Author's Notes: So I'm thrilled that you guys all loved the update. All of these reviews have given my inspiration a kick up the butt and got me writing more. I was beginning to run out of steam but thanks to you guys it's back! Amazing what a few reviews can do isn't it! Seriously though I am actually stunned that this story has over 300 reviews! It's more than I could have hoped for, so thank you all so much!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...obviously.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Hermione woke up with a big smile on her face. There was hope. She wasn't expecting any romantic declarations from Severus Snape any time soon, but him wanting her in return was a good place to start. He was a private man that rarely opened up to anyone, she could wait.

She made her way to the hall for breakfast and flushed the moment she spotted the dark haired wizard in his usual seat. Cursing herself for having all the tact of a fourteen year old version of herself, she made her way to her seat.

"Morning Minerva, Severus, Filius." She grinned. "The hall is looking a bit empty this morning."

"It's the Christmas holidays dear, the students will be lying in, I imagine." Minerva smiled. "You seem happy this morning, are you heading over to the Burrow later?"

"No, I'm going to Grimmauld Place on Christmas eve." She replied. "I've nearly finished my apprenticeship and there are just a few more things I'd like to get wrapped up before the New Year."

"That's wonderful news Hermione." The headmistress beamed at her.

"You still have one potion left to brew." Severus pointed out, interrupting the conversation.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that later." She nodded. "Can I stop by your office after lunch?"

"I suppose I can make time then." He nodded. The two witches looked at each other and smiled. That was Severus Snape's way of saying he had nothing better to do.

Hermione spent the morning in Hagrid's hut with him, catching up on the latest events and passing on greetings from Harry and Ron. Hagrid always managed to make her smile, it was almost as if she were still eleven years old when she came to visit him...although that could have something to do with his size of course.

It was a wet day, by the time she had walked back from Hagrid's; she was soaked and freezing. She cast a drying charm and headed down to her rooms to warm up by her fireplace, heating charms only went so far.

She lost track of time after picking up a book to read near the fire and ended up missing lunch completely. So after making sure that she was presentable, she made her way down the hallway to the potion's classroom. She didn't bother knocking and headed straight in, pausing at the open office door to knock on the door frame.

"You missed lunch." He stated, he held out a small envelope to her. She approached his desk and took the envelope from him. "This arrived for you."

"It isn't Harry or Ron...doesn't look like Mrs Weasley or Ginny either..." she mused, before opening it. She froze as her gaze went straight to the name at the bottom of the letter.

'Hermione,

I can't begin to apologise enough for my actions. I make no excuses for my behaviour. As I'm sure you've gathered by now, I will not be returning to Hogwarts. I thought that would be best for both of us. I want you to know that I've never done anything like that before and obviously don't intend on doing so again. I can never apologise enough, not only for what I did but for running and for not having the guts to apologise sooner. I have tried to write to you so many times but couldn't find the words. I have stopped drinking altogether for the time being, I clearly can't be trusted to keep control of my actions. I don't dare to ask your forgiveness but know that I truly regret what happened. Be safe Hermione, be happy and never settle for anyone less than you deserve. You are truly amazing.

Gideon'

She let out a sigh and dropped the letter onto Severus' desk for him to see. He hesitated to pick it up and looked to her for permission. She gestured for him to read it and he did so. She transfigured the nearest piece of parchment into chair and sat patiently.

"Alcohol is not an excuse." He said finally.

"I didn't say it excused him Severus, but it is a reason." She replied. "I haven't exactly forgiven him but even you have to admit that it was out of character for him." He made a non-committal grunt in response. "I just want to get on with my life and forget the whole thing really."

"Then do so." He agreed. "He's right though, you should never settle." He looked pensive and she knew what he was thinking. He had known that he wasn't good enough for her, he was dark and damaged and she was still pure even after all she had been through.

"Don't start." She told him. "I know what you're thinking and I don't want to hear it. It's not like we've even discussed what happened last night, so don't start backing away before we've even decided anything."

"Very well," he replied stiffly. "You wanted to talk about your potion."

"Yes, but that can wait." She waved it off. "I don't want to get ahead of myself here but I don't want to try and make something work that won't either. I think we need to talk about what happened. I'm not saying I want to start putting labels on things and planning everything right now but I at least want to know how you feel and if there is any chance you want this to continue beyond what has already happened. I don't want to let myself set my heart on something more if that's not what you-"

"Do shut up woman." He snapped cutting her off. "This is hardly an appropriate conversation for my office. Come." He led the way to his rooms, where he made quick work of summoning tea. "Well, sit down then." She hastily followed his command and sat on the sofa by the cup and saucer he had placed for her. "You insist on having this conversation?"

"I do." She replied, a bit more timidly. "I'm not saying we have to decide...that is...I just want to know that I'm not chasing a hopeless cause here."

"I think hopeless cause sums me up rather well actually." He snorted. "I'm not a nice man Hermione. I am too dark for you."

"Shouldn't that be my decision to make." She countered.

"You have seen the affects my years of service to the dark lord has had on me." He said gravely. "I do not think my soul will ever truly be in the light again."

"I have no false illusions of you suddenly spouting romantic declarations to me." She agreed. "My question is do you trust me, or rather trust me to the extent that you could call me a friend?"

"I suppose. given that you will no longer be my apprentice soon and that I can tolerate you a great deal more than most of my colleagues, friend is probably the most appropriate term." He nodded. Her lips quirked at the face he pulled on saying the word friend aloud.

"Good, because I consider you my friend." She smiled. "My other question was, given that I was your student, do you think that you could feel attracted to me?"

"I think that part was rather obvious." He retorted. She didn't say anything but felt heat creeping to her cheeks as she remembered the night before. She looked down to inspect the tea cup held in her hands. "Of course I find you attractive Hermione, I'm still a man, I would be blind not to find you attractive physically."

"But physical attraction doesn't always equate to the same thing as a...um..."

"Sexual attraction?" he drawled, causing her to flush more. "Personality wise you could be a lot worse."

"Well, with that kind of compliment I don't know where I ever got the impression that you weren't a romantic." She laughed. He narrowed his eyes at her and leant forward in his chair to stare at her more seriously.

"Hermione, I find you attractive but I was being very serious." He said gravely. "I am not a nice man and seriously doubt that this could ever go anywhere emotionally. I'm too old and bitter to start my romantic life now."

"Oh yes, positively ancient!" she grinned wickedly. "It's a shame that you only have a hundred or so years left really."

"Impertinent witch." He muttered.

"Well, it was a pretty useless argument really." She laughed. "Surely I should be more bothered by your age than you, considering my heritage and that I'm the younger party here? Since I can tell you it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you?"

"I am around two decades older than you. That's twice your age," He pointed out, "Hardly so small a gap that we can just sweep it into the broom closet."

"You know most men would just consider themselves lucky that a young witch wanted to jump into bed with them." She murmured wryly. "You may be nearly twice my age now but in twenty years time that will only be a third, another twenty and it'll be a quarter and even then you'll still have half of your life left to live. Seriously, in the magical world age is nothing. You know full well that if I were in my thirties and you in your fifties no one would so much as bat an eyelid."

"How old are you actually?" he asked. She knew he would ask that question eventually but it didn't make her any more eager to answer him.

"I can't be certain." She replied cautiously. "I should be nineteen but that's not what you're asking is it? I've gained at least a year, but no more than two."

"And precisely how long have you had possession of a time turner?" he asked tensely.

"Not the whole time. I was given it at the start of my third year, I gave it back after that because I had over used it somewhat." She explained. "Minerva gave it back at the start of my apprenticeship because she knew we were starting behind schedule to start with...I've been a lot more careful this time. I've only really used it to catch up on sleep on occasion."

"Giving a third year a time turner was completely moronic." He spat out. "Ridiculous. You were a child! They should have known that the kind of overuse that you would put it through would age you significantly compared to your peers! A lot happens during those first few years of adolescence, jumping a year was putting you at severe risk of being found out."

"Which is why I gave it back." She nodded. "That was one year, could you imagine if I had kept it and in the remaining four years of school aged twice that?"

"You would have truly been nearly a decade older than your peers." He nodded.

"Very noticeable, not to mention I don't really want to waste my years. Thanks to being a witch I won't have to worry about wrinkles for an extra decade or so than most people, I don't want to waste that by using up all my years at once. You have no idea how tempting it was for me to ask for it back during the events of the war but I was informed that the events to come would shape history as they were meant to and that it was not my place to interfere." She suddenly grinned. "We've gotten off topic. Well done, how very Slytherin of you."

He let out a short bark of laughter. "I should have known that you would catch that. Very well, what did you want to say now?"

"Actually, I was going to jump back to the beginning again." She smiled. "As long as you agree not to push me away, I'll leave whatever kind of relationship we have for a debate another day."

"Alright, I can agree not to push you away...for the time being. I make no promises for further ahead than that." He nodded, placing his now empty cup on the table.

"That'll do I suppose." She agreed. "So, back to my potion; I need your help."

"You haven't found an alternative potion?" he asked. She shook her head. "And you think I can help you find one?"

"Actually...I think finding an alternative is probably useless." She sighed, placing her own cup on the table. She noted the widening of his eyes as he comprehended her meaning, before his face was schooled into its usual expression. "They are going to be pretty set on me completing this potion."

"The brewing instructions were not beyond your skill level." He commented carefully.

"That isn't what I need your help with." She replied.

"If this is going where I think it's going, I do not think me helping you would be wise." He said. "You are still my apprentice Hermione, which makes such actions somewhat unethical."

"Hear me out." She insisted. "This is embarrassing enough so just please listen." She didn't dare look at him, if she was going to say this, then she would have to almost pretend he wasn't even there. "One of the reasons I was so against this potion was because I wasn't sure I could obtain that particular ingredient. Before yesterday I'd never...um...I'd never actually-"

"had an orgasm?" he asked. She bit her lip and shook her head. "Never?"

"No, but not just that I'd never really even...touched myself." She replied. "I mean I shared a room with a group of other girls for years, and then of course being in a tent with Harry and Ron with next to no privacy...it wasn't that I never thought about it, I just never really felt comfortable enough with where I was to try it."

"I suppose that is understandable, although most of your peers would just implement silencing charms. Or actually in many cases they didn't bother with those." He wrinkled his nose at the thought of how many teenagers he had caught in compromising positions alone or otherwise over the years.

"I know some people aren't really bothered where but from what I've been told it usually takes a bit of practise to learn what works and considering that all I'm going to be able to think about is gathering an ingredient, somehow I don't think I'll be able to relax enough to...well you know what I'm trying to say."

"I can understand how that would make it hard to reach the desired outcome, knowing how hard it is to shut your brain up for more than five seconds." He agreed. "I had a question of my own actually. Your scar, why wasn't it visible last night? I assumed you would use glamours when your clothes don't cover it in front of others but it wasn't visible when I arrived either."

"Did it ever occur to you that may I don't like looking at it?" she croaked out. He leant forward enough to take her hand, in a surprising moment of tenderness on his part.

"You should be proud of your scars Hermione, they show what you have faced and defeated." He told her.

"I didn't do much defeating though did I? I just lay there screaming while Dobby helped us escape and died for it!" she protested.

"Nothing made that elf happier than serving Harry Potter, can you think of a death that he would have rathered?" he asked her. He saw the tears filling her eyes, before she ducked her head and slid to the floor in front of her so that he could look up into her face.

"What about no dying at all?" she asked.

"He would have died one day, this way his death means something." He said, his other hand sliding onto her leg. "You should be proud of what you did, you didn't crack under Bellatrix's wand and you still kept fighting after that. You did not run, you did not hide."

"Harry needed me." She said quietly.

"Is that why you don't even like to say the word muggleborn anymore?" he asked.

"It is the reason for this...I wish I wasn't-"

"But you are." He said firmly. He released her hand and reached for her chin, making her look at him. "You are, and you always will be. Even coming from a world away from the magical one you are still one of the most powerful witches of your generation."

"I can't look at my scars without remembering." She shuddered.

"I will make you a deal Hermione." He said, meeting her eyes with his intense dark ones. "I will help you on one condition. No glamours, not for you, not for me."

"I...there are more..." she whispered.

"It doesn't matter. Do you think that your scars make you any less attractive?" he asked. "Do any of my scars affect how you look at me?"

"No." She croaked, flushing again as she noticed his nearness. "But men are allowed to be manly, women are supposed to be beautiful."

"The only opinion that matters is yours Hermione." He told her. "If you can learn to find yourself beautiful then what other people see shouldn't matter."

"So...you'll help me?" she asked. He nodded. "When did you-"

"Forget the potion, I will worry about that." He told her, standing and tugging her to her feet. She found herself stood toe to toe with him, her chest brushed against his with every breath. "Go and relax, read whatever it is you do with your spare time. Come back here at eight this evening."