears and leaned down, kissing her forehead, tasting her sweat. "Salem..."

"It's all right." she breathed.

"It is the furthest thing from right." I said, but I could not tell her the reason.

I could not tell her that I had forgotten her. That I had left her to bleed out and freeze while I worried over Morrigan. I could not tell her that my throat was tight with unshed tears, that it was pure torture to see her weak and bleeding, and that I despised her for being so strong through all of this.

I threaded Wynne's needle with shaking hands, wincing as I began to stitch Salem's skin together. I knew she could not feel the prick of the needle or the thread scraping through her skin, but that did nothing to assuage my guilt.

I can do nothing for you but this. I cannot alleviate your pain. I cannot heal you with magic. I survived this battle with relatively few injuries. My fingers are cut, my muscles strained, but that is the extent of it. Why is it never me, Salem? I would take this from you if I could...Maker's blood, you are blind and still you insist on rushing into battle. I do not care that you are able to do so...I care that you come back to me. And every fight it seems you are injured worse and worse. It breaks my heart.

We remained silent as I continued and, at last, finished stitching her wounds. I tied off the thread and cut it, placing the needle and spool of silk back in Wynne's satchel.

"Salem," my voice had gone hoarse from exhaustion. "I need you to sit up."

"Help me, please." she sounded uncharacteristically weak.

"Of course." I lifted her, supporting her body as I wrapped the stitched wounds with fresh bandages.

Her back had been burned by the dragon's blood, leaving a horrid mess of charred skin and melted metal. Once more I reached into Wynne's satchel and removed her sharp, angled healer's knife. I stared at its keen edge and I hated myself.

"Salem..." my voice caught, and I forced myself to go on, "the dragon's blood...melted your armor to your skin. I have to cut away the metal or the wounds will fester."

"Do what you must." Salem whispered, her left hand feeling around the ground until she found a roll of bandages.

She tucked it between her teeth and nodded. I rested the sharp blade beneath the mass of charred skin and began to cut away the pieces of skin the melted metal had adhered to. Salem's body went rigid, her spine wire tight, her head hanging. Strangled sounds of anguish broke through the gag and my hands began to tremble as my composure frayed. The blade wavered in my grasp and I fought to control it as I finished what needed doing and slathered the wounds with Wynne's burn salve and healing herbs.

The rigidity left Salem's back as the herbs began their work and the gag dropped from between her lips as she gasped for air. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, to hold her through the pain wracking her body, but I could barely keep a grip on sanity at the moment. I bandaged the burns on her back, trying to keep my touch gentle.

"Bless you." Salem rasped and I bit my tongue to keep from sobbing.

You make this so difficult! How can you show gratitude for this? I am hurting you! Feel it! Maker's breath...no one is this strong.

"You need to lie down." I said, concerned that her skin had gone yet another shade of white. "I need to see to your hand."

Ask me not to. Please. Ask to be spared the pain, as any normal, sane, warrior would.

I wrapped my hands around Salem's shoulders and helped her lie on her side so that the burns on her back would not pain her further. Her jaw tightened and she moaned as the movement aggravated her injuries.

"Please, forgive me, Leliana." she whispered as I took her damaged right hand in mine.

"There is nothing to forgive." I whispered, tears slipping free from my eyes as I lifted the roll of bandaging and held it to her lips. "This is going to hurt."

"I know." she replied, accepting the gag once more between her teeth without protest.

I took a deep breath, whispering a prayer and closing my eyes as I held her forearm in one hand and ripped the gauntlet off with the other. Salem struggled to tear her arm away but I held it firm, trying to ignore the muffled sobs of pain, the spasming of her injured fingers as raw, blistered skin was exposed to the air. Her other hand clawed into the earth as her entire body contorted in reaction to what must have been agony.

"It will be finished soon." I promised as I took Wynne's blade in hand, once more cutting away the ruined skin, unable to avoid nicking her hand in places as it twitched without her control.

Soft whimpers of pain broke through her gag and I loathed myself as I smeared the salve over her ravaged skin and bound her hand and fingers with healing herbs and bandages. Salem spat the gag out, her lips working back and forth in soundless curses. I set her hand down and took more herbs, powdered willowbark, valerian, and elfroot, mixing them into a cup of water.

I laced my hand around her neck and lifted her head, touching the cup to her lips. "Drink, love." I urged, wincing as the burn across her cheek split with the movement of her lips.

Let me at least try to ease your pain and give you respite. I have failed you in so many ways this day. Yet you ask for my forgiveness. If this continues...I do not know if I will be able to endure it.

Salem finished drinking and I set the cup aside, taking the last of Wynne's burn salve and spreading it across her cheek.

"I love you." Salem reached up with her good hand and tangled her fingers in my hair. "So much."

Don't say that! You...you have no idea what I've done to you!

"I...I love you too." tears choked my voice and I let them fall as I cleaned the grime from her face, further illuminating her dangerous pallor. "Sleep, my love. You need rest."

"So...do you." her word slurred with drowsiness.

"I have to remain awake, in case Morrigan..."

A warm hand landed on my shoulder. "I will watch over her." Zevran promised. "The warden is right, Leliana. You have been caring for us all."

I brushed the tears from my cheeks and hid my face from the Antivan. "Thank you, Zevran."

I felt humbled by his offer, as I had been by Sten's. My guilt told me to refuse, that I needed to punish myself for leaving Salem to the barbaric mercy of her injuries.

"Stop...that." Salem whispered, her uninjured hand caressing my cheek. "Now."

Salem, I took her hand in mine, you know my heart better than I do. Please, forgive me.

"Sleep, Leliana." Zevran sat down between Salem and Morrigan, an unfathomable kindness in his eyes. "Sten, Oghren, and myself will keep watch in shifts. It has been agreed. No one will lack for rest, I assure you."

I lay down beside Salem, longing to wrap my arms around her, pull her body close to mine, feel her breath, savor her warmth. But I could not. I would not risk aggravating her injuries and...I did not feel I deserved to touch her. A soft sigh left my lips, and Salem reached out, resting her hand on my thigh.

Through closed eyes, I cried myself to sleep.