An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. (Proverbs 12:25)

Lovino and Antonio managed to get back to the room without being noticed. They sat in their usual seats- Lovino swore Antonio's chair was getting closer to his couch every time there was a meeting- and managed to pretend like nothing had happened. Feliciano entered the room with Ludwig not long after. Finally, Matthew and Alfred came in.

Before he sat down, Alfred came to a halt in the middle of the room. "Sorry about last week, dudes." He said. He brought his hand to the back of his head and stared at the floor. "Mattie told me he'd kill me if I do that again, so it won't happen again." He had to mumble that last part.

Antonio smiled. "No worries, Alfred. This can be overwhelming at times."

Alfred, now with a slight embarrassed flush on his face, retreated to his place on the couch beside Matthew and glared at him. Matthew looked satisfied with himself. Lovino half-smiled in amusement. He seemed so timid, but it looked like he did his fair share of keeping his brother in line. This reminded him that Feliciano did the same thing. His smile instantly fell.

Speaking of Feliciano, Lovino realized he hadn't really looked at his brother since he entered the room. He turned towards him and the second he did his chest tightened like a vice. His usually bright, sparking eyes were dark and full of what looked like a sickening mixture of guilt and fear. What was even more terrifying was that he looked like he was on the verge of tears. Lovino's first instinct was to glare at Ludwig. He must have something to do with this, right?

Ludwig met his gaze. What followed was almost like they had an entire conversation without uttering a single word. Lovino glanced at Feliciano before resuming eye contact. Ludwig's eyes widened then, almost immediately, took on a look of resignation. He sighed and shook his head.

Alright, so maybe it wasn't the overgrown kraut's fault. The only way to find out was to go directly to the source. Lovino put his hand on Feliciano's shoulder. "Feli, is everything okay?" He was already well aware of the answer, but it felt necessary to ask.

Feliciano didn't meet his eyes. His voice was small, broken. "Didn't you hear the sermon?" He asked. "It was just more stuff about…gay people… and hell." He sighed and stopped speaking.

Lovino felt a surge of guilt when he realized no, no he hadn't heard the sermon. He had been too busy dancing in a storage room to get to the source of his brother's fears. Leave it to Antonio to ruin everything without even realizing it. Lovino quickly realized with a sigh that no, this was his own fault. He had already decided his days of making impulsive, selfish decisions were over. Now all that was left to do was attempt to fix this.

"We'll talk when we get home, okay?" said Lovino. Their own home seemed like a more appropriate place to have this conversation.

Feliciano nodded weakly and rested his head against the back of the couch. His uncharacteristic lack of energy made Lovino cringe. Ludwig looked at him with pained concern clouding his blue eyes, the most emotion Lovino had ever seen him express.

Antonio was completely oblivious to the heavy tension that surrounded him, the silence only broken by Alfred and Matthew's quiet bickering. He was rifling around with his papers again, looking completely lost. Lovino rolled his eyes. That man had absolutely no organizational skills to speak of.

When Antonio finally spoke, Lovino came to the conclusion that his hesitation was out of confusion rather than being unprepared. "Guys? I have a bit of an announcement to make, if you would all just listen for a moment." The room grew even more silent than it already was. "It looks as though there's a weekend retreat coming up. It will be in two weeks."

There was a collective groan. Alfred seemed to groan the loudest. "Seriously? Like, the entire weekend?" He said.

Antonio nodded in a way that suggested he was about as excited as Alfred. Alfred rolled his eyes as dramatically as possible and collapsed back into his seat.

Lovino felt a suffocating dread take residence in his throat. What could something like this possibly entail? If the sermons were this aggressive, this anxiety inducing, then he could only imagine the horrors waiting for them in an entire weekend organized by these people. He put his own feelings aside for a moment and addressed the elephant in the room- what was something like this going to do to Feliciano?

"One more thing," said Antonio flatly. "Before we go, it is being asked of us that we all complete the sacrament of reconciliation. We'll be doing that next week instead of group." His words were unnatural and robotic, like he was delivering a speech in a language he didn't know. His eyes didn't leave the paper.

Lovino remembered his first time going to confession. It was in the fifth grade, some time before religion became an uncomfortable subject. One is expected to sit behind a curtain with a priest on the other side of it and more or less explain what a terrible person they are. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but that's what it felt like. Lovino had sat there, nervousness overtaking his body, and quietly mumbled a list of things he remembered doing. After words, he was told to say a series of prayers as penance.

He remembered the night before more than the confession itself. After somewhat of a pep talk from Grandpa Roma, he had lied in bed and grown more and more panicked with every sin he remembered. Every lie he ever told, every curse word and angry insult thrown at his grandfather came back to him in a machine-gun firing of guilt. He was sure he was up to the thousands by the time he fell into a fitful sleep. His reconciliation during the fifth grade had been his first and his last. His last until now, that is.

The rest of group passed in a haze. It was an unremarkable blur of Antonio's attempts at being engaging about subjects Lovino did not remember and of brief, nervous moments of eye contact. All Lovino could do was try to still his racing heart and mind simultaneously. He ultimately failed on both accounts.

When Antonio dismissed the class, Lovino didn't make the conscious decision to remain glued to his seat. He just couldn't find the motivation to move. Getting up meant walking home with Feliciano, pretending he didn't notice his painfully obvious distress, attempting to pry away at his layers like he was an onion just to get to the root of the problem- Lovino wasn't ready to deal with all of it just yet.

Not surprisingly, Antonio was the one to break him out of his trance. "Are you alright, Lovino?"

Lovino's head snapped up as his heart jumped to his throat. "Fine. I'm fine."

Antonio frowned, clearly unconvinced. "I'm no happier about this than you, you know." He spoke as if he already knew, as if he had read Lovino's mind and found all the fears stashed in the corners.

Lovino sighed and leaned further back against the couch's soft cushions. "An entire weekend." He shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "I can't wait."

"It may help to look on the bright side," said Antonio as he took the spot previously filled by Feliciano. "For me, I focus on the fact that I will get to spend an entire weekend with you."

Lovino's breath caught and his heart skipped painfully in his chest. He had allowed that simple and obvious fact to elude him until right then. An entire weekend with Antonio- simply putting the words together in a sentence felt surreal. Lovino had to force himself to roll his eyes. "You think I'd see that as the bright side?"

Antonio grinned. "I was speaking only for myself." He paused for a moment. "Are you nervous about going to confession?"

Lovino bit the side of his cheek and lied without a second thought. "No. It's not a big deal."

Antonio looked dubious, but he did not push the matter. "How do you think Feliciano feels about it?"

There was no way Antonio was not a mind reader. Lovino felt his stomach twist when he was reminded of his brother. "Don't pretend like you didn't see the look on his face today. Whatever was said today probably scared him out of his skull." Lovino rested his head in his palm. "And I have no idea what it was. God! Why did you have to tell me to leave with you? I mean, really!"

Antonio's smile fell. When he nodded he almost looked guilty. "I suppose that wasn't the most mature of decisions on my part. My emotions often get in the way of my better judgment. I apologize."

"No." Lovino surprised himself when he answered immediately. He didn't want Antonio to apologize. All he wanted was his cheerful little brother back, as well as something he couldn't quite describe. "No, I mean…" He recognized he was at a loss for words. He took a breath and managed a generic response. "It was fine. Really. It's not like it matters now." In reality, his little escape to the storage room with Antonio was far more than fine. Lovino didn't dare to acknowledge that, much less convert that thought to words.

Antonio looked at his clasped hands. "Did I manage to make today a better experience?"

Lovino froze. He had completely forgotten about that. "All of that was about some stupid promise?" He couldn't stop the spiteful question from escaping his lips. He had no idea Antonio cared so much. More importantly, why did he care so much?

Antonio reeled back. His eyes seemed to lose their shine the moment Lovino's words sunk in. "I guess not." He said it like he was talking to himself rather than anyone else.

That was another thing about Antonio that drove Lovino absolutely insane. No matter how happy and confident he appeared; he could take on the appearance of a kicked puppy in a millisecond. "No." Lovino said again. He sighed. "Look, it was…fun, okay? It wasn't terrible. Don't be so damn melodramatic."

Antonio's eyes got their sparkle back. "I'm glad to here that, Lovi. I really am." He hesitated momentarily, and then rose to his feet. "I should let you get back to Feliciano."

Lovino felt a twinge of dread. He stood up as well but with far more hesitance. No, he didn't want to go. That had nothing to do with Antonio; he just didn't want to go. This couch was comfortable. He was tired. That was all there was to it, he had no reasoning behind it, he just didn't want to go… "Do I have to go?" Lovino wanted to kick himself. He hadn't meant to actually say that. It sounded far too pouty, like a small child refusing to leave a play date. He felt his cheeks burn in sheer humiliation.

He was grateful when Antonio didn't laugh, only smiled gently. "I'll see you next week, Lovi. I don't doubt that you will be on my mind until then."

His stupid poetic way of speaking wasn't helping. Oh God, it really wasn't helping. Lovino was losing the motivation to keep his wall up, the very wall that had prevented him from pain all this time. Without thinking he slowly unfolded his arms and let them drop to his sides, secretly hoping his body language would be enough to convey the thought he didn't dare to voice, to think. He felt instantly exposed.

Antonio looked at him like he understood. It was confirmed: Antonio was a mind reader. "Lovino…" He said his name unlike anyone ever had, in a way that caused Lovino's collar to flush. He could have shouted, he could have walked out, he could have rolled his eyes and pushed him away. In fact, he begged himself to. Something from within himself denied him the privilege. Instead, for reasons he didn't understand, he let Antonio hug him again.

.

The school week was as slow as it had ever been. Friday evening, Lovino was sitting in the living room, flipping through the television channels absent-mindedly. Feliciano had gone to a movie with Ludwig a few hours ago and he was due home any minute now. If anything, Lovino was grateful that someone was distracting him. Feliciano's strange mood the previous Sunday had carried over into the rest of the week. No matter how hard he tried, Lovino couldn't get him to talk about it.

Lovino tipped his head back and sighed. It didn't surprise him that Feliciano didn't want to talk with him about it. All Feliciano wanted to do nowadays was talk to Ludwig, never to him. It was strange, really. Feliciano always had a considerable amount of friends. Just a few weeks ago he had spent a good amount of time with a quiet Japanese boy named Kiku. Not long before that he had been hanging out with another group. Before now, he had never seemed so intent on spending every waking moment with one person in particular.

Lovino heard the door open and switched off the television. He hadn't been watching it anyways. "Feliciano? Is that you?" He was met with silence.

He thought he had been hearing things until he heard the door shut. Growing more concerned with every second that passed, he rose to his feet and walked towards the door. "Feliciano?" He said again. "Hello?"

Silence. Lovino narrowed his eyes in confusion and rounded the corner. Feliciano was simply leaning against the door. Lovino sighed and rolled his eyes. Feliciano could be such an airhead sometimes. "There you are. Why didn't you answer me?" When he got close enough the look Feliciano in the eyes, he stopped dead in his tracks. His face was white as a sheet and his eyes were unseeing. Disturbed by the odd sight, Lovino grabbed him by the shoulders. "Feliciano!"

Feliciano snapped back into awareness and finally met his gaze. "What? Oh, hi Lovino." His voice was quiet and distant.

Lovino exhaled in relief. "Finally! What's wrong with you?" He snapped. His mind raced with possibilities. In the end he could come to only one conclusion. "Did that bastard do something to you? Is that why you're like this?"

"No!" The suddenness of his response caught Lovino by surprise. "No, Ludwig didn't do anything! Nothing happened with Ludwig! Nothing!" He sounded frantic and desperate.

Lovino released his shoulders and took a step back. "Um, alright." He paused and stared back at him. It wasn't until then that he realized Feliciano was trembling. His blood ran cold. This was getting way too weird. "Feli, you're scaring me. Are you sick?"

"No. No, I'm fine. Not sick." Feliciano said. When he smiled, his mouth quivered.

Lovino looked him in the eyes. Feliciano looked away. "Feliciano." He said. "If something is wrong, you need to tell me." He felt his pulse quicken and his chest tighten. He had never seen his brother like this.

"Nothing is wrong!" Feliciano nearly shouted the words. Lovino's eyes widened. "I'm sorry! I…" Feliciano trailed off and shook his head. "I'm going for a walk. Tell grandpa."

"Feliciano!"

Before Lovino could stop him, Feliciano opened the door and ran out into the darkening sky.

.

Come Sunday, Lovino was sure the previous week had been the longest of his life. He spent more time than not in his room, worrying and thinking and trying not to drive himself crazy without success. His conversations with his grandfather were short and dry. In reality, Lovino knew this wasn't new- he was simply noticing it more. Lovino felt there was nothing to talk about. Nothing he was comfortable sharing or admitting to, at least. With Feliciano barely talking to them, the silence was that much more noticeable.

"Are you sure you're alright, Feliciano?" said Lovino for what must have been the millionth time as they walked into the church.

Feliciano's strange mood from Friday still lingered in his eyes, if only barely. When he had returned after his 'walk' nearly two hours after he left, he seemed more or less fine. He wasn't perfect, but he didn't look like he'd seen a ghost anymore, either. Since then he seemed preoccupied. The entire week, a vague feeling of wrongness fell between them whenever they spoke.

Feliciano tilted his head slightly. "Yes, I'm fine! You worry too much, Lovi."

Doubt clouded Lovino's mind. If anything, he wasn't worrying enough. "What do you think about this confession thing?" He asked. He had avoided the topic for the entire week. Now that it was only about an hour away, he couldn't dodge it any longer.

Feliciano's smile fell in an instant as his words sunk in. "Oh. Well, I'm a little nervous I guess, I've never gone to it here, but I'm sure it'll be okay." His voice fell as he neared the end of the sentence. His eyes drifted to his shoes. "How about you, Lovino? Do you know what you're going to say?"

Lovino tightened his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palm. He had no idea what he was going to say. He didn't want to say anything. "I'll figure it out." He mumbled.

Lovino caught sight of Antonio the moment they entered. He was hardly surprised, but his heart skipped a beat in spite of himself. He didn't think he would ever get used to those green eyes staring back at him. He tore his eyes away when Feliciano tugged on his sleeve. "I need to talk to Ludwig and I can't find him." He said. His head flicked side to side in nervous, jerking movements.

Lovino just stared at him. "Feliciano, we walked in five seconds ago. You just saw him Friday, didn't you?" His mind raced back to the strange occurrence and he mentally cringed. "Haven't you spoken to him since then?"

"No." He said. Lovino was taken aback. Feliciano hadn't gone two days without speaking to Ludwig since he met him. Feliciano continued to look around, nervousness evident in his eyes. "Lovino, I can't find him! I need to talk to him before we go to confession, this is really, really important!"

Lovino sighed in resignation and looked around the crowded lobby. The very first thing he saw was Antonio, who smiled back at him. He quickly looked away, an embarrassed flush starting to form around his collar. It was as if his eyes had a magnetic pull. Finally, he looked behind him and saw Ludwig walk through the door. He tapped Feliciano on the shoulder, pointed behind him, and in the blink of the eye he was gone.

Before he could stop himself, Lovino looked in Antonio's direction again. Their eyes met within seconds and locked for what seemed like decades. Antonio finally smiled again and walked towards him. Lovino swore under his breath and looked away, infuriated with himself when his stomach flipped at the sight. It wasn't like he cared if Antonio spoke with him or not. Whatever. It's not like he had anyone else to talk to.

"Lovino, it's so nice to see you again." Antonio said. He still had that damn grin on his face; the grin that made Lovino feel electric sparks run across his skin.

Lovino didn't look at him. "Whatever."

Antonio chuckled. Lovino grit his teeth. "How are you and Feliciano?"

Lovino forced himself to look him in the eye and suppressed the stirring in his chest. "Feliciano is terrible. He's acting really weird."

"Oh no," said Antonio. His smile fell. "What happened?"

"He won't tell me." Lovino sighed and shook his head. "He won't even tell our grandpa, so whatever it is, it's bad." He twisted around and looked for his brother. He and Ludwig were nowhere to be seen. He sighed. Deep down, he was tired of having the same conversation whenever he saw Antonio. How he was doing, how Feliciano was doing…it felt too dry, too casual for what he felt.

Lovino was hit with a sudden realization. "If you're so worried about Feliciano, why don't you just talk to him? Why do you always ask me?"

Antonio looked like the fact had just dawned on him as well. He blinked away his confused expression. "I don't know if it's my place to say anything. If he won't talk to you, I doubt he would talk to me." He sighed and finally smiled again. "Besides, I enjoy talking to you."

"You enjoy talking to me." Lovino repeated the strange words under his breath. He had to say it out loud, thinking that would somehow make it easier to believe. It didn't. His response was instinctual. "You don't mean that, bastard!"

Antonio ignored the insult. "Of course I do, Lovi."

Lovino's throat nearly closed when it hit him- he didn't want Antonio to get close to Feliciano, or anyone else. He wanted Antonio to himself. He felt horribly selfish- not to mention ridiculous- when the thought passed through his mind, but he couldn't stop it. What was happening to him? The feelings rushing through him were completely foreign. The urge to hold Antonio's attention and to be physically close to him, the way he felt his skin burn whenever he looked at him- it all dumbfounded Lovino. He had lost all control over it, and it terrified him.

Lovino couldn't stop himself for saying what had been on his mind for so long. "Antonio." He took a deep breath. Maybe it would be okay to let his guard down, just this once. "Why are you always talking to me? Why do you care so damn much? It doesn't make any sense."

For a brief moment, Antonio seemed confused. Then his eyes softened in understanding. "Because, Lovino." Antonio reached out and touched his shoulder. The area he touched buzzed with electricity, and Lovino made a half-hearted and ultimately unsuccessful attempt at shrugging his hand off. "You deserve to be cared about. I like you. Won't you believe that?"

Lovino felt his heart jump into his throat and he found himself at a sudden loss for words. No, he didn't believe that. No one else ever told him that, those sentiments were reserved for Feliciano, or for anyone but him. Antonio said something else that he didn't really hear and ushered him inside the main church when the time came, but Lovino didn't really hear the sermon, either. All he could think about was Antonio's words. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, Antonio was frustratingly, annoyingly wonderful.

And had no idea why he was wasting his time caring about someone like him.

To be continued...